Seducers draw you in by the focused, individualized attention they pay to you. Anti-Seducers are the opposite: insecure, self-absorbed, and unable to grasp the psychology of another person, they literally

repel. Anti- Seducers have no self-awareness, and never realize when they are pestering, imposing, talking too much. They lack the subtlety to create the promise of pleasure that seduction requires. Root out anti-seductive qualities in yourself, and recognize them in others—there is no pleasure or profit in dealing with the Anti-

Seducer.

Typology of the Anti-Seducers

Anti-Seducers come in many shapes and kinds, but almost all of them share a single attribute, the source of their repellence: insecurity. We are all insecure, and we suffer for it. Yet we are able to surmount these feelings at times; a seductive engagement can bring us out of our usual self-absorption, and to the degree that we seduce or are seduced, we feel charged and confident. Anti-Seducers, however, are insecure to such a degree that they cannot be drawn into the seductive process. Their needs, their anxieties, their self-consciousness close them off. They interpret the slightest ambiguity on your part as a slight to their ego; they see the merest hint of withdrawal as a betrayal, and are likely to complain bitterly about it.

It seems easy: Anti-Seducers repel, so be repelled—avoid them.

Unfortunately, however, many Anti-Seducers cannot be detected as such at first glance. They are more subtle, and unless you are careful they will

ensnare you in a most unsatisfying relationship. You must look for clues to their self-involvement and insecurity: perhaps they are ungenerous, or they argue with unusual tenacity, or are excessively judgmental. Perhaps they lavish you with undeserved praise, declaring their love before knowing

anything about you. Or, most important, they pay no attention to details. Since they cannot see what makes you different, they cannot surprise you with nuanced attention.

It is critical to recognize anti-seductive qualities not only in others but also in ourselves. Almost all of us have one or two of the Anti-Seducer’s qualities latent in our character, and to the extent that we can consciously root them out, we become more seductive. A lack of generosity, for

instance, need not signal an Anti-Seducer if it is a person’s only fault, but an ungenerous person is seldom truly attractive. Seduction implies opening yourself up, even if only for the purposes of deception; being unable to give by spending money usually means being unable to give in general. Stamp ungenerosity out. It is an impediment to power and a gross sin in seduction.

It is best to disengage from Anti-Seducers early on, before they sink their needy tentacles into you, so learn to read the signs. These are the main types.

Count Lodovico then remarked with a smile: “I promise you that our sensible courtier will never

act so stupidly to gain a woman’s favor.” • Cesare Gonzaga replied: “Nor so stupidly as a gentleman I remember, of some repute, whom to spare men‘s

blushes I don’t wish to mention by name. ” • “Well, at least tell us what he did,” said the Duchess. • Then Cesare continued: “He was loved by a very

great lady, and at her request he came secretly to

the town where she was. After he had seen her and enjoyed her company for as long as she would let him in the time, he sighed and wept bitterly, to

show the anguish he was suffering at having to

leave her, and he begged her never to forget him; and then he added that she should pay for his lodging at the inn, since it was she who had sent

for him and he thought it only right, therefore, that he shouldn’t be involved in any expense over the

journey.”• At this, all the ladies began to laugh

and to say that the man concerned hardly deserved the name of gentleman ; and many of the men felt

as ashamed as he should have been, had he ever had the sense to recognize such disgraceful

behavior for what it was.

—BALDASSARE CASTIGLIONE, THE BOOK OF THE COURTIER, TRANSLATED BY

GEORGE BULL

Let us see now how love is diminished. This happens through the easy accessibility of its

consolations, through one’s being able to see and converse lengthily with a lover, through a lover‘s unsuitable garb and gait, and by the sudden onset of poverty • Another cause of diminution of love

is the realization of the notoriety of one’s lover,

and accounts of his miserliness, bad character, and general wickedness; also any affair with another woman, even if it involves no feelings of love. Love is also diminished if a woman realizes that her

lover is foolish and undiscerning, or if she sees him going too far in demands of love, giving no thought to his partner’s modesty nor wishing to pardon her blushes. A faithful lover ought to

choose the harshest pains of love rather than by

his demands cause his partner embarrassment, or take pleasure in spurning her modesty; for one who thinks only of the outcome of his own

pleasure, and ignores the welfare of his partner, should be called a traitor rather than a lover. • Love also suffers decrease if the woman realizes

that her lover is fearful in war, or sees that he has no patience, or is stained with the vice of pride.

There is nothing which appears more appropriate

to the character of any lover than to be clad in the adornment of humility, utterly untouched by the

nakedness of pride. • Then too the prolixity of a fool or a madman often diminishes love. There are many keen to prolong their crazy words in the

presence of a woman, thinking that they please her if they employ foolish, ill-judged language, but in fact they are strangely deceived. Indeed, he who

thinks that his foolish behavior pleases a wise woman suffers from the greatest poverty of sense.

—ANDREAS CAPELLANUS, “HOW LOVE IS DIMINISHED,” TRANSLATED BY P. G.

WALSH

The Brute. If seduction is a kind of ceremony or ritual, part of the pleasure is its duration—the time it takes, the waiting that increases anticipation.

Brutes have no patience for such things; they are concerned only with their own pleasure, never with yours. To be patient is to show that you are thinking of the other person, which never fails to impress. Impatience has

the opposite effect: assuming you are so interested in them you have no reason to wait, Brutes offend you with their egotism. Underneath that egotism, too, there is often a gnawing sense of inferiority, and if you spurn them or make them wait, they overreact. If you suspect you are dealing with a Brute, do a test—make that person wait. His or her response will tell you everything you need to know.

The Suffocator, Suffocators fall in love with you before you are even half- aware of their existence. The trait is deceptive—you might think they have found you overwhelming—but the fact is they suffer from an inner void, a deep well of need that cannot be filled. Never get involved with Suffocators; they are almost impossible to free yourself from without

trauma. They cling to you until you are forced to pull back, whereupon they smother you with guilt. We tend to idealize a loved one, but love takes time to develop. Recognize Suffocators by how quickly they adore you. To be so

admired may give a momentary boost to your ego, but deep inside you

sense that their intense emotions are not related to anything you have done. Trust these instincts.

A subvariant of the Suffocator is the Doormat, a person who slavishly

imitates you. Spot these types early on by seeing whether they are capable of having an idea of their own. An inability to disagree with you is a bad sign.

The Moralizer. Seduction is a game, and should be undertaken with a light heart. All is fair in love and seduction; morality never enters the picture.

The character of the Moralizer, however, is rigid. These are people who

follow fixed ideas and try to make you bend to their standards. They want to change you, to make you a better person, so they endlessly criticize and judge—that is their pleasure in life. In truth, their moral ideas stem from their own unhappiness, and mask their desire to dominate those around them. Their inability to adapt and to enjoy makes them easy to recognize; their mental rigidity may also be accompanied by a physical stiffness. It is hard not to take their criticisms personally so it is better to avoid their

presence and their poisoned comments.

The Tightwad. Cheapness signals more than a problem with money. It is a sign of something constricted in a person’s character—something that keeps them from letting go or taking a risk. It is the most anti-seductive trait of all, and you cannot allow yourself to give in to it. Most tightwads do not realize they have a problem; they actually imagine that when they give someone

some paltry crumb, they are being generous. Take a hard look at yourself— you are probably cheaper than you think. Try giving more freely of both your money and yourself and you will see the seductive potential in

selective generosity. Of course you must keep your generosity under control. Giving too much can be a sign of desperation, as if you were trying to buy someone.

