Casteel shuddered as he whispered, “Poppy.” “Is this real?” I asked.
The golden flecks in his eyes churned fiercely. “There’s nothing more real than right now.”
I don’t know who moved first. Me. Him. Both of us at the same time? It didn’t matter. Our mouths met, and there was nothing gentle about the way we came together. He grasped the back of my head, his hand fisting in my hair. I held onto him, my fingers digging into the skin of his shoulders. It was a wrecking sort of kiss, demanding and raw. We claimed each other. Our lips mashed together. Our teeth clashed. Our arms wrapped fiercely around one another, and the kiss, the way we held each other, became something else entirely. His hands slid down my sides to my hips as he pulled me against him, where I felt him hardening against me once more.
“I need you,” he groaned against my lips. “I need you, Poppy.”
“You have me,” I told him, echoing the words I’d said to him once before. Now, they felt like an unbreakable vow. “Always.”
“Always,” he repeated.
Lifting me from his lap, he stood and then turned, placing me on the center of what I realized was a fairly narrow bed. I got a brief glimpse of the dark walls and fractured sunlight seeping through the cracked boards of a door in the room, but then all I saw was him.
Casteel.
My husband.
My heartmate.
My savior.
Gods, he…he had saved me, believing he’d committed the forbidden act of Ascension. He’d taken that risk, understanding that I would become a vampry. His father hadn’t been able to stop him. Neither had the gods. No one could because he wouldn’t let me go. He refused to lose me.
Because he loved me.
And now he climbed over me, his attention feral and possessive. Every muscle in my body tensed. My leg curled as he slid his hand up my thigh, the rough skin of his palm creating delicious friction. I couldn’t look away from the vivid burn of his eyes. I was absolutely transfixed by them—by him. Slipping an arm under my waist, he flipped me onto my belly. Surprise flickered through me. I started to rise, but the heat of his body against my back pressed me down to the rough blanket. Casteel rained kisses down my spine, over my hips, and then to the swell of my rear, eliciting a shiver from me.
“If you ever tell me to kiss your ass,” he said, “remember that I already have.”
A throaty laugh parted my lips, the sound and act surprising. “I don’t think I’ll forget that.”
“Good.” He lifted me to my knees, using his thigh to urge my legs farther apart. My fingers dug into the coarse material as a tremble of anticipation rolled through me. “I’m not going to last very long,” he warned. “But neither will you.”
I couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe with him curling his arm around my waist as his other hand clamped down on my hip. He didn’t move. My pulse thrummed.
“Cas—” His name ended in a sharp cry as he thrust into me.
He pulled me back against him as he plunged into me, over and over, his pace wickedly savage. Pulling my back flush to his chest, he ground his hips against my rear as his hand left my hip and folded over the base of my throat. He pressed his lips to my damp temple. “I love you.”
I broke apart, shattering into a thousand tiny pieces as my release crashed through me with such force that a growl rumbled from his chest. His arms tightened around me. One more deep thrust, and he came, shouting my name. Panting and slick with a fine sheen of sweat, he brought us both to the bed. The blanket scratched my skin, but I was sated, boneless, and so damn relieved to be alive that I couldn’t actually worry about the irritation of the material. I didn’t know how long we stayed where we were, me on my belly, and Casteel lying half on me, but the sensation of his weight enthralled me, as did his wildly beating heart against my back.
Sometime later, I once more ended up seated in his embrace, cradled against him. We were at the head of the narrow bed now. I didn’t remember
how we’d even gotten there, but he held me as he dragged a trembling hand over my head and through my hair. We stayed that way for so long—hours, it seemed.
“How are you feeling?” Casteel asked, his voice rough. “Does anything hurt?”
I gave a small shake of my head. “Not really.” There were aches, but they were nothing. “I…I don’t understand. I was dying.” Lifting my head, I looked down at my chest as I scooped the tangled strands of my hair to the side. I saw shiny, pink skin in the shape of a rough circle between my breasts. The bolt had gone through me. “And you…you took my blood until I felt my heart fail and then gave me yours.”
