Nora stared at it. She could see it now.ย ๎ขe small typeface embossed on the cover.
The Book of Regrets
โEvery regret you have ever had, since the day you were born, is recorded in here,โ Mrs Elm said, tapping her ๏ฌnger on the cover. โI now give you permission to open it.โ
As the book was so heavy Nora sat down cross-legged on the stone ๏ฌoor to do so. She began to skim through it.
๎ขe book was divided into chapters, chronologically arranged around the years of her life. 0, 1, 2, 3, all the way up to 35.ย ๎ขe chapters got much longer as the book progressed, year by year. But the regrets she accumulated werenโt speci๏ฌcally related to that year in question.
โRegrets ignore chronology.ย ๎ขey ๏ฌoat around.ย ๎ขe sequence of these lists changes all the time.โ
โRight, yes, that makes sense, I suppose.โ
She quickly realised they ranged from the minor and quotidian (โI regret not doing any exercise todayโ) to the substantial (โI regret not telling my father I loved him before he diedโ).
๎ขere were continual, background regrets, which repeated on multiple pages. โI regret not staying inย ๎ขe Labyrinths, because I let down my brother.โ โI regret not staying inย ๎ขe Labyrinths, because I let down myself.โ โI regret not doing more for the environment.โ โI regret the time I spent on social media.โ โI regret not going to Australia with Izzy.โ โI regret not having more
fun when I was younger.โ โI regret all those arguments with Dad.โ โI regret not working with animals.โ โI regret not doing Geology at University instead of Philosophy.โ โI regret not learning how to be a happier person.โ โI regret feeling so much guilt.โ โI regret not sticking at Spanish.โ โI regret not choosing science subjects in my A-levels.โ โI regret not becoming a glaciologist.โ โI regret not getting married.โ โI regret not applying to do a Masterโs degree in Philosophy at Cambridge.โ โI regret not keeping healthy.โ โI regret moving to London.โ โI regret not going to Paris to teach English.โ โI regret not ๏ฌnishing the novel I started at university.โ โI regret moving out of London.โ โI regret having a job with no prospects.โ โI regret not being a better sister.โ โI regret not having a gap year a๎er university.โ โI regret disappointing my father.โ โI regret that I teach piano more than I play it.โ โI regret my ๏ฌnancial mismanagement.โ โI regret not living in the countryside.โ
Some regrets were a little fainter than others. One regret shi๎ed from
practically invisible to bold and back again, as if it was ๏ฌashing on and o๏ฌ, right there as she looked at it.ย ๎ขe regret was โI regret not yet having children.โ
โ๎ขat is a regret that sometimes is and sometimes isnโt,โ explained Mrs Elm, again somehow reading her mind. โ๎ขere are a few of those.โ
From the age of 34 onwards, in the longest chapter at the end of the book, there were a lot of Dan-speci๏ฌc regrets.ย ๎ขese were quite strong and bold, and played in her head like an ongoing fortissimo chord in a Haydn concerto.
โI regret being cruel to Dan.โ โI regret breaking up with Dan.โ โI regret not living in a country pub with Dan.โ
As she stared down at the pages, she thought now of the man she had so nearly married.