Real men \ Shouldn’t primp their good looks. \

Keep pleasantly clean, take exercise, work up an

outdoor \ Tan; make quite sure that your toga fits \ And doesn’t show spots; don’t lace your shoes too

tightly \ Or ignore any rusty buckles, or slop \ Around in too large a fitting. Don’t let some

incompetent barber \ Ruin your looks: both hair and beard demand \ Expert attention. Keep your nails pared, and dirt-free; \ Don’t let those long hairs sprout \ In your nostrils, make sure your

breath is never offensive, \ Avoid the rank male stench \ That wrinkles noses. \ I was about to

warn you [women] against rank goatish armpits \ And bristling hair on your legs, \ But I’m not instructing hillbilly girls from the Caucasus, \ Or Mysian river-hoydens-so what need \ To remind you not to let your teeth get all discolored \

Through neglect, or forget to wash \ Your hands every morning? You know how to brighten your complexion \ With powder, add rouge to a

bloodless face, \ Skillfully block in the crude outline of an eyebrow, \ Stick a patch on one

flawless cheek. \ You don’t shrink from lining your eyes with dark mascara \ Or a touch of Cilician

saffron. \ But don’t let your lover find all those

jars and bottles \ On your dressing-table : the best

\ Makeup remains unobtrusive. A face so thickly

plastered \ With pancake it runs down your sweaty neck \ Is bound to create repulsion. And that goo

from unwashed fleeces—\ Athenian maybe, but my dear, the smell!—\ That’s used for face-cream: avoid it. When you have company \ Don’t dab stuff on your pimples, don’t start cleaning your teeth: \ The result may be attractive, but the process is sickening….

—OVID, THE ART OF LOVE, TRANSLATED BY PETER GREEN

The Bumbler.Bumblers are self-conscious, and their self-consciousness

heightens your own. At first you may think they are thinking about you, and so much so that it makes them awkward. In fact they are only thinking of themselves—worrying about how they look, or about the consequences for them of their attempt to seduce you. Their worry is usually contagious: soon you are worrying too, about yourself. Bumblers rarely reach the final stages of a seduction, but if they get that far, they bungle that too. In seduction, the key weapon is boldness, refusing the target the time to stop and think.

Bumblers have no sense of timing. You might find it amusing to try to train or educate them, but if they are still Bumblers past a certain age, the case is probably hopeless—they are incapable of getting outside themselves.

The Windbag. The most effective seductions are driven by looks, indirect actions, physical lures. Words have a place, but too much talk will generally break the spell, heightening surface differences and weighing things down. People who talk a lot most often talk about themselves. They have never acquired that inner voice that wonders, Am I boring you? To be a Windbag is to have a deep-rooted selfishness. Never interrupt or argue with these types—that only fuels their windbaggery. At all costs learn to control your own tongue.

The Reactor.Reactors are far too sensitive, not to you but to their own egos. They comb your every word and action for signs of a slight to their vanity. If you strategically back off, as you sometimes must in seduction, they will brood and lash out at you. They are prone to whining and complaining, two very anti-seductive traits. Test them by telling a gentle joke or story at their expense: we should all be able to laugh at ourselves a little, but the Reactor cannot. You can read the resentment in their eyes. Erase any reactive

qualities in your own character—they unconsciously repel people.

The Vulgarian. Vulgarians are inattentive to the details that are so important in seduction. You can see this in their personal appearance—their clothes

are tasteless by any standard—and in their actions: they do not know that it is sometimes better to control oneself and refuse to give in to one’s impulses. Vulgarians will blab, saying anything in public. They have no

sense of timing and are rarely in harmony with your tastes. Indiscretion is a sure sign of the Vulgarian (talking to others of your affair, for example); it may seem impulsive, but its real source is their radical selfishness, their inability to see themselves as others see them. More than just avoiding Vulgarians, you must make yourself their opposite—tact, style, and attention to detail are all basic requirements of a seducer.

Examples of the Anti-Seducer

1. Claudius, the step-grandson of the great Roman emperor Augustus, was considered something of an imbecile as a young man, and was treated badly by almost everyone in his family. His nephew Caligula, who became emperor in A.D. 37, made it a sport to torture him, making him run around

   the palace at top speed as penance for his stupidity, having soiled sandals tied to his hands at supper, and so on. As Claudius grew older, he seemed to become even more slow-witted, and while all of his relatives lived under

   the constant threat of assassination, he was left alone. So it came as a great surprise to everyone, including Claudius himself, that when, in A.D. 41, a cabal of soldiers assassinated Caligula, they also proclaimed Claudius emperor. Having no desire to rule, he delegated most of the governing to

   confidantes (a group of freed slaves) and spent his time doing what he loved best: eating, drinking, gambling, and whoring.

   Claudius’s wife, Valeria Messalina, was one of the most beautiful women in Rome. Although he seemed fond of her, Claudius paid her no attention, and she started to have affairs. At first she was discreet, but over the years, provoked by her husband’s neglect, she became more and more debauched. She had a room built for her in the palace where she entertained scores of men, doing her best to imitate the most notorious prostitute in Rome, whose name was written on the door. Any man who refused her advances was put

   to death. Almost everyone in Rome knew about these frolics, but Claudius said nothing; he seemed oblivious.

   So great was Messalina’s passion for her favorite lover, Gaius Silius, that she decided to marry him, although both of them were married already.

   While Claudius was away, they held a wedding ceremony, authorized by a marriage contract that Claudius himself had been tricked into signing. After the ceremony, Gaius moved into the palace. Now the shock and disgust of

   the whole city finally forced Claudius into action, and he ordered the execution of Gaius and of Messalina’s other lovers—but not of Messalina herself. Nevertheless, a gang of soldiers, inflamed by the scandal, hunted her down and stabbed her to death. When this was reported to the emperor, he merely ordered more wine and continued his meal. Several nights later, to the amazement of his slaves, he asked why the empress was not joining him for dinner.

   But if, like the winter cat upon the hearth, the lover clings when he is dismissed, and cannot bear to

   go, certain means must be taken to make him understand; and these should be progressively

   ruder and ruder, until they touch him to the quick of his flesh. • She should refuse him the bed, and

   jeer at him, and make him angry; she should stir up her mother’s enmity against him; she should

   treat him with an obvious lack of candor, and

   spread herself in long considerations about his ruin; his departure should be openly anticipated, his tastes and desires should be thwarted, his

   poverty outraged; she should let him see that she is in sympathy with another man, she should blame

   him with harsh words on every occasion; she should tell lies about him to her parasites, she should interrupt his sentences, and send him on

   frequent errands away from the house. She should

   seek occasions of quarrel, and make him the victim of a thousand domestic perfidies; she should rack

   her brains to vex him; she should play with the glances of another in his presence, and give herself up to reprehensible profligacy before his face; she should leave the house as often as possible, and let it be seen that she has no real need to do so. All these means are good for showing a man the door.

   —EASTERN LOVE, VOLUME II: THE HARLOT’S BREVIARY OF KSHEMENDRA,

   TRANSLATED BY E. POWYS MATHERS

   Nothing is more infuriating than being paid no attention. In the process of seduction, you may have to pull back at times, subjecting your target to moments of doubt. But prolonged inattention will not only break the

   seductive spell, it can create hatred. Claudius was an extreme of this behavior. His insensitivity was created by necessity: in acting like an imbecile, he hid his ambition and protected himself among dangerous competitors. But the insensitivity became second nature. Claudius grew slovenly, and no longer noticed what was going on around him. His

   inattentiveness had a profound effect on his wife: How, she wondered, can a man, especially a physically, unappealing man like Claudius, not notice me, or care about my affairs with other men? But nothing she did seemed to matter to him.

   Claudius marks the extreme, but the spectrum of inattention is wide. A lot of people pay too little attention to the details, the signals another person gives. Their senses are dulled by work, by hardship, by self-absorption. We often see this turning off the seductive charge between two people, notably between couples who have been together for years. Carried further, it will stir angry, bitter feelings. Often, the one who has been cheated on by a partner started the dynamic by patterns of inattention.

