It was late October, three whole weeks had passed since the incident with Lizzie, and Gerard was back to his usual, playful self.
Sitting in the lunch hall during big break the day of Halloween break, he casually draped his arm around me while he laughed and joked with our friends.
He was just as lovable as always, full of warm affection and flirty banter, but it wasn’t real. It wasn’t him.
I knew it was a front, his way of coping with stress, but the rest of the world found it hilarious, and the more they laughed, the more he performed for them, despite what it cost him.
Meanwhile, I slapped on a smile for the outside world, while internally stewing on the inside. Too immersed in my internal reeling to participate in the conversation unfolding around me, I leaned back in my chair and studied the chipped pink nail polish I had on, instead.
Most of my frustration could be pinpointed to two areas. First, I was frustrated by Gerard’s uncanny ability to pretend that lines hadn’t been crossed between us when they clearly had. And second, I seemed to be even more frustrated by the fact that I desperately wanted to cross those lines again, while he showed zero interest.
Not only had he given me the first and best orgasm of my life, but he was pretending like it never happened.
I couldn’t understand it. Because, in all honesty, if the shoe was on the other foot, and I had the ability to do what that boy had done with his fingers and thumb, then I knew I would be bragging from the rooftops about how epic my magic fingers were. Because dear lord, his fingers were masterful.
While Gerard tossed banter back and forth with his teammates, he traced his fingers innocently against my arm. The memory of just how worldly those fingers could be caused my face to flood with heat.
“What’s wrong?” Hugh demanded, spooking me out with that freakish telepathic brotherly bond thing he could do. Even though we were two years apart in age, I swear my brother had the ability to sense my moods. “Claire?”
“Nothing,” I replied, offering him a big smile. “I’m grand.”
My brother didn’t look convinced. In fact, his tone took on an accusatory note when he turned his attention to the boy sitting next to me and snapped, “What did you do now?”
“Me?” With a half-eaten lollipop hanging out of his mouth, Gerard stared blankly back at my brother. “What did I do?”
“That’s what I’m asking,” Hugh bit out. “What did you do?”
Gerard’s brows creased in confusion. “Today?”
“To my sister, asshole,” he shot back, gesturing to where I was sitting. The moment he did that, everyone’s attention flicked to me. Lovely. “She’s upset and I know you have something to do with it, Gibs.”
“You’re upset?” Concerned gray eyes landed on mine. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” I forced a laugh and tugged on the sleeve of my jumper. “I’m perfectly fine.”
“See?” Katie coaxed, patting my brother’s shoulder. “Calm down, big brother. You’re overreacting.”
The look Hugh gave her assured me that he didn’t think he was overreacting, but he did drop it.
Thank God.
After a few moments, everyone returned to their conversations and lunch, but a pair of silvery-gray eyes continued to watch me.
“What?” I forced another laugh and nudged him with my elbow. “I’m fine, Gerard. Stop looking at me like that.”
He didn’t stop looking.
Instead, he twisted in his seat, giving everyone sitting around the table his back, while giving me his full attention. His tone was low and serious when he asked, “Did I do something?”
Yes. “No.”
“Claire.”
I smiled back at him. “Gerard.”
Catching ahold of the underside of my chair, he pulled it towards him, causing my legs to slide between his thighs. “Did I do something?” he asked again, leaning in close as he spoke, eyes focused entirely on my face. “Talk to me.”
I smiled sweetly. “About what?”
His nostrils flared and I knew that he was tasting a healthy dose of his own medicine. “That’s not fair.”
I could have argued with him. I could have thrown a tantrum and demanded he confess his undying love for me right here in the lunch hall, but I already knew how he felt. Gerard’s love for me wasn’t something I ever needed to question. It was his unwillingness to offer me more that plagued my every waking hour.
“I’m going to say yes to Jamie,” I blurted out and then held my breath while I waited for his reaction. I wasn’t serious. I had no intention of going out with Jamie, and I wasn’t typically a goading girl – meaning that I didn’t cause unnecessary drama to get my way with boys – but I was growing weary of Gerard’s pretenses and felt like this might be the push that he needed.
He stared at me for a long beat before a smile spread across his face. “No, you’re not.”
The way he said it, so confident and self-assured, instantly had my back up. “Oh yeah?” I narrowed my eyes in challenge. “Who says I already haven’t?”
His smile faltered. “Tell me this is a joke.”
“Nope,” I replied in as breezy tone as I could muster. “No joke. In fact, I was just about to tell Jamie the good news, but I figured I’d give you a heads-up beforehand.” Shrugging nonchalantly, I added, “You know, just in case.”
“Just in case,” Gerard deadpanned. “Just in case?”
“Yep.” Nodding, I offered him another forced smile, while my heart hammered violently in my chest. “Just in case.”
“Well, then.” Leaning back in his chair like I had slapped him, Gerard folded his arms across his chest and called my bluff. “You better hurry up and catch him before he leaves.” He inclined his head to where Jamie was standing in line for lunch. “You know.” He shrugged just as nonchalantly as I had before adding, “Just in case.”
“Fine.” The wave of rejection that washed over me had my pride forcing me to stand up and say, “I will.”
“You do that,” he called after me.
“Oh, don’t worry,” I tossed over my shoulder. “I’m going to.”
“Fine!”
“Fine!”
Marching towards the lunch line, I balled my hands into fists at my sides and tried to steady my nerves.
Oh my God, Claire, what are you doing?
Abort mission.
Abort mission, dammit!
“Hey, you,” Jamie acknowledged with a warm smile when I reached him in line. “How’s it going?”
“Uh, it’s going good.” Swallowing deeply, I turned back to find Gerard glaring at me. Steeling my resolve, I swung back around to face Jamie and smiled. “Yes.”
“Yes?” His brows furrowed for a brief moment before awareness dawned on him, causing a huge smile to spread across his face. “You’re saying yes to a date with me?”
Was I?
Was I really?
“Yes,” I confirmed with a forced smile. “I’m saying yes to a date with you.”
