THE MORNING’S events had been strange, and I was still trying to process what had happened as I plunged my hands into the soapy dishwater after breakfast. Miles had served the guests my pancakes and the sausage he’d made after he fed Belle. All the while, I made sure to stay far away from him.
After being caught watching him as he worked out, I still thought I could handle myself in the kitchen. But my heart pounded in my chest when he innocently wiped flour from my cheek.
He was a dad, and it was cute that being a dad wasn’t something he could compartmentalize. He was protective. And there was something about the way he insisted on being protective of me that made my whole body feel light.
It was probably because I never had a dad in my life.
“It has to be,” I whispered as I grabbed the mixing bowl, tipped it on its side, and watched as the water flooded over the rim.
“What has to be?”
I yelped and turned. Miles’s voice had scared the living daylights out of me. He was standing behind me with Belle perched on his arm. He’d taken her to the bathroom to clean the oatmeal from her hair. She smiled at me with her hair sticking up from the water.
I smiled back at her, wiping my hand on my hoodie before I reached forward to smooth down her hair. “Does daddy not know how to do your hair?” I asked as I combed my fingers through the snarls.
Suddenly, I realized just how close I was to Miles. He was staring at me. The look in his eyes was cloudy, and I wasn’t sure how to read it. Not letting it confuse me, I finished fixing Belle’s hair and turned my attention back to the dishes.
The heat of the water in the sink, plus the heat that had started creeping up on me when Miles neared, made me slip off my hoodie. I was wearing a black tank underneath, and as soon as the cool air hit my bare arms, my body began to relax.
That had been my problem; I was just warm.
“I’ll have you know that I do know how to do Belle’s hair,” Miles said as he moved to stand next to me. He’d let Belle down and pulled out a basket of kitchen toys that she was content playing with.
I knew I shouldn’t, but despite the warning bells sounding in my mind, I glanced up at him. “You do?” I asked and then turned my attention back to the bowl and began washing it.
“Yes. Charlotte made sure I knew how to fix it right.” His arm brushed mine as he moved to take the bowl from my hands and turned on the water.
Warmth traveled across my skin from his touch, but I was too distracted with the mention of my grandmother to focus on my reaction. “She did?” I whispered, my whole body stilling as if to use its entire energy focusing on what Miles had said.
Miles set down the bowl and towel and then rested his hands on the counter. I didn’t have to say anything to know that we were both thinking the same thing. There was enough history between the two of us to last a lifetime. And here we were, young and battling the decisions our parents made so long ago.
The decisions that left us to be raised by an elderly woman.
“She missed you, you know,” he said. His voice was deep and steeped in emotion.
Tears pricked my eyes. “No, she didn’t.” How could she? I’d said horrible things. I’d done horrible things. I’d run away. She had died without me here. I’d resent any person who did that to me. Like I resented my mother.
“She regretted what she said that night.” Miles’s voice was barely a whisper now. I could feel his gaze on my face, but I couldn’t bring myself to look up.
I didn’t know what to say. I never willingly allowed myself to think about that night or the pain that I felt. I’d been alone and broken with no one around to fix me. A tear slipped down my cheek, and I hurried to wipe it away. “Please stop,” I choked out.
Miles didn’t answer. I closed my eyes and tipped my body away from the sink so I could lean against the cupboard next to me. I covered my face with my hands and welcomed the darkness. My knees felt like they were going to give way, so I slid down until I rested firmly on the floor.
I wasn’t ready for this. I wasn’t ready to face the past that haunted me in the middle of the night. My history here was like a big gaping wound in my heart, and even though I wanted to say that I was fixed…I wasn’t.
And I wasn’t ever going to be.
Suddenly, someone grabbed my hand and started to pull my fingers from my face. Thinking it was Miles, I dropped my hands, but it wasn’t him. Instead, I was staring into the wide and concerned eyes of Belle. Her chubby hand held onto my fingers. Her eyebrows were furrowed.