2. In 1639, a French army besieged and took possession of the Italian city of Turin. Two French officers, the Chevalier (later Count) de Grammont and his friend Matta, decided to turn their attention to the city’s beautiful

   women. The wives of some of Turin’s most illustrious men were more than susceptible—their husbands were busy, and kept mistresses of their own.

   The wives’ only requirement was that the suitor play by the rules of gallantry.

   The chevalier and Matta were quick to find partners, the chevalier choosing the beautiful Mademoiselle de Saint-Germain, who was soon to be betrothed, and Matta offering his services to an older and more experienced woman, Madame de Senantes. The chevalier took to wearing green, Matta blue, these being their ladies’ favorite colors. On the second day of their

   courtships the couples visited a palace outside the city. The chevalier was all charm, making Mademoiselle de Saint-Germain laugh uproariously at his witticisms, but Matta did not fare so well; he had no patience for this gallantry business, and when he and Madame de Senantes took a stroll, he squeezed her hand and boldly declared his affections. The lady of course was aghast, and when they got back to Turin she left without looking at him. Unaware that he had offended her, Matta imagined that she was

   overcome with emotion, and felt rather pleased with himself. But the Chevalier de Grammont, wondering why the pair had parted, visited

   Madame de Senantes and asked her how it went. She told him the truth— Matta had dispensed with the formalities and was ready to bed her. The chevalier laughed and thought to himself how differently he would manage affairs if he were the one wooing the lovely Madame.

   Just as ladies do love men which be valiant and bold under arms, so likewise do they love such as be of like sort in love; and the man which is

   cowardly and over and above respectful toward them, will never win their good favor. Not that they would have them so overweening, bold, and

   presumptuous, as that they should by main force lay them on the floor; but rather they desire in

   them a certain hardy modesty, or perhaps better a certain modest hardihood. For while themselves

   are not exactly wantons, and will neither solicit a man nor yet actually offer their favors, yet do they

   know well how to rouse the appetites and passions, and prettily allure to the skirmish in such wise that he which doth not take occasion by the forelock and join encounter, and that without the least awe of rank and greatness, without a scruple of

   conscience or a fear or any sort of hesitation, he verily is a fool and a spiritless poltroon, and one which doth merit to be forever abandoned of kind

   fortune. • I have heard of two honorable gentlemen and comrades, for the which two very honorable ladies, and of by no means humble quality, made tryst one day at Paris to go walking in a garden.

   Being come thither, each lady did separate apart one from the other, each alone with her own

   cavalier, each in a several alley of the garden, that was so close covered in with a fair trellis of

   boughs as that daylight could really scarce

   penetrate there at all, and the coolness of the place was very grateful. Now one of the twain was a bold man, and well knowing how the party had been

   made for something else than merely to walk and take the air, and judging by his lady’s face, which he saw to be all a-fire, that she had longings to

   taste other fare than the muscatels that hung on the trellis, as also by her hot, wanton, and wild speech, he did promptly seize on so fair an

   opportunity. So catching hold of her without the least ceremony, he did lay her on a little couch that was there made of turf and clods of earth, and did

   very pleasantly work his will of her, without her

   ever uttering a word but only: “Heavens! Sir, what are you at? Surely you be the maddest and strangest fellow ever was! If anyone comes,

   whatever will they say? Great heavens! get out!” But the gentleman, without disturbing himself, did so well continue what he had begun that he did

   finish, and she to boot, with such content as that after taking three or four turns up and down the

   alley, they did presently start afresh. Anon, coming forth into another, open, alley, they did see in

   another part of the garden the other pair, who

   were walking about together just as they had left

   them at first. Whereupon the lady, well content, did say to the gentleman in the like condition, “I verily believe so and so hath played the silly prude, and hath given his lady no other entertainment but only words, fine speeches, and promenading. ” •

   Afterward when all four were come together, the two ladies did fall to asking one another how it had fared with each. Then the one which was well content did reply she was exceeding well, indeed

   she was; indeed for the nonce she could scarce be better. The other, which was ill content, did declare for her part she had had to do with the biggest fool and most coward lover she had ever seen; and all

   the time the two gentlemen could see them laughing together as they walked and crying out: “Oh! the silly fool! the shamefaced poltroon and coward!” At this the successful gallant said to his

   companion: “Hark to our ladies, which do cry out at you, and mock you sore. You will find you have overplayed the prude and coxcomb this bout. ” So much he did allow; but there was no more time to remedy his error, for opportunity gave him no

   other handle to seize her by.

   —SEIGNEUR DE BRANTÔME, LIVES OF FAIR & GALLANT LADIES, TRANSLATED BY A.

   R. ALLINSON

   Over the next few days Matta continued to misread the signs. He did not pay a visit to Madame de Senantes’s husband, as custom required. He did not wear her colors. When the two went riding together, he went chasing

   after hares, as if they were the more interesting prey, and when he took snuff he failed to offer her some. Meanwhile he continued to make his overforward advances. Finally Madame had had enough, and complained to him directly. Matta apologized; he had not realized his errors. Moved by his apology, the lady was more than ready to resume the courtship—but a few days later, after a few trifling stabs at wooing, Matta once again assumed that she was ready for bed. To his dismay, she refused him as before. “I do not think that [women] can be mightily offended,” Matta told the chevalier, “if one sometimes leaves off trifling, to come to the point.” But Madame de Senantes would have nothing more to do with him, and the Chevalier de Grammont, seeing an opportunity he could not pass by, took advantage of her displeasure by secretly courting her properly, and eventually winning

   the favors that Matta had tried to force.

   There is nothing more anti-seductive than feeling that someone has assumed that you are theirs, that you cannot possibly resist them. The slightest appearance of this kind of conceit is deadly to seduction; you must prove yourself, take your time, win your target’s heart. Perhaps you fear that he or she will be offended by a slower pace, or will lose interest. It is more likely, however, that your fear reflects your own insecurity, and insecurity is always anti-seductive. In truth, the longer you take, the more you show the depth of your interest, and the deeper the spell you create.

   In a world of few formalities and ceremony, seduction is one of the few remnants from the past that retains the ancient patterns. It is a ritual, and its rites must be observed. Haste reveals not the depth of your feelings but the degree of your self-absorption. It may be possible sometimes to hurry

   someone into love, but you will only be repaid by the lack of pleasure this kind of love affords. If you are naturally impetuous, do what you can to

   disguise it. Strangely enough, the effort you spend on holding yourself back may be read by your target as deeply seductive.

3. In Paris in the 1730s lived a young man named Meilcour, who was just of an age to have his first affair. His mother’s friend Madame de Lursay, a

   widow of around forty, was beautiful and charming, but had a reputation for

   being untouchable; as a boy, Meilcour had been infatuated with her, but never expected his love would be returned. So it was with great surprise and excitement that he realized that now that he was old enough, Madame de Lursay’s tender looks seemed to indicate a more than motherly interest in him.

   For two months Meilcour trembled in de Lursay’s presence. He was afraid of her, and did not know what to do. One evening they were discussing a recent play. How well one character had declared his love to a woman, Madame remarked. Noting Meilcour’s obvious discomfort, she went on, “If I am not mistaken, a declaration can only seem such an embarrassing matter because you yourself have one to make.” Madame de Lursay knew full well that she was the source of the young man’s awkwardness, but she was a tease; you must tell me, she said, with whom you are in love. Finally Meilcour confessed: it was indeed Madame whom he desired. His mother’s friend advised him to not think of her that way, but she also sighed, and gave him a long and languid look. Her words said one thing, her eyes another—perhaps she was not as untouchable as he had thought. As the evening ended, though, Madame de Lursay said she doubted his feelings would last, and she left young Meilcour troubled that

   she had said nothing about reciprocating his love.

   Over the next few days, Meilcour repeatedly asked de Lursay to declare her love for him, and she repeatedly refused. Eventually the young man decided his cause was hopeless, and gave up; but a few nights later, at a

   soiree at her house, her dress seemed more enticing than usual, and her

   looks at him stirred his blood. He returned them, and followed her around, while she took care to keep a bit of distance, lest others sense what was happening. Yet she also managed to arrange that he could stay without arousing suspicion when the other visitors left.

