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Chapter no 2

Taming 7 (Boys of Tommen, 5)

โ€œIโ€™m telling you, Claire-Bear, weโ€™ve got this,โ€ Gerard declared, armed with Brianโ€™s cat cage. โ€œItโ€™s in the bag.โ€ Marching us through the fair, he didnโ€™t stop until we reached the area of the field that was sporting the dog show. โ€œTrust me.โ€

โ€œI donโ€™t know, Gerard,โ€ I replied, chewing on my bottom lip, as I hurried along beside him. โ€œWhat if they donโ€™t let us enter?โ€

โ€œBullshit,โ€ he shot back, and then jerked comically when Brian swiped a paw through the bars of the cage. โ€œThey canโ€™t do that.โ€

โ€œBrianโ€™s a cat.โ€

โ€œSo?โ€

โ€œSo, this is a dog show.โ€

โ€œNowhere in the rule books does it state that we have to enter a dog.โ€

โ€œI think because itโ€™s alluded to in the title โ€˜dog showโ€™, Gerard.โ€

โ€œDo you see a cat show being offered anywhere?โ€

โ€œNope.โ€

โ€œMe either, so this will work, Claire.โ€

โ€œWhat if they laugh at us?โ€

โ€œSo what if they do?โ€ he scoffed, completely unaffected. โ€œLet them. We need that prize money, babe โ€“ and we have more than earned that first-place trophy for washing that deranged bastard.โ€ Reaching up, he touched the part of his shoulder that had been mangled the worst. โ€œI have the scratches to prove it.โ€

โ€œBut you know Brianโ€™s not very friendly.โ€

โ€œNo, heโ€™s not,โ€ Gerard agreed. โ€œBut I promised I would stand by you and provide for our babies so thatโ€™s exactly what Iโ€™m going to do.โ€ Shrugging, he added, โ€œBesides, heโ€™s the one tapping Cherub. He can do this for us.โ€

โ€œWe should have brought Cherub.โ€

โ€œYeah, well, sheโ€™s a bit preoccupied right now,โ€ he shot back, โ€œwhat with being in the family way and having a belly on her bigger than Fat Paddy.โ€ Slapping on a smile, he added, โ€œLetโ€™s just work with what weโ€™ve been given here. Brian might be a bastard, but heโ€™s a beautiful one.โ€

That was true. Brian was a looker alright. A long-haired pedigree Persian with a snow-white coat of perfectly combed fur. Too bad he was a demon on the inside. โ€œWhat if he attacks the judges?โ€

โ€œDonโ€™t worry, Iโ€™ve got that covered.โ€

โ€œOh?โ€ My eyes narrowed and I eyed him warily. โ€œGerard. What did you do?โ€

โ€œOffered him a mild sedative before we left the house.โ€

โ€œYou did what?โ€

โ€œHow else was I supposed to get him in the box?โ€ he demanded, looking affronted. โ€œYou know how ratty he gets when I touch him.โ€

โ€œOh God, this is a bad idea.โ€

โ€œItโ€™s a great idea,โ€ he corrected, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. โ€œAnd weโ€™ve got this.โ€

โ€œOh, Gerard, look at the dog,โ€ I cooed, eyes locked on the pampered Pomeranian.

โ€œHe doesnโ€™t have shit on us โ€ฆ โ€

โ€œClaire.โ€

โ€œClaire.โ€

โ€œClaire!โ€ The sound of my brotherโ€™s voice thundered through my ears, disrupting the most epically perfect memory dream Iโ€™d had in weeks, and startling me into a sudden state of confused consciousness. โ€œCome on, will you? Itโ€™s gone seven. Iโ€™m leaving in ten minutes.โ€

โ€œGone seven?โ€ I called back sleepily. โ€œIn the morning?โ€

โ€œYeah, letโ€™s go,โ€ his deep voice boomed from the other side of my bedroom door. โ€œHurry up.โ€

โ€œBut itโ€™s still summer, Hugh,โ€ I wailed, momentarily panicking that Iโ€™d somehow slept through the last few days of our summer holidays and was about to be thrust back into the corridors of Tommen. โ€œAnd itโ€™s Saturday!โ€

โ€œYeah, genius, I know itโ€™s Saturday,โ€ he drawled, tone laced with a healthy dollop of brotherly sarcasm. โ€œListen, Mamโ€™s been tormenting me since your birthday to get you a job at the hotel. Kim told me to bring you along this morning. Thereโ€™s an opening for a part-time lifeguard at the pool, and she wants to give you a trial run while Iโ€™m on duty, so get your ass in gear because my shift starts at eight, and I wonโ€™t be late for you.โ€

โ€œA trial?โ€ Scrunching my nose up in distaste, I stretched my legs out and yawned. โ€œFor what?โ€

โ€œA job,โ€ came his sarcastic response.

