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Chapter no 18

Shatter Me

No one moves.

Fletcher’s face is etched in permanent horror as he crumbles to the ground. I’m so struck by the impossibility of it all that I can’t decide whether or not I’m dreaming, I can’t determine whether or not I’m dying, I can’t figure out whether or not fainting is a good idea.

Fletcher’s limbs are bent at odd angles on the cold, concrete floor. Blood is pooling around him and still no one moves. No one says a single word. No one betrays a single look of fear.

I keep touching my lips to see if my screams have escaped.

Warner tucks his gun back into his jacket pocket. โ€œSector 45, you are dismissed.โ€

Every soldier falls on one knee.

Warner slips the metal amplification device back into his suit and has to yank me free from the spot where I’m glued to the ground. I’m tripping over myself, my limbs weak and aching through the bone. I feel nauseous, delirious, incapable of holding myself upright. I keep trying to speak but the words are sticking to my tongue. I’m suddenly sweating and suddenly freezing and suddenly so sick I see spots clouding my vision.

Warner is trying to get me through the door. โ€œYou really must eat more,โ€ he says to me.

I am gaping with my eyes, gaping with my mouth, gaping wide open because I feel holes everywhere, punched into the terrain of my body.

My heart must be bleeding out of my chest.

I look down and can’t understand why there’s no blood on my dress, why this pain in my heart feels so real.

โ€œYou killed him,โ€ I manage to whisper. โ€œYou just killed himโ€”โ€ โ€œYou’re very astute.โ€

โ€œWhy did youย kill himย why would youย kill himย how could youย do

something like thatโ€”โ€

โ€œKeep your eyes open, Juliette. Now’s not the time to fall asleep.โ€

I grab his shirt. I stop him before he gets inside. A gust of wind slaps me across the face and I’m suddenly in control of my senses. I push him hard, slamming his back up against the door. โ€œYou disgust me.โ€ I stare hard into his crystal-cold eyes. โ€œYouย disgustย meโ€”โ€

He twists me around, pinning me against the door where I just held him. He cups my face in his gloved hands, holding my eyes in place. The same hands he just used to kill a man.

I’m trapped.

Transfixed.

Slightly terrified.

His thumb brushes my cheek.

โ€œLife is a bleak place,โ€ he whispers. โ€œSometimes you have to learn how to shoot first.โ€

Warner follows me into my room.

โ€œYou should probably sleep,โ€ he says to me. It’s the first time he’s spoken since we left the rooftop. โ€œI’ll have food sent up to your room, but other than that I’ll make sure you’re not disturbed.โ€

โ€œWhere is Adam?ย Is he safe? Is he healthy? Are you going to hurtย him?โ€

Warner flinches before finding his composure. โ€œWhy do you care?โ€

I’ve cared about Adam Kent since I was in third grade.ย โ€œIsn’t he supposed to be watching me? Because he’s not here. Does that mean you’re going to kill him, too?โ€ I’m feeling stupid. I’m feeling brave because I’m feeling stupid. My words wear no parachutes as they fall out of my mouth.

โ€œI only kill people if I need to.โ€ โ€œGenerous.โ€

โ€œMore than most.โ€

I laugh a sad laugh, sharing it with only myself.

โ€œYou can have the rest of the day to yourself. Our real work will begin tomorrow. Adam will bring you to me.โ€ He holds my eyes. Suppresses a smile. โ€œIn the meantime, try not to kill anyone.โ€

โ€œYou and I,โ€ I tell him, anger coursing through my veins, โ€œyou and I are not the sameโ€”โ€

โ€œYou don’t really believe that.โ€

โ€œYou think you can compare myโ€”myย diseaseโ€”with your insanityโ€”โ€

โ€œDisease?โ€ย He rushes forward, abruptly impassioned, and I struggle to hold my ground. โ€œYou think you have aย disease?โ€ he shouts. โ€œYou have a gift! You have an extraordinary ability that you don’t care to understand! Yourย potentialโ€”โ€

โ€œI have no potential!โ€

โ€œYou’re wrong.โ€ He’s glaring at me. There’s no other way to describe it. I could almost say he hates me in this moment. Hates me for hating myself.

โ€œWell you’re the murderer,โ€ I tell him. โ€œSo you must be right.โ€ His smile is laced with dynamite. โ€œGo to sleep.โ€

โ€œGo to hell.โ€

He works his jaw. Walks to the door. โ€œI’m working on it.โ€

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