Ash, I need you. Iโm at the McDonaldโs. Donโt bring the camera, leave it behind. Have to tell you something.
Bel waited in the darkness, became the darkness, pressed up against the side of Scoggins General Store, where the streetlight couldnโt reach her. Back in the ant-town, just one of those specks sheโd seen from Point Lookout. Rachel would still be up there somewhere, dragging two dead bodies into Mascot Mine. But the night wasnโt over, and surviving wasnโt the same as having to live with it. Which Bel would, because a life had already been stolen from her and her mom and her sister once before, and she wouldnโt let anyone take it again. Not Charlie, not the police, not the documentary.
Protect the truth, protect Carter.
She watched the entrance of Royalty Inn, waiting. She knew Ash would come, because he cared.
McDonaldโs was the only choice; nothing else was open past two a.m. Didnโt matter anyway, Bel wasnโt going. All she needed wasย ๏ฌve minutes alone in his room.
The hotel door opened outward, glass re๏ฌecting the lamps either side, hiding whoever it was.
Ash walked out.
Bel knew heโd come.
He walked toward the parking lot, moving fast, away from her, a black pu๏ฌer jacket over cartoon-patterned pants. Probably pajamas, but it was hard to tell with him. Bel would miss that. Her heart kicked up, watching the wind throw his curly, unbrushed hair behind him as he passed under the next streetlight. She hoped heโd forgive her, that heโd understand, even if he never really would.
Bel unpeeled herself from the darkness, crossed the quiet street into the hotel.
The lobby was empty, only Kosa behind the front desk, sorting papers.
She looked up, long black braid slipping o๏ฌย her shoulder.ย โGood evening,โย she said.
โLate, isnโt it?โย Bel replied.ย โYou know howย ๏ฌlm crews are. Night shoots.โ
Kosa nodded, because she didnโt know howย ๏ฌlm crews were, and neither did Bel.
Belโs voice was gravelly, raw, from crying, from screaming, from talking to Carter all the way back to the yard, explaining how their mom disappeared twice, two plans intersecting on that day sixteen years ago, and a baby who appeared from nowhere. Why Carter should never feel bad about what she did to Charlie. It had all sounded so unreal, repeated in her own voice.
โThereโs dirt on your sleeve.โย Kosa pointed.
Bel picked at it.ย โWeโreย ๏ฌlming in the woods, this reenactment thing.
Speaking of, Ash just left here, the camera assistant?โ โYeah?โ
โHe messaged saying heโd left the lens in his room. Asked me to pick it up. Is that OK? I need a key, sorry. Room thirty-nine.โ
Kosa blinked at her.
โLook, I can show you the text.โย Bel reached for her pocket. This was the easier way, but if Kosa didnโt give her the key, Bel was going to break the door down and do it anyway.
โThatโs OK,โย Kosa said, a sigh, like she just wanted to get rid of Bel, get back to her papers.ย โI know youโve been up there before. Here.โ
She opened a drawer, searched through, tongue tucked in her teeth.ย โThirty-nine.โย She handed over the spare key.
โThanks.โย Bel saluted her, something Ash might have done.
She raced up the stairs, muscles still burning. Ash had probably reached the McDonaldโs already, but Bel still had time. Heโd wait for her, because he cared.
Down the corridor, counting doors, up to number thirty-nine. She slotted in the key and opened the door,ย ๏ฌicking on the light. Boxers on the pillow, again.
She walked inside, the familiar smell of him, her heart grabbing hold of it. Past a pile of his hideous sweaters, strawberries and dinosaurs, tracing herย ๏ฌnger across. More memories here than just the ones stored on SD cards.
But those were what she came for.
Bel moved to the table at the far end, the desk chair and the armchair pushed together in front of it. His and hers. A stack of clear plastic cases on the surface, the memory cards stored inside.
She pulled them all out, opened the cases, the ones marked with a red X and those that werenโt. One by one, she tipped the SD cards out onto the table. Rachelโs secrets, buried in those tiny metal strips. Bel had connected them, found her way to the truth, but no one else ever could.
She ran her hand over the scattered pile, picked one at random. Snapped it in half. And again, destroying the metal chip.
And the next one.
Making a new pile out of the broken pieces. Bend with her thumbs, snap it with force.
Until the last one.
Except that wasnโt the last one. Belโs eyes fell to the handheld camera, resting in Ashโs chair. Just as much a part of him as his silly hair, or his ridiculous clothes, or the way he saidย Ohย too much, or how he could keep up
with her like no one else, exchanging unpleasantries. Bel didnโt have to destroy it, she couldnโt do that, but she needed to remove its memories.