   When they were finally alone, she made him sit beside her on the sofa. He could barely speak; the silence was uncomfortable. To get him talking she raised the same old subject: his youth would make his love for her a passing fancy. Instead of denying it he looked dejected, and continued to

   keep a polite distance, so that she finally exclaimed, with obvious irony, “If it were known that you were here with my consent, that I had voluntarily arranged it with you … what might not people say? And yet how wrong they would be, for no one could be more respectful than you are.” Goaded into

   action, Meilcour grabbed her hand and looked her in the eye. She blushed and told him he should go, but the way she arranged herself on the sofa and looked back at him suggested he should do the opposite. Yet Meilcour still hesitated: she had told him to go, and if he disobeyed she might cause a scene, and might never forgive him; he would have made a fool of himself, and everyone, including his mother, would hear of it. He soon got up, apologizing for his momentary boldness. Her astonished and somewhat cold look meant he had indeed gone too far, he imagined, and he said

   goodbye and left.

   Meilcour and Madame de Lursay appear in the novel The Wayward Head and Heart, written in 1738 by Crébillon fils, who based his characters on

   libertines he knew in the France of the time. For Crébillon fils, seduction is all about signs—about being able to send them and read them. This is not because sexuality is repressed and requires speaking in code. It is rather

   because wordless communication (through clothes, gestures, actions) is the most pleasurable, exciting, and seductive form of language.

   In Crébillon fils’s novel, Madame de Lursay is an ingenious seductress who finds it exciting to initiate young men. But even she cannot overcome the youthful stupidity of Meilcour, who is incapable of reading her signs

   because he is absorbed in his own thoughts. Later in the story, she does manage to educate him, but in real life there are many who cannot be educated. They are too literal and insensitive to the details that contain

   seductive power. They do not so much repel as irritate and infuriate you by their constant misinterpretations, always viewing life from behind the screen of their ego and unable to see things as they really are. Meilcour is so caught up in himself he cannot see that Madame is expecting him to

   make the bold move to which she will have to succumb. His hesitation

   shows that he is thinking of himself, not of her; that he is worrying about how he will look, not feeling overwhelmed by her charms. Nothing could be more anti-seductive. Recognize such types, and if they are past the

   young age that would give them an excuse, do not entangle yourself in their awkwardness—they will infect you with doubt.

4. In the Heian court of late-tenth-century Japan, the young nobleman Kaoru, purported son of the great seducer Genji himself, had had nothing but misfortune in love. He had become infatuated with a young princess, Oigimi, who lived in a dilapidated home in the countryside, her father having fallen on hard times. Then one day he had an encounter with Oigimi’s sister, Nakanokimi, that convinced him she was the one he actually loved. Confused, he returned to court, and did not visit the sisters for some time. Then their father died, followed shortly thereafter by Oigimi herself.

   Now Kaoru realized his mistake: he had loved Oigimi all along, and she had died out of despair that he did not care for her. He would never meet her like again; she was all he could think about. When Nakanokimi, her father and sister dead, came to live at court, Kaoru had the house where Oigimi and her family had lived turned into a shrine.

   One day, Nakanokimi, seeing the melancholy into which Kaoru had fallen, told him that there was a third sister, Ukifune, who resembled his beloved Oigimi and lived hidden away in the countryside. Kaoru came to life—perhaps he had a chance to redeem himself, to change the past. But how could he meet this woman? There came a time when he visited the

   shrine to pay his respects to the departed Oigimi, and heard that the

   mysterious Ukifune was there as well. Agitated and excited, he managed to catch a glimpse of her through the crack in a door. The sight of her took his breath away: although she was a plain-looking country girl, in Kaoru’s eyes she was the living incarnation of Oigimi. Her voice, meanwhile, was like

   the voice of Nakanokimi, whom he had loved as well. Tears welled up in his eyes.

   A few months later Kaoru managed to find the house in the mountains where Ukifune lived. He visited her there, and she did not disappoint. “I

   once had a glimpse of you through a crack in a door,” he told her, and “you have been very much on my mind ever since.” Then he picked her up in his arms and carried her to a waiting carriage. He was taking her back to the shrine, and the journey there brought back to him the image of Oigimi; again his eyes clouded with tears. Looking at Ukifune, he silently compared her to Oigimi—her clothes were less nice but she had beautiful hair.

   When Oigimi was alive, she and Kaoru had played the koto together, so once at the shrine he had kotos brought out. Ukifune did not play as well as

   Oigimi had, and her manners were less refined. Not to worry—he would give her lessons, change her into a lady. But then, as he had done with

   Oigimi, Kaoru returned to court, leaving Ukifune languishing at the shrine. Some time passed before he visited her again; she had improved, was more beautiful than before, but he could not stop thinking of Oigimi. Once again he left her, promising to bring her to court, but more weeks passed, and finally he received the news that Ukifune had disappeared, last seen heading toward a river. She had most likely committed suicide.

   At the funeral ceremony for Ukifune, Kaoru was wracked with guilt: why had he not come for her earlier? She deserved a better fate.

   Kaoru and the others appear in the eleventh-century Japanese novel The

   Tale of Genji, by the noblewoman Murasaki Shikibu. The characters are based on people the author knew, but Kaoru’s type appears in every culture and period: these are men and women who seem to be searching for an ideal partner. The one they have is never quite right; at first glance a person excites them, but they soon see faults, and when a new person crosses their path, he or she looks better and the first person is forgotten. These types often try to work on the imperfect mortal who has excited them, to improve them culturally and morally. But this proves extremely unsatisfactory for both parties.

   The truth about this type is not that they are searching for an ideal but that they are hopelessly unhappy with themselves. You may mistake their dissatisfaction for a perfectionist’s high standards, but in point of fact nothing will really satisfy them, for their unhappiness is deep-rooted. You can recognize them by their past, which will be littered with short-lived, stormy romances. Also, they will tend to compare you to others, and to try to remake you. You may not realize at first what you have gotten into, but people like this will eventually prove hopelessly anti-seductive because they cannot see your individual qualities. Cut the romance off before it happens. These types are closet sadists and will torture you with their

   unreachable goals.

5. In 1762, in the city of Turin, Italy, Giovanni Giacomo Casanova made the acquaintance of one Count A.B., a Milanese gentleman who seemed to like him enormously. The count had fallen on hard times and Casanova lent him some money. In gratitude, the count invited Casanova to stay with him and his wife in Milan. His wife, he said, was from Barcelona, and was admired far and wide for her beauty. He showed Casanova her letters, which had an intriguing wit; Casanova imagined her as a prize worth seducing. He went to Milan.

   Arriving at the house of Count A.B., Casanova found that the Spanish lady was certainly beautiful, but that she was also quiet and serious.

   Something about her bothered him. As he was unpacking his clothes, the countess saw a stunning red dress, trimmed with sable, among his belongings. It was a gift, Casanova explained, for any Milanese lady who won his heart.

   The following evening at dinner, the countess was suddenly more friendly, teasing and bantering with Casanova. She described the dress as a bribe—he would use it to persuade a woman to give in to him. On the contrary, said Casanova, he only gave gifts afterward, as tokens of his appreciation. That evening, in a carriage on the way back from the opera,

   she asked him if a wealthy friend of hers could buy the dress, and when he said no, she was clearly vexed. Sensing her game, Casanova offered to give her the sable dress if she was kind to him. This only made her angry, and they quarreled.

