IT WAS ASPEN WHO LIFTED me from the back of the truck and hurriedly carried me to a tiny room. The space was smaller than my bathroom and held two slim beds and a dresser. There were little notes and photos on the wall, which gave it some personality; but it was otherwise barren, not to mention incredibly cramped with Aspen, me, Officer Avery, Maxon, and Paige filling every spare inch.
Aspen laid me on a bed as gently as possible, but my arm continued to throb.
โWe ought to get the doctor,โ he said. But I could tell he doubted his own words. Getting Dr. Ashlar would mean either telling the absolute truth or making up an outrageous lie, and neither of those options was something we wanted.
โDonโt,โ I urged weakly. โI wonโt die from this. Itโll just be a bad scar. We have to clean it up.โ I grimaced.
โYouโll need something for the pain,โ Maxon added.
โShe might get infected. That alley was really dirty, and I touched her,โ Paige said guiltily.
A sliver of fire burned across the wound, and I hissed. โAnne. Get Anne.โ
โWho?โ Maxon asked.
โHer head maid,โ Aspen explained. โAvery, get Anne and a medical kit. Weโll have to make due. And we need to do something with her,โ he added, nodding his head at Paige.
I watched Maxonโs worried eyes finally move from my bloody arm to Paigeโs troubled face.
โAre you a criminal? A runaway?โ he asked her.
โNot that kind of criminal. And I did run away, but thereโs no one looking for me.โ
Maxon considered her words. โWelcome aboard. Follow Avery down to the kitchens and tell a Mallory youโll be working with her on the princeโs command. Instruct her to come to the officersโ wing immediately.โ
โMallory. Yes, Your Majesty.โ Paige gave him a deep curtsy and followed Officer Avery from the room, leaving me alone with Maxon and Aspen. Iโd been with both of them all night, but this was the first time it was just the three of us. I could feel the weight of our secrets filling up the already restricting room.
โHowโd you make it out?โ I asked.
โAugust, Georgia, and Micah heard the gunshots and came running,โ Maxon said. โHe wasnโt kidding when he said theyโd never hurt us.โ He paused, his eyes quickly distant and sad. โMicah didnโt make it.โ
I turned my head away. I didnโt know a thing about him, but he died tonight for us. I felt as guilty as if Iโd taken his life myself.
I went to wipe a tear away, forgetting to use my left arm, and cried out.
โCalm down, America,โ Aspen said, forgetting to be formal. โEverythingโs going to work out,โ Maxon promised.
I nodded, pursing my lips together to avoid crying anymore. What a waste.
We were quiet for what felt like a long time, but maybe it was the pain stretching out the minutes.
โItโs wonderful to have such devotion,โ Maxon said suddenly.
At first I thought he was talking about Micah again. But Aspen and I looked over and saw him gazing at a space on the wall behind me.
I turned my head, happy to focus on anything that wasnโt the searing pain in my arm. There, beside several pictures drawn by one of his younger siblings, was a note.
Iโll always love you. Iโll wait for you forever. Iโm with you, no matter what.
My handwriting was a little sloppier a year ago when Iโd left that note by my window for Aspen to find, and it was surrounded by silly little hearts that I would never put in a love letter now, but I could still feel the importance of those words. It was the first time Iโd put them in writing, afraid of how much more I felt those things once they were on paper. I also remembered the fear of my mother finding that note surpassing any other worry about the enormity of knowing, without a doubt, that I loved Aspen.
Right now I feared Maxon recognizing my handwriting.
โIt must be nice to have someone to write to. Iโve never had the luxury of love letters,โ Maxon said, a sad smile on his face. โHas she kept her word?โ
Aspen was moving pillows from the other bed to prop under my head, avoiding eye contact with either Maxon or myself.
โWriting is difficult,โ he said. โBut I do know sheโs with me, no matter what. I donโt doubt it.โ
I looked at Aspenโs short, dark hairโthe only part of him I could really seeโand I felt a new pain. In a way he was right. We would never truly leave each other. But . . . the words on that paper? That encompassing love that used to overwhelm me? It wasnโt here anymore.
Was Aspen still counting on it?
My eyes flickered to Maxon, and the sadness on his face read a bit like jealousy. I wasnโt surprised. I remembered telling Maxon that Iโd been in love before; heโd looked as if heโd been cheated out of something, so unsure at that point if he would ever fall in love.
If he knew that the love Iโd spoken about and the love Aspen just shared were the same one, I was sure it would crush him.
โWrite her soon,โ Maxon advised. โDonโt let her forget.โ
โWhatโs taking them so long?โ Aspen muttered, and left the room, not bothering to acknowledge Maxonโs words.
Maxon watched him go and turned back to face me. โIโm so useless. I have no idea how to help you, so I thought Iโd at least try to help him. He saved both our lives tonight.โ Maxon shook his head. โSeems I only upset him.โ
โEveryoneโs just worried. Youโre doing fine,โ I assured him.
He gave an exasperated laugh, coming to kneel by the bed. โYouโre lying there with a seeping gash on your arm, and youโre trying to comfort me. Youโre absurd.โ
โIf you ever decide to write me a love letter, Iโd lead with that,โ I joked.
He smiled. โCanโt I do anything for you?โ โHold my hand? Not too hard though.โ
Maxon placed his fingers in the loose grip of my palm, and even though it didnโt change anything, it was nice to feel him there.
โI probably wonโt. Write you a love letter, that is. I try to stave off embarrassment as often as possible.โ
โYou canโt plan wars, donโt know how to cook, and refuse to write love letters,โ I teased.
โThatโs correct. My list of faults is ever growing.โ He wiggled his fingers in my hand, and I was so grateful for the distraction.
