It was January 6th 2006, the first day of a new school term, and I was nervous to see what 2006 had in store. If it was anything like the year we had left behind then we were in for a bumpy ride, but the boy whose car I was sitting in sure made for great company.
Everything had irrevocably changed in our lives. Not just for Gerard, but for me, too.
I felt different now.
Older.
Jaded.
Awake.
I knew we had a long way to go, and Gerard was only starting his healing journey, but as long as we stuck together, I knew we would make it.
2006 would be our year, I decided.
No more walls.
No more secrets.
Whatever came our way, we would face it together.
We would be alright.
“It’s going to be bad in there,” Gerard dragged me from my thoughts by saying. Parking up in his familiar spot, he killed the engine and jacked the handbrake before turning to face me. “With Lizzie.”
Yeah, I already knew that.
The dynamics of our entire friendship circle had been fractured, and while some things had changed for the better – namely mine and Gerard’s relationship – a whole heap more had changed for the worse.
Going backwards wasn’t an option for any of us. Straight ahead was the only direction available.
Lines had been drawn in the sand, sides had been taken, and for the first time in my life, I felt like I was standing on the precipice of both greatness and pain. Nothing was going to be the same this year. But we had each other. And right now, that was all we needed.
“I know that you’re in a really bad position,” my boyfriend continued to say, his cheeks reddening as he spoke. “But I just need you to know that I’m not expecting you to take sides, okay?” Expelling a pained breath, he reached for my hand and pressed a kiss to my knuckles. “You can be both.”
“Both?”
Nodding slowly, he pressed another kiss to my knuckles. “You can be her friend and still have me.” Reaching across the console, he tucked a rogue curl that had escaped my ponytail behind my ear. “It doesn’t have to be one or the other.”
“Actually, it does,” I heard myself tell him.
Gerard’s brows furrowed. “I’m not following.”
“I said it does matter, Gerard,” I explained, curling a hand around his neck to pull his face to mine. “Because I’ve learned a lot about myself this past year. About who I am, and who I love, and who I want to be. And I’m not afraid anymore to stand up for myself, or for what I believe in, and especially who I believe in,” I admitted. “And it’s you, Gerard. All paths lead to you.” I shrugged helplessly. “So, if I have to step on a few toes along the way then so be it. Because, from here on out, we’re a team. And if the whole world tries to take you on, then they have to take me on, too.” Smiling, I pressed another kiss to his lips, before saying, “You come first, Gerard.”
“I do?”
The uncertain vulnerability in his voice caused a surge of protectiveness to grow inside of my heart, and I pulled him closer, having made my choice. “You do.”
“I won’t mess this up, Claire,” he vowed hoarsely, taking my hand in his. “But I’m not going to tell you. I’m going to show you.”
“Wow.” I beamed at him. “You actually listen to me, don’t you?”
“Every word, Claire-Bear,” Gerard replied with a wink. “Every word.”
“Get a bleeding room,” a familiar voice called out moments before the bonnet of Gerard’s car was drummed on. “You’re on my time now, Gibs.”
Repressing a groan, Gerard dropped his head on my shoulder and sighed. “I told you that I’ve quit the team, Cap.”
“And I told you that I don’t accept resignations.” The driver’s door was yanked open. “Now, kiss your girlfriend goodbye, tell her you’ll see her at lunch, same as always, and get your hole in that changing room.” Reaching into the car, Johnny unfastened Gerard’s seatbelt and hauled him out. “Because we have a schoolboys’ shield to win, and I have no intention of letting Royce take the win this year.”
“Well, aren’t you the biggest brand of hypocrite known to mankind?” Gerard grumbled, as he wrestled with his best friend outside the car. “Hey – don’t fucking pinch me, Jonathan.”
“Then don’t bleeding scrawl me, Gerard.”
“Are you ready?” Shannon’s familiar voice drifted through the open passenger window of the car and I turned to smile at her. “Yes, but I’m nervous.”
“Welcome to my world,” she replied with a soft laugh. “I seem to spend my life in a constant state of nervous trepidation.”
“Still?”
“Oh, yes.” She nodded, still smiling. “It’s my calling.”
“Have you seen her yet?” I asked when I climbed out of the car and retrieved both my bag and Gerard’s from the backseat. “Lizzie?”
