W
hen she leaves, Wilma Anson takes the piece of broken wineglass with her. The way she carries it to her car, holding the baggie at armโs length
like thereโs a moldy sandwich inside, tells me she already thinks it wonโt lead to anything. Iโd be annoyed if I werenโt so caught off guard by what weโve just been told.
She thinks Tom Royce is a serial killer. She thinks Katherine thought that, too.
And that now Katherine is dead or in hiding because of
it.
Wilma was right. This is a lot bigger than Katherineโs
disappearance. And I have no idea what to do now. I know what Marnie and my mother would say. Theyโd tell me to protect myself, stay out of the way, not make myself a target. I agree, in theory. But the reality is that Iโm already a part of this, whether I want to be or not.
And Iโm scared.
Thatโs the brutal truth of it.
After watching Wilma drive away, I return to the dining room, looking for Boone. I find him on the porch instead, gripping the binoculars and staring at the Royce house on the other side of the lake.
โThe bird-watching is amazing this time of year,โ I say. โAll that plumage.โ
โSo I hear,โ Boone says, indulging me and my weak attempt at a joke.
I settle into the rocking chair beside him. โAny sign of Tom?โ
โNone. But his car is still outside, so I know heโs there.โ Boone pauses. โYou think Wilmaโs right? About Tom being a serial killer?โ
I shrug, even though Boone canโt see me because heโs still looking through the binoculars. Watching him observe the Royce house so intently gives me an idea of how Iโve looked the past few days. Parked on this porch. Binoculars pressed to my face. Focused on nothing else. It isnโt a great look, even on someone as absurdly handsome as Boone.
โI think she could be onto something,โ he says. โTomโs been in the area a lot, something I never understood. Heโs rich. His wifeโs a supermodel. They could go anywhere. Hell, they could probably buy their own private island. Yet they always chose here, the backwoods of Vermont, where itโs quiet and heโs less likely to be disturbed. Then thereโs the fact that I always got a weird vibe from him. He seems so . . .โ
โIntense?โ I say, echoing Marnieโs description of Tom Royce.
โYeah. But itโs a quiet intensity. Like thereโs something simmering just below the surface. Those are the kind of people you need to watch out for. Thank God you were doing just that, Casey. If you hadnโt been watching, no one might have noticed any of this. Which means we canโt let up now. We need to keep watching him.โ
I turn toward the lake, focused not on the Royce house but the water itself. Now streaked with afternoon sunlight, it looks peaceful, even inviting. Youโd never guess how deep it is or how dark the water can get. So dark you canโt tell whatโs down there.
Maybe Megan Keene.
And Toni Burnett.
And Sue Ellen Stryker.
Maybe even Katherine Royce.
Thinking about multiple women resting among the silt and seaweed makes me so woozy I grip the rocking chairโs armrests and look away from the water.
โI donโt think Wilma would like that,โ I say. โYou heard what she said. She wants us to stay out of the way and let the police handle it.โ
โYouโre forgetting she also said they wouldnโt have made the connection between Katherine and that postcard without us. Maybe we can find something else that will be of use to them.โ
โWhat if we do? Will they actually be able to use it?โ
I think about everything I saw in the Royce house. Katherineโs phone and clothes and the treasure trove of information on that laptop. Itโs maddening that none of it can be used against Tom, even though all of it points to him being guilty ofย something.
โThis is different than you breaking into their house.
That was illegal. What Iโm talking about isnโt.โ
Boone lowers the binoculars and gives me a look bright with restless excitement. The opposite of how Iโm feeling. Even though I have no idea what heโs planning, I donโt think Iโm going to like it. Especially because it sounds like Boone has more in mind than just watching Tomโs house.
โOr we could do what Wilma told us to do,โ I say. โWhich is nothing.โ
That suggestion does little to douse the fire in Booneโs eyes. In fact, he looks even more determined as he says, โOr we could stop by the store Megan Keeneโs parents own. Maybe look around, ask a few innocent questions. Iโm not saying weโll crack this case wide open. Hell, most likely
itโll lead to nothing. But itโs better than sitting here, waiting and watching.โ
He jerks his head toward the other side of the lake. Thereโs frustration in the gesture, telling me this isnโt just about Tom Royce. I suspect itโs really about Boone, having once been a cop, now longing to be part of the action again. I understand the feeling. I get fidgety every time I watch a really good movie or see a great performance on TV, my body longing to again get onstage or be in front of the camera.
But that part of my life is over now. Just as being a cop is for Boone. And playing detective isnโt going to change that.
โIt could be exciting,โ he says, nudging my arm with one of his formidable elbows. โAnd itโll be good to get out of the house for a bit. When was the last time you left this place?โ
โThis morning.โ Now itโs my turn to gesture to the Royce house. โBeing in there was enough excitement for one day.โ
โSuit yourself,โ Boone says. โBut Iโm going with you or without you.โ
I almost tell him itโll be without me. I have no desire to get wrapped up in this more than I already am. But when I consider the alternativeโbeing alone here, waiting for something to happen, trying not to watch when I know I willโI realize itโs best to stick with the hot former cop.
Besides, heโs right. It will do me some good to get away, and not just from the house. I need a break from Lake Greene itself. Iโve spent too much time gazing at the water and the home on the opposite shore. Which is exactly what Iโll be doing if Boone leaves alone. The idea of me sitting here, staring at the sun-speckled water, thinking about all
the people who might be resting at the bottom, is so depressing I have no choice but to agree.
โFine,โ I say. โBut youโre buying me an ice cream on the way home.โ
A grin spreads across Booneโs face, one so big youโd think I just agreed to a game of Monopoly.
