Bel couldnโt breathe, but Rachel did, raggedy and hard, wincing from the daylight, from the pressure on her feet, holding her body at a strange, twisted angle. It must have hurt, coming back from the dead.
Rachel held one pale hand up to shield herself from the sun, herย ๏ฌngers giving her away, shaking and weak. She studied Bel across the road, swaying reed-soft in the breeze, like she might just blow away, disappear again. Real, de๏ฌnitely real, but impermanent somehow.
Her eyes narrowed, then widened, a hard blink like she was taking a picture with her gaze, recognizing something within Bel.
She stepped forward into the road.
A croak as she tried to talk, raw and inhuman. A voice from another world, where the lost things went. They werenโt meant to come back.
The sound shook Bel, brought air back to her in a panicked gasp. Brought her heart back,ย ๏ฌght-or-๏ฌight fast against her ribs, drowning out her ears. Her feet moved before she could tell them to, terror taking over. Protecting her.
Bel ran.
She ran away.
Shoes slapping the concrete, racing her unchained heart, leaving Rachel behind.
Past the cemetery. Turn left.
She looked over her shoulder, searching, like you werenโt supposed to, in nightmares or in hell.
Rachel Price wasnโt following her. Gone again.
But Bel didnโt slow down,ย ๏ฌying up the sidewalk. Fumbling for the keys in the front pocket of her jeans, a slick of sweat across her lip.
She veered o๏ฌ, jumping clean over her dadโsย ๏ฌower bed and up the stairs to the front door. She missed the lock, gouging a scratch in the green- painted wood. Got it the second time, twisting the key and falling through the open doorway.
Bel grabbed the door and slammed it shut, checking, double-checking, separating herself from the new world out there.
She dropped to theย ๏ฌoor, sitting back against the door. Holding it in place.
Hiding.
Hugging her knees.
This couldnโt be happening. Couldnโt be. And yet it was. That was Rachel Price on the road, there was no doubt. None. If Bel tried hard enough, could sheย ๏ฌnd some? Sheโd give anything for some doubt. Was she seeing things, the idea of Rachel implanted in her head by the reenactment? Could this be a scene Ramsey forgot to tell her about? No, donโt be stupid, there were no cameras. And how could an actress have stolen Rachelโs exact face, a nose that crinkled in just the same way as Belโs?
The truth didnโt make sense. But it was the only thing that did. Rachel Price was back and Bel had lost her mind.
Sheโd have toย ๏ฌnd it again, soon, because she had to do something, right? She couldnโt just sit here against the door and wish this all away, could she? She damn well could if she wanted to. Rachel had gone away once before, for Belโs whole life, maybe sheโd go away again if Bel stayed right here, didnโt move, hardly breathed. Allowed mystery to step in again and take Rachel back.
Do something or do nothing. That was the choice. And which was the way that would hurt less? Nothing. That was what Bel wanted. Sit here and wish life back to the way it wasย ๏ฌve minutes ago. Bel and her dad, and a universe that spun around them. People might think it was sad and messed- up, but it was hers, it was what she knew and she was happy, she was.
But then she thought of her dad. Really thought of him. That was what all her choices came down to in the end: how to make him happy. He deserved it, after everything. He did the same for her, their forever-team of two. Which way would Dad choose?
Bel pictured him,ย ๏ฌddling his wedding ring, back and forth, an endless loop. Unshed tears in his eyes. His words when Ramsey asked, hypothetically, what he would do if Rachel ever came back. Not hypothetical anymore.
I would just want to hold her,ย her dad had said. Bel remembered that.ย Wrap my arms around her and just tell her how much I love her. How much Iโve missed her. Before any questions, those can come later.ย Heโd had dreams about it: dreams, not nightmares. And he must have had plenty of the latter. A hard life, haunted by the terrible knowledge that people still thought him a killer. And yet there it was, the proof of his innocence, stumbling around outside. Indisputable proof at last: Dad did not kill Rachel.
Rachel made Dad happy. She lit up rooms for him. Rachel would make him happy again, make life better for him. Bel wanted that.
So she chose.
She was going to do something.
Go back outside. Find Rachel. Bring her home.
Bel got to her feet, knees cracking, and a knock sounded against the front door.
Three taps, knuckle to door, bone on wood. Belโs heart spiking with each one.
A blurry phantom through the frosted glass, mirroring her. Bel knew.