An uncontrollable sob escaped my lips, which only made her stick out her tiny bottom lip. Not wanting to make a toddler cry, I wrapped my arms around her and held her against my chest. She wrapped her tiny arms around my neck and squeezed.
Even though I was broken beyond repair, something happened between us. She couldn’t say much, but I could feel her worry for me, and it helped. It helped a lot.
“I’m sorry for making you sad,” I whispered as I brought my hand up to her head and held her against my shoulder.
We sat there for as long as Belle let me hold her. When she started to wiggle and push away, I let her go. I felt calmer as she waddled back over to her toys and started playing with them again.
Taking in a deep breath, I moved to stand, only to have Miles’s hand appear in front of me. I thought about swatting it away, but he was just trying to help. I didn’t need to be a brat about it.
“Thanks,” I said, slipping my hand into his and letting him help me up.
He nodded and handed me a tissue. I wiped my eyes and nose and then crumpled the tissue and looked around.
“Behind you,” Miles said.
After tossing the tissue in the garbage, I took in a deep breath. I could feel Miles watching me, but I didn’t want to talk about it. Instead, I turned,
grabbed the dishrag, and continued washing.
We worked in silence; the only sounds were the low murmur of voices coming from the dining room and Belle’s soft singing.
The energy between the two of us was palpable, but I pushed it aside. Once I was done, I rinsed off the sink and went to grab a towel, only to have Miles hand me one. I hesitated but took it, wiping my hands dry and setting it down on the counter behind me.
“If you don’t mind, I’m going to go into town to get some coffee. When I get back, I can watch Belle.” I gathered my courage and glanced up to meet his gaze.
He had his eyebrows drawn together, and I could tell that he wanted to say something. I just gave him a small smile, hoping he’d move on.
“That’s fine,” he said as he folded his arms across his chest and leaned back against the counter.
“Great.” I grabbed my hoodie and started toward the back door, making sure to ruffle Belle’s hair as I went. She glanced up at me with a plastic toy spoon in her mouth and grinned. “I’ll see you later, squirt.”
Just as I pulled open the back door, Miles’s voice stopped me. “Shelb?”
I winced at the nickname he and Gran used to call me. “Yeah?” I called over my shoulder. I was almost out the door, and I was ready to breathe.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry. I just wanted…” I paused, stilling my body.
“I just want to make you happy.”
I closed my eyes for a moment. I understood where he was coming from, but he couldn’t fix the past. No one could.
“It’s okay. But I’m not sure I’m capable of being happy like I used to be.” I stepped out onto the deck and shut the door behind me.
I cleared my mind of all thoughts as I crossed the yard, and once I was in the cottage, I slipped into the shower. Fifteen minutes of hot water beating on my back made me feel better.
I toweled dry, dressed, threw my wet hair up into a bun, and gathered my purse. I was going to head into town to get some coffee from Abigail. She was the only one in town who felt like a friend, and I needed a break.
I needed some girl time.
The drive into town was peaceful, and the bookstore was quiet when I walked up to it. I could see Abigail moving around inside as I passed by the
window, and I crossed my fingers that she was open. The sign said “Open” when I walked up, but I knocked gently on the window anyway. I was in need of girl talk, and if she was busy, I didn’t want to bother her.
That got Abigail’s attention. She glanced up and smiled as soon as she saw me. I gave her a small wave, and she motioned toward the oven. I nodded and pulled open the door. The shop looked quiet, so I walked toward the back. Abigail pulled out a cookie sheet, set it down on the counter, and wiped her hands on her apron as I stepped up.
“Sorry to bother you,” I said, suddenly realizing that I was being rude, hoping that I hadn’t misread our relationship and she was fine with me just randomly popping in.
“Oh, I’m not bothered. I’m actually happy to have someone to talk to while I work.” She yawned. “And keep me awake.”
“Late night or early morning?” I asked as I followed after her.
She smiled at me as she rounded the corner of the counter and picked up her mug. “Both?”
“Both?” I slipped onto a barstool so I could lean my elbow on the counter and rest my chin in my hand. “You’re a party animal.”
