BELLE.
My entire body tightened as I sat straight up in bed before turning to grab the monitor. I could hear my daughter’s cries before I opened my eyes. Grabbing my comforter, I ripped it off and jumped out of bed.
Something was wrong. This wasn’t her normal cry.
I stumbled into her room, flipping on the nightstand light as I passed by. “Hey, hey,” I whispered as I peered down into her crib.
She was lying on her back, with tears streaming down her bright pink cheeks. I lifted her out of the crib and brought her to my shoulder where she cried into my neck. She was warm.
I walked out of her room and into the bathroom. I didn’t need a thermometer to know what I already knew. She had a fever. After digging around in the bathroom closet at a strange angle because I wanted to keep her as comfortable as I could, I found the thermometer but not the baby fever reducer.
I cursed quietly. I’d used it all up when she went through a bad teething episode last month. Holding her head to my shoulder to keep her from slipping off, I made my way back into my room and sat on the bed. She was compliant and let me press the thermometer to her forehead.
Her cry had turned to a whimper as she snuggled into my neck. Once the thermometer beeped, I pulled it down and glanced at the screen.
102.3
It was high, but it wasn’t too high. Even though all I wanted to do was pack her into the truck and take her to the hospital, I could hear Charlotte in
my ear: “She’ll catch more disease by bringing her in with her immune system already struggling than if you just kept her here and nursed her yourself.”
I knew a fever was cause for worry but not alarm. I just needed some fever reducer to help her feel better.
Shelby.
I glanced around my room for my phone and found it sitting on my nightstand, plugged in. I leaned over the bed and grabbed it. Once I wiggled the charging cable from the phone, I took it, plus the blanket on my bed, and made my way out to the living room.
I sat on the couch with Belle on my chest and my feet up on the coffee table. With her situated and comfortable for now, I powered on my phone and scrolled through my contacts.
I pressed talk as soon as I found Shelby’s name and then brought the phone to my cheek. It took a few rings before she answered.
“Hello?” Her voice was low and breathy. “I need your help.”
“Miles?”
I closed my eyes. The sound of my name in her sleepy voice stirred things inside of me. This wasn’t the time or the place to dwell on any of those thoughts. “Yeah. It’s Belle.”
“Belle?” Her voice was more alert now. “What’s wrong? Is she okay?
Do you need me to come over?”
“She has a fever. She’ll probably be fine, but I’m out of fever reducer.” “Do you need me to go get some?”
“Yes. Please.”
I could hear rustling in the background. A second later, she cursed and then said, “I just stubbed my toe.”
I straightened a little. “Slow down then. We’ll be here. We’re fine.” A surge of protection coursed through my chest. “I don’t need you getting into an accident or anything because you were in too much of a hurry. Keys are in the glove compartment in the truck. It should start right up for you.”
She let out a soft, mmhmm before saying, “I’ll be as quick as I can.”
I hesitated, fighting the desire to tell her once again that I didn’t want her to chance hurting herself, but she hung up before I could say anything. I dropped my phone down on the couch next to me and contemplated calling her back, but I didn’t want to distract her if she was on the road already.
I lay there on the couch with Belle finally snoozing on my chest, waiting. Waiting for the sound of the door to open. Waiting to hear her footsteps on the hardwood floors. Waiting for her to tell me she got back safe.
I must have dozed off, but the sound of the medicine bottle being set down on the coffee table woke me up. I glanced over to see Shelby slowly turning away from me as if she were trying as hard as she could to be quiet. I watched her take a step toward the door, relief filling my chest that she’d made it back.
As if she knew I was watching her, she glanced over her shoulder and met my gaze. Then she winced like she felt bad about waking me, but I didn’t care. I loved that she went out for Belle. I loved that she was worried the moment I told her something was wrong. And I loved that she didn’t want to wake me up.
I just loved…her.
“Stay,” I whispered before I could stop myself.
Her eyes widened, and I suddenly worried that I’d done the wrong thing. She didn’t know how I felt about her, and this might be the moment that she discovered my true feelings.
It felt like an eternity, but eventually, she nodded and slipped off her purse. She disappeared for a moment and came back, padding over to me in her socks. She stood next to me like she didn’t know what to do, so I lifted my arm and motioned for her to sit.
She hesitated as she glanced between the spot on the couch and me. I knew I should feel guilty, taking advantage of the fact that my daughter was sick. But I didn’t care. I needed this.
Bad.
Finally, Shelby sat down next to me. Luckily, I weighed more than her, and with the way the couch cushions were situated, her body tipped into mine. I dropped my arm on her shoulder and inhaled the smell of her shampoo.
“Is this okay?” she asked as she pulled back a bit like she was about to shift away.
“Don’t,” I whispered as I closed my eyes, gripping my hand on her shoulder.
“Miles,” she whispered.
I had to bite back my groan. She needed to stop speaking. She needed to stop moving. She needed to stop being so dang s*xy. This wasn’t the time or the place for my mind to wander.