She wasnโt ready, but it was time to pretend anyway. She reached forward,ย ๏ฌngers wrapping around the lock, cold metal, warm skin.
She pulled the door open halfway andย ๏ฌnally came face to face with her mother, long dead but undead.
Rachel Price.
Right there, across the threshold, separated by just inches now, not sixteen years, not life and death. Breathing hard and blinking harder. A metallic smell of sweat and something sharper. Rachel shuddered, holding on to the frame to keep her upright, leaving a grimy handprint behind.
A door creak in the back of Rachelโs throat, quiet and unsettling.
โYou live here?โย she asked, guttural and raw, a voice that had been used too little or too much.
Bel had lost her own, hiding against the back of her teeth. She nodded.
โAre y-youโฆ?โย Rachel asked, breaking o๏ฌ, eyes heavy and wet, studying Bel from her hair down to her hands. It was a full question, if you knew.
โY-yes,โย Bel said, her words cracking too, like sheโd forgotten how.ย โI am.โ
โAnnabel,โย she said in a scratching whisper, and it wasnโt a question this time. Like Rachel just needed to say it, to pair the two together. Face and name. Unlearning and relearning.
Rachelโs hand moved from the doorframe,ย ๏ฌoating in the air toward Bel, reaching for her, to touch, maybe to make sure she was real. Imagining each other and getting it wrong. The hand didnโt make it and Bel stepped back. She let the door open all the way, inviting Rachel in because she couldnโtย ๏ฌnd the words to.
โDadโs not here,โย Bel said, backing o๏ฌ. Rachel limped over the threshold, into the house. Her house.ย Theirย house. She looked around, eyes watering.
โLooks exactly the same,โย she said, quietly, touching walls and leaving marks.
Bel skirted around her, keeping her eyes locked on, to shut the front door. Closing them in, together.
A dark trail from the entrance. Not just mud. Rachel was bleeding through her shoes, onto the woodenย ๏ฌoorboards.
โNew lamp,โย Rachel said, at the entrance to the living room.ย โShould Iโโ
Rachel started coughing, a deep-down, wicked sound that bent her double.
โYou should sit,โย Bel said, avoiding her as she passed.ย โIโll get you some water.โ
Bel ran to the kitchen, hands shaking and clumsy as she pulled a glass down from the cupboard. Sheย ๏ฌlled it and carried it back out, remembering to shut o๏ฌย the faucet.
Fresh blood and mud tracks on the rug, over to Rachel, now sitting slumped on the sofa.
โHere.โ
Bel o๏ฌered the glass.
Rachel reached for it,ย ๏ฌngers touching Belโs as she wrapped them around. Sharp overgrown nails. Bel shivered and let go, water slopping over the rim.
โThank you, Anna.โย Rachel raised the glass to her cracked lips, drinking greedily, like a child whoโd played too hard, too long. She drained the glass and put it down on the table, the thunk making Belย ๏ฌinch, echoing in her chest.
Rachel looked up at her, waiting, like she expected Bel to speakย ๏ฌrst. Or she was giving her a chance to. Bel didnโt know what to say to her, hardly remembered how to talk at all. How was this possible? How was Rachel Price sitting here, in front of her?
Ears ringing, heart hummingbird fast, a strange numbness sliding down Belโs back. Was this what shock felt like?
โWe should probably call someone,โย Bel said eventually, wondering if that was the right thing.ย โI can call Dad; heโd be here in minutes.โ
Aย ๏ฌicker in Rachelโs eyes. Bel didnโt know what that meant. This woman was a stranger to her.
โI think weโre supposed to call the policeย ๏ฌrst,โย Rachel croaked, not sure what to do either, both of them lost.
That made sense, of course. Call the police.
Bel nodded.ย โI can do that. You stay here. You need more water?โ
โIโmย ๏ฌne,โย Rachel said, hissing as she pried o๏ฌย the oversized shoes that were stuck to her, falling apart in her hands. Her feet were a mess; swollen, bruised, dirty, bloody. One toenail hanging o๏ฌย to the side. Where had she appeared from? How long had it taken her to get home? Why had she come straight here, and not found helpย ๏ฌrst?
Rachel saw her looking.ย โItโs not so bad.โย She gave her a smile that was more like a grimace.ย โDonโt worry.โ
โIโll get help.โย Bel backed up into the kitchen, pulling her phone from her pocket. Help for Rachel or help for herself? Wasnโt it the same thing? Bel couldnโt do this on her own, it was too much. So far beyond too much that her mind was shutting down around her, only able to think two seconds ahead and two seconds back.
