Chapter no 5 – Sabrina

The Goal (Off-Campus, #4)

Iโ€™M HAVING ONEย of those days. The kind of day where Iโ€™m living in a cartoon and Iโ€™m the Road Runner, speeding from one place to another without a single opportunity to sit down or breathe.

Well, technically I do a lot of sitting in my morning classes, but itโ€™s not relaxing at all, because weโ€™re gearing up for our con law papers which make up the entirety of my grade, and I stupidly chose one of the hardest topicsโ€”the differing legal standards applied to examine the constitutionality of laws.

Breakfast consists of a cheese croissant that I scarf down on the way from Advanced Political Theory to Media and Government. And I donโ€™t even get to finish it, because in my haste I trip on the cobblestone path that winds through campus and end up dropping the croissant in a puddle of slush.

My stomach growls angrily during the Media lecture, then gets louder and angrier when I meet with my advisor to talk finances. I didnโ€™t find any acceptance letters in my mailbox this morning, but I have to believe that I at least got intoย oneย of the programs I applied to. And even the second tier schools will cost a pretty penny, which means I need a scholarship. If I donโ€™t get into a top law school, thereโ€™ll be no BigLaw job offer with its BigLaw paycheck, and that means crushing, demoralizing, endless debt.

After the meeting, I have a one-hour tutorial for my Game Theory class. Itโ€™s run by the TA, a skinny guy with Albert Einstein hair and the annoying, pretentious habit of incorporating REALLY BIG WORDS in every sentence he utters.

Iโ€™m an intelligent person, but every time Iโ€™m around this guy, Iโ€™m secretly looking up words on my phoneโ€™s dictionary app under the table. Thereโ€™s really no reason for a person to use the wordย parsimoniousย when they can just sayย frugalโ€”unless theyโ€™re a total douche, of course. But Steve

thinks of himself as a big shot. Though rumor has it, heโ€™s still a TA because heโ€™s failedโ€”twiceโ€”to defend his dissertation and canโ€™t get an associate professorship anywhere.

Once the meeting wraps up, I shove my laptop and notebook in my messenger bag and make a beeline for the door.

Iโ€™m so hungry that Iโ€™m feeling light-headed. Fortunately, thereโ€™s a sandwich place in the lobby of the building. I fly out the door, only to skid to a stop when a familiar face greets me.

My heart somersaults so hard itโ€™s embarrassing. Iโ€™ve spent the last day and a half forcing myself not to think about this guy, and now heโ€™s standing here, in the flesh.

My gaze eats him up eagerly. Heโ€™s wearing his hockey jacket again. His auburn hair is windblown, cheeks ruddy as if heโ€™d just come in from the cold. Faded blue jeans encase his impossibly long legs, and heโ€™s got his hands hooked lightly in the tops of his pockets.

โ€œTucker,โ€ I squeak.

His lips quirk up. โ€œSabrina.โ€

โ€œW-what are you doing here?โ€ Oh my God. Iโ€™m stuttering. Whatโ€™s wrong with me?

Someone jostles me from behind. I hastily step away from the doorway to let the other students out. Iโ€™m not sure what to say, but I know what I want toย do. I want to throw myself at this guy, wrap my arms around his neck, my legs around his waist, and maul him with my mouth.

But I donโ€™t.

โ€œYouโ€™re ignoring my texts,โ€ he says frankly.

Guilt tickles my throat. Iโ€™m not ignoring his textsโ€”I havenโ€™t gotten them. Because I blocked his number.

Still, my heart does another silly flip at the knowledge that heโ€™s been texting. I suddenly wish I knew what heโ€™d said, but Iโ€™m not going to ask him. Thatโ€™s just looking for trouble.

For some stupid reason, though, I find myself confessing, โ€œI blocked you.โ€

Rather than look offended, he chuckles. โ€œYeah. I figured you mightโ€™ve.