“Just sit here with me,” I said, my voice low. My ability to hide my feelings for her slipping away.
She tensed for a moment before I felt her entire body relax. Every molecule of my body was acutely aware of where her body pressed to mine, but she didn’t seem as bothered. Eventually, I heard her breathing deepen, and her head became heavy on my shoulder.
With Belle on my chest and Shelby next to me, my chest swelled. This was perfection. I couldn’t ask for anything more than these two women in my life.
I wanted this.
I wanted Shelby. I wanted Belle. And I wanted us to be a family.
I turned my head, so I could gently kiss the top of Shelby’s head. With her next to me, but not awake, I could finally show her my affection without her walking away.
Without her rejecting me.
I kept my lips on her head as I whispered, “I love you. And someday, I’ll tell you that.”
I closed my eyes and said a small prayer in my mind that, someday, she’d be willing to hear those words leave my lips.
I wasn’t sure how long I sat there, but I must have eventually fallen asleep. I awoke the next morning with my neck aching from the angle I’d slept in. I shifted my body slightly; my muscles were numb from sitting on the couch the whole night.
Realizing that I couldn’t fully move because of weight next to me, I turned to see that Shelby was still asleep. Belle must have moved in the night, because she was sleeping on the other half of the couch right next to me.
But Shelby was still sleeping right on my chest with my arm wrapped around her shoulders. She hadn’t gotten up.
She hadn’t left.
I must have still been hazy from sleep, because I placed a kiss on her head once more and murmured, “You stayed,” into her hair. I smiled as I closed my eyes, reveling in this feeling and knowing, in a short amount of time, she was going to leave. She was going to wake up and realize that she
was still sitting here next to me. And being here was the last place she wanted to be.
I felt her begin to stir and worried that she’d heard me or felt me kiss her head. I dropped my head back against the couch and closed my eyes. I lay there, waiting to see what she was going to do. Suddenly, her weight lessened, and I could tell from the way the couch cushions were shifting, she was trying to get up as quietly as possible.
Not wanting her to leave, and stupidly thinking that if she knew I was waking up, she would stay, I pulled my head up and blinked a few times. Her face was veiled by her hair as she sat on the edge of the couch.
“Thanks,” I whispered.
She startled, pulling the curtain of her hair back and staring at me with wide eyes. “For what?” she asked. Her voice was incredibly s*xy in the morning.
“For getting Belle some medicine,” I said as I dropped my hand to my daughter’s forehead and felt for the fever that had ravaged her body last night. I was relieved when her temperature felt normal. I’d waited for her to wake up again to give her some medicine, but she never had, and I didn’t want to disturb my sleeping girl.
“Of course,” she said as she reached over, grabbed her shoe, and started wiggling her foot into it.
“And for staying last night.” My voice was low and full of emotion. Sure, I should have tried to hide my appreciation, but I was tired of doing that. I wanted—needed—her to know how I felt, even if I couldn’t say the words out loud.
Her entire body froze. Her fingers were stuffed into the back of her shoe as she’d been trying to pull it on without having to loosen her laces. “Of course,” she repeated. “I’d do anything for that little girl. Even staying here…on the couch.”
I tried not to read too much into her words, but I couldn’t help it. Staying here had nothing to do with me and everything to do with Belle. I couldn’t blame her for that. After all, my daughter had a tendency to win a lot of hearts. But I was selfish, and I wanted some hint, some tiny crack in the armor around Shelby, to show that my feelings might eventually be reciprocated.
I was an idiot and a fool. I should move on. I should get over her. But no matter how many times I told myself that, I couldn’t seem to walk away.
“I’ll let her know of your brave actions when she wakes up,” I said as I watched Shelby stand and wiggle her foot until it sunk safely into her shoe.
“You do that,” she said, pushing her hair from her face and giving me a quick smile. “I’m going to head back since you seem to have it under control here.” She grabbed her purse and pulled it up onto her shoulder.
“Okay.” The couch felt cold and empty without her.
“I’ll shower and come back over to help with breakfast.”
I shook my head. “No need. There’s only one guest, and they said they are leaving early. Later today, we’re getting some new guests. You can have the day off.”
She paused, staring off toward the far wall as if she were digesting my words before she glanced down. “Then I guess I’ll see you tonight for your hot date.”
It might have been my imagination, but I sensed a twinge of regret behind her mocking tone.
I narrowed my eyes, not happy that she’d signed me up for this, but intrigued as to why she was having a negative reaction to it. Perhaps, she wasn’t happy that I was going?
Was that a possibility?
“Well, I have you to thank for that. Being my matchmaker and all.”
She scoffed. “I can also be your wedding planner if it should go that far.”
I quirked an eyebrow. “Wedding planner?”
She nodded. “Yeah. I was pretty good at my job until I got—” Her eyes widened as she pinched her lips shut.