“Yeah, partying with an infant.”
I furrowed my brow. “You have a baby?”
She shook her head as she lifted the mug to her lips and took a sip. “My nephew.”
“Ah.” I fiddled with the container full of tiny sugar packets in front of me. “They live with you?”
“Mmhmm,” Abigail said. Then she set her coffee down. “Can I get you some?” She motioned toward her mug.
“Yes, please.” I’d planned on eating breakfast after doing the dishes at the inn. But after my breakdown, I’d lost my appetite.
She poured me a mug and handed it over. After I sugared it up, I took a sip. The warm liquid filled my stomach.
“Can I interest you in a scone?” She motioned toward the cookie sheet she’d just taken out of the oven.
My mouth watered. “They smell amazing.”
She smiled as she served me one on a plate. “My grandma’s recipe,” she said as she handed it over.
I took a bite, and the taste of cinnamon and apple filled my mouth. I moaned and closed my eyes. “This is sinful.”
She laughed. “I’m glad you think so.”
I didn’t stop until the entire scone was gone. Then I grabbed a napkin and wiped my fingers. Abigail was mixing something together in a bowl, and I suddenly felt guilty.
“I’m so sorry,” I said, suddenly feeling like a complete idiot. She furrowed her brow. “For what?”
“We have a completely unbalanced relationship. I come here, you feed me, I leave.”
She laughed. “Well, you also pay me.” Then she stopped and stared at me. “You’re going to pay me, right?”
“Of course.” I fumbled for my purse.
She waved her hand. “I was joking. I know you’ll pay.”
Relief flooded my body, but I pulled a twenty out of my wallet for good measure. I tucked the bill under my plate.
“Did they run out of food at the inn?” she asked as she started cracking eggs into whatever she was making.
I sighed. “No. I just…needed to get away.”
She studied me for a moment. I knew that she knew about my past, but I appreciated that she wasn’t asking me outright. For this town, that was a miracle. Most people were not shy about wanting to know what was going on with you. Privacy was not a big commodity here.
“Miles was…” I paused, not sure what I was going to say. What was Miles? How could I put into words our history?
“A guy?” she offered.
I glanced over at her. She was smiling. Thankful for the nondescript answer, I nodded. “Yeah, a guy.”
She sighed as she left the bowl she was holding and headed to a drawer to grab a cookie scoop. “They always are the root of all our problems.”
I nodded and brought my feet up onto the footrest of the stool next to me. “They really are.”
She laughed as she scooped what I could only assume was cookie dough onto the sheet in front of her. “So, what did Miles do?”
I pushed some crumbs around on the counter as I chewed on the words I wanted to say. Giving up, I decided that the most direct way was probably the best. “He worked out in the garage today.”
She stopped scooping the dough and turned to look at me. “And that’s bad?”
I groaned and covered my face with my hands. “Well, yeah. When he does it shirtless and he’s like…” I scrunched up my face. What was I saying? And why was I saying it out loud? Abigail was going to think I was a crazy person and kick me out of her shop.
“Ah,” she said, and I could hear the laughter in her voice. I dropped my hands and looked at her. “What?”
Her lips were pinched together in a tight smile, as if she were trying to hide that she was laughing at me.
“What?” I asked again.
She shrugged. “I take it Miles has changed since you saw him last.”
I tipped my head back and closed my eyes. The answer was, yes, he had. He’d changed a lot. But it wasn’t only in his physical appearance. It was everything. He was sweet. Kind. He loved Belle like she was the only important thing in his life.
And he cared about me.
“I don’t know. Maybe it’s just been so long since I’ve been around a decent guy that I guess…” I groaned and buried my face in the crook of my elbow.
“It’s okay.” Abigail’s voice was close. I peeked over my arm to see that she was standing in front of me now. “You don’t have to unpack anything for me.”
I straightened and shot her a smile. “Thanks.” I needed that. I needed the freedom to just let things lie. I didn’t want to have to try to figure out why I was feeling the way I was. The truth was, I didn’t know.