โThatโs fine. Iโll continue to guess at your feelings since you refuse to write me a note. With a purple pen. All theย iโs dotted with hearts.โ
โWhich is exactly how I would do it,โ he said in mock seriousness. I giggled but stopped quickly when the movement reignited the burning. โI donโt think you have to guess at my feelings though.โ
โWell,โ I started, finding it harder and harder to breathe, โitโs not like youโve ever said it out loud.โ
Maxon opened his mouth to object and silenced himself. His eyes gazed toward the ceiling as he thought through our history, trying to pinpoint the moment when heโd told me he loved me.
In the safe room, it was suggested in every way. Heโd let the feeling slip into a dozen romantic gestures or indicated it was there by dancing around the words . . . but the actual statement had never come. Not between us. I would have remembered, and I would have made them my reason never to question him, my reason to confess what I was feeling, too.
โMy lady?โ Anne said, her voice making its way through the door a moment before her worried face.
Maxon stepped back, letting go of my hand as he made space for her.
Anneโs focused eyes took in the wound, and she touched it gingerly as she inspected how bad it was.
โYouโll need stitches. Iโm not sure we have anything that will completely numb you,โ she assessed.
โItโs okay. Just do your best,โ I said. I felt calmer with her there.
She nodded. โSomeone get some boiling water. We should have antiseptic in the kit, but I want water, too.โ
โIโll get it.โ By the door, Marlee was standing, her face lined with worry.
โMarlee,โ I whimpered, losing control. I put the Mallory thing together. Of course she and Carter couldnโt go by their real names while they were hiding right under the kingโs nose.
โIโll be right back, America. Hold tight.โ She scurried away, but I felt a great relief knowing she would be with me.
Anne absorbed the shock of Marleeโs presence in stride, and I watched as she pulled out a needle and thread from the medical kit. I took comfort in the fact that she sewed almost all my clothes. My arm shouldnโt be a problem.
With incredible speed, Marlee was back with a pitcher of steaming water, an armful of towels, and a bottle of amber liquid. She set the pitcher and towels on top of the dresser, unscrewing the bottle as she came over.
โFor the pain.โ She lifted my head so I could drink, and I obeyed.
The stuff in the bottle was a new kind of burning, and I coughed my way through swallowing it. She urged me to take another sip, and I did, hating it the whole time.
โIโm so glad youโre here,โ I whispered.
โIโm always here for you, America. You know that.โ She smiled; and for the first time in our friendship, she seemed older than me, so calm and sure. โWhat in the world were you doing?โ
I made a face. โIt seemed like a good idea.โ
Her eyes became sympathetic. โAmerica, you are full of nothing but bad ideas. Great intentions but awful ideas.โ
She was right, of course, and I should have known better by now. But having her here, even to tell me how dumb Iโd been, made the whole thing less awful.
โHow soundproof are these walls?โ Anne asked.
โPretty good,โ Aspen said. โDonโt hear too much this deep in the palace.โ
โGood,โ she said. โOkay, I need everyone in the hall. Miss Marlee, Iโm going to need some space, but you can stay.โ
Marlee nodded. โIโll keep out of your way, Anne.โ
Avery left first, with Aspen trailing close behind him, and Maxon was last. The look in his eyes reminded me of the day Iโd told him Iโd gone hungry before: sad to know about it and devastated that he couldnโt undo it.
The door clicked shut, and Anne started working quickly. Sheโd already set up everything she needed and held out her hand to Marlee for the bottle.
โGulp it,โ she ordered, lifting my head.
I braced myself. I had to come off the lip of the bottle and go back to it several times because of the coughing, but I managed to get a good
amount of it down. Or at least it was good enough for Anne.
โHold this,โ she said, passing me a small towel. โBite down on it when things hurt.โ
I nodded.
โThe stitches wonโt hurt like the cleaning will. I can see dirt from here, so Iโm going to have to be thorough.โ She sighed, looking again at the wound. โYouโll have a scar, but Iโm going to make it as small as I can. Weโll put loose sleeves on your dresses for a few weeks to cover it while you heal. No one will know. And seeing as you were with the prince, I wonโt ask questions. Whatever you did, Iโll trust it was something important.โ
โI think so,โ I said, not really sure anymore.
She got a towel wet and held it inches away from the gash. โReady?โ I nodded.
I bit into the towel, hoping it would muffle the screams. I was sure that everyone in the hall could hear, but no one else probably would. It felt as if Anne was poking every nerve in my arm, and Marlee crawled on top of me to keep me from writhing.
โItโll be over soon, America,โ she promised. โThink of something happy. Think about your family.โ
I tried. I fought to put Mayโs laugh or my dadโs knowing smile in the front of my thoughts, but they wouldnโt stay. I could only catch them long enough to feel them slip away under a new wave of pain.
How in the world did Marlee make it through her caning alive?
Once my wound was clean, Anne started sewing me up. She was right: the stitches didnโt hurt as much. I couldnโt tell if it was because it was actually less painful or if the liquor theyโd given me was finally kicking in. It did seem like the edges of the room werenโt quite as sharp anymore.
Then people were back, talking about things, about me. Who should stay, who should go, what we would say in the morning . . . so many details that I couldnโt contribute to.
In the end, it was Maxon who scooped me up to return me to my room. It took some effort to hold my head upright, but it made it easier to hear him.
โHow are you feeling?โ
โYour eyes look like chocolate,โ I mumbled.
He smiled. โAnd yours look like the morning sky.โ
โCan I have water?โ
โYes. Lots,โ he promised. โLetโs get her upstairs,โ he said to someone else. And I fell asleep to the rocking of his steps.