โDeal,โ he says. โIโll even spring for extra sprinkles.โ
The store Megan Keeneโs family runs is part supermarket, part tourist trap. Outside, facing the road in an attempt to lure passing motorists, is a
chainsaw sculpture of a moose. Draped over the front door is a banner telling everyone they sell maple syrup, as if thatโs a rarity in syrup-drenched Vermont.
Itโs the same inside. A mix of blandly functional and effusively homey. The aforementioned maple syrup sits in an antique bookcase right by the door, lined up in sizes ranging from shot glass to gallon jug. Next to it is a bourbon barrel filled with plush moose and bears, and a wire rack of postcards. I give it a rickety spin and spot the same card Wilma Anson showed us. I recoil at the sight of it, nearly bumping into yet another wood-carved moose, this one with knit hats placed on its antlers.
The store becomes more utilitarian the farther back we go. There are several aisles bearing canned goods, boxed pasta, toothpaste, and toilet paper, most of it cleared out in anticipation of the approaching storm. Thereโs a deli counter, a frozen food section, and a checkout area bursting with the convenience store staples of lottery tickets and cigarettes.
When I see the girl manning the cash register, my heart skips two beats.
Itโs Megan Keene.
Even though her face is in profile as she stares out the window at the front of the store, I recognize that fresh-
scrubbed prettiness from the photo Iโd seen an hour ago. For a moment, shock holds me in its grip.
Megan isnโt dead.
Which means maybe none of them are.
This was all some big, horrible misunderstanding.
Iโm about to grab Boone and tell him all of this when the girl behind the cash register turns to face me and I realize Iโm wrong.
Sheโs not Megan.
But she is definitely related to her. She has the same blue eyes and picture-perfect smile. My guess is a younger sister who blossomed into the girl-next-door sweetheart Megan seemed to be.
โCan I help you?โ she says.
I donโt know how to respond, partly because the shock of seeing who Iโd thought was Megan is slow to leave me and partly because Boone and I never discussed what to do or say when we reached the store. Luckily, he answers for me.
โWeโre just browsing,โ he says as he approaches her. โSaw the moose outside and decided to stop in. Itโs a nice store.โ
The girl looks around, clearly unimpressed by the shelves and souvenirs she sees every day.
โI guess,โ she says. โMy parents try their best.โ
So sheย isย Meganโs sister. Iโm proud of myself for guessing that, even though the resemblance is so uncanny that most people would.
โYou get a lot of business on the weekends, I bet,โ Boone says.
โSometimes. Itโs been a good fall. Lots of people have come up to see the leaves.โ
I notice something interesting as the girl talks. She isnโt looking at Boone, which is where Iโd be looking if I were her. Instead, she keeps glancing my way.
โAre you on Mixer?โ Boone asks as he takes out his phone.
โI donโt think so. Whatโs that?โ
โAn app. People link to their favorite businesses so their friends can see.โ He taps his phone and shows it to the girl. โYou should be on it. Might be a way to bring in some extra business.โ
The girl looks at Booneโs phone for only a second before glancing at me again. Itโs clear she recognizes me but isnโt sure from where. I get that a lot. I only hope itโs from my film and television work and not one of the tabloids filling the magazine rack within eyeshot of the register.
โIโll ask my parents,โ the girl says as she turns back to Booneโs phone.
โItโs a great app. The guy who invented it lives nearby.
Heโs got a house on Lake Greene.โ
Until now, Iโd been wondering why Boone was steering the conversation toward Mixer. But when he taps his phone again and brings up Tom Royceโs profile, I understand exactly what heโs doing.
โHis name is Tom,โ Boone says as he shows off Tomโs picture. โYou ever see him come into the store?โ
The girl studies Booneโs phone. โIโm not sure. Maybe?โ โHeโs very memorable,โ Boone says, prodding. โI mean,
itโs not every day a tech millionaire comes to your store.โ
โIโm only here after school and on weekends,โ the girl says.
โYou should ask your parents then.โ
She gives a nervous nod before looking at me again, only this time I think sheโs seeking someone to rescue her
from the conversation. She seems so vulnerableโso goddamn young and in need of protectionโthat Iโm overcome with the urge to hop the counter, pull her into a tight hug, and whisper how sorry I am for her loss. Instead, I approach the register and nudge Boone aside.
โYouโll have to excuse my boyfriend,โ I say, the word slipping out before I can think of a better alternative. โHeโs trying to distract you from the reason we really came inside.โ
โWhatโs that?โ the girl says.
Boone drops his phone back into his pocket. โIโm curious about that myself.โ
A second ticks by while I come up with a good excuse for entering the store. โI wanted to know if there are any good ice cream places in the area.โ
โHillierโs,โ the girl says. โItโs the best.โ
Sheโs not wrong. Len and I went to Hillierโs, a quaint little dairy farm a mile down the road, several times last summer. Weโd get our favorites and eat them on the wooden bench out front. Pistachio in a wa๏ฌe cone for me. A cup of rum raisin for him. I canโt remember the last time we were there, which seems like a thing someone would want to remember. The last ice cream cone with your husband before he died.
I look at Meganโs sister and wonder if she has a similar problem. Unable to remember so many last moments because she was blithely unaware of their finality. Last sisterly chat. Last sibling spat. Last ice cream cone and family dinner and wave goodbye.
Thinking about it makes my heart ache. As does wondering if Toni Burnett and Sue Ellen Stryker also have sisters who miss them and mourn them and wish, deep down in dark parts of their hearts they donโt tell anyone
about, that someone would just find their bodies and put them out of their misery.
โThanks,โ I say, giving her a smile that in all likelihood looks more sad than grateful.
