“Stop it, Cherub.” Crying hard into my pillow, I tried to ignore the paw that was prodding and swiping at my hair. “Please, I’m trying to wallow in peace here.” Nope. She was relentless in her pursuit of my curls. “Your squeaky mouse is on the floor.” I hiccupped out a sob. “Go play with that instead of my hair.”
Cherub didn’t go play with her squeaky mouse, but she did jump off my bed when my bedroom door flew inwards. “I need to tell you something,” Gerard declared in a nervous tone, as he strode into my room with an envelope in his hand. “Actually, I need to show you something … ”
“Don’t bother,” I choked out, planting my face back in my pillow. “I already heard and saw.”
“What?”
I couldn’t take it.
I honestly couldn’t.
A sob tore from my throat.
“Claire?”
Followed by another and then another.
“Jesus, are you crying?”
My heart shattered into a million pieces all over again when he sat down on my bed and brushed my hair off my face.
“Baby, what’s wrong?”
“How could you, Gerard!” I strangled out, crying so hard that my chest heaved violently. “How c-could y-you?”
“I would answer you if I knew what the question was,” he replied, tone laced with panic. “What happened?”
“You happened, Gerard.” Giving him my back, I rolled onto my side and clutched my pillow to my chest. “You ha-happened.”
“Okay, you need to talk to me,” he half-demanded, half-coaxed, as he rubbed my arm affectionately. “Because I have no idea what’s happening here, sweetheart.”
Feeling bereft and lifeless, I somehow found the strength to reach under my pillows and retrieve my phone. “Check my message from Helen.”
Taking my phone, he quickly unlocked it and set to work on the task I had given him. I knew the moment he saw the picture because I felt his body tense up beside me.
“Please d-don’t say it’s n-not what it l-looks like,” I strangled out, through heaving sobs. “Because she’s sitting on your l-lap and has her h-hand on your w-willy. You had the n-nerve to crawl into m-my bed afterwards.”
“Claire, it’s not what it looks like.” His voice was laced with a pained kind of urgency. “I swear it’s not.”
“I told you n-not to s-ay it.”
“I can’t not say it, Claire, because it’s the truth,” he tried to argue. “I swear to Christ, okay?” Pulling myself into a sitting position, I watched as he paced my room. “You have to believe me.”
“I don’t believe you!” I cried out hoarsely.
Gerard reared back like my words had physically struck him. “You have to believe me,” he choked out. “You, Claire. You have to believe me.”
I choked out another pained sob and covered my face with my hands.
“No, no, no, don’t do this.” Closing the space between us, he knelt on the floor next to my bed and took my hands in his. “I didn’t do it, Claire, okay?” Reaching up with one hand, he wiped at my tears, but they kept on coming. “I didn’t touch her.”
“I want to b-believe you.”
“Then believe me,” he begged, wiping more of my tears away. “Because I would never do that to you.”
“You s-swear?” Desperately trying to get a handle on my breathing, I pressed a hand to my chest and tried to calm the hysteria rising up inside of me. “You p-promise you’ve n-never been with h-her?”
Nodding eagerly, he opened his mouth to speak but then hesitated. “I can promise you that I wasn’t with her that night,” he finally said.
My heart shattered once more. “Who is s-she?”
He hung his head but didn’t respond.
“Who is s-she, Gerard?” I sniffled. “Catwoman! Who is s-she?”
Silence.
“I didn’t cheat on you.”
“Who is s-she?”
“Claire, it meant nothing, I promise.”
“Who is s-she, Gerard!”
“I can’t tell you.”
“Why not?”
“Because I just can’t, okay?”
“She obviously m-means something to y-you if you’re refusing to t-tell me her n-name.”
“She means nothing to me, okay, Claire? Okay? Not a damn thing. You’re the only girl who’s ever meant anything to me.”
“Then why would you d-do it?” I begged. “Why would you b-be with other g-girls?”
“I haven’t.”
“You h-have in the p-past.”
“I don’t know.” He released a pained groan and dropped his head. “I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me.”
“This c-can’t go on.”
“What can’t?”
“Us.”
“Us?” His eyes were wild with panic. “What do mean we can’t go on?”
“I can’t d-do this anymore.”
“Claire, stop. Please. I won’t look at her again. I swear.” He closed the space between us and tried to pull me in for a hug. I resisted because I knew if I didn’t it would be the end of me. I was losing myself in this boy deeper by the day and if I didn’t push the brakes now that there were huge red flags blowing around, then I was screwed. Because love was dangerous. It was wild. It was reckless with the human heart, and I was determined to protect myself from it. “Please don’t do this. You’re my best friend. I need you.”
“I’m not being your fallback anymore.”
“You have never been my fallback anything.”
“Yeah, I have, and I’m done with it!”
“Claire.”
“Just go, Gerard!”
“I’m so sad.”
“Don’t be. You had a narrow escape.”
“Liz!”
“What? It’s true. She did.”
“It’ll be okay, Claire,” Shannon coaxed, smoothing a hand over my curls when they came over later that evening to cheer me up. Well, Shannon came over to cheer me up. Lizzie came over to give me the I told you so lecture. “You two will figure it out.”
“They better not,” Lizzie growled, leaning back on my desk chair. “He’s a dog.”
“Liz!”
“What?” She shrugged, unapologetically. “It’s true.”
“Hey, how’s Hugh doing?” Shannon asked then. “Is he feeling better?”
“He’s been locked away in his room all day.”
“Did he say what’s wrong?” Lizzie asked.
“Nope,” I replied. “He’s really out of it, though, so it must be pretty serious. I think Mam’s making an appointment for him at the doctor for later in the week, which is abnormal when you have a mother who’s a nurse. If Mam can’t fix him, it’s scary.”
“He’ll be fine,” Shannon hurried to soothe, setting her hand down on my forearm. “It might be mumps or something random like that.”
“Oh crap, for his sake, I hope not,” I sniffled.
“Why?”
“Because the mumps can make men infertile.”
“What?” Lizzie pulled herself up on her elbows and gaped at me. “Where in the name of God did you hear that?”
“From my mam,” I explained, blowing my nose. “So gross.”
“He sat next to Johnny at lunch today,” Shannon said, worrying her lip. “Do you think … ”
“Aw,” I half-laughed, half-wailed. “Aren’t you cute worrying about your boyfriend’s reproductive organs.”
“Johnny’s grand,” Lizzie cut her off with a sigh. “Because Hugh doesn’t have the mumps.”
“He might.”
“He doesn’t.”
“You can’t know that.”
“Hey, maybe my brother needs to sit next to your brother, Shan,” I sniffled, blowing my nose again. “He needs neutering like Brian.”
“That’s the spirit,” Lizzie praised. “Stiffen that upper lip, Baby Biggs.”
