โWho are you?โ
โYou know my name. I am Mrs Elm. Louise Isabel Elm.โ โAre you God?โ
She smiled. โI am who I am.โ โAnd who is that?โ
โ๎ขe librarian.โ
โBut you arenโt a real person. Youโre just a . . .ย mechanism.โ โArenโt we all?โ
โNot like that. You are the product of some strange interaction between my mind and the multiverse, some simpli๏ฌcation of the quantum wave function or whatever it is.โ
Mrs Elm looked perturbed by the suggestion. โWhat is the matter?โ
Nora thought of the polar bear as she stared down at the yellow-brown stone ๏ฌoor. โI nearly died.โ
โAnd remember, if you die in a life, there is no way back here.โ โ๎ขatโs not fair.โ
โ๎ขe library has strict rules. Books are precious. You have to treat them carefully.โ
โBut these are other lives. Other variants of me. Notย meย me.โ
โYes, but whileย youย are experiencing them, it isย youย who has to pay the consequences.โ
โWell, I think that stinks, to be perfectly honest.โ
๎ขe librarianโs smile curled at its edges, like a fallen leaf. โWell, this is interesting.โ
โWhat is interesting?โ
โ๎ขe fact that you have so thoroughly changed your attitude towards dying.โ
โWhat?โ
โYou wanted to die and now you donโt.โ
It dawned on Nora that Mrs Elm might be close to having a point, although not quite the whole point. โWell, I still think my actual life isnโt worth living. In fact, this experience has just managed to con๏ฌrm that.โ
She shook her head. โI donโt think you think that.โ โI do think that.ย ๎ขatโs why I said it.โ
โNo.ย ๎ปe Book of Regretsย is getting lighter.ย ๎ขereโs a lot of white space in there now . . . It seems that you have spent all your life saying things that you arenโt really thinking.ย ๎ขis is one of your barriers.โ
โBarriers?โ
โYes. You have a lot of them.ย ๎ขey stop you from seeing the truth.โ โAbout what?โ
โAbout yourself. And you really need to start trying. To see the truth.
Because this matters.โ
โI thought there were an in๏ฌnite number of lives to choose from.โ
โYou need to pick the life youโd be most happy inside. Or soon there wonโt be a choice at all.โ
โI met someone who has been doing this for a long time and he still hasnโt found a life that he is satis๏ฌed with . . .โ
โWell, Hugoโs is a privilege you might not have.โ โHugo? How do youโโ
But then she remembered Mrs Elm knew a lot more than she should.
โYou need to choose carefully,โ continued the librarian. โOne day the library may not be here and youโll be gone for ever.โ
โHow many lives do I have?โ
โ๎ขis isnโt a magic lamp and I am no genie.ย ๎ขere is no set number. It could be one. It could be a hundred. But you only have an in๏ฌnite number of lives to choose from so long as the time in the Midnight Library stays, well, atย midnight. Because while it stays at midnight, your life โ your root life โ is somewhere between life and death. If time moves here, that means something very . . .โ She searched for a delicate word. โ. . .ย decisiveย has happened. Something that razes the Midnight Library to the ground, and takes us with it. And so I would err on the side of caution. I would try to
think very keenly about where you want to be. You have clearly made some progress, I can tell. You seem to realise that life could be worth living, if only you found the right one to exist inside. But you donโt want that gate to close before you get a chance to go through it.โ
๎ขey both were silent for a very long time, as Nora observed all the books all around her. All the possibilities. Calmly and slowly, she walked along the aisle, wondering what lay beyond the covers of each book, and wishing the green spines would o๏ฌer some kind of clue.
โNow, which book do you fancy?โ came Mrs Elmโs words behind her. Nora remembered Hugoโs words in the kitchen.
Dream big.
๎ขe librarian had a penetrating gaze. โWhoย isย Nora Seed? And what does she want?โ
When Nora thought of her closest access to happiness, it was music. Yes, she still played the piano and keyboard sometimes, but she had given upย creating. She had given up singing. She thought of those happy early pub gigs playing โBeautiful Skyโ. She thought of her brother larking about on stage with her and Ravi and Ella.
So now she knew precisely which book to ask for.