โ€œBut I have a job.โ€

โ€œYou volunteer at the public swimming pool, Claire,โ€ he replied, sounding more impatient by the second. โ€œLifeguarding at the hotel is a paying job.โ€

โ€œSmart-ass.โ€ Yawning sleepily, I snuggled deeper into the mattress, feeling beyond exhausted. โ€œGive me five more minutes, will you? Iโ€™m just resting my eyes.โ€

โ€œRest your eyes all you want,โ€ my brother replied. โ€œBut Iโ€™m leaving in ten minutes. Dadโ€™s holed up in the attic on a deadline, so he wonโ€™t take you, andโ€”โ€

โ€œThen Iโ€™ll ask Mam,โ€ I called back before he could finish.

Hah.

Take that, sucker.

โ€œMamโ€™s not back from the night shift at the hospital yet,โ€ he swiftly continued, not missing a beat. โ€œShe wonโ€™t be back in time.โ€

โ€œHugh, please,โ€ I complained, kicking my legs under my duvet in frustration. โ€œJust give me five more minutes!โ€

โ€œNo, because I know that your version of five minutes really means forty minutes and I need to leave in ten,โ€ he replied, sounding more impatient by the second.

โ€œKeep talking and youโ€™ll bore me back to sleep.โ€

โ€œFine. Suit yourself,โ€ he called back. โ€œBut when Mam bitches about you not getting a job, donโ€™t even think about dropping the blame batonย onto me, princess.โ€ There was a long pause before his voice boomed again. โ€œOh, and you can tell that asshole that he was supposed to meet Cap at the gym two hours ago.โ€

That did the trick.

My eyes sprang open, and I bolted out of my bed, only to ping back like a boomerang when my hand wouldnโ€™t comply with the rest of my body.

Of course it wouldnโ€™t.

Not when it was welded to a much larger hand.

โ€œFive more minutes, babe,โ€ Gerard echoed my earlier words from under a mountain of pillows and teddy bears. โ€œIโ€™m resting my eyes.โ€

โ€œCome on, get up,โ€ I groaned, battling it out for dominion over my hand and losing when he pulled me back down on the mattress without breaking a sweat โ€“ or cracking open an eyelid. โ€œHughโ€™s right outside my door. Apparently, youโ€™re supposed to be at the gym.โ€

โ€œThe gym can suck my balls,โ€ he mumbled, rolling onto his side, and pulling me flush against his chest to spoon. โ€œFucking Kav.โ€

โ€œGerard!โ€

โ€œSnuggling my Claire-Bear equals a happy Gibsie. Running laps on the treadmill until I puke equals a very unhappy Gibsie.โ€ The feel of his big body pressed to mine set loose what felt like a cage of wild butterflies in my chest. โ€œItโ€™s all about priorities, babe.โ€

โ€œAnd Iโ€™m yours?โ€ I teased.

โ€œAlways,โ€ he confirmed sleepily, tightening his hold on my waist.

Jesus.

Breath hitching, I forced myself to exhale slowly, all the while desperately trying to channel down the somersaulting sensation in my belly. The one that felt like I had just driven over a massive hump in the road, that caused my organs to shift around in my body.

Everything between us was starting to feel a whole lot different lately. More intense. More grown up. Even though he was the same boy Iโ€™d spent most of my life adoring, he certainly didnโ€™t look like that boy anymore.

Sure, his silvery-gray eyes still sparkled with boyish mischief, but the puppy fat that had once lingered on his belly was long gone. High cheekbones and a defined jawline that was speckled with day-old stubble had replaced the chubby cheeks he once bore.

It was fair to say that Gerard Gibson was all man now, and that piece of knowledge caused something to stir inside of me.

I liked it, I realized โ€“ maybe even more than liked it.

My body seemed to react to the sight of him, causing my skin to flood with heat and my heart rate to skyrocket.

โ€œJust relax,โ€ he mumbled sleepily. Not bothering to crack an eyelid open, he draped his big bicep around my body and pulled me back down. โ€œHm.โ€ A deep rumble of approval escaped his lips when our bodies melded together once more. โ€œBetter.โ€

Unable to repress the full body shudder of pleasure that rippled through my core, I grew lax against him, knowing that it was a terrible idea with Hugh just outside and especially when I could feel his, uh, morningย ladderย steadilyย erecting, but I couldnโ€™t resist the temptation.

Completely aligned, with my back to his chest, Gerard buried his face in my neck and inhaled deeply before whispering the words, โ€œStay with me,โ€ in my ear.

Oh God.