“I did.” He pressed his fingers just below the barely noticeable injury, and a wave of awareness skittered through me. “I couldn’t let you go. I wouldn’t.”
My gaze flew to his, but he was staring at the wound, his brow furrowed. “But I’m not in bloodlust—well, I was. I was so hungry. I’ve never felt that hungry before.” I swallowed hard, wanting to forget what that had felt like. Wanting to forget that Casteel had experienced that over and over for decades. How had he found himself? I was in awe of him, and I was in love with him.
I love you. Those words repeated themselves over and over in my mind
—words that were tattooed on my skin and carved into my bones. What I felt for him was far more powerful than words, but words were important. Of all people, I knew the power of speaking up, of being able to do so honestly and openly without hesitation. I knew the importance of not holding back now because when I’d lain there in those ruins, with my blood leaking out of my body, I’d never thought I would have the chance to say those words to him.
My fingers curled around his side as I met his gaze once more. “I love you.”
Casteel’s hand halted its movements under my hair and halfway up my back. “What?” he whispered. His eyes had widened slightly, and his pupils were dilated a little. I could see his surprise and felt it like a rush of cold air against my skin. Why did he seem so astonished? He had to know.
But Casteel couldn’t read emotions like I could. I had told him how he made me feel and showed it when I held the blade to my throat during the
battle at Spessa’s End—more than ready to end my life if it meant saving his. But I’d never said the words.
And I needed to. Desperately.
I pressed the tips of my fingers against his cheek as I drew in a shallow breath. “I love you, Casteel,” I said. His chest stilled against mine and then rose sharply. “I love—”
Casteel kissed me, his lips moving over mine so gently, so tenderly. It was a sweet and slow kiss as if it were the very first time our lips had ever come together, as if he were learning the shape and feel of my mouth against his. He shuddered, and a wave of tears reached my eyes.
He drew back enough that his forehead rested against mine. “I didn’t…” He cleared his throat as I ran my fingers along his jaw. “I mean, I…I thought you did. I believed that—or maybe I needed to believe it—but I don’t think I really knew.” His voice roughened again as he reached between us, wiping away a tear that had escaped. A moment passed, and his chest rose with a sharp breath. All the many masks Casteel wore cracked and fell away then, as they had in the ruins when he’d thrown his head back and screamed. “I knew you cared for me. But love? I just didn’t know if you could after…everything. I wouldn’t have blamed you if you were unable to feel that for me. Not after what—”
“It doesn’t matter what was done in the past. I understand why you did those things. I’ve moved past that.” My fingers tangled in the soft strands of his hair at the nape of his neck. “I love you. I would”—I swallowed—“I would do anything for you, Cas. Like you did for me. Anything—”
His mouth found mine again, and this time…oh, gods, the kiss went deeper. I melted into him as his tongue stroked my lips, parting them. Tiny shivers erupted all over my body, and we kissed until we were both breathless.
“Cas,” he echoed against my lips. “You have no idea how long I’ve waited to hear you call me that.”
“Why?” I hadn’t even realized I had used the nickname.
“I don’t know. Only those I trust most call me that.” His laugh was soft, and then he drew back farther, clasping my cheeks carefully. “You know, don’t you?” He searched my eyes with his. “What you mean to me? What I feel for you?”
“Yes.”
He wiped away another tear with his thumb. “I never knew it could feel like this. That I could feel this for someone. But I do—I love you.”
I trembled as my chest swelled with love, hope, anticipation, and a hundred other wild emotions that felt so strange after everything that had happened. And yet, they felt so right. “I think I might start crying harder.”
He dipped his head, kissing away a tear that had wiggled free. I managed to pull myself together as he pressed a kiss to my temple, to my forehead, and then to the bridge of my nose as he picked up my left hand. His eyes were closed as he dropped tiny kisses along the length of the golden marriage imprint. I watched him in silence for several moments, a little lost in him.
He touched the band around my forefinger. “I…I didn’t want your first glimpse of Atlantia, of your home, to be something horrific. I wanted you to see the beauty of our home, of our people. I knew it wouldn’t be easy.” He swallowed thickly. “Alastir was right when he said that some of our people are superstitious and wary of newcomers, but I wanted you to feel welcomed. Above all, I wanted you to feel safe. I hate that this happened, and I’m sorry. I’m so damn sorry.”
