Ten minutes later she was sitting on her own with her brother in something called the โVIP Business Loungeโ, which was just a small, airless room with some chairs and a table o๏ฌering a selection of todayโs newspapers. A couple of middle-aged men in suits were typing things into laptops.
By this point she had worked out that her brother was her manager. And that heโd been her manager for seven years, since sheโd given up professional swimming.
โAre you okay about all this?โ her brother asked, having just got two drinks from the co๏ฌee machine. He tore a sachet to release a teabag. Peppermint. He placed it into the cup of hot water heโd taken from the co๏ฌee machine.
๎ขen he handed it to Nora.
She had never drunk peppermint tea in her life. โ๎ขatโs for me?โ โWell, yeah. It was the only herbal they had.โ
He had a co๏ฌee for himself that Nora secretly craved. Maybe in this life she didnโt drink ca๏ฌeine.
Are you okay about all this?
โOkay about all what?โ Nora wondered. โ๎ขe talk, today.โ
โOh, um, yeah. How long is it again?โ โForty minutes.โ
โSure.โ
โItโs a lot of money. I upped it from ten.โ โ๎ขatโs very good of you.โ
โWell, I still get my twenty per cent. Hardly a sacri๏ฌce.โ
Nora tried to think how she could unlock their shared history. How she could ๏ฌnd out why, in this life, they were sitting together and getting along. It might have been money, but her brother had never been particularly money-motivated. And yes, sure, heโd obviously been upset when Nora walked away from the deal with the record company but that had been because he wanted to play guitar inย ๎ขe Labyrinths for the rest of his life and be a rock star.
A๎er dipping it a few times Nora let the teabag free in the water. โDo you ever think of how our lives could have been di๏ฌerent? You know, like if I had never stuck with swimming?โ
โNot really.โ
โI mean, what do you think youโd be doing if you werenโt my manager?โ โI manage other people too, you know.โ
โWell, yeah, of course I know that. Obviously.โ
โI suppose I probably wouldnโt be managing anyone without you. I mean, you were the ๏ฌrst. And you introduced me to Kai and then Natalie. And then Eli, so . . .โ
She nodded, as if she had any idea who Kai and Natalie and Eli were. โTrue, but maybe youโd have found some other way.โ
โWho knows? Or maybe Iโd still be in Manchester, I donโt know.โ โManchester?โ
โYeah. You remember how much I loved it up there. At uni.โ
It was really hard not to look surprised at any of this, at the fact that this brother she was getting on with, and working with, was also someone who went to university. In her root life her brother did A-levels and applied to go to Manchester to do History, but he never got the grades he needed, probably because he was too busy getting stoned with Ravi every night. And then decided he didnโt want to go to uni at all.
๎ขey chatted a bit more.
At one point he became distracted by his phone.
Nora noticed his screensaver was of a radiant, handsome, smiling man she had never seen before. She noticed her brotherโs wedding ring and feigned a neutral expression.
โSo, howโs married life?โ
Joe smiled. It was a genuinely happy smile. She hadnโt seen him smile like that for years. In her root life, Joe had always been unlucky in love. Although
she had known her brother was gay since he was a teenager, he hadnโt o๏ฌcially come out until he was twenty-two. And heโd never had a happy or long-term relationship. She felt guilt, that her life had the power to shape her brotherโs life in such meaningful ways.
โOh, you know Ewan. Ewanโs Ewan.โ
Nora smiled back as if she knew who Ewan was and exactly what he was like. โYeah. Heโs great. Iโm so happy for you both.โ
He laughed. โWeโve been married ๏ฌve years now. Youโre talking as if me and him have just got together.โ
โNo, Iโm just, you know, I sometimes think that youโre lucky. So in love.
And happy.โ
โHe wants a dog.โ He smiled. โ๎ขatโs our current debate. I mean, I wouldnโt mind a dog. But Iโd want a rescue. And I wouldnโt want a bloody Maltipoo or a Bichon. Iโd want a wolf. You know, a proper dog.โ
Nora thought of Voltaire. โAnimals are good company . . .โ โYeah. You still want a dog?โ
โI do. Or a cat.โ
โCats are too disobedient,โ he said, sounding like the brother she remembered. โDogs know their place.โ
โDisobedience is the true foundation of liberty.ย ๎ขe obedient must be slaves.โ
He looked perplexed. โWhere didย thatย come from? Is that a quote?โ โYeah. Henry Davidย ๎ขoreau. You know, my fave philosopher.โ โSince when were you into philosophy?โ
Of course. In this life sheโd never have done a Philosophy degree. While her root self had been reading the works ofย ๎ขoreau and Lao Tzu and Sartre in a stinky student ๏ฌat in Bristol, her current self had been standing on Olympic podiums in Beijing. Weirdly, she felt just as sad for the version of her who had never fallen in love with the simple beauty ofย ๎ขoreauโsย Walden, or the stoical Meditations of Marcus Aurelius, as she had felt sympathy for the version of her who never ful๏ฌlled her Olympic potential.