โ€œYouโ€™re going to get in trouble with Johnny,โ€ I announced, repressing the urge to shiver in delight when his lips brushed the curve of my neck. The move was featherlight and clearly accidental on his behalf, but it caused my toes to curl. โ€œAnd youโ€™re all sweaty.โ€

โ€œKav will be grand.โ€ His breath fanned the back of my neck when he spoke. โ€œAnd it always happens after ah โ€ฆ you know.โ€

After one of his night terrors, and, yeah, I knew all too well.

Last night was a bad one and I could still remember it vividly.

Heat emanated from his skin.

Sweat trickled from his neck to his shoulder.

I watched the glistening bead as it moved.

Sliding over his bare flesh, expunging itself from a body I could never get close enough to.

It wouldnโ€™t be long now.

The screaming would come.

Followed swiftly by the panic attack that always reduced him to a gasping, breathless, broken seven-year-old boy.

I remembered the first one just as vividly as the day it happened.

After all, I had been there to witness it first-hand.

The trauma.

The devastation.

The thought barely had time to register in my mind when the first cry ripped from his throat. It was a torn, shrill, agonizing sound that cultivated from a memory I couldnโ€™t erase for him.

โ€œNo!โ€ Thrashing helplessly, he bolted out of bed, knocking over my nightstand in his bid to break free from the demons in his dreams. โ€œPlease donโ€™t โ€ฆ โ€

โ€œGerard!โ€

I had enough experience dealing with his night terrors to know that giving him space was the worst thing I could do. Therefore, I scrambled off my bed in my haste to get to him.

โ€œShh.โ€ Even in sleep, he knew my touch enough to let me cradle him in my arms. โ€œItโ€™s me.โ€ His entire body was soaked with sweat but that didnโ€™t stop me. โ€œIโ€™m here.โ€ I leaned in close, nuzzling his cheek with mine. โ€œShh, Gerard, itโ€™s okay.โ€

โ€œNo, no, no โ€ฆ โ€ Pained groans turned to weak mewling as, even in sleep, he frantically sought out my touch. โ€œI canโ€™t make it stop.โ€

โ€œItโ€™s over,โ€ I tried to coax, cupping his cheeks with my hands. โ€œItโ€™s just a nightmare now.โ€

His sharp intakes of breath took on a desperate note, quickly shifting into panicked gasps.

Like he couldnโ€™t draw air into his lungs.

Like he was drowning.

With them.

โ€œIโ€™ve got you,โ€ I continued to whisper, melding my body to his, knowing this was exactly what he needed to come back down from the edge. From the pain. โ€œIโ€™m right here with you.โ€

Slowly, his body relaxed to the feel of mine, taking me in, hearing my words, smelling my scent, breathing me in until he was mine and I was his. Until we were us again and he was safe.

โ€œClaire?โ€ His body stiffened then, and I knew he was awake. โ€œClaire.ย Claire?โ€

โ€œItโ€™s me.โ€ Releasing a shaky breath, I tightened my hold on him and buried my face in his neck. โ€œIโ€™m right here, Gerard. Itโ€™s okay โ€ฆ โ€

โ€œYeah, I know,โ€ I whispered, blinking away the memories of last night when heโ€™d wandered into my room in a frantic state of blind panic. โ€œBut theyโ€™re getting a lot worse.โ€

I felt him nod against me.

Lately, Gerardโ€™s nightmares had frequented to the point of being almost a nightly event. It was as unsettling as it was heartbreaking. Because I knew he was battling his demons โ€“ or should I say his ghosts. The ones from his childhood that he refused to talk about.

โ€œWhat happened in last nightโ€™s one?โ€ I asked, feeling just as helpless this morning as I did every morning that I woke up with him in my bed.

Finding Gerard in my bed wasnโ€™t a new thing for us. In fact, in the past decade there was only a handful of nights he hadnโ€™t slept over.

โ€œSame as always,โ€ he replied in a vulnerable tone, sounding nothing like the comedic joker the rest of the world was privy to. โ€œListen, Iโ€™ll get you to wherever you need to be on time, I promise.โ€ He shifted closer, tightening his big arm around my waist. โ€œJust snuggle me for a bit first.โ€

The words were no sooner out of his mouth when my bedroom door swung inwards with such force that it smacked off the plaster on my wall.

โ€œDid I just hear that asshole ask you toย snuggle?โ€

โ€œWhat the hell, Hugh?โ€ I shouted, wrestling free from the giant teenage boy in my bed to stop the giant teenage boy charging towardsย him from throwing down. โ€œWe have rules in this house, remember?โ€ Scrambling off the bed, I rushed to intercept Hugh before either one could choose violence. Gerard and Hughโ€™s relationship was more like brothers than friends, and rarely came to any serious blows, but there had been a couple of occasions down through the years that I didnโ€™t want to see repeated. โ€œEver heard of knocking?โ€

โ€œGibs, you better not be naked in there,โ€ my brother warned, ignoring me entirely, while he focused on his friend who was sprawled out in my bed.