“It’s not your fault. You did everything to make sure I was safe.”
“Did I?” he countered. “I knew there could be resistance. I knew there would be people hungry for revenge. I overestimated their desire to survive. I shouldn’t have let you walk off like that. I should’ve been there. I failed to protect you—”
“Stop.” I tipped forward, cupping his cheek with the hand he didn’t hold. “It wasn’t your fault,” I repeated. “Please, don’t think that. I…” I inhaled sharply. Sharing my feelings had never been easy, not even after speaking those incredibly powerful words. How could it be when I’d been groomed to never do so? But I needed to continue to breathe these words. I had to because I could feel the sour bite of guilt. “I couldn’t bear it if you thought you were responsible. I don’t want that to eat away at you. You haven’t failed me. I don’t know where I would be right now if it weren’t for you. I don’t even know if I would be alive.”
He said nothing as he closed his eyes, turning his head so his cheek pressed into my palm.
I dragged my thumb along his bottom lip. “But I do know that I would be… I would be less. I wouldn’t feel like this—like I’m whole. And that’s because of you.” I took another breath. “When I first saw the Pillars and
stood in the Chambers, I did feel like this was home. It was like a sense of rightness—like what I feel for you. It felt right to be here. And maybe that has to do with my ancestry. I…I don’t know what Atlantia is to me now or what it will become, but that doesn’t matter.” I realized how true that statement was in the moment, and the sudden knowledge of that lifted so much weight from me. Having Atlantia’s acceptance and that of Casteel’s parents would be wonderful, but our acceptance of one another was so much more important. That was what mattered when I closed my eyes at night and opened them again in the morning. “You are the foundation that helps me stand. You are my walls and my roof. My shelter. You are my home.”
His lashes swept up, the amber of his eyes churning wildly. “As you are mine, Poppy.”
“Then please don’t blame yourself. Please. If you do, I’ll…I don’t know what I’d do, but I’m sure you wouldn’t like it.”
“Does it involve stabbing?” I stared at him.
“Because I’d probably like that.” I sighed. “Cas.”
A faint smile appeared. “I will try not to blame myself. Okay? The guilt that I feel isn’t something that will go away immediately, but I will try. For you.”
“For us,” I corrected. “For us.”
Exhaling softly, I nodded even though I wanted it to go away immediately. “I knew I would see you again, even as I was held captive.” I slid a hand down the satiny hardness of his chest. “I knew I would either get free, or you would find me. And you did. You found me.”
“How could I not?” he asked. “I will always find you. No matter what.”
My heart squeezed as I cupped his cheek. “But when that bolt struck me, and I was lying there? I thought I would never get to feel you hold me again. That I would never feel your kiss or see your stupid dimples.”
He grinned, and the dimple on his left cheek appeared. “You love my dimples.”
I drew my thumb over the indent. “I do.” Dipping my head, I placed my lips where my thumb had been. “What I felt when I woke up earlier,
when I was…hungry. I’ve never felt anything like that before. That need? It was terrifying, and I…” I briefly closed my eyes. “You know exactly how that feels. You were driven to that point time and time again when the Ascended held you. I don’t know how you dealt with that.” My eyes met his. “You said I’m strong, but you…you are the strongest person I know.”
“I hate that you had to learn what that felt like. I knew that would happen, especially if you Ascended. I should’ve—”
“You were there. You would’ve let me keep feeding.”
His gaze continued to hold mine. “I would have given you the last drop of blood in my body if that was what you needed.”
My breath seized. “You can’t do that. You shouldn’t have let me drink for as long as I did. You had to be given blood, didn’t you?” I remembered the conversation now. “You…you fed from Naill.”
“I did, and I’m fine. My blood replenishes itself quickly,” he said, and I wasn’t sure if I believed him or not. His chest rose with a deep breath. He placed his hand over mine, lifting it and placing a kiss to the center of my palm. “Are you still hungry?”
