I DON’T CRY when I get the call from the police.
I don’t cry when I identify the body, when I see the dark hair and bloated skin.
I don’t cry when they hand me the note my mother left behind.
To my sweet Cadey,
When I sat down to write this, my fingers kept trembling and I bawled like a baby all over the page. You don’t know how many papers I’ve used up trying to find the right words.
There’s no perfect way to say this, so I’ll get to the point. It’s over for me.
But it’s not because of you or Vi.
Sweetheart, you are everything a mother could possibly ask for. Smart, strong, perfect.
I remember when I first heard you play piano. You had no idea what you were doing, but you managed to pick out a melody. It was raining that day. And my heart was dragging on the floor, but the minute you started playing, the sun came out.
That’s who you are to me, Cadey. You are my sunshine. It’s just that I’ve been battling this dark cloud way before you and your sister were born. I don’t have the strength left to fight it anymore.
I’m sorry I’m not good enough.
I’m sorry I have to leave you behind in this cold, cruel world, but I know that you’re going to take good care of your sister. And I know you’re going to be strong.
Don’t worry. I’m not leaving you completely alone. I’ve contacted your brother to come and take care of you both.
I’m aware that might come as a shock. I never told you about him.
Mostly because I was too ashamed to admit that I’d given up a child.
Surprised? There’s a lot that you don’t know about me, Cadey. And that’s for your own good. Please don’t resent me too much. It’s my dear wish that you never see the full extent of what I’ve done.
It’s almost time for me to go. I’m starting to get teary again. There’s still so much I want to say.
You and Vi can stay in the apartment so you don’t have to change schools. I’ve already worked it out with the bank.
I wish I had more to leave for you, but that’s all I can manage for now. Your brother will take care of the rest. Try not to aggravate him too much. He isn’t all that excited about meeting you two, but it’s not personal. Trust me.
I have to go now. Remember that I love you and Vi more than anything in the world. I’ll meet you on the other side.
– Mom
I don’t shed a single tear as I crumple her note and hand it back to the cops.
I certainly don’t cry when I tell the mortician to burn her body to a crisp.