โ€œMorning, stud,โ€ Gerard poked the bear by taunting, as he wiggled his fingers in salutation. โ€œAny chance of some breakfast in bed for your favorite brother-in-law?โ€

And there it was.

His mask.

The divide that separated the sensitive boy I adored from the humorous one all our other friends enjoyed.

It slipped effortlessly into place.

Gibsie belonged to the rest of the world.

Gerard belonged just to me.

โ€œIโ€™ll give you breakfast in bed, you little whore.โ€ My brotherโ€™s face turned a freakish shade of purple. โ€œI swear to Christ, lad, if you put so much as a finger on her, I will legit kill you dead this time.โ€

โ€œOnย her orย inย her?โ€

โ€œGibs!โ€

โ€œOh, get a grip, you big eejit.โ€ I rolled my eyes and stalked towards my brother. โ€œHeโ€™s only messing with you. Weโ€™re clearly just friends.โ€

โ€œClearly,โ€ came Hughโ€™s sarcastic response. โ€œYou two are just friends and Bellaโ€™s the Virgin Mary.โ€

โ€œBellaโ€™s a โ€ฆ whatโ€™s the word those girls in pink use in the film, babe?โ€ Gerard asked, twirling a finger around aimlessly. โ€œAn ugly clit?โ€

โ€œA fugly slut, Gerard,โ€ I corrected with a smile. โ€œBut full marks for attempting aย Mean Girlsย reference.โ€

โ€œFugly slut,โ€ he chuckled, mimicking the word to himself. โ€œI love it.โ€

โ€œYou wonโ€™t be around to love anything if you donโ€™t get your hole out of my sisterโ€™s bed,โ€ Hugh growled.

โ€œHey now, you listen up here, buddy,โ€ I huffed, catching ahold of his shoulders, and pushing him towards my door, โ€œI donโ€™t go in your room when your preciousย Katieย is here, so you donโ€™t get to come into mine.โ€

โ€œThereโ€™s a big goddamn difference in that equation, Claire,โ€ Hugh shot back. โ€œKatieโ€™s a saint and heโ€™s a whore.โ€ Clearly furious, my older brother took in my appearance and seemed temporarily appeased at the sight of my pink, fluffy onesie. โ€œOh, thank Jesus. Youโ€™re fully clothed.โ€

โ€œSame as always,โ€ I drawled, folding my arms across my chest. โ€œTalk about jumping to conclusions, Hugh. Jeez.โ€

โ€œYeah, well, this sleepwalking bullshit has to stop,โ€ my brother commanded, turning his attention back to the boy in my bed. โ€œItโ€™s getting beyond a joke.โ€

โ€œHe canโ€™t help it,โ€ I protested, finding myself coming to the defense of the boy Iโ€™d adored since childhood. โ€œYou know itโ€™s not something he can control, Hugh. It just happens.โ€

โ€œOf course he can,โ€ Hugh shot back, giving me a look that saidย donโ€™t be so gullible. โ€œHe knowsย exactlyย what heโ€™s doing.โ€

โ€œNo, he doesnโ€™t.โ€

โ€œYes, he does,โ€ my brother clapped back. โ€œYou donโ€™t see him sleepwalking into my bed, do you?โ€

โ€œIf youโ€™re feeling left out, I can make it my mission to stop by your bed tonight, brother.โ€

โ€œTry it and Iโ€™ll chop your nuts off.โ€

โ€œNo need to get testy.โ€

โ€œStay out of my sisterโ€™s bed and we wonโ€™t have a problem.โ€

โ€œForce of habit,โ€ Gerard mused, as he stretched out on my bed like a big, lazy lion before pulling himself into a sitting position, Gibsie mode fully activated.

โ€œYeah,โ€ Hugh sneered in disgust, โ€œa ten-year habit that stops today.โ€

โ€œWhat can I say.โ€ Chuckling softly to himself, Gerard stretched his arms above his head and yawned loudly. โ€œIโ€™m a creature of habit.โ€

The move caused my duvet to slip downwards, giving me a wonderful view of his naked chest.