I was interested now. “Until you got…?”
She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter now.” Then she turned. “I’ll be over to watch squirt for you at four? Five?” She peeked over her shoulder. “Weren’t you saying something about being back at seven?”
I scoffed. “If I’m going on a date, I’ll be out as long as she wants. It’s been ages since I’ve had a night that’s not full of pink pajamas and dinner in my hair.” I pushed my hand through my hair and tipped my head back to study her.
Her gaze had fallen to my bicep, and her cheeks looked flushed. A smile played on my lips as I watched her stare for a moment before blinking and dragging her gaze to meet mine. I raised my eyebrows to let her know I saw.
She cleared her throat and broke her hold on my gaze. “Well, I hope for the sake of your daughter you are careful.”
“Careful?”
Her eyes widened. “Careful.” She fiddled with her purse strap. “Whomever you marry will be Belle’s stepmom. I hope you’re taking that responsibility seriously.”
I wanted to laugh. This woman knew me. She grew up alongside me. We both knew the pain that came from parents who married casually and broke it off as soon as the marriage got hard. We both got emotionally attached to our stepparents just to have them walk away in the end.
“Please, Shelby. You feel like you need to tell me this?” She must not know me at all.
She stared at me. “Well, I just…” Her voice trailed off, and she stood there, looking like she wanted to say something but didn’t know how to.
I was angry. I was hurt. I was frustrated that she’d forced me on this date in the first place. I slid a bit farther down the couch so I wouldn’t startle Belle and stood. I crossed the space between us as I stared down at Shelby.
Her entire body tensed, but she didn’t walk away. Instead, she stood there, staring up at me as if this was her form of defiance.
“What do you want from me?” I asked before I could stop myself. I was tired of feeling like this. If she hated me, I just wanted her to say it.
Her eyes widened, but she didn’t look away. “I don’t want anything from you,” she whispered.
I wasn’t buying it. “I think that’s a lie. I think you want a lot of something. You’re just not saying it.”
She scoffed and dropped her gaze before bringing it up to the side and then eventually settling it on me. “I’m just thinking about Belle. She deserves the best life. And I don’t want you thinking with…” She tipped her head down. “Other body parts than your brain when it comes to what her future looks like.”
Anger rose up inside of me. “And why are you thinking about my other body parts?” I took a step closer to her. There was nothing I wanted more than to kiss her in this moment. To take her in my arms and watch that startled expression turn to pleasure from the things I could do to her.
My head was so full of thoughts—of feelings—that I feared what I might do if I let my guard slip any further.
“You should go,” I said. I stepped back and pushed my hand through my hair before scrubbing my face. “I’m a grown man, Shelby. I don’t need a babysitter. The most important person in my life is my daughter, and I would die before I let anything hurt her.”
Shelby was watching me. I couldn’t read her gaze, and the truth was, I was tired of trying to figure out what she wanted from me. We stood in silence. I could feel the tension in the air. She wanted to say something, but she wasn’t.
And I wasn’t sure I had the time or patience for this.
“You should go,” I said again. I needed her to leave. I knew I couldn’t have her like I wanted to, so for my sanity, I just needed her to walk out the door. To put distance between us, so I could once again heal from a broken heart caused by Shelby.
“Miles, I…” She took a step forward with her hand extended.
My muscles tightened involuntarily as I watched her hand stop just a few inches from my arm. I stared at it, willing her to close the gap. I wanted her to touch me. I wanted her to voluntarily touch me. Last night was amazing, but she’d been asleep.
I wanted her to touch me when she was awake.
Her eyes were wide, and she looked like a deer in headlights as she stood there, frozen. That’s when I realized that I was being selfish. I was pushing Shelby further along this path than she was willing to go…or even wanted to go.
If I loved her, I’d let her take the time she needed to heal.
My entire body relaxed as I moved around to take her shoulders with both of my hands and lead her from the living room and through the kitchen. I pulled open the back door. “I understand what you’re saying, Shelby,” I said as I guided her out to the porch. “You don’t have to worry about me and Laura. I don’t see her that way. I’m just going because you set it up, remember?” I asked as I peered down at her.
She looked confused but managed a nod.
“Good. Now, go eat breakfast and take a shower. I’m going to take care of Belle. I will see you tonight.” I let go of her shoulders and moved to walk back into the kitchen, but I lingered in the doorway, watching her try to process what had happened.
She shook her head and made her way down the stairs. “Hey, Shelb?” I called after her.
She stopped and turned.
“Thanks for caring enough to fight me about this.”
She raised her eyebrows but then nodded. “Of course.” Then she started walking to the cottage, and I was left alone. I shut the door and leaned against it, tipping my head back.
What was wrong with me?
I’d made a promise to myself not to scare her away, and here I was, doing the exact opposite. If I didn’t get myself in check, I was going to do something stupid, and Shelby would run again.
Leaving me alone with a broken heart once more.