Thatโ€™s why I tracked you down.โ€

I narrow my eyes. โ€œAnd how did you do that, exactly? Howโ€™d you know Iโ€™d be here?โ€

โ€œI asked my advisor for your schedule.โ€

My jaw falls open. โ€œAnd she gave it to you?โ€ โ€œHe, actually. And yep, he was happy to do it.โ€

Disbelief and indignation mingle in my blood. What the hell? The faculty canโ€™t just hand out studentsโ€™ schedules to anyone who asks for them, right? Thatโ€™s a violation of privacy. I grit my teeth and decide that the moment I pass the bar, my first order of legal business will be suing this stupid college.

โ€œDid he give you my transcript too?โ€ I mutter.

โ€œNo. And donโ€™t worry, Iโ€™m sure your schedule isnโ€™t being passed around in flier-form around campus. He only gave it to me because I play hockey.โ€

โ€œThatโ€™s supposed to make me feel better? The reminder that youโ€™re a privileged jackass who gets special treatment because you skate around on the ice and win trophies?โ€

I take off walking, my pace brisk, but heโ€™s big enough that his strides eat up the ground and heโ€™s beside me in a heartbeat.

โ€œIโ€™m sorry.โ€ He sounds genuinely regretful. โ€œIf it helps, I donโ€™t normally play the athlete card to get favors. Hell, I couldโ€™ve asked Dean for your schedule, but I figured youโ€™d like that even less.โ€

Heโ€™s right about that. The thought of Tucker talking to Dean Di Laurentis about me makes my skin crawl.

โ€œFine. Well, you tracked me down. What do you want, Tucker?โ€ I walk faster.

โ€œWhatโ€™s the hurry, darlinโ€™?โ€ โ€œMy life,โ€ I mumble.

โ€œWhat?โ€

โ€œIโ€™m always in a hurry,โ€ I clarify. โ€œIโ€™ve got twenty minutes to get some food in me before my next class.โ€

We reach the lobby, where I instantly get in line at the sandwich stand, scanning the menu on the wall. The student in front of us leaves the counter before Tucker can speak. I hurriedly step forward to place my order. When I reach into my bag for my wallet, Tuckerโ€™s hand drops over mine.

โ€œIโ€™ve got this,โ€ he says, already drawing a twenty-dollar bill from his brown leather wallet.

I donโ€™t know why, but that annoys me even more. โ€œFirst drinks at Maloneโ€™s, and now lunch? What, youโ€™re trying to show off? Making sure I

know youโ€™ve got cash to spare?โ€

Hurt flickers in his deep brown eyes.

Fuck. I donโ€™t know why Iโ€™m antagonizing him. Itโ€™s justโ€ฆhim showing up here, admitting he pulled favors to find me, paying for my lunchโ€ฆ

It was supposed to be a one-time thing, and now heโ€™s in my face and I donโ€™t like it.

No, thatโ€™s not true. Iย loveย having his face near mine. Heโ€™s so sexy, and he smells so good, like sandalwood and citrus. I want to bury my nose in the strong column of his neck and inhale him until I get a contact high.

But thereโ€™s no time for that. Time is a concept that doesnโ€™t exist in my life, and John Tucker is too big a distraction.

โ€œIโ€™m paying for your lunch because thatโ€™s the way my mama raised me,โ€ he says quietly. โ€œCall me old-fashioned if you want, but thatโ€™s how I roll.โ€

I gulp down another rush of guilt. โ€œIโ€™m sorry.โ€ My voice shakes slightly. โ€œThank you for lunch. I appreciate it.โ€

We edge to the other end of the counter, waiting in silence as a curly- haired girl prepares my ham and Swiss sandwich. She wraps it up for me, and I tuck it under my arm while uncapping the Diet Coke Iโ€™d ordered. Then weโ€™re on the move again. Tucker follows me out the door, watching in amusement as I try to juggle my drink and messenger bag and unwrap my sandwich at the same time.

โ€œLet me hold this for you.โ€ He takes the bottle from my hand. Thereโ€™s a gentleness on his face as he watches me sink my teeth into the lightly toasted rye bread.