She unlocked her phone. Five missed calls from Ramsey, oh fuck, was he in for a surprise. He and the rest of the world whoโat this exact momentโย still thought Rachel Price was gone forever, as disappeared as anyone could be. Only Bel and Rachel knew the truth. But not for long.
Rachel wanted her to call the police, and it sounded like the right thing, but it didnโt feel like it. What had the Gorham Police Department ever done to help? Theyโd had sixteen years and they never found Rachel. The police did nothing, spinning the blame on Dad as an easy out. But Dad, heโd know what to do, he was the one who did the worrying, the thinking, the planning, the helping. And if Bel called the police, then Dad would never get his moment with Rachel, the one he had dreamed about. Bel couldnโt take that away from him.
She deletedย 911ย from the keypad and dialed her dadโs number instead. He picked up on the fourth ring.
โHey, just with a customer,โย he said, his voice like a warm blanket: safe, familiar. The inverse of Rachel.ย โIโll call you back inโโ
Panic rose up, snatching away the warm blanket.
โNo, Dad. You need to get home now. Right now. Itโs an emergency.โย Bel whispered, so Rachel couldnโt hear.
it.
โWhatโs going on?โย He was worried now, good thing he was the best at
โI canโt tell you on the phone.โย She couldnโt, she didnโt want Rachel to
overhear, and she didnโt want to ruin Dadโs moment. Heโd waited sixteen years for it.ย โJust please, come home right now.โ
โBel, what isโโ
โDad, please!โ
โIโm coming,โย he said, and she could already hear the sound of his boots pounding the ground, the slam of a car door. Of course he was coming; sheโd asked him to.ย โCan you stay on the phone?โ
โNo, I canโt. Hurry.โ
โAre you in danger?โย he asked.
โNo,โย Bel answered, though she wasnโt entirely sure that was true. Her body didnโt believe it, heart hammering down her ribs.ย โItโs not like that. Just come, as fast as you can.โ
โOn my way, kiddo.โ โAnna?โ
Bel spun on her heels, hanging up the phone. Rachel was standing there, a dark silhouette in the doorway, eyes glowing, red footprints on the black- and-white tiles.
โI just called the police,โย Bel said.ย โTheyโre on their way.โ
One small lie. But Rachel didnโt know her, she couldnโt read Bel like a mom should have.
โThank you,โย Rachel croaked, shu๏ฌing forward, pulling out a chair at the kitchen table, falling into it.
Bel stepped back, against the counter.
โYou donโt have to be scared, Annabel,โย Rachel said, clean tear trails through her dirty face.ย โEverythingโs going to be OK now, I promise.โ
How could Bel tell her that everything was already OK?
โI canโt believe Iโm home.โย Rachel blinked in the room, taking it in, Bel with it.ย โNew refrigerator.โ
Bel swallowed.
โI know you must have a lot of questions for me, Anna,โย Rachel said, steepling her hands together.
โItโs Bel,โย she said quickly, before she lost the nerve.ย โSorry?โ
โBel. My name. Itโs Bel now, not Anna. Hasnโt been Anna for a long time.โ
โOh.โย Rachel stared ahead, far into the middle distance, seeing something Bel couldnโt. Maybe only those who had disappeared could.ย โI called you Anna. Iโve been thinking of you this whole time as Anna.โ
โSorry.โ
โWondering what you look like at each age. What you were doing for your birthdays. What you were good at and bad at. Whether youโd like the same foods as me. What made you happy. I had this whole picture of you in my head, thatโs what kept me going.โย Rachel shook o๏ฌย that other place, wherever it was, looked at Bel instead.ย โYouโre better than I ever could have imagined. Iโve missed you so much, Anna. Sorry. Bel.โ
โThatโs OK,โย Bel said, which was good, because she didnโt have to respond to that other part. If Rachel had truly missed Bel, did that mean she wasnโt able to come back until now? Such a mountain of hard questions, Bel didnโt know where to begin: at the start, on that snowy day in February when Rachel disappeared not once but twice,ย ๏ฌlling in where Belโs memory could not, or today, sixteen years later, and those torn-up feet?ย โWhereโฆโย She took a breath, steeled herself, locked her jaw.ย โWhere were you?โ
Rachel nodded, glanced down at her grimy hands. Voice just a rasp when she spoke again.
โI donโt know.โ