โIโm not sure theyโre open right now, though. Itโs the off-season.โ
โDoย youย sell ice cream?โ
Meganโs sister points to the frozen food section. โWe have gallon containers, quarts, and a couple of individual novelty cones.โ
โThatโll do just fine.โ
I grab Boone by the elbow and pull him to the ice cream case. As we look at our options, he leans in and whispers, โBoyfriend, huh?โ
Warmth spreads across my cheeks. I pull open one of the freezer doors, hoping a blast of frigid air will cool them down, and snag a red, white, and blue Bomb Pop. โSorry. Itโs all I could come up with on short notice.โ
โInteresting,โ Boone says as he picks out a chocolate- covered Drumstick. โAnd just so you know, thereโs no need to be sorry. But I do think weโre going to have to keep up the ruse until weโre out of the store.โ
With a wink, he takes my hand, his palm hot against mine. It feels strange to have something so cold in one hand and so warmly alive in the other. As we return to the cash register, my body doesnโt know if it should sweat or shiver.
Meganโs sister rings up our order, and Boone releases my hand just long enough to pull out his wallet and pay. As soon as the walletโs back in his pocket, he reaches for my hand again. I grasp it and let myself be led out of the store.
โThanks for your help,โ Boone says over his shoulder to Meganโs sister.
โAnytime,โ she says. โHave a nice day.โ
Before stepping outside, I take one last look at the girl at the register. Sheโs got her elbow on the counter and her head resting dreamily in a cupped hand. She watches as we go out the door, looking past us to the road and the trees and the mountains in the distance. Even though she might be focused on any of those things, I canโt help but think that sheโs really gazing beyond them, eyes on some distant, unseen place where her sister might have run off to and is still, waiting for the right moment to come home.
We eat the ice cream in the back of Booneโs pickup truck, our legs dangling from the lowered tailgate. I regret choosing the Bomb Pop the
moment it touches my lips. Itโs far too sweet and artificial tasting, and it colors my tongue a garish red. I lower the popsicle and say, โSo this was all for nothing.โ
Boone chomps down on his Drumstick, the chocolate shell on top breaking with a loud crunch. โI donโt see it that way.โ
โYou heard what she said. Tom Royce never came to the store.โ
โThat she knows of. Which doesnโt surprise me. If weโre right about this, Tom came to the store while Megan was working. Not her sister. It probably happened several times. He came in, chatted with her, flirted, maybe asked her out on a date. Then he killed her.โ
โYou sound pretty certain.โ
โThatโs because I am. Iโve still got a copโs instinct.โ โThen why did you quit?โ
Boone gives me a sidelong glance. โWho said I quit?โ โYou did,โ I say. โYou told me that youย usedย to be a cop,
which I took to mean you quit.โ
โOr it meant I was suspended without pay for six months and never returned when my punishment was up.โ
โOh, shit.โ
โThat about sums it up,โ Boone says before taking another bite.
I look at my popsicle. Itโs starting to melt a little. Rainbow-colored drips spatter the ground like blood in a horror movie.
โWhat happened?โ I say.
โA few months after my wife died, I was drunk on duty,โ Boone says. โNot the worst thing a copโs done, obviously. But bad. Especially when I responded to a call. Suspected burglary. Turns out it was just a neighbor using the spare key to borrow the ownerโs lawn mower. But I didnโt know that until after I discharged my weapon, barely missing the guy and getting my drunk ass put on leave.โ
โIs that why you decided to get sober?โ
Boone looks up from his ice cream. โIsnโt that enough of a reason?โ
It is, which I should have realized before asking.
โNow that youโre sober, why donโt you go back to being a cop?โ
โItโs just no longer a good fit,โ Boone says. โYou know that saying, โOld habits die hardโ? Itโs true. Especially when everyone you know still has those habits. Being a cop is a stressful job. It takes a lot to unwind after a shift. Beers after work. Drinks during weekend barbecues. I just needed to get away from all of that. Otherwise I would have had one of those cartoon devils always sitting on my shoulder, whispering in my ear that itโs fine, itโs just one drink, nothing bad will happen. I knew I couldnโt live like that, so I got away. Now I scrape by doing odd jobs, and Iโm happier now, believe it or not. I wasnโt happy for a very long time. It just took hitting rock bottom for me to realize it.โ
I give the popsicle a halfhearted lick and wonder if Iโve already reached rock bottom or if I still have some distance left to fall. Worse, I consider the possibility that getting
fired fromย Shred of Doubtย was the bottom, and now Iโm somewhere below that, burrowing down to a sublevel from which Iโll never emerge.
โMaybe things would have been different if weโd had kids,โ Boone says. โI probably wouldnโt have hit the bottle so hard after my wife died. Having someone else to take care of forces you to be less selfish. I mean, we wanted kids. And we certainly tried. It just never happened.โ
โLen and I never talked about it,โ I say, which is true. But I suspect he wanted kids, and that it was part of his plan to live at the lake house full-time. I also suspect he knew I didnโt want them, mostly because I didnโt want to inflict the same kind of psychological damage my mother had caused me.
It ended up being for the best. While Iโd like to think I would have kept my shit together after Len was gone if a child had been in the picture, I doubt it. I might not have fallen apart so quickly and so spectacularly. A long, slow unraveling instead of my very public implosion. Either way, I have a feeling I would have ended up exactly where I am now.
โDo you miss it?โ I say.
Boone takes a bite of his ice cream, stalling. He knows Iโm no longer talking about being a cop.
โNot anymore,โ he eventually says. โAt first I did. A lot. Those first few months, man. Theyโreย hard. Like, itโs the only thing you can think about. But then a day passes, and then a week, and then a month, and you start to miss it less and less. Soon you donโt even think about it because youโre too distracted by the life you could have been living all this time but werenโt.โ
โI donโt think itโs that easy.โ
Boone lowers his Drumstick and shoots me a look. โReally? Youโre doing it right now. When was the last time you had a drink?โ
Iโm shocked I need to think about itโand not because Iโve been drinking so much that Iโve forgotten. At first, Iโm certain I had something to drink today. But then it hits me that my most recent drink was a double dose of bourbon last night before Googling Tom and Katherine Royce on my laptop.
