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The Day Before
othing humbles a man like fatherhood. I used to walk the cobblestone paths of Briar University in my hockey jacket while starry-eyed chicks threw
themselves at me. Now, Iโm walking through our Boston suburb at the beginning of June with a miniature person in pink bedazzled ru๏ฌes leading me by the hand. Then again, I could be the dinosaurโs dad. All over this indoor playground, the costumed characters that have inhabited our kids like demon possessors fight mythical battles and create complex societies in their secret language that both perplexes and alarms.
The other dads and I are huddled in our corner, watching the children play. Most of the men are in their thirties, which makes me the youngest dad of the bunch. When they found out I had Jamie at twenty-two, half were impressed and the other half asked what I had against condoms. I get it, though. Raising a kid is exhausting.
โChristopherโs six weeks into his dinosaur phase,โ Danny, the dinosaurโs father, says when someone finally asks about the stage-worthy outfit. โFirst he stopped using utensils. Now he eats with his mouth straight off the plate
because โdinosaurs donโt use hands.โโ He punctuates with air quotes and exasperation. โHis mom has all the patience in the world, but Iโm gonna draw the line at serving my three-year-old raw meat on the floor.โ
The rest of us burst out laughing.
Considering the alternative, Jamieโs princess phase is light work. Gluing rhinestones back on every night after sheโs spent all day wreaking havoc in that dress is not the worst daddy detail I could get.
When Jamie saunters over a couple of hours later, eyes heavy and wavy auburn hair falling out of her ponytail, I notice sheโs short a few accessories.
โWhat happened to your tiara and jewelry, little darlinโ?โ I scoop her up because sheโs liable to fall asleep on her tiny feet. โYou lose them in the rope tunnel?โ
โI gave them away,โ she answers, resting her cheek against my shoulder.
โNow why would you do that?โ
โBecause Lilli and Maria wanted to be princesses too, but they didnโt have any princess stuff so I gave them princess stuff.โ
โAw man,โ Danny says to Mark. โHow come he gets the sweet princess, and I get the kid who tries to eat the dog?โ
โAre you sure you donโt mind parting with your things?โ I ask Jamie.
โNope! There should be more princesses.โ Then she snuggles closer, and I almost melt into a goddamn puddle.
Sheโs such a sweet kid. I hate having to say goodbye to her tomorrow. Iโm going to miss the heck out of her, but this honeymoon is long overdue. Itโs been a month since the wedding. A whole damn month. But now that Sabrinaโs officially graduated from law school, I can finally pry her away for some adult alone time.
My plan is to spend the next ten days making my wife come six ways to Sunday.
โSee you in a couple weeks, fellas,โ I tell the other dads, before picking up Jamieโs pink sequined bag and carting my sleepy daughter out of the building.
When we get home fifteen minutes later, my momโs car is parked in front of the bar. Doesnโt matter how many times I see that signโTuckerโs BarโI still get this surreal feeling washing over me. I opened this place right after Jamie was born, and in nearly three years Iโd already turned a profitย andย opened a second location near Fenway. What I hadnโt gotten around to doing yet is moving my little family out of the upstairs apartment. I mean, there isnโt anything wrong with living on top of a bar, and sure, our loft space has plenty of room for the three of us. But I want Jamie to have a yard. I want Sabrina to have a proper office. Maybe one for me too.
Now that Sabrinaโs done with school, it might be time to do some house hunting. I make a mental note of it as I carry Jamie upstairs via the narrow staircase at the side of the brick building. I hear Mom and Sabrina in the kitchen when we step through the front door.
โWeโre back,โ I call. I put Jamie down, and she groggily waddles toward the sound of her motherโs voice.
โShe usually wakes up between seven and eight,โ Sabrina is telling my mom, standing at the kitchen island. โSheโll tell you what she wants for breakfast. Sheโs got cereal and oatmeal in the pantry. Some yogurts in the fridge. I precut fruit for the next couple days, or you can slice some bananas on top. Sheโll tell you she wants toast or a muffin, which she can have, but sheโll only take a couple bites and then demand the yogurt, so you may as well have it ready.โ
Sabrina hardly notices me. On autopilot, she lifts Jamie in a seat to make her a snack before her afternoon nap.
