I WAS PISSED.
I was furious.
I didn’t know what Shelby’s angle was, but what she did last night left me fuming.
After Laura went home and Shelby left, I gave Belle a bath, read her a story, and tucked her into bed. Then I spent the rest of the night tossing and turning, trying to sort out why Shelby would interfere with my love life like that.
Did she think I needed help dating?
I stared up at the dark ceiling above me. It was almost dawn, and I could see light starting to spread across the white paint. I had one arm tucked behind my head and the other one resting on my bare chest. I’d pulled off most of my covers because they felt like snakes suffocating me through the night.
I welcomed the cool temperature of my room. It helped lessen the anger I felt toward Shelby and this whole situation.
“What do you want?” I asked to no one in particular as I closed my eyes and Shelby’s face drifted into my mind.
When I laid eyes on her six months ago as she pulled up to the funeral home, I had to do a double take. She’d changed, but in a lot of ways, she’d stayed the same. Her figure had filled out, and I couldn’t help but swallow when her hips swished past me.
I hated that after all these years, I still loved her. I hated that she hated me. And I hated that there was nothing I could do to change her mind.
Nothing.
I cursed and pulled off the covers resting over my feet. I needed to do something, or I was going to explode. I dressed in my workout shorts and slipped into Belle’s room just to make sure she was okay; then I grabbed the monitor and headed to the garage out back.
A good, hard workout would clear my mind. It would help me push out these ridiculous thoughts about Shelby and wake me up.
Once I got to the garage, I pulled open the door and turned on the light. After slipping my earbuds in, I set up the monitor so I could see it and turned on my workout tunes. The beat pulsed through me as I racked my weights for my warmup.
Halfway through my workout, I paused and walked through the garage to grab a water from the mini fridge. After checking the monitor, I cracked the lid to the water bottle and walked outside. I couldn’t see the sun, but its rays were warming the clouds just above the trees.
Tipping the water into my mouth, I scanned the inn. We were pretty empty until Friday. Most of the guests from the weekend had left. Which was nice. When morning came, Shelby would fulfill her commitment to help make breakfast and watch Belle. And, with less work to do, I wouldn’t have to be gone that long.
I just had a few rooms that needed fresh sheets and a cleaning. Then I was done and could spend the rest of the day with Belle.
My gaze wandered over to the cottage, and I let myself imagine what Shelby was doing. Was she lying in bed? Was she in those ridiculously thin, short pajamas that she walked into the inn wearing yesterday morning?
Warmth spread through my gut, and I let out an involuntary groan. Then I cursed myself. What was wrong with me? I closed my eyes, and when I opened them, I froze.
Shelby had stepped out of the cottage and was standing on the small porch with a coffee mug in hand. Of course, she had on those tiny pajamas. But they were red this time instead of pink like yesterday. Her hair was pulled back into a messy bun, and I took in the smooth skin of her neck that trailed down to her shoulders.
My fingertips tingled as I wondered what it would feel like to touch her. To press my lips to the hollow of her neck. Would she gasp? Sigh? Lean into me, beckoning me to kiss her again?
Realizing that I was most definitely staring at a private moment, I dropped my gaze, pushed my hands through my damp hair, and turned back to my workout. These thoughts weren’t going to change Shelby’s mind, and they most certainly wouldn’t help me keep my sanity.
It was like going into battle buck naked and unarmed. If she even caught a whiff of my feelings for her, all bets would be off. She’d purposely break my heart, as opposed to now, where my heart was still broken, but I could fantasize that she could want me someday.
Even though it would always be that—a fantasy—I clung to the possibility of a future with her like it was my life raft and I was drowning.
I zeroed in on my workout bench and laid down on it, arching my back to prep for another set. I spaced my hands evenly on the bar and then pumped my arms a few times, getting them ready to lift the weight.
Right before I lifted the bar off the hooks, I snuck a peek at Shelby, and a slow smile spread across my lips. She was watching me. She was pretending that she wasn’t, but she was watching me.
That realization caused blood to pump through my veins. Suddenly, I needed to prove myself to this woman. Call it animalistic. Call it carnal. But I wanted her to see what I could do.
I lifted the bar and started pumping the weights up and down. I didn’t stop until my arms felt as if they were going to fall out of their sockets. I racked the weights and shook out my arms and did a second rep. From the corner of my eye, I could see Shelby kept her gaze trained on me, which just spurred me on.
After the third rep, I sat up and grabbed a sweat rag and water. I took a long drink, wiped my forehead, and tossed the rag in the corner. I stood and stretched. I made sure to pass by the monitor, just to make sure Belle hadn’t awoken, and then dropped down to the ground to start doing pushups.
I smiled as I could only imagine what Shelby was thinking. She had changed, but so had I.
I was no longer that skinny kid in high school. Exercise helped me deal with the stress in my life. Plus, it helped me feel like a man. I loved my daughter and Charlotte, but between the two of them, everything was pink or covered in doilies and floral print.
