“ALL YOU NEED to do is keep your head down and your temper reigned in. You’re a smart kid. You’ve got this. Just keep that tongue of yours in check and don’t react to any nonsense. Do you want me to walk in with you?”
“Do I fuck.”
“It’s okay to be nervous, Joe.”
“I’m not nervous.”
“And it’s okay to be scared, too.”
“Do I look like I’m scared?” I growled, aggravated by his incessant coddling. “I’m not a baby, Dar.”
“I know you’re not,” my big brother conceded, as we walked up the path to Ballylaggin Community School – a journey he had taken every weekday for the past six years. His time at secondary school was over now, while mine was just beginning. “I just need this to go well for you.”
“Yeah,” I snorted. “Well, we both know that’s not going to happen.”
“This is your fresh start, Joey,” he said. “Whatever happened in primary school is behind you now. Don’t carry any of that trouble with you.”
“There’s no such thing as fresh starts,” I drawled. “Just different locations filled with the same bullshit.”
“You’re too young to be this cynical.”
“And you’re too smart to waste your time and breath on this pep talk,” I countered. “I’m not Shannon, lad. I don’t need the words or the hand-holding.”
“Is it so wrong of me to want to see you off on your first day of secondary school?”
“You could have done that back at the house,” I reminded him. “You didn’t need to walk me to school. I’m not a baby.”
“You’re my baby brother.”
“I’ve never been a baby anything, Dar.”
“Always so self-sufficient.” Shaking his head, he gave me a sad smile. “Well, maybe I wanted to spend some extra time with you.”
“We share a room,” I deadpanned, shifting the ton of bricks that was my school bag onto my other shoulder. “We already spend enough time together.”
“I love you, Joe,” he threw me by saying. “You know that, right?”
“You love me?” Feet faltering, I turned to look up at him. “What the hell is wrong with you?”
“Nothing,” he replied, tone thick with emotion. “I’m just… I need you to know that.”
“Why?” I demanded, feeling unnerved by his sudden declaration. It was out of place and felt all wrong to me. “What’s happening?”
“Nothing.” Smiling, he reached down and ruffled my hair. “Nothing’s happening, shithead. I just wanted to tell you.”
“Okay…” I eyed him suspiciously, not sure if I entirely believed him. “But if you even think about hugging me in front of all these people, I will kick you in the nuts.”
“Your voice is starting to break,” he chuckled. “My baby brother is growing up.”
“I don’t need a deep voice to kick your ass,” I shot back, hackles rising.
He rolled his eyes. “Sure thing, squeaky.”
“Do all the girls here wear skirts that short?” Eyes widening, I watched as a group of girls filed out off a school bus and onto the footpath in front of us. “I take it all back, Dar.” Delighted with life, I grinned up at my brother. “I think I’m going to like secondary school.”
“Don’t even think about it,” Darren chuckled, ribbing me with his elbow. “Those girls are in sixth year. You’re a baby first year to them.”
“Already told ya that I’ve never been a baby anything,” I shot back with a wink before turning my attention back to the glorious view of bare legs and peachy asses.
“Aren’t you a bit young for getting notions about girls?”
“I’m thirteen.”
“Not until December.”
“I bet I’ve seen more tits than you.”
“Mam’s don’t count.”
We both laughed, causing a few of girls in front to turn around.
“Oh my god! Darren Lynch!” one of the blonde’s squealed, giving my brother a warm smile, as she moved straight for him. “What are you doing here? Didn’t you get like a thousand points in your leaving cert last June? There’s no way you’re repeating sixth year?”
“No, not repeating. Just walking my little brother in for his first day,” Darren replied, receiving the half-hug the girl offered him. “And I could ask you the same question. What are you doing slumming it in a BCS uniform, Tommen girl?”
“I, uh, transferred over here. I’m going to finish up sixth year at BCS,” the blonde replied in a strained tone. “It’s, ah, sort of for the best, all things considered, you know?”
“Yeah.” My brother nodded and sympathy filled his eyes, which confused the fuck out of me. “I do.”
“So, how’s everything going, Dar?” She was quick to push on from whatever the hell had them eyeing each other meaningfully. I rolled my eyes and forced back the urge to hurl. “I haven’t seen you since that weekend.”
“I’ve been around,” he told her, scratching the back of his neck. “Just dealing, you know?”
“Yeah.” Another meaningful look passed between them. “I know.”
“I don’t,” I decided to interject, because why the hell not? “Care to explain what the hell you’re both talking about?”