โWeโll get along fine,โ Mom assures her with only a little annoyance. Sabrina can get kind of high-strung about this stuff.
The closer weโve gotten to our trip, the more intense Sabrina has become about planning for Jamieโs routine. Our house in plastered with sticky notes reminding Mom where stuff is and when Jamieโs bedtime is and whatnot. Itโs a lot. Thankfully, my mother is taking it in stride.
โThis isnโt our first rodeo. Right, kiddo?โ My mother ru๏ฌes Jamieโs dark red hair and gazes down adoringly at her granddaughter. Mom loves this kid as much as we do. Maybe even more. I mean, hell, she relocated from Texas to Boston to be near us, this woman who hates the winter. Like,ย loathesย it.
โWhereโs all her stuff?โ Sabrina asks me after noticing Jamieโs accessories are gone.
โShe wanted to share with her friends. Mom can take her shopping for more.โ
Her frown tells me she isnโt satisfied with that answer, but the kidโs falling asleep in her fruit and veggie plate, so Sabrina picks her up, and I follow them down the hall toward Jamieโs room.
โI donโt think Gailโs heard a word Iโve said all morning,โ Sabrina whispers, tucking Jamie into bed.
I fight a smile. โTheyโll be fine, darlinโ. They always have fun together.โ
โFor one night. But ten days is a long time. This was a bad idea.โ Sabrina bites her lower lip. โI donโt know what I was thinking.โ
I know whatย Iย was thinking. I was thinking weโve been married for a month, and I havenโt been able to properly fuck my wife because little ears hear everything that goes on in this apartment. And Sabrina wonโt let me lock our bedroom door because she has nightmares about Jamie trying to run in to warn us the house is on fire and not being able to. Like sheโs a golden retriever. Iโve been good at not voicing my frustrations, though, because I know how difficult the months leading to graduation have been for Sabrina, especially when she had to juggle law school with
motherhood. She works so hard to be superwoman, it feels wrong dumping my shit on her too.
โCome here.โ Outside Jamieโs room, I pull her into my arms and sweep her dark hair away from her face.
I stand there, momentarily mesmerized by her bottomless dark eyes.
โWhat?โ she asks, smiling at me.
I lick my suddenly dry lips. โYouโre beautiful, you know that? We hardly get five minutes to ourselves these days. I think I keep forgetting how gorgeous you are.โ
Sabrina rolls her eyes. โShut up.โ
โSeriously. Fucking gorgeous. And this isnโt a bad idea. You need this trip, darlinโ. Youโve barely had a single day off in years. Same goes for me.โ I shrug. โWe need this.โ
โDo we?โ Sheโs still stressing.
โAbsolutely we do. Sun and sand and sleeping in as late as we want,โ I remind her.
It sounds like heaven saying it out loud. Ten days in St. Barthโs at Deanโs family vacation home. The plane tickets courtesy of Momโs wedding present. Itโs going to be the perfect cocktail for rest, relaxation, and generally screwing Sabrinaโs brains out because having a tiny human running around this place has been a nonstop cockblock. Like, I love the kid, but Mommy and Daddy need to do dirty things to each other.
โTrust me,โ I assure her. โItโll be magical.โ
She arches an eyebrow. โI donโt know. Itโs been a while.
You might not want to overpromise.โ
โHa. If anything, Iโm under-promising.โ I take her around the waist and bend down to kiss her.
Sabrina kisses me back, then pulls away and draws a breath. She closes her eyes. Exhales. โYouโre right. We deserve a getaway. Thisโll be good.โ
Itโs become a mantra. Convincing herself to take some time away, that her world wonโt collapse if she does. While planning this trip, sheโs careened from excitement to dread
at least six times a day. If I can get her out the front door, Iโll consider it a win.