   Finally Casanova had had enough of the countess’s moods: he sold the dress for 15,000 francs to her wealthy friend, who in turn gave it to her, as she had planned all along. But to prove his lack of interest in money,

   Casanova told the countess he would give her the 15,000 francs, no strings attached. “You are a very bad man,” she said, “but you can stay, you amuse me.” She resumed her coquettish manner, but Casanova was not fooled. “It is not my fault, madame, if your charms have so little power over me,” he told her. “Here are 15,000 francs to console you.” He laid the money on a

   table and walked out, leaving the countess fuming and vowing revenge.

   When Casanova first met the Spanish lady, two things about her repelled him. First, her pride: rather than engaging in the give-and-take of seduction,

   she demanded a man’s subjugation. Pride can reflect self-assurance, signaling that you will not abase yourself before others. Just as often, though, it stems from an inferiority complex, which demands that others abase themselves before you. Seduction requires an openness to the other

   person, a willingness to bend and adapt. Excessive pride, without anything to justify it, is highly anti-seductive.

   The second quality that disgusted Casanova was the countess’s greed: her coquettish little games were designed only to get the dress—she had no interest in romance. For Casanova, seduction was a lighthearted game that people played for their mutual amusement. In his scheme of things, it was

   fine if a woman wanted money and gifts as well; he could understand that desire, and he was a generous man. But he also felt that this was a desire a woman should disguise—she should create the impression that what she was after was pleasure. The person who is obviously angling for money or other material reward can only repel. If that is your intention, if you are looking for something other than pleasure—for money, for power—never show it. The suspicion of an ulterior motive is anti-seductive. Never let anything break the illusion.

6. In 1868, Queen Victoria of England hosted her first private meeting with the country’s new prime minister, William Gladstone. She had met him before, and knew his reputation as a moral absolutist, but this was to be a ceremony, an exchange of pleasantries. Gladstone, however, had no

patience for such things. At that first meeting he explained to the queen his theory of royalty: the queen, he believed, had to play an exemplary role in England—a role she had lately failed to live up to, for she was overly private.

This lecture set a bad tone for the future, and things only got worse: soon Victoria was receiving letters from Gladstone, addressing the subject in even greater depth. Half of them she never bothered to read, and soon she was doing everything she could to avoid contact with the leader of her government; if she had to see him, she made the meeting as brief as possible. To that end, she never allowed him to sit down in her presence, hoping that a man his age would soon tire and leave. For once he got going

on a subject dear to his heart, he did not notice your look of disinterest or the tears in your eyes from yawning. His memoranda on even the simplest

of issues would have to be translated into plain English for her by a member of her staff. Worst of all, Gladstone argued with her, and his arguments had a way of making her feel stupid. She soon learned to nod her head and appear to agree with whatever abstract point he was trying to make. In a letter to her secretary, referring to herself in the third person, she wrote,

“She always felt in [Gladstone’s] manner an overbearing obstinacy and

imperiousness … which she never experienced from anyone else, and which she found most disagreeable.” Over the years, these feelings hardened into an unwaning hatred.

As the head of the Liberal Party, Gladstone had a nemesis, Benjamin Disraeli, the head of the Conservative Party. He considered Disraeli amoral, a devilish Jew. At one session of Parliament, Gladstone tore into his rival, scoring point after point as he described where his opponent’s policies would lead. Growing angry as he spoke (as usually happened when he talked of Disraeli), he pounded the speaker’s table with such force that pens and papers went flying. Through all of this Disraeli seemed half-asleep.

When Gladstone had finished, he opened his eyes, rose to his feet, and calmly walked up to the table. “The right honorable gentleman,” he said, “has spoken with much passion, much eloquence, and much—ahem—

violence.” Then, after a drawn-out pause, he continued, “But the damage can be repaired”—and he proceeded to gather up everything that had fallen from the table and put them back in place. The speech that followed was all the more masterful for its calm and ironic contrast to Gladstone’s. The

members of Parliament were spellbound, and all of them agreed he had won the day.

If Disraeli was the consummate social seducer and charmer, Gladstone was the Anti-Seducer. Of course he had supporters, mostly among the more puritanical elements of society—he twice defeated Disraeli in a general election. But he found it hard to broaden his appeal beyond the circle of believers. Women in particular found him insufferable. Of course they had no vote at the time, so they were little political liability; but Gladstone had no patience for a feminine point of view. A woman, he felt, had to learn to

see things as a man did, and it was his purpose in life to educate those he felt were irrational or abandoned by God.

It did not take long for Gladstone to wear on anyone’s nerves. That is the nature of people who are convinced of some truth, but have no patience for a different perspective or for dealing with someone else’s psychology.

These types are bullies, and in the short term they often get their way, particularly among the less aggressive. But they stir up a lot of resentment and unspoken antipathy, which eventually trips them up. People see through their righteous moral stance, which is most often a cover for a power play— morality is a form of power. A seducer never seeks to persuade directly, never parades his or her morality, never lectures or imposes. Everything is subtle, psychological, and indirect.

Symbol: The Crab. In a harsh world, the crab survives by its

hardened shell, by the threat of its pincers, and by burrowing into the sand. No one dares get too close. But the Crab cannot surprise

its enemy and has little mobility. Its defensive strength is its supreme limitation.

Uses of Anti-Seduction

The best way to avoid entanglements with Anti-Seducers is to recognize them right away and give them a wide berth, but they often deceive us.

Involvements with these types are painful, and are hard to disengage from, because the more emotional response you show, the more engaged you seem to be. Do not get angry—that may only encourage them or exacerbate their anti-seductive tendencies. Instead, act distant and indifferent, pay no attention to them, make them feel how little they matter to you. The best

antidote to an Anti-Seducer is often to be anti-seductive yourself.

Cleopatra had a devastating effect on every man who crossed her path. Octavius—the future Emperor Augustus, and the man who would defeat and destroy Cleopatra’s lover Mark Antony—was well aware of her power, and defended himself against it by being always extremely amiable with her, courteous to the extreme, but never showing the slightest emotion, whether of interest or dislike. In other words, he treated her as if she were

any other woman. Facing this front, she could not sink her hooks into him. Octavius made anti-seduction his defense against the most irresistible woman in history. Remember: seduction is a game of attention, of slowly filling the other person’s mind with your presence. Distance and inattention will create the opposite effect, and can be used as a tactic when the need arises.

Finally, if you really want to “anti-seduce,” simply feign the qualities listed at the beginning of the chapter. Nag; talk a lot, particularly about yourself; dress against the other person’s tastes; pay no attention to detail; suffocate, and so on. A word of warning: with the arguing type, the Windbag, never talk back too much. Words will only fan the flames. Adopt the Queen Victoria strategy: nod, seem to agree, then find an excuse to cut the conversation short. This is the only defense.

 

 

 

Look at the people around you. Forget their social, exterior, their obvious character traits: look behind all of that, focusing on the gaps, the missing pieces in their psyche. That is the raw material of any seduction. Pay close attention to their clothes; their gestures, their offhand comments, the things in their house certain looks in their eyes get them to talk about their past, particularly past romances. And slowly the outline of those missing pieces will come into view. Understand: people are constantly giving out signals as to what they lack. They long for completeness, whether the illusion of it or the reality, and if it has to come from another person, that person has tremendous power over them. We may call them victims of a seduction, but they are almost always willing victims.

This chapter outlines the eighteen types of victims, each one of which has a dominant lack. Although your target may well reveal

the qualities of more than one type there is usually a common need that ties them together. Perhaps you see someone as both a New

Prude and a Crushed Star, but what is common to both is a feeling of repression and therefore a desire to be naughty, along with a fear of not being able or daring enough. In identifying your victims type, be careful to not be taken in by outward appearances. Both deliberately and unconsciously, we often develop, a social exterior designed specifically to disguise our weaknesses and lacks. For instance, you may think you are dealing with someone who is tough and cynical, without realizing that deep inside they have a soft sentimental core. They secretly pine for romance. And unless you identify their type and the emotions beneath their toughness you

lose the chance to truly seduce them. Most important expunge the nasty habit of thinking that other people have the same lacks you do. You may crave comfort and security but in giving comfort and security to someone else, on the assumption they must want them as well, you are more likely smothering and pushing them away.