โLast night,โ I say, suddenly and furiously craving a drink. I suck on my Bomb Pop, hoping it will quench my thirst. It doesnโt. Itโs too cloying and missing that much- needed kick. The ice pop version of a Shirley Temple.
Boone notices my obvious distaste. Holding out his half- eaten Drumstick, he says, โYou donโt seem to like yours. Want to try some of mine?โ
I shake my head. โIโm good.โ
โI donโt mind. Iโm pretty sure you donโt have cooties.โ
I lean in and take a small bite from the side, getting half ice cream, half cone.
โI loved those as a kid,โ I say.
โMe, too.โ Boone looks at me again. โYou have some ice cream on your face.โ
I touch my lips, feeling for it. โWhere? Here?โ โOther side,โ he says with sigh. โHere, let me get it.โ
Boone touches an index finger to the corner of my mouth and slowly runs it over the curve of my bottom lip.
โGot it,โ he says.
At least, I think thatโs what he says. My heartโs beating too fast and too loudly in my ears to know for sure. Even as everything gets fluttery, I know this was all a move on Booneโs part. A smooth one. But a move all the same. So
much more calculated than Lenโs shy honesty that day at the airport.
Can I get a kiss first?
I was willing to go there then. Not so much now. Not yet.
โThanks,โ I say, scooting to the side to put a few more inches between us. โAnd thank you for earlier today. For distracting Tom long enough to let me slip out of the house.โ
โIt was nothing.โ
โAnd thank you for not telling Wilma about that. I imagine you wanted to. The two of you seem close.โ
โWe are, yeah.โ
โDid you work together?โ
โWe did, but I knew Wilma long before that,โ Boone says. โWe went to school together, both high school and the police academy. Sheโs helped me out a lot over the years. She was one of the people who convinced me to quit drinking. She made me realize I was hurting others and not just myself. And now that Iโm sober, she still keeps an eye out for me. Sheโs the one who introduced me to the Mitchells. She knew they needed work done on their house and that I needed a place to crash for a few months. So you can blame her for saddling you with me as a neighbor.โ
He pops the last nub of ice cream cone into his mouth before glancing at my popsicle, which is too much of a melted mess to resume eating.
โYou done with that?โ he says. โI guess so.โ
I hop down from the tailgate to let Boone slam it back into place. After throwing my half-eaten popsicle into a nearby trash can, I get back into the truck. As I strap the seat belt across my chest, a thought hits me: Boone and I
arenโt the only people at the lake with Tom. He also has a neighbor, who to my knowledge has no idea about any of this.
โDo you think we should tell Eli?โ I say. โAbout Tom?โ
โHe lives right next door. He deserves to know whatโs going on.โ
โI donโt think you should worry,โ Boone says. โEli can take care of himself. Besides, itโs not like Tom is preying on seventy-year-old men. The less Eli knows, the better.โ
He starts the truck and pulls out of the parking lot. In the side mirror, I get a glimpse of a battered Toyota Camry parked in a gravel area behind the store. Seeing it makes me wonder if itโs Megan Keeneโs car, now being driven by her sister.
And if her sister is walloped with grief every time she gets behind the wheel.
And how long the car was parked there before Meganโs parents realized something was wrong.
And if, when they see it parked there now, they think for a brief, cruel moment that their long-lost daughter has returned.
Those thoughts continue to churn through my mind long after the car and the store itโs parked behind recede in the side mirror, leaving me to wish I was like Eli and didnโt know anything about whatโs going on.
But itโs too late for that.
Now Iโm afraid I know far too much.
Instead of taking the spur of the road leading to our respective houses, Boone drives a little bit farther to the one that accesses the other side of the lake. He
doesnโt explain why, nor does he need to. I know that circling the entire lake will bring us past the Royce house so we can see if Tomโs still there.
It turns out that he is. And heโs not alone.
When the Royce driveway comes into view, we see Wilma Ansonโs car parked close to the portico on the side of the house, effectively blocking Tomโs Bentley. The two of them are outside, having what appears to be a friendly conversation.
Well, as friendly as Detective Anson can get. She doesnโt smile as she talks, but she also doesnโt look too concerned to be conversing with a man she suspects is a serial killer.
Tom, on the other hand, is all charm. Standing at ease in the front yard, he chuckles at something Wilma just said. His eyes sparkle and his teeth shine a bright white behind parted lips.
Itโs all an act.
I know because when Boone and I drive by in the truck, Tom gives me a look so cold it could refreeze the popsicle Iโd only recently dropped into a parking lot trash can. I try to look awayโto Boone, to the road ahead, to the slice of lake glimpsed through the treesโbut canโt. Pinned down by
Tomโs stare, I can only endure it as it follows me in the passing truck.
His head slowly turning. His eyes locked on mine.
The smile that had been there only seconds before now completely gone.
When Boone drops me off at the lake house, thereโs an awkward few seconds of silence as he waits for me to invite him in and I debate
whether thatโs something I want. Every conversation or bit of contact brings us slightly closer, like two shy teenagers sitting on the same bench, sliding inexorably together. And right now, that might not be the best thing for either of us.
I experienced no such hesitation with Morris, the drinking-buddy-turned-fuck-buddy stagehand fromย Shred of Doubt. He and I had the same idea: get drunk and screw.
But Boone isnโt Morris. Heโs sober, for one thing. And just as damaged as I am. As for what he wants, I assumeโ and hopeโit involves his naked body entwined with mine. But to what end? Thatโs the question that sticks in my head like a Taylor Swift song. Not knowing his end game makes me unwilling to play at all.
Also, I really need a drink.