โ€œYouโ€™re a creature alright,โ€ my brother growled, stalking towards him. โ€œA fucking pest corrupting my sister.โ€

โ€œOh, pack it in, Hugh!โ€ I interrupted, tearing my eyes off his pierced nipples. โ€œHeโ€™s not corrupting me.โ€

โ€œSee?โ€ Grinning wickedly, Gerard waggled his brows at the same time as flexing his pecs. โ€œIโ€™m not corrupting her.โ€

โ€œDonโ€™t you shake your tits at me,โ€ Hugh warned, waving an accusing finger around. โ€œAnd donโ€™t even think about cooking up anything fishy in here with my sister, either.โ€

โ€œI donโ€™t cook fish, Hugh, I bake buns,โ€ Gerard shot back with a wink. โ€œIn ovens.โ€

โ€œYou cheekyโ€”โ€

โ€œHey โ€“ no, no, no, donโ€™t come barging into my room, banging your fists on your chest, just because your pea brain canโ€™t process the fact that two people can sleep in the same bed and just sleep,โ€ I warned, quickly intercepting my brother when he made a beeline for Gerard. โ€œNu-uh, donโ€™t even think about throwing down in here, buddy.โ€

โ€œJust sleep,โ€ Hugh sneered and then turned his attention back to Gerard. โ€œYou know what? The sooner you get back to school the better, because youโ€™ve been stuck on my sister like a fly to shitโ€”โ€

โ€œAre you calling your sister shit?โ€

โ€œYeah.โ€ I narrowed my eyes. โ€œDid you just call me poo?โ€

โ€œYou know what I mean,โ€ Hugh grumbled. โ€œHe hasnโ€™t left this house โ€“ or your side, for that matter โ€“ all damn summer.โ€

โ€œSo?โ€ I laughed. โ€œHeโ€™s been here every day since forever. Weโ€™ve always hung out, Hugh. Whatโ€™s the big deal now?โ€

โ€œThe big deal now is that youโ€™re not a child anymore, Claire. Youโ€™re a sixteen-year-old teenage girl and heโ€™s a fuckboy, with a lot of experience, and a lot of hidden agendas.โ€

โ€œI beg your fucking pardon,โ€ Gerard spluttered, clearly taking offense to the statement. โ€œI amย noย fuckboy.โ€

โ€œGibs, youโ€™re the definition of a fuckboy,โ€ Hugh argued back. โ€œPeople look up the word in the dictionary and find your face!โ€

โ€œActually, that word isnโ€™t in the dictionary,โ€ I decided to offer some common sense into the equation.

โ€œA-ha!โ€ Gerard taunted, springing out of my bed. โ€œShows what you know, asshole.โ€

โ€œWell, at least you have jocks on,โ€ Hugh huffed, mildly appeased by the sight of Gerardโ€™s white Calvin Kleins.

โ€œYeah.โ€ Gerard snorted. โ€œThis time.โ€

Hughโ€™s eyes widened to the point where I thought they might pop. โ€œAsshole, you are getting on my last nerve.โ€

โ€œCome on, Gerard,โ€ I groaned, shaking my head. โ€œDonโ€™t rise him.โ€

โ€œThatโ€™s what I tried to tell your sister last night.โ€

A vein bulged in my brotherโ€™s forehead. โ€œWhat did you justย say?โ€ Hugh whisper-hissed, as his eyes widened in comical horror. โ€œWhat the fuck did you just say about my sister?โ€

โ€œGerard,โ€ I half-scolded, half-laughed, as I slapped a hand over my mouth.

Grinning wolfishly, he winked in response.

โ€œRight. Thatโ€™s it. I canโ€™t take it anymore. Out,โ€ Hugh ordered, pointing to my bedroom door. โ€œTake your filthy mouth and your even filthier cock back to your own side of the street.โ€

โ€œYouโ€™ve got me all wrong, lad,โ€ Gerard continued to taunt, as he threw on my dressing gown and then somersaulted over the bed to where I was standing. โ€œIโ€™m as pure as the driven snow.โ€

โ€œYeah,โ€ Hugh grumbled sarcastically. โ€œThe snow outside a whorehouse.โ€

โ€œGood luck with your interview, Claire-Bear.โ€ Gerard pressed a featherlight kiss to my cheek before toeing on my at-least-five-sizes-too-small slippers. โ€œMind if I take a shower here? Keith always leaves a deposit worthy of an exorcism in the toilet before work that, I shit you not, takes a good three hours to fully flush down theโ€”โ€

โ€œYes, we do. Now, get out!โ€ Hugh instructed, pointing to the basketย in the corner of my room that contained a sleeping Cherub and her brood of adorable offspring. โ€œAnd take your share of those kittens back to your side of the street with you.โ€

โ€œAnd separate them from their mother?โ€ Gerard gaped. โ€œWhat kind of a monster are you?โ€

โ€œCherub will be grand,โ€ Hugh grumbled.