My brother sighed in resignation before reeling off introductions. “Caoimhe, this mouthy shit is my little brother.” He turned to me and gestured to the girl. “Joe, this is Caoimhe Young. You were probably too young to remember her in primary school, but her little sister is friends with Shannon.”
Her blue eyes landed on my face, and she smiled. “So, you’re the next Lynch in the pecking order, huh?”
“Apparently so.” I shrugged noncommittedly before turning back to Darren. “Are ya done with the trip down memory lane, or do I need to stand around for another ten minutes?”
“Oh boy, Dar,” she laughed. “You’re in trouble with this one, huh?”
“Tell me about it,” my brother replied with a sigh. “It was good seeing you, Caoimhe.” Catching hold of the back of my neck, he steered us around the group of girls and up the path towards the school. “Take care of yourself.”
“You, too, Dar,” she called after us. “Keep in touch.”
“Keep in touch?” I shook my head and wrestled free from his hold. “What the hell does that mean?”
“Who knows,” Darren muttered, steering me towards the gates of the school. “You know the way girls are.”
“Did you have sex with her?”
“What?” He stopped walking and swung me around to look at him. “No, I didn’t have sex with her. Why would you even ask me that?”
“Don’t get all high and mighty on me,” I laughed, playfully shoving his chest. “I know you’ve been with girls in the past.”
Darren sighed heavily. “Not like that, I haven’t.”
“Well, I think she likes you,” I offered up, falling into step alongside him once again. “She was looking at you with those gooey eyes.”
“Gooey eyes,” Darren chuckled. “You’re a dope.”
“She was,” I laughed. “I’m surprised she didn’t swoon when she saw you.” Clearing my throat, I pressed a hand to my forehead and mimicked, “Oh, Darren Lynch. Is that you my eyes can see? Be still my beating heart!”
“You’re such a little shit,” my brother laughed.
“And you’re a dark horse,” I shot back with a wink, ribbing him with my elbow. “Got anymore blondes lurking around school, waiting to fall at your feet? Because I’ll be happy to take them off your hands.”
“Pack it in,” he chuckled, with a rueful shake of his head. “Honestly, it’s not like that. She’s just a good friend.”
“Don’t worry, Dar,” I laughed. “I know you’re gay. I’m only messing with ya—“
“Jesus Christ, Joey!” Darren hissed, clamping a hand on my shoulder. He looked around us, eyes wild and panicked, before he released a breath and muttered, “Not so loud, okay?”
“Why do you do that?” I demanded, good mood forgotten, as I shook his hand off, feeling my temper rise. “Why do you hide who you are?”
He shook his head, blue eyes laced with pain. “Joey.”
“No, it’s bullshit, Dar,” I pushed, unwilling to let it go. “I’m not ashamed of you, and you shouldn’t be either.”
“I’m not ashamed of myself,” he replied quietly.
“Well, good,” I snapped. “Because you don’t have shit to be ashamed of.”
“Yeah, well, according to Dad, I have.”
“Yeah, well, fuck Dad,” I spat. “He’s the one who should be ashamed of himself, not you.”
“You do realize that up until six years ago, being gay was a punishable crime in this country?”
“Yeah, and so were condoms and any other form of birth control,” I growled. “Which just goes to show that the laws are bullshit.”
“Joe…”
“This country is backwards, Darren, you know that,” I argued. “Yeah, it’s getting better now, but we both know that the foundations on which our laws are built upon have a lot less to do with common sense than religion.”
“I really don’t want to talk about it, Joe.”
“Well, I don’t want to see you walking around the place with your tail between your legs when you have no reason to,” I countered. “It’s bullshit, Darren. Every word that comes out of that man’s mouth is utter bullshit, so don’t let him make you feel bad about yourself. Dad’s living in the dark ages, so don’t you dare let him drag you back there with him.”
“What do you propose I do, Joey?” he asked in a weary tone. “Go toe to toe with him?”
Yes. “You can take him.”
“No, I can’t,” he replied. “Besides, not every disagreement in life has to result in a dog fight.”
“In our lives it does,” I corrected hotly. “So, you better get your head in the fight and make damn sure that you’re the biggest dog.”
“Like you, squeaky?”
“I might not be the biggest dog in the fight,” I begrudgingly conceded. “But I always have the sharpest teeth.”
“Kind of like the saying; it’s not the size of the dog that matters, it’s the fight in the dog?”
I nodded. “Now you’re speaking my language.”