Never try to seduce someone who is of your own type. You will be like two puzzles missing the same parts.

 

The Reformed Rake or Siren. People of this type were once happy- go-lucky seducers who had their way with the opposite sex. But the day came when they were forced to give this up-someone corraled them into a relationship, they were encountering too much social hostility, they were getting older and decided to settle down.

Whatever the reason, you can be sure they feel some resentment and a sense of loss, as if a limb were missing. We are always trying to

recapture pleasures we experienced in the past, but the temptation is particularly great for the Reformed Rake or Siren because the

pleasures they found in seduction were intense. These types are ripe for the picking: all that is required is that you cross their path and offer them the opportunity to resume their rakish or siren ways.

Their blood will stir and the call of their youth will overwhelm them.

It is critical, though, to give these types the illusion that they are the ones doing the seducing. With the Reformed Rake, you must spark his interest indirectly, then let him burn and glow with desire. With the Reformed Siren, you want to give her the impression that she still has the irresistible power to draw a man in and make him give up everything for her. Remember that what you are offering these

types is not another relationship, another constriction, but rather the chance to escape the corral and have some fun. Do not be put off if they are in a relationship; a preexisting commitment is often the perfect foil. If hooking them into a relationship is what you want,

hide it as best you can and realize it may not be possible. The Rake or Siren is unfaithful by nature; your ability to spark the old feeling gives you power, but then you will have to live with the

consequences of their feckless ways.

The Disappointed Dreamer. As children, these types probably spent a lot of time alone. To entertain themselves they developed a powerful fantasy life, fed by books and films and other kinds of popular culture. And as they get older, it becomes increasingly difficult to reconcile their fantasy life with reality, and so they are often disappointed by what they get. This is particularly true in relationships. They have been dreaming of romantic heroes, of danger and excitement, but what they have is lovers with human

frailties, the petty weaknesses of everyday life. As the years pass, they may force themselves to compromise, because otherwise they would have to spend their lives alone; but beneath the surface they are bitter and still hungering for something grand and romantic.

You can recognize this type by the books they read and films they go to, the way their ears prick up when told of the real-life

adventures some people manage to live out. In their clothes and

home furnishings, a taste for exuberant romance or drama will peek through. They are often trapped in drab relationships, and little

comments here and there will reveal their disappointment and inner tension.

These types make for excellent and satisfying victims. First they usually have a great deal of pent-up passion and energy, which, you can release and focus on yourself. They also have great imaginations and will, respond to anything vaguely mysterious or romantic that you offer them. All you need do is disguise some of your less than exalted qualities and give them a part of their dream. This could be

the chance to live out their adventures or be courted by a chivalrous soul. If you give them a part of what they want they will imagine the rest. At All cost, do not let reality break the illusion you are creating. One moment of pettiness and they will be gone, more bitterly disappointed than ever.

The Pampered Royal. These people were the classic spoiled children. All of their wants and desires were met by an adoring parent—endless entertainments, a parade of toys, whatever kept

them happy for a day or two. Where many children learn to entertain themselves, inventing games and finding friends. Pampered Royals are taught that others will do the entertaining for them. Being spoiled, they get lazy, and as they get older and the parents is no longer there to pamper them, they tend to feel quite bored and restless. Their solution is to find pleasure in variety, to move quickly from person to person, job to job, or place to place before boredom

sets in. They do not settle into relationships well because habit and routine of some kind are inevitable in such affairs. But their

ceaseless search for variety is tiring for them and comes with a

price: work problems, string of unsatisfying romances, friends scattered across the globe. Do not mistake their restlessness and infidelity for reality—what the Pampered Prince or Princess is really looking for is one person, that parental figure, who will give them

the spoiling they crave.

To seduce this type be ready to provide a lot of distraction—new places to visit, novel experiences, color, spectacle. You will have to maintain an air of mystery, continually surprising your target with a new side to your character. Variety is the key. Once Pampered

Royals are hooked things get easier for they will quickly grow dependent on you and you can put out less effort. Unless their childhood pampering has made them too difficult and lazy, these types make excellent victims they will be as loyal to you as they

once were to mommy or daddy. But you will have to do much of the work. If you are after a long relationship, disguise it. Offer long- term security to a Pampered Royal and you-will induce a panicked flight. Recognize these types by the turmoil in their past—job changes, travel, short-term relationships—and by the air of aristocracy no matter their social class, that comes from once being treated like royalty.

The New Prude Sexual prudery still exists but it is less common than it was Prudery, however is never just about sex; a prude

someone who is excessively concerned with appearances, with what society considers appropriate and acceptable behavior. Prudes rigorously stay within the boundaries of correctness because more than anything they fear society’s judgment. Seen in this light, prudery is just as prevalent as it always was.

The New Prude excessively concerned with standards of goodness, fairness, political sensitivity, tastefulness, etc. What

marks the New Prude, though, as well as the old one, is that deep down they are actually excited and intrigued by guilty, transgressive pleasures. Frightened by this attraction, they run in the opposite direction and become the most correct of all. They tend to wear drab colors; they certainly never take fashion risks. They can be very judgmental and critical of people who do take risks and are less

correct. They are also addicted to routine, which gives them a way to tamp down their inner turmoil.

New Prudes are secretly oppressed by their correctness and long to transgress. Just as sexual prudes make prime targets for a Rake or Siren, the New Prude will often be most tempted by someone with dangerous or naughty side. If you desire a New Prude, do not be taken in by their judgements of your or their criticisms. That is only a sign of how deeply you fascinate them, you are on their mind. You can often draw a New Prude into a seduction, in fact by giving them the chance to criticize you on even try to reform you. Take nothing of what they say to heart, of course, but now can be seduced simply through being in contact with you. These types actually make excellent and rewarding victims. Once you open them up and get them to let go of their correctness, they are flooded with feelings and energies. They may even overwhelm you. Perhaps they are in a relationship with someone as drab as they themselves seem to be— do not be put off. They are simply asleep, waiting to be awakened.

The Crushed Star. We all want attention, we all want to shine, but with most of us these desires are fleeting and easily quieted. The problem with Crushed Stars is that at one point in their lives they did find themselves the center of attention—perhaps they were beautiful, charming and effervescent, perhaps they were athletes, or had some other talent—but those days are gone. They may seem to have accepted this, but the memory of having once shone is hard to get over. In general, the appearance of wanting attention, of trying to stand out, is not seen too kindly in polite society or in the workplace. So to get along, Crushed Stars learn to tamp down their desires; but failing to get the attention they feel they deserve they also become resentful. You can recognize. Crushed Stars by certain unguarded moments: they suddenly receive some attention in a social setting, and it makes them glow; they mention their glory days, and there is a little glint in the eye; a little wine in the system and they become effervescent.

Seducing this type is simple: just make them the center of attention. When you are with them act as if they were stars and you

were basking in their glow. Get them to talk; particularly about themselves. In social situations, mute your own colors and let them look funny and radiant by comparison. In general, play the Charmer. The reward of seducing Crushed Stars is that you stir up powerful emotions. They will feel intensely grateful to you for letting them shine. To whatever extent they had felt crushed and bottled up, the easing of that pain releases intensity and passion, all directed at you. They will fall madly in love. If you yourself have any star or dandy tendencies it is wise avoid such victims. Sooner of later those

tendencies will come out, and the competition between you will be ugly.

The Novice. What separates. Novices from ordinary innocent young people is that they are fatally curious. They have little or no experience of the world, but have been exposed to it secondhand— in newspapers films, books. Finding their innocence a burden, they long to be initiated into the ways of the world. Everyone sees them as so sweet and innocent, but they know this isn’t so—they cannot be as angelic as people think them.