That thirst I immediately got when reminded I havenโt had one all day hasnโt left me. Sure, it faded a bit when Boone swiped a finger across my bottom lip and when Tom stared at me as we passed his house. Now, though, itโs an itch that needs to be scratched.
One I canโt touch while Boone is around.
โGood night,โ I say, talking louder than usual to be heard over the truckโs idling engine. โThanks for the ice cream.โ
Boone responds with a meme-worthy blink, as if heโs surprised to be rejected. Looking the way he does, I suspect it doesnโt happen often.
โNo problem,โ he says. โHave a good night, I guess.โ
I get out of the truck and go inside. Dusk has descended over the valley, turning the interior of the lake house gloomy and gray. I go from room to room, switching on lights and chasing away the shadows. When I reach the dining room, I head straight for the liquor cabinet and grab the closest bottle within reach.
Bourbon.
But after opening the bottle, something Boone said earlier stops me from bringing it to my lips.
I was hurting others and not just myself.
Amย Iย hurting others with my drinking?
Yes. Thereโs no doubt about that. Iโm hurting Marnie. Iโm hurting my friends and colleagues. I cringe thinking about how fucking rude I was toward the cast and crew ofย Shred of Doubt. Showing up drunk was the ultimate sign of disrespect for their hard work and preparation. Not a single one of them came to my defense after I was fired, and I canโt blame them.
As for my mother, I am absolutely drinking to hurt her, even though sheโd insist Iโm only punishing myself. Not true. If I truly wanted to be punished, Iโd deny myself one of the few things that bring me pleasure.
And I like drinking. A lot.
I like the way I feel after three or four or five drinks. Limp and floating. A jellyfish drifting in a calm sea. Even though I know it wonโt lastโthat at some point hours in the future I might be dry-mouthed and headachy and heaving it all back upโthat temporary weightlessness is worth it.
But none of those things are the reason why I havenโt been sober for a single day in the past nine months.
I donโt drink to hurt or punish or feel good. I drink to forget.
Which is why I tilt the bottle and bring it to my parched, parted lips. When the bourbon hits my tongue and the back of my throat, all the tension in my mind and muscles suddenly eases. I unclench, like a flower bud spreading open into full bloom.
Thatโs much, much better.
I take another two gulps from the bottle before filling a rocks glassโminus the rocksโand carrying it out to the porch. Twilight has turned the lake quicksilver gray, and a light breeze blowing across the water wrinkles the surface. On the other side of the lake, the Royce house sits in darkness. Its glass walls reflect the moving water, making it look like the house itself is undulating.
The optical illusion hurts my eyes.
I close them and take a few more blind sips.
I stay that way for God knows how long. Minutes? A half hour? I donโt keep track because I donโt really care. Iโm content to simply sit in the rocking chair, eyes shut tight as the warmth of the bourbon counteracts the chill of the evening breeze.
The wind has picked up enough to whip the lake into unruliness. Trish, announcing her impending arrival. The water rolls toward the shoreline, slapping the stone retaining wall just beyond the porch. It sounds unnervingly like someone stomping through the water, and I canโt help but imagine the fish-pecked bodies of Megan Keene, Toni Burnett, and Sue Ellen Stryker rising from the depths and stepping onto shore.
Even worse is when I picture Katherine doing the same thing.
And worse still is imagining Len there as well, a mental image so potent I swear I can feel his presence. It doesnโt matter that, unlike the others, his body was found and cremated, the ashes sprinkled into this very lake. I still think heโs there, a few yards from shore, standing in the darkness as water laps past his knees.
You know the lake is haunted, right?
No, Marnie, it isnโt.
Memories, though, are a different matter. Theyโre filled with ghosts.
I drink more to chase them away.
Twoโor threeโglasses of bourbon later, the ghosts are gone but Iโm still here, beyond buzzed and sliding inexorably into utter drunkenness. Tomโs still here, too, safe in his house thatโs now bright as a bonfire.
Apparently Wilma didnโt want to haul him in for further questioning, or Tom somehow told enough lies to avoid it for now. Either way, itโs not a good sign. Katherineโs still missing, and Tomโs still walking free as if nothing is wrong.
Holding the binoculars with hands that are numb and unsteady from too much bourbon, I watch him through the kitchen window. He stands at the stove with a dish towel thrown over his shoulder like heโs a professional chef and not just a coddled millionaire struggling to reheat soup. Another bottle of five-thousand-dollar wine sits on the counter. He pours himself a glass and takes a lip-smacking sip. Seeing Tom so carefree while his wife remains unaccounted for makes me reach for the rocks glass and empty it.
When I stand to go inside and pour another, the porch, the lake, and the Royce house start listing like theย Titanic.
Under my feet, it feels like the earth is shifting, as if Iโve stumbled into some stupid disaster movie Len would have written. Instead of walking back to the kitchen, I stagger.
Okay, so Iโm not nearing drunkenness. Iโve already arrived.
Which means another drink wonโt hurt, right? Right.
I splash more bourbon into the glass and take it back outside, moving with caution. One foot slowly in front of the other like a tightrope walker. Soon Iโm in the rocking chair, plopping into it with a giggle. After another sip of bourbon, I trade my glass for the binoculars and peer at the Royce house again, focusing on the kitchen.
Tomโs no longer there, although the soup remains. The pot sits on the counter next to the wine, wisps of steam still coiling in the air.
My gaze slides to the dining room, also empty, and then the large living room. Tomโs not there, either.
I tilt the binoculars slightly upward, tracing with my vision the same path I took in person earlier.
Exercise room. Empty.
Master bedroom. Empty.
Office.
Empty.
A worrisome thought pokes through my inebriation: What if Tom suddenly took off? Maybe he got spooked by his conversation with Wilma Anson. Or maybe she called him right as he was about to eat his soup, saying she wanted him to come in for formal questioning, which sent him running for his keys. Itโs entirely possible heโs driving away this very second, speeding for the Canadian border.