I barely chew before Iโ€™m taking a second bite, which makes him laugh. โ€œHungry?โ€ he teases.

โ€œFamished,โ€ I admit, and I donโ€™t even care that Iโ€™m being rude by talking with my mouth full.

I quickly descend the wide steps. Again, he keeps up with me. โ€œYou shouldnโ€™t eat while you walk,โ€ he advises.

โ€œNo time. My next class is all the way across campus, soโ€”hey!โ€ I exclaim when he takes my arm and drags me away from the path. โ€œWhat are you doing?โ€

Ignoring my protests, he leads me to one of the wrought-iron benches on the lawn. It hasnโ€™t snowed yet this winter, but the grass is covered with a

silver layer of frost. Tucker forces me to sit, then drops down beside me and plants one hand on my knee, as if heโ€™s afraid I might bolt. Which I was totally considering doing before that big hand made contact. The heat of it sears through my tights and warms my core.

โ€œEat,โ€ he says gently. โ€œYouโ€™re allowed to give yourself two minutes to recharge, darlinโ€™.โ€

I find myself obeying, same way I obeyed the other night when he told me to ride his face, when he ordered me to come. A shiver shimmies up my spine. God, why canโ€™t I get this guy out of my head?

โ€œWhat did you text me?โ€ I blurt out.

He gives a mysterious smile. โ€œGuess youโ€™ll never know.โ€

Despite myself, I smile back. โ€œIt was something sexy, wasnโ€™t it?โ€ He whistles innocently.

โ€œIt was!โ€ I accuse, and then experience a jolt of self-directed recrimination, because, damn it, I bet it was filthy and delicious and wonderful.

โ€œListen, Iโ€™m not going to take up much of your time,โ€ he says. โ€œI know youโ€™re busy. I know you commute from Boston. I know you have a few jobsโ€”โ€

โ€œTwo,โ€ I correct. My head tips in challenge. โ€œAnd how would you know that?โ€

He shrugs. โ€œIโ€™ve been asking around.โ€

He has? Crap. As flattering as that is, Iโ€™m kind of scared to know who heโ€™s been asking and what theyโ€™ve been telling him. Aside from Hope and Carin, I donโ€™t spend much time with my peers. I know I come off as aloof at timesโ€”

Fine, bitchy. Aloof is just a nice word forย bitchy. And while Iโ€™m not thrilled that my classmates think Iโ€™m a bitch, thereโ€™s not much I can do about that. I donโ€™t have the time or energy to make small talk, or to grab coffee after class, or to pretend that I have anything in common with the wealthy, elitist kids that comprise most of this college.

โ€œThe point,โ€ he finishes, โ€œis that I get it, okay? Youโ€™re swamped, and Iโ€™m not asking you to wear my varsity jacket and my class ring and be my steady girl.โ€

I have to laugh at theย Pleasantvilleย picture heโ€™s painted. โ€œThen whatย are

you asking me?โ€

โ€œFor a date,โ€ he says simply. โ€œOne date. Maybe itโ€™ll end with us fucking againโ€”โ€

My body sings in delight.

โ€œโ€”or maybe it wonโ€™t. Either way, I wanna see you again.โ€

I watch as he rakes a hand through his reddish hair. Damn, who wouldโ€™ve thought that gingers could be so hot?

โ€œI donโ€™t care when. You want to grab a bite late at night, fine. Early in the morning, cool, as long as I donโ€™t have practice. Iโ€™m willing to play by your rules, adapt to your schedule.โ€

Pleasure and suspicion war inside me, but the latter wins out. โ€œWhy? I mean, I know we rocked each otherโ€™s worlds, but why are you so hard up on seeing me again?โ€

I gulp when he fixes me with a steady, intense gaze. Then he freaks me out even more by asking, โ€œDo you believe in love at first sight?โ€

Oh my fucking God.

I start to shoot to my feet.

He tugs me back onto the bench with a deep chuckle. โ€œChill, Sabrina.