โOh, I donโt know . . . I just came across some of his stu๏ฌย on the internet.โ โAh. Cool. Will check him out. You could drop some of that into your
speech.โ
Nora felt herself go pale. โUm, Iโm thinking of maybe doing something a little di๏ฌerent today. I might, um, improvise a little.โ
Improvising was, a๎er all, a skill sheโd been practising.
โI saw this great documentary about Greenland the other night. Made me remember when you were obsessed with the Arctic and you cut out all those pictures of polar bears and stu๏ฌ.โ
โYeah. Mrs Elm said the best way to be an arctic explorer was to be a glaciologist. So thatโs what I wanted to be.โ
โMrs Elm,โ he whispered. โ๎ขat rings a bell.โ โSchool librarian.โ
โ๎ขat was it. You used to live in that library, didnโt you?โ โPretty much.โ
โJust think, if you hadnโt stuck with swimming, youโd be in Greenland right now.โ
โSvalbard,โ she said. โSorry?โ
โItโs a Norwegian archipelago. Way up in the Arctic Ocean.โ โOkay, Norway then. Youโd be there.โ
โMaybe. Or maybe Iโd just still be in Bedford. Moping around.
Unemployed. Struggling to pay the rent.โ
โDonโt be da๎. Youโd have always done something big.โ
She smiled at her elder brotherโs innocence. โIn some lives me and you might not even get on.โ
โNonsense.โ โI hope so.โ
Joe seemed a bit uncomfortable, and clearly wanted to change the topic. โHey, guess who I saw the other day?โ
Nora shrugged, hoping it was going to be someone sheโd heard of. โRavi. Do you remember Ravi?โ
She thought of Ravi, telling her o๏ฌย in the newsagentโs only yesterday. โOh yeah. Ravi.โ
โWell, I bumped into him.โ โIn Bedford?โ
โHa! God, no. Havenโt been there for years. No. It was at Blackfriars station. Totally random. Like, I havenโt seen him in over a decade. Atย least. He wanted to go to the pub. So, I explained I was teetotal now, and then I got into having to explain Iโd been an alcoholic. And all of that.ย ๎ขat I hadnโt had a glass of wine or a pu๏ฌย on a joint in years.โ Nora nodded as if this wasnโt a
bomb-shell. โSince I got into a mess a๎er Mum died. I think he was like, โWho is this guy?โ But he was ๏ฌne. He was cool. Heโs working as a cameraman now. Still doing some music on the side. Not rock stu๏ฌ. DJ-ing apparently. Remember that band me and him had, years ago.ย ๎ขe Labyrinths?โ
It was becoming easier to fake vagueness. โOh yeah.ย ๎ขe Labyrinths.
Course.ย ๎ขatโs a blast from the past.โ
โYeah. Got the sense he pines for those days. Even though we were crap and I couldnโt sing.โ
โWhat about you? Do you ever think about what could have been ifย ๎ขe Labyrinths had made it big?โ
He laughed, a little sadly. โI donโt know if anythingย could have been.โ โMaybe you needed an extra person. I used to play those keyboards Mum
and Dad got you.โ
โDid you? When did you have time for that?โ
A life without music. A life without reading the books she had loved.
But also: a life where she got on with her brother. A life where she hadnโt had to let him down.
โAnyway, Ravi wanted to say hi. And wanted a catch-up. He only works one tube stop away. So heโs going to try and come to the talk.โ
โWhat? Oh.ย ๎ขatโs . . . I wish he wouldnโt.โ โWhy?โ
โI just never really liked him.โ
Joe frowned. โReally? I canโt remember you saying that . . . Heโs okay. A good guy. Bit of a waster, maybe, back in the day, but he seems to have got his act together a bit . . .โ
Nora was unsettled. โJoe?โ โYeah.โ
โYou know when Mum died?โ โYeah.โ
โWhere was I?โ
โWhat do you mean? Are you okay today, sis? Are the new tablets working?โ
โTablets?โ
She checked in her bag and started to rummage. Saw a small box of antidepressants in her bag. Her heart sank.
โI just wanted to know. Did I see much of Mum before she died?โ
Joe frowned. He was still the same Joe. Still unable to read his sister. Still wanting to escape reality. โYou know we werenโt there. It happened so fast. She didnโt tell us how ill she was. To protect us. Or maybe because she didnโt want us to tell her to stop drinking.โ
โDrinking? Mum was drinking?โ
Joeโs worry increased. โSis, have you got amnesia? She was on a bottle of gin every day since Nadia came onto the scene.โ
โYeah. Course. I remember.โ
โPlus you had the European Championships coming up and she didnโt want to interfere with that . . .โ
โJesus. I should have been there. One of us should have been there, Joe.
We bothโโ
His expression frosted suddenly. โYou were never that close to Mum, were you? Why this suddenโโ
โI got closer to her. I mean, I would have. Iโโ
โYouโre freaking me out. Youโre acting not quite yourself.โ
Nora nodded. โYes, I . . . I just . . . yes, I think youโre right . . . I think itโs just the tablets . . .โ
She remembered her mother, in her ๏ฌnal months, saying: โI donโt know what I would have done without you.โ Sheโd probably said it to Joe too. But in this life, sheโd had neither of them.
๎ขen Priya arrived into the room. Grinning, clutching her phone and some kind of a clipboard.
โItโs time,โ she said.