I swing the binoculars away from the second floor toward the side of the house, looking for his Bentley. Itโs still there, parked beneath the portico.
As I bring my gaze back toward the house, sliding it past the back patio strewn with dead leaves and the bare trees on the lakeshore that theyโve fallen from, I notice something on the Roycesโ dock.
A person.
But not just any person. Tom.
He stands at the end of the dock, spine as straight as a steel beam. In his hands are a pair of binoculars, aimed at this side of the lake.
And at me.
I duck, trying to hide behind the porch railing, which even in my drunken state I understand to be ridiculous on so many levels. First, itโs a railing, not a brick wall. Iโm still visible between the whitewashed slats. Second, Tom saw me. He knows, like Katherine did, that Iโve been watching them.
Now heโs watching me back. Even though Iโve lowered the binoculars, I can still see him, a night-shrouded figure on the edge of the dock. He stays that way another minute before turning suddenly and walking up the dock.
Itโs only after Tom crosses the patio and heads back into the house that I risk bringing the binoculars to my eyes again. Inside, I see him pass through the dining room into the kitchen, where he pauses to snatch something from the counter. Then heโs on the move again, pushing back outside through the side door off the kitchen.
He slides into his Bentley. Two seconds later, the headlights spring to lifeโtwin beams that shoot straight across the lake.
As Tom backs the car out from under the portico, I at first think heโs finally running away. He knows Iโm onto him and has decided to flee, maybe for good. I yank my phone from my pocket, ready to call Wilma Anson and alert her. The phone springs like a leaping frog from my bourbon- dulled fingers. I lunge for it, miss, and watch helplessly as it hits the porch, slips under the railing, and drops to the weedy ground below.
Across the water, the Bentley has reached the end of the driveway. It turns right, onto the road that circles the lake. Seeing it brings another sobering thought. If Tom were running away, he would have turned left, toward the main road.
Instead, heโs driving in the opposite direction. Around the lake.
Right toward me.
Still kneeling on the porch, I watch the Bentleyโs headlights carve a path through the darkness, marking its progress past Eliโs house, then out of sight as it reaches the lakeโs northern curve.
Finally, I start to move.
Stumbling into the house.
Slamming the French doors behind me.
Fumbling with the lock because Iโm drunk and scared and Iโve never had to use it before. Most nights, thereโs no reason to lock any of the doors.
Tonight, I have one.
Inside the house, I veer from room to room, switching off all the lights Iโd turned on earlier.
Dining room and kitchen. Living room and den. Library and foyer.
Soon the whole house has been returned to the darkness Iโd walked into when I arrived. I push aside the
curtain at the small window beside the front door and peek outside. Tom has reached this side of the lake and is coming my way. I see the headlights first, plowing through the darkness, clearing a path for the Bentley itself, which slows as it draws closer to the house.
My foolish hope is that, even though he knows Iโm here, Tom will see the place in utter darkness and keep driving.
He doesnโt.
Despite the dark house, Tom steers the car into the driveway. The headlights shine through the beveled panes of the front doorโs window, casting a rectangular glow on the foyer wall. I duck out of its reach, crawl to the door, and engage the lock.
Then I wait.
Hunched on the floor. Back against the door.
Listening as Tom gets out of the car, crunches up the driveway toward the house, steps onto the front porch.
When he pounds on the door, it shimmies beneath my back. I clamp both hands over my nose and mouth, praying he canโt hear me breathing.
โI know youโre in there, Casey!โ Tomโs voice is like cannon fire. Booming. Angry. โJust like I know you were inside my house. You forgot to lock the front door when you left.โ
I cringe at my stupidity. Even though I had to leave in a hurry, I should have known to lock the door behind me. Little details like that can trip you up when youโve got something to hide.
โMaybe I should have told your detective friend aboutย thatย instead of answering all her questions. What have I been doing? Have I heard from my wife? Where have I
stayed every summer for the past two years? I know you sent her, Casey. I know youโve been spying on me.โ
He pauses, maybe expecting Iโll respond in some way, even if itโs to deny whatโs clearly the truth. I remain silent, taking short, frantic breaths through interlaced fingers, worrying about what Tom will do next. The glow of the headlights through the doorโs window are an unwelcome reminder of the houseโs many vulnerabilities. Tom could break in easily if he wanted to. A smashed window or a powerful push on one of the doors is all it would take.
Instead, he pounds the door again, hitting it so hard I really do think heโs about to break it down. A startled yelp squeaks out from beneath my cupped hands. I press them tighter against my mouth, but it doesnโt matter. The noise escaped. Tom heard it.
When he resumes talking, his mouth is at the keyhole, his voice a whisper in my ear.
โYou should learn to mind your own business, Casey. And you should learn to keep your mouth shut. Because whatever you think is happening, youโve got it all wrong. You have no idea whatโs going on. Just leave us the fuck alone.โ
I remain slumped against the door as Tom leaves. I listen to his footsteps moving away from the house, the car door opening and closing. I watch the headlights fade on the foyer wall and hear the hum of the car growing distant in the October night.
Yet I stay where I am, weighed down with worry. That Tom will return at any second.
That, if he does, Iโll suddenly vanish like Katherine.
Too scared and spentโand, letโs be honest, too drunkโ to move, I close my eyes and listen to the grandfather clock in the living room tick off the seconds in my head. The
sound soon fades. As do my thoughts. As does consciousness.
When thereโs another knock on the door, Iโm only vaguely aware of it. It sounds distant and not quite real. Like a noise in a daydream or a TV left on while you sleep.
A voice accompanies it. Maybe.
