She arrived back in the Midnight Library.
But this time she was a little away from the bookshelves.ย ๎ขis was the loosely de๏ฌned o๏ฌce area she had glimpsed earlier, in one of the broader corridors.ย ๎ขe desk was covered with administrative trays barely containing scattered piles of papers and boxes, and the computer.
๎ขe computer was a really old-fashioned-looking, cream-coloured boxy one on the desk by the papers.ย ๎ขe kind that Mrs Elm would once have had in her school library. She was at the keyboard now, typing with urgency, staring at the monitor as Nora stood behind her.
๎ขe lights above โ the same bare light bulbs hanging down from wires โwere ๏ฌickering wildly.
โMy dad was alive because of me. But heโd also had an a๏ฌair, and my mum died earlier, and I got on with my brother because I had never let him down, but he was still the same brother, really, and he was only really okay with me in that life because I was helping him make money and . . . and . . . it wasnโt the Olympic dream I imagined. It was the same me. And something had happened in Portugal. Iโd probably tried to kill myself or something . . . Are there any other lives at all or is it just the furnishings that change?โ
But Mrs Elm wasnโt listening. Nora noticed something on the desk. An old plastic orange fountain pen.ย ๎ขe exact same kind that Nora had once owned at school.
โHello? Mrs Elm, can you hear me?โ Something was wrong.
๎ขe librarianโs face was tight with worry. She read from the screen, to herself. โSystem error.โ
โMrs Elm? Hello? Yoo-hoo! Can you see me?โ She tapped her shoulder.ย ๎ขat seemed to do it.
Mrs Elmโs face broke out in massive relief as she turned away from the computer. โOh Nora, you got here?โ
โWere you expecting me not to? Did you think that life would be the one I wanted to live?โ
She shook her head without really moving it. If that was possible. โNo. Itโs not that. Itโs just that it looked fragile.โ
โWhat looked fragile?โ โ๎ขe transfer.โ โTransfer?โ
โFrom the book to here.ย ๎ขeย life you choseย to here. It seems there is a problem. A problem with the whole system. Something beyond my immediate control. Somethingย external.โ
โYou mean, in my actual life?โ
She stared back at the screen. โYes. You see, the Midnight Library only exists because you do. In your root life.โ
โSo, Iโm dying?โ
Mrs Elm looked exasperated. โItโs a possibility.ย ๎ขat is to say, itโs a possibility that we are reaching the end of possibility.โ
Nora thought of how good it had felt, swimming in the pool. How vital and alive. And then something happened inside her. A strange feeling. A pull in her stomach. A physicalย shi๎. A change in her.ย ๎ขe idea of death suddenly troubled her. At that same time the lights stopped ๏ฌickering overhead and shone brightly.
Mrs Elm clapped her hands as she absorbed new information on the computer screen.
โOh, itโs back.ย ๎ขatโs good.ย ๎ขe glitch is gone. We are running again.
๎ขanks, I believe, toย you.โ โWhat?โ
โWell, the computer says the root cause within the host has been temporarily ๏ฌxed. And you are the root cause. You are the host.โ She smiled. Nora blinked, and when she opened her eyes both she and Mrs Elm were standing in a di๏ฌerent part of the library. Between stacks of bookshelves again. Standing, sti๏ฌy, awkwardly, facing each other.
โRight. Now, settle,โ said Mrs Elm, before releasing a deep and meaningful exhale. She was clearly talking to herself.
โMy mum died on di๏ฌerent dates in di๏ฌerent lives. Iโd like a life where she is still here. Does that life exist?โ
Mrs Elmโs attention switched to Nora. โMaybe it does.โ
โGreat.โ
โBut you canโt get there.โ โWhy not?โ
โBecause this library is aboutย yourย decisions.ย ๎ขere was no choice you could have made that led to her being alive beyond yesterday. Iโm sorry.โ
A light bulb ๏ฌickered above Noraโs head. But the rest of the library stayed as it was.
โYou need to think about something else, Nora. What was good about the last life?โ
Nora nodded. โSwimming. I liked swimming. But I donโt think I was happy in that life. I donโt know if I am truly happy in any life.โ
โIs happiness the aim?โ
โI donโt know. I suppose I want my life to mean something. I want to do something good.โ
โYou once wanted to be a glaciologist,โ Mrs Elm appeared to remember. โYeah.โ
โYou used to talk about it. You said you were interested in the Arctic, so I suggested you become a glaciologist.โ
โI remember. I liked the sound of it straight away. My mum and dad never liked the idea, though.โ
โWhy?โ
โI donโt really know.ย ๎ขey encouraged swimming. Well, Dad did. But anything that involved academic work, they were funny about.โ
Nora felt a deep sadness, down in her stomach. From her arrival into life, she was considered by her parents in a di๏ฌerent way to her brother.
โOther than swimming, Joe was the one expected to pursue things,โ she told Mrs Elm. โMy mum put me o๏ฌย anything that could take me away. Unlike Dad, she didnโt even push me to swim. But surely there must be a life where I didnโt listen to my mum and where I am now an Arctic researcher.
Far away from everything. With a purpose. Helping the planet. Researching the impact of climate change. On the front line.โ
โSo, you want me to ๏ฌnd that life for you?โ
Nora sighed. She still had no idea what she wanted. But at least the Arctic Circle would be di๏ฌerent.
โAll right. Yes.โ