I wasn’t sure I was ever going to know.
I stuck around, making small chat with Abigail, for about an hour longer before a group of construction workers came in and Abigail got too busy to talk to me. I gave her a quick wave as I pushed through the front door, but she had her hands full and was only able to offer me a quick nod.
I climbed into my car, and when I turned off of Main Street and started down the road back to the inn, smoke began to billow from Rhonda. I managed to make it to the shoulder before she sputtered and died.
I cursed and unbuckled my seat belt as I climbed out and rounded the hood. I had to keep my distance as smoke continued to fill the air.
“Great,” I muttered, bending down to see what was under the car, like that was going to tell me what was wrong. Feeling ridiculous, I glanced down the way I’d come. Then I peered down the way I was going.
The only person who came to mind was Miles. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to call him. Then I shook my head. I was being ridiculous. I was going to call Miles, he was going to come pick me up, and when I got to the inn, he was going to give me some advice on who to call to come pick up my car.
It wasn’t rocket science.
I pulled my phone out of my back pocket and found Miles’s number. I pressed on it and waited.
“Hello?”
“Miles?”
He paused. “Shelby?” “I need your help.”
“What happened?” Butterflies erupted in my stomach at the protective way he said those words. Crap. Focus, Shelby.
“Rhonda is billowing smoke.” “Rhonda?”
“My car.
“Oh. Where are you?”
“About ten minutes down Whipporwillow.”
“Gotcha. I’ll pack up Belle, and we’ll head your way.”
He didn’t give me any time to say anything else before he hung up, so I slipped my phone back into my pocket and went back to my car. I was leaning against Rhonda with my purse hooked over my shoulder when Miles showed up. He gave me a quick three finger wave as he pulled in, and I pushed off the car.
“Yeesh,” he said as he jumped out of his truck
“Yeah,” I said, meeting him at the hood of my car. Thankfully, it wasn’t smoking as bad as before.
“When was the last time you had an oil change?” I chewed my lip. “I don’t know.”
He peered over at me. He was only a foot or so away from me, and despite my best effort, my body made me very aware of this fact. “That’s not good, Shelb.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger. “I know.”
“Your car is most likely dead.” He bumped me with his shoulder. “Like, for good.”
“I know what dead means,” I said as I dropped my hand to where he’d touched me.
“Well, let’s get you back to the inn and into some air conditioning, and we’ll call Ralph.” He turned and nodded to his truck.
“Perfect.” I followed behind him as he made his way to the passenger door and pulled it open. He held out his hand, and I took it as he helped me climb into the seat. Pops of electricity raced through my whole body from his touch, and when his fingers lingered on mine for a second longer than normal, I glanced down at him.
If he had the same reaction, he didn’t show it. He waited for me to situate myself before he shut my door, jogged around the hood, and climbed in. I glanced to the back to see Belle holding her foot as she stared out her window.
“Let’s go, m’ladies,” Miles said as he put his truck in drive and started down the road to the inn.
I watched as his hands rested on the steering wheel. I knew I should pull my gaze away, but I couldn’t. Especially when I noticed that he had paint on the back of his hand.
“What’s that?” I asked before I could stop myself.
Miles looked over at me. “What’s what?” He followed my gaze and opened and closed his hand a few times. “Oh, the paint?”
“Yeah.”
He nodded toward his daughter. “Belle and I were painting princesses before I had to come be your knight in shining armor.”
“Oh.”
He shrugged as he reached back and tickled her foot. “Weren’t we, Belle?” She giggled, and my heart began to race in my chest.
I hated that Miles was so sweet with Belle. I hated that he was so quick to rescue me and didn’t make me feel stupid for my car breaking down.
I hated that, perhaps, I didn’t hate him as much as I thought I did.
It made me vulnerable. Without anger and pain filling my chest, a void had been created. I feared what would try to fill that void.
I wasn’t ready to have feelings for any man. Much less Miles.