This garage. My weights. It was my connection to the man inside of me.
And the fact that the woman I wanted currently had her eyes glued to me, spurred me on in a way that startled even me.
I finished a set of pushups and jumped up, peeking over at Shelby just to make sure she was still watching. I fought a smile as I brought my gaze up fully to meet hers.
Her eyes widened as I allowed a slow smile to spread across my lips before I gave her a wink and brought my arms up to give her a full flex of my muscles.
When I returned my gaze to her, she’d turned around and hurried into the cottage. I let out a laugh, which helped release all of the tension I had built up inside of me. My muscles were like pudding, but my soul was singing.
From the length of time Shelby had spent watching me, to how embarrassed she was that I’d caught her, one thing was clear.
She was attracted to me.
It may never turn into anything. But for now, I was going to revel in the fact that Shelby had seen my bare chest, and she hadn’t turned away.
She’d lingered.
This was like my Christmas and birthday all in one. And, at least for now, I was going to enjoy my gift. Until reality hit me in the face, and I had to come back down to Earth.
When I got back into the inn, I showered and dressed. I was still smiling when I walked into Belle’s room to get her ready for the day. She was cooing in her crib as she chewed on her blanket. When she saw me, she giggled and threw her hands up.
I lifted her out to change her diaper and dress her. When she was ready, I clipped her hair back with a pink bow, like Charlotte had taught me, and opened her door.
She led the way into the kitchen, where I lifted her up and sat her in her high chair. I got her set up with a sippy cup of milk and then headed to the back door. It was time to get started on breakfast, and if Shelby didn’t get in here soon, we were going to have some cranky guests.
I jogged down the back stairs and over to the cottage door. I raised my hand to knock, but it swung open, and Shelby was standing there with wide eyes, holding a spatula. She looked equally as startled, and when her gaze met mine, she blinked before stepping back.
“Was that you?”
Confused and on alert that at any moment I could be swatted with a spatula, I raised my hand for protection and said, “Was what me?”
“That noise.” She stepped closer, so she could peer out the door, and my senses went haywire.
Everything about her, from the way she smelled, to the way her hair brushed my arm, to the warmth I could feel as she passed by, caused my body to ache with the desire to hold her. I growled and stepped back, needing to put some distance between us.
“I didn’t hear anything,” I said as I gently took the spatula from her. “But if there was something here, I doubt this would do anything but make it mad.”
Her eyes darted around as if she expected bigfoot to jump out from behind a tree, but then she nodded as she let out her breath. “Yeah, you’re right. I’m crazy.” She rubbed her eyes and then peered over at me. “Why did you come down?”
It might just be the way the sun was hitting her this early in the morning, or maybe she was remembering the show I put on for her, but her gaze drifted down to my chest for a moment, and I swore I saw her cheeks turn pink. I chuckled under my breath but covered it up with a shrug.
“I’m here to get you for breakfast duty.”
She glanced over at the inn and then nodded. She disappeared into the cottage and came back out with her sandals. Her hands were tucked into her hoodie, and she was wearing a pair of faded jeans with holes in the knees.
She still looked jumpy but calmer.
I shut her door as she stepped out onto the porch. “I’ll install a surveillance camera if that’ll make you feel better,” I said.
She nodded. We walked in silence to the inn’s back door and into the kitchen. Belle was right where I’d put her, but her sippy cup was on the floor. I picked it up and rinsed it off before I handed it back to her.
She giggled and tossed it on the floor. I sighed and tousled her hair. “I guess you’re ready for some food.”
She babbled while I opened the cereal cupboard and pulled out some of her finger foods to satiate her while I cooked some oatmeal. When I looked up, I caught Shelby staring at me.
I shot her a quizzical look as I started to fill up a pot with water. “What?”
She shrugged as she straightened and began to run her fingers across the countertop. “It’s just strange.”
I flipped off the water and set the pot onto the stove. I turned, folded my arms, and extended out my feet as I rested against the cupboards behind me. “What is?”
“You. Belle.” She waved her hand between the two of us. “The fact that you’re a father, and you have a daughter.”
“Why is that weird?”
She continued to trace the darker lines in the countertop with her finger. “I guess I just never saw you wanting kids.”
I pinched my lips shut at her comment. The truth was, I hadn’t wanted kids. After she lost her baby, I realized that children only brought pain. That wasn’t something I wanted to voluntarily bring into my life. Belle had been a hard surprise for me. And it made me feel guilty to say that. I wasn’t ready to be a father, but I did it anyway. I was happy now.
“Yeah,” I said as I scrubbed my face. “Well, it wasn’t my first choice. But now I’m grateful I have her.” My gaze drifted to my daughter’s chubby face as she gleefully shoved the puffs into her mouth.