“I have,” Shannon replied in a careful tone, falling into step beside me. “She’s not in a good way.”
“It’s not my problem,” was all I could say.
“Claire.”
“It’s not, Shan,” I pushed. “I wish her the best, I hope she finds happiness, but I can’t be in her corner anymore.”
“Well, I’m still in both of your corners,” Shannon replied sadly. “I love you both and I won’t pick.”
“He, on the other hand, has picked,” she offered, pointing up ahead to where Johnny and Gerard were still grappling with each other in the courtyard. “He’s team Gibsie until the end of time.”
“Yeah,” I replied, readjusting both bags on my back. “Me, too.”
“Are you ready for this, Shan?” Johnny asked when the boys returned to us, both breathless from their exertions. “Another six months of Tommen, baby.”
“I’m as ready as I’ll ever be,” I heard my bestie reply before slipping her hand into his. “I’ve got this.”
“You absolutely do,” Johnny agreed in that calm, reassuring tone of his, giving her hand a squeeze, while simultaneously reaching over to clap Gerard on the back. “You both do.”
“You really have got this,” I whispered in Gerard’s ear when he reached for his schoolbag. The nervous tremor in his body caused my heart to ache. This was hard for him. Worse than hard. This was torture for him. But here he was, still standing, still smiling.
“Yeah.” Reaching for my hand, he entwined our fingers and offered me a reassuring squeeze. “Let’s get this over with, huh?”
Following a few paces behind Johnny and Shannon, we walked through the familiar doorway of Tommen College, hand in hand.
The minute we stepped inside, the gawking and staring began, though thankfully nobody was stupid enough to actually comment.
“So, this is what being in a fishbowl feels like,” Gerard tried to lighten the mood by saying as we walked through the crowds in the direction of the sixth-year common room, ignoring the countless eyes boring holes through us.
“True,” I mused, giving his hand another reassuring squeeze. “Or what being Johnny Kavanagh must feel like.”
“Ignore them,” Johnny, who had backpedaled through the crowd told us, before adding in a much louder voice, “People have short memories and big staring problems in this bleeding school.”
That did the trick.
People couldn’t look away quick enough.
Grateful for Johnny’s intervention, I let him take the lead, knowing that there was something about the Dub that calmed my boyfriend. Johnny made Gerard feel grounded, and right about now, Gerard needed all of the grounding he could get.
The shift in our friendship circle couldn’t have been any clearer when we entered the sixth-year common room a few moments later and were met with what I could only describe as the great divide.
While Johnny, Gerard, and I stood in the doorway, Aoife and Katie sat on one of the plush leather couches, while Patrick sat on the other, strumming softly on his guitar. Meanwhile, Hugh was leaning against the window with his head in his hands, while Joey and Lizzie spoke in hushed whispers in the kitchenette area. Standing in the middle of the room, looking torn, was Shannon.
“The core eight fractured,” Helen said, voicing my thoughts aloud, when she sidled up to me and said, “Wow, I never thought I would see the day.”
“Don’t you mean core ten, Hels,” Shelley interjected, gesturing first to Joey and then to Aoife.
The moment Lizzie’s attention landed on us standing in the doorway, I felt the air change around us. It grew cold and thick and clammy all at once. Her blue eyes flicked from me to Johnny, before settling on Gerard.
Unable to stop myself, I stood a protective stance in front on him, letting her know that I wasn’t here to play. I would defend this boy with everything I had in my armory. To the death.
“Well, this is awkward,” one of the girls muttered. Shelley or Helen, I couldn’t tell which one. I was too focused on the staredown I was currently engaged in.
The feel of a hand tugging on mine dragged my attention from Lizzie and I turned to look at Gerard. “Take a walk with me, Claire-Bear,” he said softly, thumb gently tracing over my knuckles.
“Anywhere,” I replied, squeezing his hand. “I will go anywhere with you, Gerard Gibson.”
A mixture of relief, sadness, and love shone in his eyes. “Right back at you, Claire Biggs.”
And then, without another glance, I turned on my heels and walked hand in hand from the room with the only boy who would ever lay claim to my heart.
Trouble was brewing between our friends.
I could feel it.
I could taste it.
But the lines had been drawn.
And I would forever stand with this boy.
After all, taming seven had been the adventure of my lifetime.