โ€œI wasย referringย to your sister.โ€

โ€œYouโ€™re a headcase, Gibs. Seriously fucking deranged.โ€

โ€œIgnore your cranky uncle, babies,โ€ Gerard called over his shoulder, as he sauntered out of my room. โ€œDaddy will be back tonight.โ€

โ€œGo the fuck home, Gibs!โ€

โ€œFine. I need to go check on your nephew anyway.โ€

โ€œHeโ€™s not my nephew, you freak. Heโ€™s a hedgehog in hibernation in your mamโ€™s hot press because you and my sister have issues with taking in strays.โ€

โ€œWhatever you say, lad. See you later for the beach trip, baby mama.โ€

Snickering, I held up a hand and waved at his retreating frame. โ€œSee you later, baby daddy.โ€

โ€œWhy do that?โ€ Hugh demanded, tone resigned. โ€œWhy encourage the crazy?โ€

โ€œBecause I love his crazy.โ€ I laughed, still grinning from ear to ear. โ€œAnd so do you.โ€

โ€œYeah, and Iโ€™d love his crazy an awful lot more if it didnโ€™t involve spending time in my baby sisterโ€™s bedroom,โ€ Hugh grumbled. โ€œCome on, Claire, I know you have it bad for him, but make smart choices here, will you?โ€

โ€œMake smart choices?โ€ I asked and then laughed in his face. I couldnโ€™t help it. โ€œWhat are you talking about?โ€

โ€œIโ€™m talking about you and Gibs and your warped little sleepover club.โ€

โ€œOh my God, Iย lovedย those books,โ€ I chimed in with a smile. โ€œI had the entire collection when we were kids, remember?โ€

โ€œYeah, I remember; now back to the real-life sleepovers,โ€ heย grumbled, running a hand through his hair. โ€œListen, thereโ€™s a reason Mam and Sadhbh put a stop to them when we left primary school.โ€

โ€œTriedย to put a stop to them,โ€ I corrected with a snort. โ€œAnd failed.โ€

โ€œCome on, Claire,โ€ he growled impatiently. โ€œYou know what can happen in the heat of the moment.โ€

โ€œThe heat of the moment?โ€ I laughed. โ€œWhat moment?โ€

โ€œI donโ€™t know,โ€ he snapped, flustered. โ€œWhatever moments you and him have when youโ€™re alone.โ€

I arched a brow. โ€œMeaning?โ€

โ€œSex.โ€

โ€œOh my God,โ€ I laughed. โ€œYouโ€™re so funny.โ€

โ€œFunny?โ€ His eyes widened to saucers. โ€œSex isnโ€™t funny.โ€

โ€œNo, sex isnโ€™t funny,โ€ I agreed with a snicker. โ€œBut you are.โ€

โ€œTwo words, Claire,โ€ he shot back, โ€œJoey and Aoife.โ€

โ€œThatโ€™s three words.โ€

โ€œFine,โ€ he countered, not missing a beat. โ€œHereโ€™s two words for you: teen pregnancy. Have you seen the girl lately? She looks like sheโ€™s ready to pop.โ€ His eyes bulged for emphasis. โ€œIf it can happen to Joey Lynch, it can happen to any one of us.โ€

โ€œNot me.โ€ I smiled sweetly up at him. โ€œBecause I donโ€™t possess a penis.โ€

โ€œYeah, well, your pillow pal certainly does.โ€

โ€œHugh,โ€ I said as calmly as I could, while I tried to wipe the smile from my face in order to comfort my big dope of a brother, โ€œI promise Gerard and I are just friends. Same as always.โ€

โ€œYeah,โ€ he agreed, not sounding one bit comforted. โ€œFriends thatโ€™ve been getting awfully close since Cap left for tour back in June.โ€

โ€œWeโ€™ve always been close.โ€

โ€œTrue, but itโ€™s been different this summer, and you know it,โ€ he pushed, and I couldnโ€™t deny the hint of concern in his voice โ€“ or his eyes. โ€œCome on, Claire. Iโ€™m not thick. I can see it, same as everyone else, and contrary to popular belief, Iโ€™mย notย trying to control your life. Iโ€™m just โ€ฆ I know Gibs better than anyone, and he โ€ฆ and you โ€ฆ โ€ He shook his head and blewย out a breath before adding, โ€œLook, I just donโ€™t want to see you get hurt.โ€

Hugh was right about one thing.

Itย wasย different this summer.

Weย wereย closer.

Itย wasย more.

โ€œWhy would I get hurt?โ€ I asked, folding my arms across my chest.

โ€œBecause heโ€™s fucked in the head.โ€

โ€œHugh!โ€

โ€œStop it. Donโ€™t look at me like that. You know I love him like a brother,โ€ he hurried to explain, looking flustered. โ€œI would take a bullet for him, lay down my life for him in a heartbeat, but heโ€™s damaged, Claire. Iโ€™m talking seriously damaged here. What happened to him when we were kids seriously screwed up his brain. He hasnโ€™t been the same since he was seven and we both know it.โ€

Yeah, I knew it, but it wasnโ€™t nice to hear it out loud.