Darren gave me a strange look. “So, in your mind, it’s a dog-eat-dog world that we’re living in?”
“It’s not in my mind, Dar. It’s a fact.”
“You know,” he mused in a melancholy tone. “I can’t figure out if that backbone of yours will be your saving grace or your downfall.”
“Whichever way it goes is fine by me,” I said with a shrug. “Because I couldn’t care less.”
“That’s not true,” he argued. “You care.”
“No,” I laughed humorlessly. “I really don’t.”
“I need you to start caring, Joey.”
“I care,” I grumbled. “I care about you, and Shan, and Tadhg, and Ols—“
“I need you to start caring about you, Joe—”
“Holy shit.”
My feet came to an abrupt stop the minute my eyes landed on a tall blonde, with the face of an angel, sitting on the wall at the entrance of the school.
“What?” Darren demanded, looking around us. “Where’s the fire?”
“There.” Struck dumb at the sight of her, and with all notions gone of continuing any further conversation with my brother, I pointed to the girl whose long blonde hair was splaying all around her in the breeze. “Her.”
“I don’t know her,” my brother noted. “She must be a first year.”
Looking like nothing my eyes had ever seen, I watched as she sucked on a Chupa Chups lollypop, entirely uninterested in the lad attempting to talk to her, while her long legs dangled from the wall.
“Jesus Christ.” I blew out a breath. “I don’t care if you’re gay or not, lad. You can’t deny that girl is the best-looking thing your eyes have ever seen.”
It was at the exact moment in time that her gaze flicked to mine.
The minute our eyes collided, I felt a pang of heat shoot straight to my chest.
Holy fuck.
When I met her gaze head on, I fully-expected her to blush and look away.
She didn’t.
Instead, she tilted her head to one side and studied me with a similar look to the one I was sure that I was sporting.
Arching her brow, she slowly removed the lollypop from her mouth, and gave me an expectant look.
My gaze flicked questioningly to the dark-haired lad still trying and failing to garner her attention before returning to her face.
With a defiant tilt of her chin, she gave me a look that said what are you waiting for?
Well shit.
What was I waiting for?
“Steady up, baby brother,” Darren chuckled, as he forcefully walked me up the path towards the main building and away from the blonde. “She’s cute, but don’t throw your hat in the ring just yet. I promise there will be fifty more girls in your year that look just as lovely.”
Doubtful.
“I don’t want fifty more girls,” I replied, twisting back to find her still watching me. “I just want that girl.”
“Oh, to be a first year again.” Laughing, Darren dragged me along with him until she was out of sight. “If I’ve taught you nothing else these past twelve years, then remember this; keep your temper in check, your head in the books, your ass off the streets, and your hands off girls that look like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like they have heartbreak written all over them.”
“So, in other words, spend the next six years of secondary school living like a priest,” I grumbled, breaking free of him when we reached the school. “Where do I sign up?”
“Hey, that’s what I did,” my brother chuckled, thoroughly amused by my disgust. “It worked well for me.”
“Because you’re shit craic,” I told him. “Seriously, Dar. It’s a wonder we’re related at all.”
“Well, we are,” he reminded me before pulling me in for a hug. “I’ll always be your brother, no matter what, okay? Don’t ever forget it.”
“What did I tell you?” I hissed, scrambling away from him before anyone saw me hugging my brother of all people. “I should follow through and kick you in the nuts for that.”
“Take care of yourself.” His voice was thick with emotion as he watched me scowl at him. “I love you.”
“Jesus, relax with the love bullshit,” I grumbled, feeling acutely uncomfortable. “I’m starting secondary school, asshole, you’re not sending me off to war.”
He nodded stiffly. “I know.”
Feeling off-balance, I eyed him warily before shaking my head and walking off in the direction of the entrance.
Stop.
Don’t go.
Something’s wrong.
Turn back.
This is all wrong.
“Dar?” Hovering uncertainly, I turned back to find him already walking away. “I’ll see you after school, yeah?”
My brother didn’t answer.
“Dar?”
He didn’t turn back to look at me, either.
“Darren?”
Instead, he pulled his hood up and kept walking away from me.
“So, is that guy your keeper, or can you think for yourself?” a female voice asked, and I spun around to find none other than blondie from the wall standing in front of me – and holy fuck if she wasn’t even better looking close up.
With all notions of Darren’s weird farewell long forgotten, I focused entirely on the face looking up at me.
High cheekbones, pink pouty lips, big green eyes, and hair that looked like something out of a magazine, she was, hands down, the best-looking thing my eyes had ever seen. “I can definitely think for myself.”