Seducing a Novice is easy. To do it well, however, requires bit of art. Novices are interested in people with experience, particularly

people with a touch of corruption and evil. Make that touch too strong, though, and it will intimidate and frighten them. What works best with at Novice is a mix of qualities. You are somewhat childlike yourself, with playful spirit. At the same time, it is clear that you

have hidden depths, even sinister ones. (This was the secret of Lord Byron’s success with so many innocent women.) You are initiating your Novices not just sexually but experientially, exposing them to new ideas, taking them to new places, new worlds both literal and metaphoric. Do not make your seduction ugly or seedy—everything must be romantic, even including the evil and dark side of life.

Young people have their ideals; it is best to initiate them with an aesthetic touch. Seductive language works wonders on Novice as does attention to detail. Spectacles and colorful, events appeal to their sensitive senses. They are easily misled by these tactics,

because they lack the experience to see through them.

Sometimes Novices are a little older and have been at least somewhat educated in the ways of the world. Yet they put on a show of innocence, for they see the power it has over older people. These are coy Novices, aware of the game they are playing—but Novices they remain. They may be less easily misled than purer Novices, but the way to seduce them is pretty much the same—mix innocence and corruption and you will fascinate them.

The Conqueror. These types have an unusual amount of energy, which they find difficult to control. They are always on the prowl for people to conquer, obstacles to surmount. You will not always recognize. Conquerors by their exterior—they can seem a little shy in social situation and can have a degree of reserve. Look not at their words or appearance but at their actions, in work and in relationships. They love power, and by hook or by crook they get it.

Conquerors tend to be emotional, but their emotion only comes out in outbursts, when pushed. In matters of romance, the worst thing you can do with them is lie down and make yourself easy prey; they may take advantage of your weakness, but they will quickly discard you and leave you the worse for wear. You want to give Conquerors a chance to be aggressive, to overcome some

resistance or obstacle, before letting them think they have overwhelmed you. You want to give them a good chase. Being a

little difficult or moody, using coquetry, will often do the trick. Do not be intimidated by their aggressiveness and energy—that is precisely what you can turn to your advantage. To break them in, keep them charging back and forth like a bull. Eventually they will grow weak and dependent, as Napoleon became the slave of Josephine.

The Conqueror is generally male but there are plenty of female

Conquerors out there—Lou Andreas-Salomé and Natalie Barney are famous ones Female Conquerors will succumb to coquetry, though, just as the male ones will.

The Exotic Fetishist. Most of us are excited and intrigued by the exotic. What separates Exotic Fetishists from the rest of us is the degree of this interest, which seems to govern all their choices in

life. In truth they feel empty inside and have a strong dose of self- loathing. They do not like wherever it is they come from, their social class (usually middle or upper), and their culture because they do not like themselves.

These types are easy to recognize. They like to travel; their

houses are filled with objets from faraway places, they fetishize the music or art of this or that foreign culture. They often have a strong rebellious streak. Clearly the way to seduce them is to position yourself as exotic—if you do not at least appear to come from a different background or race, or to have some alien aura, you should not even bother. But it is always possible to play up what makes you exotic, to make it a kind of theater for their amusement. Your clothes, the things you talk about, the places you take them, make a show of your difference. Exaggerate a little and they will imagine

the rest, because such types tend to be self-deluders. Exotic Fetishists, however, do not make particularly good victims. Whatever exoticism you have will soon seems banal to them, and they will want something else. It will be a struggle to hold their interest. Their underlying insecurity will also keep you on edge.

One variation on this type is the man or woman who is trapped in a stultifying relationship, a banal occupation, a dead-end town. It is circumstance, as opposed to personal neurosis; that makes such

people fetishize the exotic; and these Exotic Fetishists are better victims than the self-loathing kind, because you can offer them a

temporary escape from whatever oppresses them. Nothing, however, will offer true Exotic Fetishists escape from themselves.

The Drama Queen. There are people who cannot do without some constant drama in their lives—it is their way of deflecting boredom. The greatest mistake you can make in seducing these. Drama

Queens is to come offering stability and security. That will only make them run for the hills. enjoy playing the victim. The want something to complain about, they want pain. Pain is a source of

pleasure for them. With this type you have to be willing and able to give them the mental rough treatment they desire. That is the only

way to seduce them in a deep manner. The moment you turn too nice, they will find some reason to quarrel or get rid of you.

You will recognize Drama Queens by the number of people who have hurt them, the tragedies and traumas that have befallen them. At the extreme, they can be hopelessly selfish and anti-seductive, but most of them are relatively harmless and will make fine victims if you can live with the sturm und drang. If for some reason you want something long term with this type, your will constantly have to inject drama into your relationship. For some this can be an exciting challenge and a source for constantly renewing the relationship. Generally, however, you should see an involvement with a Drama Queen as something fleeting and a way to bring a

little drama into your own life.

The Professor. These types cannot get out of the trap of analyzing and criticizing everything that crosses their path. Their mind are overdeveloped and overstimulated. Even when they talk about love or sex, it is with great thought and analysis. Having developed their minds at the expense of their bodies, many of them feel physically inferior and compensate by lording their mental superiority over others. Their conversation is often wry or ironic—you never quite know what they are saying, but you sense them looking down on

you. They would like to escape their mental prisons, they would like pure physicality, without any analysis, but they cannot get there on their own. Professor types sometimes engage in relationships with other professor types or with people they can treat as inferiors. But deep down they long to be overwhelmed by someone with physical presence—a Rake or a Siren, for instance.

Professors can make excellent victims, for underneath their intellectual strength lie gnawing insecurities. Make them feel like. Don Juans or Sirens, masochistic streak that will come out once you stir their dormant senses. You are offering an escape from the mind, so make it as complete as possible: if you have intellectual

tendencies yourself, hide them. They will only stir your target’s

competitive juices and get their minds turning. Let your Professors keep their sense of mental superiority; let them judge you. You will

know what they will try to hide: that you are the one in control, for you are giving them what no one else can give them—physical stimulation.

The Beauty. From early on in life, the Beauty is gazed at by others. Their desire to look at her is the source of her power, but also the source of much unhappiness: she constantly worries that her

powers are waning that she is no longer attracting attention. If she is honest with herself, she also senses that being worshiped only for one’s appearance is monotonous and unsatisfying—and lonely.

Many men are intimidated by beauty an prefer to worship it from afar; others are drawn in, but not for the purpose of conversation. The Beauty suffers from isolation.

Because she has so many lacks, the Beauty is relatively easy to seduce, and if done right, you will have won not only a much prized catch but someone who will grow dependent on what you provide. Most important in this seduction is to validate those parts of the Beauty that no one else appreciates—her intelligence (generally higher than people imagine), her skills, her character. Of course you must worship her body—you cannot stir up any insecurities in the

one area in which she knows her strength, and the strength on which she most depends—but you also must worship her mind and soul.

Intellectual stimulation will work well on the Beauty, distracting her from her doubts and insecurities, and making it seem that you value that side of her personality.

Because the Beauty is always being looked at, she tends to be passive. Beneath her passivity, though, there often lies frustration: the Beauty would love to be more active and to actually do some chasing of her own. A little coquettishness can work well here: at some point in all your worshipping, you might go a little cold, inviting her to come after you. Train her to be more active and you will have an excellent victim. The only downside is thar her many insecurities require constant attention and care.

The Aging Baby. Some people refuse to grow up. Perhaps they are afraid of death or of growing old; perhaps they are passionately

attached to the life they led as children. Disliking responsibility, they struggle to turn everything into play and recreation. In their

twenties they can be charming, in their thirties interesting, but by the time they reach their forties they are beginning to wear thin.