Iโ€™m not saying Iโ€™m in love with you.โ€

Heโ€™d better not be! Taking a calming breath, I set my half-eaten sandwich on my lap and try to muster up a tone that doesnโ€™t convey the scared-shitless feeling racing through me. โ€œThen what are you saying?โ€

โ€œIโ€™d seen you around campus before the night at Maloneโ€™s,โ€ he admits. โ€œAnd yeah, I thought you were hot, but itโ€™s not like I was desperate to find out who you were.โ€

โ€œGee, thanks.โ€

โ€œMake up your mind, darlinโ€™. Do you want me to be infatuated with you, or do you want me to not give a shit?โ€

Both! I want both, and thatโ€™s the problem, damn it.

โ€œAnyway, Iโ€™d seen you before. But the night at the bar, when we made eye contact from across the room? Something magical happened,โ€ he says bluntly. โ€œI know you felt it too.โ€

I pick up my sandwich and take a small bite, chewing extra slow in order to delay having to respond. Heโ€™s freaking me out again, with his confident gaze and his matter-of-fact tone. Iโ€™ve never met a guy who can throw out phrases like โ€œlove at first sightโ€ and โ€œsomething magical happenedโ€ without at least having the decency to blush or look mortified.

Finally, I force myself to answer him. โ€œThe only magical thing that happened was that we liked what we saw. Pheromones, Tucker. Nothing more.โ€

โ€œThat was part of it,โ€ he agrees. โ€œBut there was more to it than that, and you know it. There was a connection the moment we looked at each other.โ€

I raise my Diet Coke to my lips and chug nearly half of it. โ€œI want to explore it. I think weโ€™d be stupid not to.โ€

โ€œAnd I thinkโ€ฆโ€ I struggle for words. โ€œI thinkโ€ฆโ€

I think youโ€™re the most fascinating guy Iโ€™ve ever met.

I think youโ€™re amazing in bed and I want to fuck you again.

I think if I was capable of having my heart broken, youโ€™d have the power to break it.

โ€œI think I made myself clear that night,โ€ I finish. โ€œIโ€™m not in the market for a relationship, or even a fuck buddy. I wanted sex. You gave it to me. Thatโ€™s all it was.โ€

I donโ€™t miss the disappointment that floods his eyes. It brings a pang of regret and makes my stomach twist painfully, but Iโ€™ve already set this course and now I need to see it through. Iโ€™m very good at staying the course.

โ€œI know you athletes are stubborn as hell and that you donโ€™t give up when you want something, butโ€ฆโ€ I take a breath. โ€œIโ€™m asking you to give up.โ€

His jaw tightens. โ€œSabrinaโ€”โ€

โ€œPlease.โ€ I cringe at the desperate note in my voice. โ€œJust give up, all right? I donโ€™t want to start anything up. I donโ€™t want to go on a date. I wantโ€ฆโ€ I rise on wobbly legs. โ€œI want to get to class, thatโ€™s all.โ€

After an interminably long silence, he gets up too. โ€œSure, darlinโ€™. If thatโ€™s what you want.โ€

Itโ€™s not a taunt, nor does it contain even a hint of promise, as inย sure, darlinโ€™, Iโ€™ll give upโ€”for now. But expect me to keep chasing you until I wear you down.

No, thereโ€™s a finality to his words that makes me sad. John Tucker is clearly a man of his word, and while I ought to admire that, Iโ€™ve suddenly become a hypocrite, because nowย Iโ€™mย the one feeling disappointed.

โ€œIโ€™ll see you around,โ€ he says gruffly.

And then he strides off without another word, leaving me to stare after him in dismay.

I did the right thing. Iย knowย I did. Even if I had oodles of free time to pursue something with him, thereโ€™s no room in my life for someone like Tucker. Heโ€™s sweet and earnest and clearly has money, whereas Iโ€™m bitchy and stressed and live in the gutter. He can talk all he wants about connections at first sight, but that doesnโ€™t change the reality of this.

Iโ€™m not the girl for John Tucker, and I never will be.

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