She slid herย ๏ฌngers across the back panel of the camera until it clicked, came free. There it was, slotted in, the red edge of an SD card, same as all the rest.
She pressed it and it pinged out, giving itself up without aย ๏ฌght.
The card Ash used tonight:ย ๏ฌnding Rachelโs message in all of the books, their trek to the red truck on Price & Sons Logging Yard, even though there were noย Sonsย left anymore. This card held the biggest piece of the truth, the most dangerous one. Sheโd wanted him to record it all, for evidence. But now it was evidence against them.
Bel pinched it between her thumbs, then twisted them apart in one quick motion. It snapped into uneven halves, metal entrails stringing across.
Breaking them wasnโt enough. She had to know they were truly gone.
Bel scooped up the broken memory cards, lying dead and dismembered in her cupped hands.
She walked them toward the bathroom, hands over the toilet bowl, and let go.
The pieces scattered down,ย ๏ฌoating on top, sinking below. She pushed theย ๏ฌush.
The black-and-red shards swirled up, one last dance, then disappeared together, down the drain.
But she wasnโtย ๏ฌnished. Some of those cards might have been empty. Ash told her himself; he backed up the footage onto an external hard drive, then wiped the cards to reuse. Now Bel had to use that against him.
She found the small black box plugged into the laptop.ย This bad boy here,ย Ash had called it, tapping it with twoย ๏ฌngers.
Bel tapped it with twoย ๏ฌngers too, then unplugged it. Dropped it to theย ๏ฌoor.
Waited for it to land, to lie still.
Then she brought her heel down on it. The plastic casing snapped.
She stamped again.
Right foot, left foot. Both feet together, jumping on it.
Bel didnโt stop, not until it was in more pieces than she could count, picking them up, putting them in her pocket.
She straightened up. Gasped.
There were eyes watching her, but they were only her own, mirrored in the dark screen of Ashโs sleeping laptop. Bel moved closer to her re๏ฌection.
She didnโt know if any of the footage was saved on here, and she didnโt know the password to check. But she couldnโt risk leaving it.
The laptop was already open, but she opened it more, bending the screen back, pushing against its spine until it snapped clean o๏ฌ. Ripped out the wires that tried to hang on, pulling the base free.
She knew the hard drive was in this part somewhere, under the keyboard, that was why it was coming with her too, tucked under one arm. The only way to know it was all gone was to watch it disappear. Throw it in the river on her way home.
Now she needed to go. Someone must have heard all that. The room below could be complaining to Kosa right now:ย Some kind of party going on upstairs.
But Bel couldnโt leave it like this.
She turned over the dead, splintered laptop screen, the half she was leaving behind. Picked up Ashโs red pen, pressed the tip to the pre-bitten silver apple.
Sorry,ย she wrote, in tiny red letters, not quite the color of blood.
โ
Bel was theย ๏ฌrst one back.
She watched the clock on the wall. Past three now. Her mom and her sister were still out there, doing their parts, and all Bel could do was wait for them to come home. Flinching at the sounds an empty house made; the howl of the wind against the upper windows, the hum of the refrigerator sheโd never noticed before, the patter of her own heart.
She counted the dark minutes and she waited.
A scrabbling sound at the front door, a shape hovering in the window.
Bel pulled it open before they could.
Carter.
โYou OK?โย Bel pulled her inside.
โYeah,โย Carter said, breathless.ย โLeft your bike by the garage.โย Bel took her into the kitchen,ย ๏ฌlled her a glass of water.
โHow did it go?โ
โFine.โย Carter took a long sip, coughing it down.ย โTook a while, but I got them all.โ
She pulled something out from the waistline of her jeans. A book.ย The Green Mileย by Stephen King.
โI kept this one.โย She looked down at it.ย โIt saysย we are being kept.ย That was me, wasnโt it? Me and Rachel.โ
Bel reached out, unstuck Carterโs hair from her face.ย โYes. You should keep it. Itโs a special book.โ
Carterโs smile was weak.ย โDid Yordan wake up?โ โNo.โ
โGood. You did a good job.โย Big sisters were supposed to say things like that.
โIs RachelโM-Momโฆ,โย Carter stuttered, stopped herself.
โThatโs OK,โย Bel said.ย โIโve only just started being able to say it. And Iโve had a lot longer to get used to it than you.โ
Carter nodded.ย โIs she back yet?โ
โNot yet. But she had a lot more to do than us. Sheโll come home. She always does.โ
Carterโsย ๏ฌngers danced around the edge of the book, never still, like Rachel.