โCasey?โ A pause. โAre you there?โ
I mumble something. I think itโs โNo.โ
The voice on the other side of the door says, โI saw Tom drive by and got worried he was coming to see you. Are you okay?โ
I say โNoโ again, although this time Iโm unsure if the word is spoken and not simply thought. My consciousness is fading again. Beyond my closed eyelids, the foyer spins like a Tilt-A-Whirl, and I move with it, spiraling toward a dark pit of nothingness.
Before I reach it, Iโm aware of two things. The first is a sound coming from below, in the basement I refuse to enter. The second is the chilling feeling that Iโm no longer alone, that someone else is inside the house with me.
I sense a door opening. Footsteps coming toward me. Another person in the foyer.
Startled out of my shit-faced state for just a second, my eyes fly open and I see Boone standing over me, his head cocked in whatโs either curiosity or pity.
My eyes fall shut again as he scoops me up and I finally pass out.
I wake with a pounding head and a roiling stomach in a bed I have no memory of getting into. When I open my eyes, the light coming through the tall windows makes
me squint, even though the morning sky is slate gray. Through that heavy-lidded gaze, I see the timeโquarter past nineโand a mostly full glass of water on the nightstand. I take several greedy gulps before collapsing back onto the bed. Splayed across the mattress, the sheets tangled around my legs, I struggle to recall the night before.
I remember drinking on the porch.
And ducking stupidly behind the railing when I realized Tom was watching me.
And Tom at the door, yelling and knocking, although most of what he said is lost in a bourbon haze. So is everything that happened after that, which is why Iโm startled when I notice the scent of something cooking rising from downstairs.
Someone else is here.
I spring out of bed, accidentally kicking a trash can thatโs been left beside it, and hobble out of the bedroom, my body stiff and sore. In the hallway, the cooking smells are stronger, more recognizable. Coffee and bacon. At the top of the stairs, I call down to whoeverโs in the kitchen.
โHello?โ I say, my voice ragged from both uncertainty and a killer hangover.
โGood morning, sleepyhead. I thought youโd never wake up.โ
Hearing Booneโs voice brings another flash of memory. Him coming to the door not long after Tom left, me trying to answer but uncertain if I actually did, then him being inside, even though Iโm pretty sure I never opened the door.
โHave you been here all night?โ โI sure have,โ Boone says.
His answer only prompts more questions. How? Why? What did we do all night? Although the realization that Iโm still in the same jeans and sweatshirt I wore yesterday suggests we didnโt do anything.
โIโll, uh, be right down,โ I say before hurrying back to the bedroom. There, I check the mirror over the dresser. The reflection staring back at me is alarming. Red-eyed and wild-haired, I look like a woman still reeling from drinking too much the night before, which is exactly what I am.
The next five minutes are spent stumbling and fumbling in the bathroom. I set what has to be a record for the worldโs fastest shower, followed by the necessary brushing of teeth and hair. One gargle with mouthwash and a change into a different, less smelly pair of jeans and sweatshirt later, I look presentable.
Mostly.
The upside to that flurry of activity is that it made me forget just how hungover I really am. The downside is that it all comes roaring back as soon as I try to descend the steps. Looking down the steep slope of the stairwell makes me so dizzy I think I might be sick. I suck in air until the feeling passes and take the stairs slowly, one hand on the banister, the other flat-palmed against the wall, both feet touching each step.
At the bottom, I take a few more deep breaths before heading into the kitchen. Boone is at the stove, making pancakes and looking like a s*xy celebrity chef in tight jeans, a tighter T-shirt, and an apron that literally saysย Kiss the Cook. I catch him in the middle of flipping a pancake. With a flick of his wrist, it leaps from the pan like a gymnast before somersaulting back into place.
โTake a seat,โ he says. โBreakfast is almost ready.โ
He turns away from the stove long enough to hand me a steaming mug of coffee. I take a grateful sip and sit at the kitchen counter. Despite my clanging headache and not knowing any details about the previous night, thereโs a coziness to the situation that prompts both comfort and no small amount of guilt. This is exactly how Len and I spent our weekend mornings here, with me savoring coffee while he made breakfast in the same apron Boone now wears. Doing it with someone else feels like cheating, which surprises me. I felt no such guilt when having s*x with a stagehand fromย Shred of Doubt. I guess because, in that instance, I knew the score. What this is, I have no idea.
Boone slides a plate piled with pancakes and bacon on the side, and my stomach gives off a painful twinge.
โTruth be told, Iโm not very hungry,โ I say.
Boone joins me with his own plate heaped with food. โEating will do you some good. Feed a hangover, starve a fever. Isnโt that how the saying goes?โ
โNo.โ
โClose enough,โ he says as he tops his pancakes with two pats of butter. โNow eat.โ
I nibble a piece of bacon, nervous it might send me running to the bathroom with nausea. To my surprise, it makes me feel better. As does a bite of pancake. Soon Iโm
shoveling the food into my mouth, washing it down with more coffee.
โWe should have picked up some maple syrup at the store yesterday,โ Boone says casually, as if we have breakfast together all the time.
I lower my fork. โCan we talk about last night?โ โSure. If you can remember it.โ
Boone immediately takes a sip of coffee, as if that will somehow soften the judgment in his voice. I pretend to ignore it.
โI was hoping you could fill in the blanks a bit.โ
โI was just about to go up to bed when I saw Tomโs Bentley drive by the house,โ Boone says. โSince thereโs no reason for him to be driving on this side of the lake, I assumed he was coming to see one of us. And since he didnโt stop at my place, I figured he had to be going to see you. And I didnโt think that was a good thing.โ
โHe caught me watching the house,โ I say. โApparently he picked up his own pair of binoculars while at the hardware store.โ
โWas he mad?โ
โThatโs putting it mildly.โ
โWhat happened while he was here?โ
I eat two more bites of pancake, take a long sip of coffee, and try to bring my blurry memories of Tomโs visit into focus. A few do, snapping into clarity right when I need them to.
