“Gerard!” I screamed, watching as he faceplanted the treehouse floor with an audible thud. Seriously, he went down like a sack of spuds. “Omigod, Gerard?”
Nothing.
Not a peep.
“Are you dead?”
Silence.
“Omigod, I killed you!” I wailed, throwing my hands up. “I killed you with my hymen!”
Wailing like a banshee, I quickly snatched the blood-stained duvet up and threw it out of the treehouse. “I am so sorry, Gerard,” I cried, as I bolted down the ladder. “I’ll get help!”
Tripping off the last step of the ten-foot ladder, I scooped up the evidence of my crime of passion and ran for my life, screaming the word “Help” at the top of my lungs.
“Claire?” Both of our mothers came barreling out of the house. “What in the name of Jesus happened?”
“Mam, I killed him!” I wailed, running into her arms. “I killed Gerard!”
“What happened?” Sadhbh demanded, looking frantic with concern. “Where’s my son, Claire?!”
“He’s dead.” Still wailing like a banshee, I pointed behind me. “In the treehouse.”
“How?” Mam asked in a much calmer voice than either Sadhbh or I were displaying. “What happened?”
“Gerard!” Breaking into a panicked run, Sadhbh dropped her coffee cup on the lawn and bolted up the ladder of the treehouse. “Gerard, love, it’s alright. Mammy’s coming!”
“What’s wrong?” Dad demanded, appearing on the patio. “Jesus, I could hear you screaming from the attic.”
“I killed Gerard with my hymen, Daddy!” I wailed, throwing the blood-stained duvet at his feet. “Here’s the murder weapon for the Gardaí when they come to arrest me!”
“He’s alive!” I heard Sadhbh call out from the treehouse, and I swear, I almost collapsed on the lawn in relief.
“Oh, thank God,” I cried, dropping my head in my hands. “Thank you, baby Jesus and the Virgin Mary for watching over us.”
“Peter?” Sadhbh called out from the treehouse. “Give me a hand with your godson, would you?”
“Claire.” Mam shook her head. “I don’t know whether to cry or kill you right now.”
“I know!” I winced. “I’m super sorry, Mam.”
“Okay, everybody, stand back,” my father instructed a few minutes later, as he carried my boyfriend down from the treehouse in the fireman’s carry position. “He’ll be alright. He’s just after getting a fright, that’s all.”
