She kissed me back. She didn’t push me away and get pissed, she didn’t object. She didn’t remind me that we’re just fuck buddies or tell me this wasn’t a date.
She kissed me back.
I hadn’t brought up the Vegas call—I didn’t have to. She was so different with me today it finally felt like we’d turned a corner. Maybe she’d missed me all those weeks or it was me telling her I loved her that night on the phone. Maybe she was over Tyler. I couldn’t be sure what finally opened her up to me. All I knew was it was a gift.
Her fingers clutched the front of my shirt, and I pulled her in, pressing her into my chest, loving the taste of hops on her tongue, inhaling her perfume.
The kiss was slow and full of emotion. And it was the first time we’d kissed when it wasn’t about sex.
I cherished this small gesture, this tiny public display that I had any claim to her. This stolen contact that didn’t adhere to any of her rules.
When we broke apart, her sideways smile was light and unguarded. She draped her arms around my neck. “You’re my favorite monkey to throw poo with, you know that?”
I stared into her eyes. “Then why aren’t we together, Kristen?” And then like that, she was gone.
Her expression fell like a heavy curtain dropping.
I lost her.
She sat up straight and moved away from me. “It’s time to go,” she said flatly, looking around for her purse.
Disappointment cut into me, razor sharp and violent. My hope, yanked out from under me.
No. Not today. Not again.
I flexed my jaw. “Kristen, answer me. Why aren’t we together?”
When she looked up, her face was cold. “I told you from the very beginning that this was just going to be sex. I never led you to believe that it was anything different, Josh.”
I shook my head at her. “It is something different and you fucking know it.”
She turned and slid out of the booth on the opposite side. “Where are you going?”
“To get another drink,” she said without looking at me. “A strong one.
Feel free to leave. I’ll Uber home alone.” “Kristen!”
She ignored me and walked to the bar. I raked a frustrated hand through my hair.
I can’t do this anymore.
And I had to at the same time. I couldn’t not take what little scraps she threw at me, but how could I keep living like this?
Weeks of this roller-coaster ride, of glimpses of…something. I chased it, ran after this elusive rainbow of a woman, never really catching up with her.
Why did she keep doing this?
She leaned on the bar and I sat, trying to calm myself down a little before I went after her. I stared moodily at the business cards lacquered into the top of the table. I was glancing up from this when he approached her. Some fucking guy.
He put his hand on her…
I launched out of the booth in an instant.