“And her mom?” Shelby’s voice was quiet as if she weren’t sure she was allowed to ask.
“Tamara?”
Shelby shrugged. “Is that her name?”
“Yeah.” I sighed. “She’s gone. Dropped Belle off with me and split. She got into drugs. Said that having Belle was too much.” The water was boiling now, so I turned to dump in the oatmeal. “It’s a hard situation, growing up without a mom.” I closed my eyes. If anyone knew what that pain was like, it was me. I had always vowed that if I did have kids, I would make sure they had two parents.
I guess I was failing on that front.
“She’s lucky she has a dad that cares so much.”
Shelby’s voice was closer, and when I realized where she was, I pulled back. She’d moved across the kitchen and was now standing next to me, peering into the pot of boiling oatmeal.
Once again, every atom of my body became acutely aware of her presence. I closed my eyes for a moment and inhaled the smell of peaches that wafted up from her hair when she turned her head. When her arm brushed mine, zaps of electricity shot up my arm and exploded in my chest.
“So, what am I making?” she asked, her voice soft and feminine.
I opened my eyes, embarrassed that I’d allowed myself to fall down this rabbit hole. Shelby didn’t look the least bit bothered by my presence. It hurt, but it was a good reminder that this was a one-sided love.
“Am I making oatmeal, too?” she asked, tipping her face up to look at
me.
I glanced down at her, my gaze slipping down to her pink lips. They
looked soft, and the urge to press my lips against them raced through my body. I clenched my jaw, grounding myself in the present and shrugged. “If you want to.”
She studied me, and I worried that she’d seen me staring at her mouth. Heat pricked at the back of my neck, and I knew I needed to step back. I needed to put some space between us. If I didn’t, I feared that I might throw caution to the wind and kiss her.
Which would destroy everything I’d worked so hard for.
Shelby didn’t want to be here, but I’d promised her that when she arrived, I’d stay away from her so she would feel comfortable. I’d thought that meant she would hole up in the cottage, but she surprised me that first morning and came out. She surprised me again when she agreed to her grandmother’s stipulations and was even willing to help around the inn.
Shelby was making steps in a positive direction, and the last thing I wanted to do was scare her off.
“If I want to,” she whispered as she glanced around the kitchen. She had grabbed a wooden spoon and was gently slapping it against her palm. I could see that she was in deep thought, which helped calm me down.
If she was aware of my attraction to her, I was certain she would let me know. For now, she was clueless, and I was going to keep it that way.
Belle’s oatmeal was finished, so I poured it into a bowl, added brown sugar and blueberries, and then pulled up a chair next to her, blowing at the steam rising from the bowl. Shelby was moving around the kitchen, and I couldn’t help but watch her. My heart pounded when she passed by me, bumping me with her hip.
I turned to say something quippy, but nothing came out. My mouth turned dry as I forced my gaze back to my daughter. If I let my thoughts continue down this path, I was just going to make myself more miserable.
And that cup already runneth over.
“What are you making?” I asked, focusing on my daughter as I fed her.
I forced my gaze to stay trained on Belle’s chubby face.
“Pancakes,” she said.
The soft, excited tone of her voice drew my attention over to her despite my best efforts. “Pancakes?”
She nodded, whipping the spatula around above her. “It’s going to be magnificent.” Her words ended in a small smile.
I laughed, taking in the flour that she’d already managed to smear across her cheek. I stood and grabbed a dish towel I’d set on the oven’s handle earlier and closed the space between us. I pressed my forefinger to the bottom of her chin and tipped her face toward me before I took the dish towel and rubbed her cheek.
Her whole body stilled as her gaze moved slowly to meet mine. She looked startled—not scared—but it was in her hesitation that I realized what I’d just done.
My eyes widened, but I forced myself to be calm. “You had some flour there,” I said as I dropped my hands and stepped back.
Her eyes were wide, and she brought her hand up to her cheek. “I did?” she whispered.
I nodded and returned the towel. I shrugged even though my entire body felt alive with electricity. Touching Shelby had been a mistake, but I wouldn’t take it back even if I could. Her skin was soft and warm. Every part of her called out to me in a way that my body could never ignore. “I guess it’s a hazard of the trade,” I said as I moved to sit down next to Belle.
“What is?”
I glanced over at Shelby before nodding in Belle’s direction. “Taking care of people. Once a dad, always a dad.” I returned to feeding Belle, keeping my gaze stuck in one place.
I hoped Shelby bought my explanation. Me wiping her cheek was just a result of me wiping Belle’s face forever. It had nothing to do with my constant desire to be close to her.
Moments later, she was moving around the kitchen once more, whipping up the pancake batter and humming to herself. I let myself breathe as she worked, confident that we’d moved on. I needed to check myself in the future—that was too close. The last thing Shelby needed to know was that I was in love with her.
And after touching her—being close to her—one thing was for sure. I could never walk away from her.