โWhat do we do now?โย she asked.ย โWe wait.โ
โOK.โ
โDo you need anything?โย Bel said.ย โHungry? I could make you a sandwich or something.โ
โStop being friendly,โย Carter said.ย โItโs weird.โ
Bel laughed, and it took her by surprise too, the sound.ย โSorry. Just trying to be like a sister.โ
โYou always were.โ
A crashing soundย ๏ฌlled the house, aย ๏ฌst against the front door. Carter dropped the book.
โIs that her?โย she whispered.
It couldnโt be.ย โRachel has a key,โย Bel said.
It came again, three loud knocks, knuckles on wood.ย โPolice?โย Terrorย ๏ฌlled the whites of Carterโs eyes.
โStay here,โย Bel told her, moving into the unlit living room, to the windows at the front. She pressed her eyes to the glass.
A lone darkย ๏ฌgure at the door,ย ๏ฌst raised. She recognized the shape of him; shoulder-length curly hair and a pu๏ฌer jacket, splitting his arms into segments.
She turned; Carter had followed her.
โItโs Ash,โย she hissed.ย โIโll deal with this. You go up to my room, get into bed.โ
Carter nodded, but it didnโt shake the terror from her eyes, disappearing up the stairs.
Bel took a breath, opened the front door.
โHi,โย she said, before he could speak.ย โKinda late for a house call, isnโt it? Is this an English thing?โ
His eyes were wide and swimming, teeth glowing in the dark.
โI would have deleted it all, if youโd asked me.โย His voice shook.ย โYou only needed to ask.โ
Bel stepped outside and Ash dropped to the step below. They were the same height now, eyes straightforward, unblinking.
โI donโt know what you mean,โย she said quietly.
โBel.โย He held on to her name, kept it on his tongue.ย โWhat happened?โ โWe had a birthday dinner for my grandpa, then everyone went home.โ
He tried again.ย โWhat happened in that red truck?โ โWhat red truck?โ
The breath hitched in his throat.
โWhere Rachel was. Where we found your dad chained up.โ
Bel shook her head.ย โRachel was taken by a stranger. Kept in a basement for sixteen years.โ
โBel!โย Her name, pushed as loud as a whisper could.ย โI donโt care about the footage. I donโt care about the documentary, that Iโve fucked it all up. I care about you.โ
She almost said it too, butย โThank youโย came out instead. Sheโd never let someone close enough to care before. Ash had showed her that she could, she didnโt always have to pick the way that hurt less. Some hurts were good: friends grew apart, people moved away, they left. It didnโt have to last forever to count. Things ended,ย thisย was ending, but that didnโt mean it never mattered.
โBel.โย He lowered his voice.ย โAre you in danger?โย She gave him half an answer.
โNot anymore.โ โWhereโs your dad now?โ
โThe police say he ran away to Canada.โ
Ash breathed out, eyes heavy.ย โWhat are you doing?โ โProtecting my family.โ
He nodded.ย โSo this is it?โย he asked, a sad lilt, dragging his words down. Bel nodded too.ย โThis is it.โ
โOK.โ
Ash turned away.
He walked down the stairs, his steps a hollow echo in the dead of night, reaching into her chest, skipping around her heart.
He crossed from their path to the street. It was ending, and he was walking away, like he was supposed to.
But Bel knew, suddenly, that that wasnโt quite it.ย โWait!โย She ran after him.
Ash turned and Bel crashed into him, a grunt of surprise.
Her eyes found his, his lips found hers.
Hand through his scru๏ฌy hair, pulling him in deeper, making it count. Hisย ๏ฌngers brushed her neck, moving up, but the glow moved down.
It was goodbye, but it was something else too. Bel pulled away, just an inch.
โIt wasnโt pointless,โย she whispered, lips brushing his.ย โAnd it did matter.โ
โI know.โย His nose pressed against her forehead.
She unwound herself, stepped back.ย โCould have told me sooner.โ
Ash laughed, and Bel did too, both of them standing there, under the moon.
โI should go now?โย he said, almost a question.
โYeah,โย Bel replied, pushing his shoulder with twoย ๏ฌngers.
He gave her a salute, hand crooked, matching his smile, and he walked away.
Bel watched him go, all the way down the road, until he was little more than an outline, misshapen darkness.
He left, and that was OK. Ash was always leaving.
And leaving wasnโt the same as leaving behind.