โ€œOh my God, Hugh, stop, will you?โ€ I shook my head in disgust. โ€œHalf of our friendship circle is damaged. That hasnโ€™t stopped us being friends with any of them, has it?โ€

โ€œYeah, but youโ€™re not just friends with Gibs,โ€ he argued. โ€œYouโ€™re in love with him.โ€

โ€œSo?โ€ Iโ€™d given up denying it a long time ago. Besides, I was a terrible liar. โ€œWhatโ€™s your point?โ€

โ€œMy point is that youโ€™re not damaged,โ€ he urged, tone laced with sincerity. โ€œAnd I donโ€™t want that to change.โ€

โ€œAnd you think it will?โ€ I pushed, folding my arms across my chest. โ€œIf I get too close to Gerard?โ€

โ€œIโ€™m afraid of what could happen if he gives in and it gets too deep and goes too far,โ€ he admitted, brown eyes locked on mine. โ€œIโ€™m afraid of the aftermath, Claire.โ€

His words rattled me in a way they never had before.

Because I could hear the concern in his tone.

It was genuine.

It was valid.

But his warning would fall on deaf ears because I had a Gerard Gibson-sized blind spot on my heart.

I decided to throw my brother an olive branch by saying, โ€œWould it make you feel better if I told you that I have never seen or touched Gerardโ€™s penis for sexual reasons?โ€

โ€œWhat? No, Claire,โ€ Hugh groaned, looking thoroughly disturbed. โ€œThat wouldnโ€™t make me feel better at all โ€ฆ โ€ He shook his head before quickly backpedaling, โ€œHold up, so that means you have?โ€

โ€œUh โ€ฆ maybe?โ€ I chuckled sheepishly, unable to stop my mind from wandering back to a particularly strangeย interactionย Iโ€™d shared with Gerardโ€™s ladder last Easter.

โ€œAre you alone?โ€ Gerard asked when he hobbled into my bedroom, kitted out in our townโ€™s rugby team kit โ€“ muddy boots and all. โ€œThereโ€™s no one else in here?โ€ He looked around nervously, all the while covering his crotch with his hands. โ€œNo evil viper lurking behind a door with a knife in hand, waiting for the opportunity to take me out?โ€

โ€œNo, Gerard, Iโ€™m all alone,โ€ I laughed, still flipping through the pages of my favorite weekly magazine subscription. โ€œWhy are you back from the game early?โ€ I narrowed my eyes, instantly suspicious. โ€œDid you get sent off again?โ€

โ€œYes, but I sent myself off this time,โ€ he explained, as he hobbled comically towards me.

โ€œCare to explain why?โ€

โ€œBecause your brother couldnโ€™t protect a paper bag in a goddamn maul, thatโ€™s why,โ€ he huffed. โ€œListen, what Iโ€™m about to show you is really bad, and I apologize in advance for the nightmares Iโ€™m about to unleash on you, but Iโ€™m in real danger of dying here, Claire-Bear.โ€ He sank down on my bed beside me, only to grunt in pain and spring back up. โ€œAs in fully dead with no comeback.โ€

โ€œWhy?โ€ I laughed, pulling myself into a sitting position. โ€œWhat did you do?โ€

โ€œItโ€™s my dick,โ€ he admitted in a pained tone. โ€œActually, itโ€™s my ladder.โ€

โ€œYour ladder?โ€ My eyes widened. โ€œYour dick is a ladder?โ€

โ€œNo, no, no,โ€ he groaned, gingerly lowering himself down on the mattress this time. โ€œItโ€™s the ladder on my dick.โ€

โ€œOkay.โ€ I shook my head. โ€œI am so confused right now.โ€

โ€œListen to me; I pierced my dick, itโ€™s called a Jacobโ€™s ladder, and some prick from the other team kicked me square in the nuts during the game,โ€ he said in a big whoosh. โ€œIโ€™m hurt, and I mean seriously hurt, Claire-Bear. Weโ€™re talking โ€˜Tomโ€™s down, and Dick and Harry are missing in actionโ€™ kind of hurt.โ€

โ€œOh my God.โ€ My eyes widened in horror as I tried to make sense of the crazy spilling from his lips. โ€œYou didย what?โ€

โ€œCan you check it for me?โ€ he asked, grimacing in discomfort. โ€œAnd not in a โ€˜Iโ€™m trying to get you to put it in your mouthโ€™ kind of way,โ€ he hurried to add. โ€œMore of a โ€˜I really fucking love my dick and I donโ€™t want to get sepsis like Kavโ€™ kind of way?โ€

โ€œGerard!โ€

โ€œPlease, Claire,โ€ he begged, clutching his stomach then. โ€œYou know I canโ€™t cope with blood and if thereโ€™s blood down there then Iโ€™m going to pass out.โ€

โ€œYouย canโ€™t cope with blood? What aboutย me?โ€ I squealed, scrambling onto my knees in anticipation, as some sick wave of morbid curiosity washed over me. โ€œWhat if it scares me? Oh God, what if I vomit? You know I hate vomiting.โ€

โ€œIโ€™m not going to lie to you, Claire, it might scare you, and we could both vomit,โ€ he confirmed grimly, โ€œbut youโ€™re my best friend and I would do it for you in a heartbeat.โ€

Dammit, that was true.