โI turned off all the lights and hid by the door,โ I say, remembering the feel of the door against my back as it rattled under Tomโs knocking. โBut he knew I was here, so he yelled some stuff.โ
Boone looks up from his plate. โWhat kind ofย stuff?โ
โThis is where it starts to get foggy. I think I remember the gist of what he said, but not his exact words.โ
โThen paraphrase.โ
โHe said he knew that Iโve been spying on him and that it was me who told Wilma about Katherine. Oh, and that he knew Iโd broken into his house.โ
โDid he threaten you?โ Boone says.
โNot exactly. I mean, it was scary. But no, there were no threats. He just told me to leave him alone and left. Then you came to the door.โ
I pause, signaling that I canโt remember anything else and that Iโm hoping Boone can tell me the rest. He does, although he looks slightly annoyed at having to remind me of something I should have been sober enough to recall on my own.
โI heard you inside after I knocked,โ he says. โYou were mumbling and sounded dazed. I thought you were hurt and notโโ
Boone stops talking, as if the wordย drunkย is contagious and heโll become one again if he dares to utter it.
โYou came inside to check on me,โ I say, hit with the image of him looming over me, swathed in shadow.
โI did.โ
โHow?โ
โThe ground floor.โ
Booneโs referring to the door to the basement. The one with faded blue paint and a persistent squeak that leads directly to the backyard beneath the porch. I didnโt know it was unlocked because I havenโt been down there since the morning I woke up and Len was gone.
โI found your phone out there, by the way,โ he says, gesturing to the dining room table, where the phone now sits.
โThen what happened?โ
โI picked you up and carried you to bed.โ โAnd?โ
โI made you drink some water, put a garbage can by the bed in case you got sick, and left you alone to sleep it off.โ
โWhereโd you sleep?โ
โBedroom down the hall,โ Boone says. โThe one with the twin beds and slanted ceiling.โ
My childhood bedroom, shared with Marnie, who I imagine would be both amused and mortified by my completely unromantic night with the hot ex-cop next door.
โThank you,โ I say. โYou didnโt need to go to all that trouble.โ
โConsidering the state you were in, I kind of think I did.โ
I say nothing after that, knowing itโs pointless to make excuses for getting so blitzed in such a short amount of time. I focus on finishing my breakfast, surprised when the plate is empty. When the mug of coffee is also drained, I get up and pour myself another.
โMaybe we should call Wilma and let her know what happened,โ Boone says.
โNothing happened,โ I say. โBesides, itโll require too much explanation.โ
If we tell Wilma Anson about Tom coming to my door, weโll also have to revealย why. And Iโm not too keen on admitting to a member of the state police that Iโve illegally entered a personโs home. Tomโs the one I want in jail. Not me.
โFine,โ Boone says. โBut donโt think for a second Iโm leaving you here by yourself while heโs still around.โ
โIsย he still around?โ
โHis car is there,โ Boone says with a nod toward the French doors and its view of the opposite shore. โWhich I take to mean heโs still there, too.โ
I look out the door and across the lake, curious as to why Tom still hasnโt made a break for it. When I mention this to Boone, he says, โBecause itโll make him look guilty. And right now, heโs betting that the cops wonโt be able to pin anything on him.โ
โBut he canโt keep up this charade forever,โ I say. โSomeone else is going to realize Katherine is missing.โ
I move to the dining room and grab my phone, which shows damage from its fall from the porch. The bottom right corner has caved in, and a crack as jagged as a lightning bolt slices from one side to the other. But it still works, which is all that matters.
I go straight to Katherineโs Instagram, which has remained unchanged since the morning she disappeared. I canโt be the only one to realize the photo of that pristine kitchen wasnโt posted by Katherine. Surely others, especially people who know her better than I do, will notice the wrong month on the calendar and Tomโs reflection in the teakettle.
In fact, itโs possible one of them already has.
I close Instagram and go to the photos stored on my phone. Boone watches me from the kitchen counter, his mug of coffee paused mid-sip.
โWhat are you doing?โ
โWhen I was searching Tom and Katherineโs house, I found her phone.โ
โI know,โ Boone says. โWhich would be amazing evidence if not for that whole, you know, being-obtained- illegally thing.โ
I note his sarcasm but am too busy swiping through photos to care. I pass the picture of the article about Harvey Brewer, looking grainy on the laptopโs screen, and photos of Katherineโs financial records and Mixerโs quarterly data.
โWhile I was there, someone called Katherine,โ I say as I reach the photos taken inside the master bedroom. โI took a picture of the number that popped up on the screen.โ
โWhich will help how?โ
โIf we call them and itโs someone worried about Katherineโespecially a family memberโmaybe it will be enough for Wilma and the state police to declare her missing and officially question Tom.โ
I scan the photos on my phone. Katherineโs rings.
Katherineโs clothes.
And, finally, Katherineโs phone, both blank and lit up with an incoming call.
I stare at the screen inside my screen. A strange feeling.
Like looking at a photograph of a photograph.
Thereโs no name. Just a number, leading me to think itโs probably someone Katherine didnโt know well. If she even knew them at all. Thereโs the very real possibility it was a telemarketer or a vague acquaintance or simply a wrong number. I remember my own number appearing on the screen when I called to confirm the phone belonged to Katherine. Although those ten digits made it clear Katherine hadnโt added me to her contacts, it doesnโt make me less concerned about where she could be or what might have happened to her. It might be the same for this other caller. They could be just as worried as I am.
I call them without a second thought, toggling between the photo and my phoneโs keypad until the number is typed
in completely.
I hold my breath.
I hit the call button.
At the kitchen counter, Booneโs phone begins to ring.