“No. I don’t feel that way now. All I feel is you.” “My blood—”
“No. Not that.” Well, I could feel his blood in me, dark and lush, but it had cooled. It no longer drove me—drove both of us with reckless abandon…
Oh, my gods.
I realized then that Kieran had been there. He’d been in the room when we—when Casteel and I came together the first time. He had stopped me from taking too much blood. Spine stiffening, I looked over my shoulder, half-expecting the wolven to be standing there. I didn’t recognize the room at all.
“Kieran left,” Casteel said, splaying his fingers against my cheek. He drew my gaze back to him. “He stayed because he was worried.”
“I…I know.” I remembered. I’m concerned about both of you. I waited for shame to drown me, and embarrassment did settle over me, but it had nothing to do with what Kieran had witnessed. “I…I tried to eat Kieran.”
“He won’t hold it against you.”
“I tried to eat Kieran while I was naked.”
“That’s probably why he won’t hold it against you.” “That’s not funny.” I stared at him.
“It’s not?” One side of his lips curved up, and his dimple appeared in his cheek.
That stupid, stupid dimple.
“I don’t understand. How did I go from trying to eat Kieran, to eating you, to this? I mean, I feel emotion. I feel normal. That’s not how a recently made vampry feels, right? Or is it because I fed from you?” My heart thumped heavily. “Does my skin feel cold to you? Do I have fangs?” I vaguely remembered hearing one of them say that I didn’t, but I reached for my mouth anyway, just to be sure.
Casteel caught my hand, pulling it away from my face. “You don’t have fangs, Poppy. And your eyes… They are still the color of an Atlantian spring. Newly turned vamprys cannot get enough blood, no matter how much they feed. I know. I’ve seen them in the hours and days after they’re turned,” he told me, and I hated that he had experienced any of that. “You would be going at my throat right now if you were a vampry. You wouldn’t feel warm and soft in my arms or around my cock,” he said, and I flushed a hot pink. “You didn’t Ascend.”
“But that doesn’t…” My gaze traveled past the bed to the doors. Sunlight. The Ascended could be in indirect sunlight without injury. But direct sunlight?
Totally different story.
I moved before I even realized what I was doing, launching myself out of Casteel’s lap. I must’ve caught him off guard because he reached for me, but I slipped past his grip. Or maybe I was just that fast. I didn’t know.
“Poppy!” Casteel shouted as I reached the door. “Don’t you dare—”
Gripping the handle, I threw the door open. Cold air poured in as I stepped out onto a small porch. Sunlight streamed in, drenching the cracked stone of the floor with cool light. I stretched out an arm as Casteel’s curse blistered my ears. Light fell over my fingers and then my hand.
Casteel wrapped an arm around my waist, hauling me back against his chest. “Godsdamnit, Poppy.”
I stared at my hand, at my skin, and waited for it to do something terrifying. “Nothing’s happening.”
“Thank the gods,” he growled, squeezing me tightly. “But I might be having a heart attack.”
My brows pinched. “Can Atlantians have heart attacks?” “No.”
“Then you’re fine,” I replied, biting down on my lip as I became aware of the dampness between my thighs.
His forehead pressed against the side of my head. “That’s debatable. I feel like my heart is about to come out of my chest at the moment.”
A rough, huffing noise came, drawing my gaze up to the thick line of half-dead trees. It had sounded an awful lot like a laugh. For a moment, I forgot all about what I’d been doing. My eyes narrowed on the bare, corpse- like branches hanging low and sweeping the ground. A pure white wolven crouched among the trees.
Delano.
His ears perked as he tilted his head to the side.
And that was roughly the time I realized there wasn’t a stitch of clothing on me. “Oh, my gods.” A flush swept over my entire body. “I’m naked.”
“Very,” Casteel murmured, angling his body so he shielded me. He caught hold of the door. “Sorry about that,” he said to Delano.
The wolven made that rasping, laughing sound again as Casteel closed the door. Immediately, he spun me around so I faced him. “I can’t believe you did that.”