All jokes aside, if the shoe was on the other foot and I was stupid enough to pierce my genitals, he would help me. โ€œOkay, okay, fine!โ€

โ€œThank you,โ€ he sighed in relief. โ€œOkay, if itโ€™s bad donโ€™t tell me. Just go outside and call an ambulance.โ€

โ€œAnd youโ€™re sure you donโ€™t want to ask one of the boys to check it for you?โ€ I asked in a much calmer tone than I was feeling. โ€œYou wouldnโ€™t feel more comfortable with Hugh or Johnny, orโ€”โ€

โ€œNo,โ€ he choked out. โ€œJesus no. It can only be you.โ€

โ€œOkay.โ€

He looked at me uncertainly. โ€œOkay?โ€

โ€œOkay,โ€ I confirmed with a determined nod. Climbing off the bed, I dropped to my knees in front him and reached for the waist of his shorts. โ€œIโ€™m ready.โ€

โ€œWait, wait, wait,โ€ he choked out, batting my hands away as he squirmed in discomfort, โ€œIโ€™ve changed my mind.โ€

โ€œGerard, come on, donโ€™t be a baby. Youโ€™re in pain and need to get this ladder inspected,โ€ I urged, reaching for his shorts again. โ€œJust be brave and take off your underpants.โ€

โ€œItโ€™s not a ladder right now, babe,โ€ he groaned, hands settling on the elastic waistband of his shorts. โ€œThe minute I saw you in those shorts, it turned into a full-blown fire-escape stairwell.โ€

I grinned up at him. โ€œIt did?โ€

His eyes widened in horror. โ€œFocus, Claire!โ€

โ€œOkay, okay, letโ€™s not panic here.โ€ Rolling my shoulders, I sucked in a steadying breath and reached for his waistband again. This time, he let me. โ€œDonโ€™t worry, Gerard. My mamโ€™s a nurse,โ€ I added, as I carefully lowered his shorts and underpants. โ€œMedicine is in my genes. I can absolutely help you with โ€ฆ oh my God!โ€

โ€œWhat, what?โ€ Gerard demanded, keeping a hand clamped over his eyes. โ€œThereโ€™s blood, isnโ€™t there? I broke it, didnโ€™t I?โ€ He wailed loudly. โ€œOh Jesus, is it bad? Tell me it isnโ€™t bad? Is the piercing still there?โ€

โ€œUh โ€ฆ โ€ My eyes widened to saucers when his fully erect ladder sprang free. โ€œThereโ€™s no blood.โ€ I crouched lower to get a good look at the underside of his genitals. โ€œOh, yeah, there it is.โ€

โ€œWhat?โ€ he demanded, tone frantic, eyes still covered. โ€œWhatโ€™s there?โ€

โ€œThe silver bar,โ€ I explained, leaning in closer to get a better look at it. โ€œWow. Itโ€™s, ah โ€“โ€ Blowing out a shaky breath, I looked up at him and grinned. โ€œIt looks a lot different to what Iโ€™d pictured in my head.โ€

โ€œBad different?โ€

โ€œNo, not bad different,โ€ I mused, pleasantly surprised. โ€œItโ€™s like a trunk.โ€

โ€œJesus!โ€

โ€œArenโ€™t willies weird, Gerard?โ€

*

โ€œYouโ€™ve touched hisย dick?โ€ Hugh bellowed, dragging me back to the present. โ€œWhat the fuck?โ€

My cheeks flamed and I scurried over to my dressing table, busying myself with readjusting the photos of friends that I had tacked to the mirror. When my eyes locked on the blue rosette tacked onto the corner of my mirror with the wordsย Brian, Best in Show 2005, 1st place, I couldnโ€™t stop my smile from spreading.

โ€œIn my defense, I only used my pinky finger,โ€ I said, turning my attention back to my agitated-looking brother. โ€œAnd it was purely for medical purposes.โ€

โ€œMedicalย purposes?โ€ Hughโ€™s face turned a scary shade of purple. โ€œClaire!โ€

โ€œWhat?โ€ I defended, squirming in sheepish discomfort. โ€œDo you know how serious it can be when someoneโ€™s ladder gets injured?โ€

โ€œWhat in the name of Jesus does that even โ€ฆ you know what, forget it. I donโ€™t want to know,โ€ he groaned, clutching his stomach, as he stomped towards my bedroom door. โ€œHurry up and get dressed. Iโ€™ll be in the toilet with my head in the bowl when youโ€™re ready.โ€

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