Contrary to what you might imagine, one Aging Baby does not want to be involved with another Aging Baby, even though the combination might seem to increase the chances for play and frivolity. The Aging Baby does not want competition, but an adult figure. If you desire to seduce this type, you must be prepared to be responsible, staid one. That may be a strange way of seducing, but in this case it works. You should appear to like the Aging Baby’s youthful spirit (it helps if you actually do), can engage with it, but you remain the indulgent adult. By being responsible you free the Baby to play. Act the loving adult to the hilt, never judging on criticizing their behavior, and a strong attachment will form. Aging Babies can be amusing for a while, but like all children, they are often potently narcissistic. This limits the pleasure you can have with them. You should see them is short-term amusements or temporary outlets for your frustrated parental instincts.

The Rescuer. We are often drawn to people who seem vulnerable or weak—their sadness or depression can actually be quite seductive. There are people, however, who take this much further, who seem to be attracted only to people with problems. This may seem noble, but Rescuers usually have complicated motives: they often have

sensitive natures and truly want to help. At the same time, solving people’s problems gives them a kind of power they relish—it makes them feel superior and in control. It is also the perfect way to distract them from their own problems. You will recognize these

types by their empathy—they listen well and try to get you to open up an talk. You will also notice they have histories of relationships with dependent and troubled people.

Rescuers can make excellent victims, particularly if you enjoy chivalrous or maternal attention. If you are a woman, play the

damsel in distress, giving a man the chance so many men long for— to act the knight. If you are a man, play the boy who cannot deal

with this harsh world; a female Rescuer will envelop you in maternal attention, gaining for herself the added satisfaction of feeling more powerful and in control than a man. An air of sadness will draw either gender in. Exaggerate your weaknesses, but not through overt words or gestures—let them sense that you have had too little love, that you have had a string of bad relationships, that you have gotten a raw deal in life. Having lured your Rescuer in with the chance to help you, you can then stoke the relationship’s

fires with a steady supply of needs and vulnerabilities. You can also invite moral rescue: you are bad. You have done bad things. You need a stern yet loving hand. In this case the Rescuer gets to feel morally superior, but also the vicarious thrill of involvement with

someone naughty.

The Roué. These types have lived the good life and experienced many pleasures. They probably have, or once had, a good deal of money to finance their hedonistic lives. On the outside they tend to seem cynical and jaded, but their worldliness often hides a sentimentality that they have struggled to repress. Roués are

consummate seducers, but there is one type that can easily seduce them—the young and the innocent. As they get older, they hanker after their lost youth; missing their long-lost innocence, they begin to covet it in others.

If you should want to seduce them, you will probably have to be somewhat young and to have retained at least the appearance of innocence. It is easy to play this up—make a show of how little

experience you have in the world, how you still see things as a child. It is also good to seem to resist their advances: Roués will think it lively and exciting to chase you. You can even seem to dislike or distrust them—that will really spur them on. By being the one who resists, you control the dynamic. And since you have the youth that they are missing, you can maintain the upper hand and make them fall deeply in love. They will often be susceptible to such a fall

because they have tamped down their own romantic tendencies for so long that when it bursts forth, they lose control. Never give in too early and never let your guard down—such types can be dangerous.

The Idol Worshiper. Everyone feels an inner lack but Idol

Worshipers have a bigger emptiness than most people. They cannot be satisfied with themselves, so they search the world for something to worship, something to fill their inner void. This often assumes the form of a great interest in spiritual matters or in some worthwhile cause; by focusing on something supposedly elevated, they distract

themselves from their own void, from what they dislike about themselves. Idol Worshipers are easy to spot—they are the ones pouring their energies into some cause or religion. They often move around over the years, leaving one cult for another.

The way to seduce these types is to simply become their object of worship, to take the place of the cause or religion to which they are so dedicated. At first you may have to seem to share their spiritual interests, joining them in their worship, or perhaps exposing them to a new cause; eventually you will displace it. With this type you have to hide yours flaws, or at least to give them a saintly sheen. Be banal and Idol Worshipers will pass you by. But mirror the qualities they

aspire to have for themselves and they will slowly transfer their adoration to you. Keep everything on an elevated plane—let

romance and religion flow into one.

Keep two things in mind when seducing this type. First they tend to have overactive minds, which can make them quite suspicious.

Because they often lack physical stimulation, and because physical stimulation will distract them, give them some: a mountain trek, a boat trip or sex will do the trick. But this takes a lot of work, for their mind are always ticking. Second, they often suffer from low self-esteem. Do not try to raise it; they will see through you, and your efforts at praising them will clash with their own self-image. They are to worship you; you are not to worship them. Idol

Worshipers make perfectly adequate victims in the short term, but their endless need to search will eventually lead them to look for something new to adore.

The Sensualist. What marks these types is not their love of pleasure but their overactive senses. Sometimes they show this quality in their appearance—their interest in fashion, color, style. But

sometimes it is more subtle: because they are so sensitive, they are often quite shy, and they will shrink from standing out or being flamboyant. You will recognize them by how responsive they are to their environment, how they cannot stand a room without sunlight, are depressed by certain colors, or excited by certain smells. They happen to live in a culture that deemphasizes sensual experience (except perhaps for the sense of sight) And so what the Sensualist

lacks is precisely, enough sensual experiences to appreciate and relish.

The key to seducing them is to aim for their senses, to take them to beautiful places, pay attention to detail, envelop them in spectacle, and of course use plenty of physical lures. Sensualists,

like animals, can be baited with colors and smells. Appeal to as many senses as possible, keeping your targets distracted and weak. Seductions of Sensualists are often easy and quick, and you can use the same tactics again and again to keep them interested, although it is wise to vary your sensual appeals somewhat, in kind if not in quality. That is how Cleopatra worked on Mark Antony, an

inveterate Sensualist. These types make superb victims because they are relatively docile if you give them what they want.

The Lonely Leader. Powerful people are not necessarily different from everyone else, but they are treated differently, and this has a big effect on their personalities. Everyone around them tends to be fawning and courtierlike, to have an angle, to want something from them. This makes them suspicious and distrustful, and a little hard around the edges, but do not mistake the appearance for the reality. Lonely Leaders long to be seduced, to have someone break through their isolation and overwhelm them. The problem is that most

people are too intimidated to try, or use the kind of tactics—flattery, charm—that they see through and despise. To seduce such types, it is better to act like their equal or even their superior—the kind of treatment they never get. If you are blunt with them you will seem genuine, and they will be touched—you care enough to be honest, even perhaps at some risk. (Being blunt with the powerful can be

 

dangerous. Lonely Leaders can be made emotional by inflicting some pain, followed by tenderness.

This is one of the hardest types to seduce, not only because they are suspicious but because their minds are burdened with cares and responsibilities. They have less mental space for a seduction. You will have to be patient and clever, slowly filling their minds with

thoughts of you. Succeed, though, and you can gain great power in turn, for in their loneliness they will come to depend on you

The Floating Gender. All of us have a mix of the masculine and the feminine in our characters, but most of us learn to develop and exhibit the socially acceptable side while repressing the other.

People of the Floating Gender type feel that the separation of the sexes into such distinct genders is a burden. They are sometimes thought to be repressed or latent homosexuals, but this is a misunderstanding: they may well be heterosexual but their

masculine and feminine sides are in flux , and because this may discomfit others if they show it, they learn to repress it, perhaps by going to one extreme. They would actually love to be able to play with their gender, to give full expression to both sides. Many people fall into this type without its being obvious: a woman may have a

masculine energy, a man a developed aesthetic side. Do not look for obvious signs, because these types often go underground, keeping it under wraps. This makes them vulnerable to a powerful seduction. What Floating Gender types are really looking for is another person of uncertain gender, their counterpart from the opposite sex. Show them that in your presence and they can relax, express the repressed side of their character. If you have such proclivities, this is the one

instance where it would be best to seduce the same type of the

opposite sex. Each person will stir up repressed desires in the other and will suddenly have license to explore all kinds of gender combinations, without fear of judgment. If you are not of the Floating Gender, leave this type alone . You will only inhibit them and create more discomfort.