“You saw me back there,” she stated evenly, green eyes snaring me.
“I did.”
“You kept walking.”
I nodded like a fool. “I did.”
“Don’t do that again.”
Fuck me. “I won’t.”
She looked me over once more before nodding in approval. “You’re beautiful.”
Well shit. “Likewise.”
“Hm.” Her lips tipped up. “So, do you have a name, boy-who-can-think-for-himself?”
“Does it matter?” I countered, needing to regain some ground I had lost to this powerhouse of a girl. “We both know that you’ll be calling me baby by the end of the day.”
She licked her lips to bury her smile. “Is that so?”
I stepped closer. “You tell me, blondie.”
Now, she did, and it was a glorious sight. “Okay, that was seriously smooth.”
I smirked. “Thanks.”
“I’m Aoife,” she laughed, holding her hand out to me.
“Joey,” I replied, accepting her small hand in mine.
“Joey.” Shaking my hand, she tilted her head to one side, and studied me without a hint of shyness. “Your name suits you.”
“I could say the same thing about you,” I replied. “Your name means radiance and beauty, right?”
She grinned. “You know your Irish.”
Yeah, I knew my Irish, but not that well.
There had been a girl in my class at primary school named Aoife, who had constantly droned on about how she had been named after an Irish warrior queen, with a level of beauty that was rumored to rival that of Helen of Troy.
I wasn’t, however, about to tell this particular Aoife that.
Not when I needed every advantage I could get.
“So, what class have you been assigned to?” she asked, retrieving her folded-up timetable from the pocket of her short, pleated skirt. “I’m in First Year 3.”
Fuck if I knew.
I straightened out the crumpled-up ball of paper that was my class timetable for the school year. I was fucking thrilled when I read the words First Year 3 on the page. “Same here.”
She was in my class.
Get in there!
Maybe my luck was changing.
“So, you’re as mediocre a student as I am,” she laughed. “My brother got assigned to First Year 1. That’s the class for the brainiacs.”
“You’re a twin?”
She nodded. “For my sins.”
“So, we’re the third smartest class?”
“Or the third thickest,” she laughed. “Whichever way your glass is filled.”
“Why? How many classes has our year been split into?”
“Four.”
“Jesus,” I laughed. “That doesn’t say much for us, does it?”
“Nope.” She grinned back at me. “Not a whole pile. So, what primary school are you coming from?”
“Sacred Heart,” I replied. “You?”
“St. Bernadette’s,” she said with a grimace. “That’s the—“
“All-girls primary school run by the nuns outside of the town?” I winced in sympathy. “Well, that’s shit luck on you, huh?”
“Yep. Eight years with the nuns. Can’t you see my halo shining?”
“Oh yeah, it’s blinding.”
“According to Sister Alphonsus, I should be continuing my education in an all-girls environment,” she mused with a devilish smile. “Apparently, I have a wild streak in me, with a penchant for the male form that no amount of prayer can eliminate.” She rolled her eyes. “All because I said I thought the guy playing Jesus in a movie they showed us was gorgeous.”
I arched a brow. “Gorgeous?”
“What?” she laughed. “He was.”
“Well, it sounds to me like you need to spend less time on your knees praying and more time —“
“Don’t say it,” she warned reaching up to cover my mouth with her hand.
“With the male form,” I chuckled, peeling her fingers off my lips with my hand.
“So, should I spend more time with the male form in general?” she laughed, and somehow our fingers were entwined now. “Or with you? Because it’s safe to say that I’m impressed with the male form standing in front of me.”
“Is that your way of telling me that you don’t have a boyfriend?”
“No, it’s my way of telling you that I will have a boyfriend once you ask me.”
“Jesus.” My heartrate sped up. “You’re not backwards about anything, are you?”
She winked and slid her school bag off her shoulder. “Where’s the fun in that?”
Thrown off kilter by this girl, I took the bag she held out for me and slung it over my free shoulder.
“There,” she said with an approving nod, admiring her bright pink bag on my shoulder. “That should do it.”
“Should do what?”
“Warn the other girls away.”
“Warn the other girls away?” My brows rose up. “Did you just mark me with your bag?”
“I sure did,” she replied, smiling sweetly up at me before turning on her heels and sauntering off in the direction of the school. “Now, let’s go, baby.”
I laughed, because, in all honesty, what else could I do?
I had a distinct feeling that I would be doing a lot of following after this girl.
Still, my feet moved after her.