“I can’t believe yet another random person just saw me naked,” I muttered, and Casteel stared at me like my priorities were all wrong. And maybe they were. I refocused. “But you said I didn’t Ascend—”
“That doesn’t mean I know exactly what happened. I had no idea what would occur if you stepped out into the sun.” He gripped my shoulders, and my scattered senses connected with his emotions. I felt the heavy feeling of concern mixed with the freshness of relief. Underneath, a spicy, smoky flavor threaded with sweetness. “Nothing could’ve happened. Or your skin could’ve started to decay, and I would’ve lost you again.” His chest rose sharply as the gold specks in his eyes burned brightly. “Because I did lose you, Poppy. I felt your heart stop. The imprint on my palm started to fade. I was losing you, and you are my everything.”
I shuddered. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize,” he told me. “None of what happened was your fault, Poppy. I just…I can’t feel that again.”
“I don’t want you to.” I stepped in close to him, and he slid his arms around me. “And I didn’t mean to make you feel that again.”
“I know.” He kissed my temple. “I know. Let’s just sit. Okay?” He led me back to the bed.
I sat while he bent, picking up his breeches. I bit down on my lip as I watched him pull them up, leaving the flap unbuttoned. They hung indecently low on his waist as he turned. There was another chair in the room, a wooden one, and I saw a small lump of clothing there.
“Jasper found some clothing and boots he thought you could wear. It’s a slip, a pair of breeches, and a sweater. I honestly don’t know where he found them, and I’m not quite sure I want to know.” He brought the slip to me and a dark brown sweater. “But they’re clean.”
“Where are we?” I asked as he motioned for me to lift my arms. I did as he requested. “We were in…Irelone, right? That’s where they took me?”
In the dim light, I saw a muscle flex in his jaw as he lowered the slip over my head. The cloth was soft and smelled of fresh air. “We’re no longer in Irelone or the Wastelands. We’re in the Skotos foothills. This is an old hunting cabin we sometimes use when we’re traveling in and out of the Skotos. We’re actually not too far from Spessa’s End, but we didn’t want to…”
Casteel didn’t finish what he was saying as I rose to my knees and let the slip slide into place. I knew what he was thinking. They didn’t want to take me into Spessa’s End, just in case I had Ascended and became uncontrollable.
Still utterly dumbfounded by the fact that I was alive and wasn’t a vampry, I said nothing as he tugged the thick sweater on over my head. It was a little scratchy but warm. I lifted the collar, giving it a small sniff. The garment smelled a little of woodsmoke, but for some reason, I thought it also smelled of…lilacs.
I remembered.
Looking up, I found Casteel watching me with a raised brow as he finally buttoned the flap on his breeches. I dropped the sweater. “When you gave me your blood the very first time in New Haven, I think…I think I saw your memories. Or felt your emotions. I smelled lilacs then, and I smelled them again,” I told him, thinking of the flowers that drenched the cavern in Spessa’s End. “Were you thinking of when we were married when I…when I drank your blood this time?”
“I was.”
“How did I see your memories, though? Before and now? That’s not the same as reading emotions.”
“It can happen when two Atlantians feed.” He dipped his head, brushing his lips over my brow. “Each can pick up on memories. I think that’s what happened.”
I thought about the first time in New Haven. He’d stopped me just as I reached his memories.
He hadn’t stopped me this time.
“Could you read any of mine?” I wondered.
“I’ve never fed from you long enough to try,” he answered, and I felt a strange little tumble of anticipation. “But right now, I wish I knew what you were thinking.”
“I was thinking…” I drew in a deep breath. Gods, I was thinking about everything. My thoughts bounced from one event, one conversation to another. “Do you know what I did in the Chambers? After…after you were attacked?”
He sat beside me. “I heard.”
I lowered my hands to where the sweater pooled in my lap. They looked normal. “When we were in the Chambers of Nyktos and that arrow struck you, and your body turned cold and gray, I thought you died. I didn’t think I would be okay again. I forgot about the imprint,” I admitted, turning my hand over. There it was, the golden swirl glimmering softly. “I kind of…I don’t know. I lost it.”
“You defended yourself,” he corrected. “That’s what you did.”
I nodded, still staring at the imprint as my mind skipped from the Temple to the crypts, to Alastir so confident that I would be just as chaotically violent as the ancient ones.
