WILLFUL GIRLS AND WITHERING WILLPOWER
JANUARY 28TH 2004 JOEY
THE ORIGINAL PUNISHMENT I had received for fighting with Mike Maloney at school had initially started as a week’s suspension but had quickly escalated into an extra month once the principal caught wind of my arrest.
Cautioned by the Gards and given a slap on the wrist for the fight I had with Ricey outside my house, I had been excused from school until after the February midterm. In which, I was told to return with a new attitude or not return at all.
Fuck them.
They could keep their school.
I didn’t want to go back there anyway. The place was full of snakes and liars.
My only regret about the whole ordeal was that I wasn’t at school to protect my sister when she needed me to. And judging by the number of days Shannon had come home in floods of tears since my suspension, it was safe to say that she needed a lot of protection.
After all of the drama and tears with Danielle, I had decided to put my dick into semi-retirement, needing another girl bitching at me like I needed a hole in the head.
It didn’t stop me from thinking about Molloy, though.
No, she lived rent-free in my head.
Same as always.
The emotion on her face as she watched the Gards take me away that day was sobering.
She cared a hell of a lot more than was good for both of us, and I couldn’t handle it.
What she witnessed that day was a small preview of what being with me entailed.
Of how bad a guy like me would be for a girl like her.
A train wreck.
Disgusted with myself for barreling over a line I had vowed never to cross, I forced myself to blank her out of my head, something that was a lot harder to do now that I’d had her mouth on me.
With Tom Petty’s Free Fallin’ drifting from the radio at work, I shook my head to clear my depressing thoughts. Wiping the oil from my already- stained hands with a rag I reached for the socket wrench that I’d been using to replace the spark plugs on a 97 Golf. Setting it back on the rack with all of the other tools, I locked the car and tossed the keys in the office before grabbing a sweeping brush.
Alone to clean the place up – my penance for once again getting into trouble with the law – I quickly tidied up before switching off the lights and letting myself out the back door of the garage.
I was bolting the door when a familiar voice came from behind me. “So, this is where you’ve been hiding.”
Stiffening, I paused with the key in the lock before forcing my body to relax. “I don’t hide, Molloy.”
“Well, apparently, you don’t call, either,” she drawled in that sarcastic tone of voice that I was so used to sparring with.
“Your dad’s not here.”
“I know.” Turning around, I found her leaning against the side of the building, with her arms folded across her chest. “I didn’t come here to see my dad.”
“Then what did you come for?” “You.”
“What’s wrong, Molloy?” I asked, lingering when I knew better. The sensible thing to do would be to walk away from her, but I never seemed to have much of that when she was near.
Clad in dark jeans, a white puffy jacket, a grey scarf, and matching wooly hat, she looked every inch the good girl I knew she wasn’t.
“You missing me at school or something?”
“Or something,” she replied, not giving me an inch. “So, why didn’t you call, Joe? It’s been three weeks.”
My gaze flicked to the small bruise under her left eyes that she was still sporting, and a pang of guilt churned in my gut. I quickly masked it with indifference. “Why would I call?”
“Again with this bullshit?” She rolled her eyes, not buying the crap I was attempting to sell her. “Answer me.”
I shrugged. “I didn’t have time.”
“Oh, yeah,” she drawled. “Because you’re so busy these days, what with being suspended from school and from the hurling team.”
“Clearly, I have less time on my hands than you have. Skulking around town in the dark?” I gestured around us. “How’d you get here, Molloy?”
“I used these remarkable new inventions called feet.” “Funny,” I deadpanned. “How are you getting home?”
“Believe it or not, the same remarkable inventions can be used to go in two directions.”
Yeah, that wasn’t happening.
“Come on.” I shook my head and stepped around her. “I’m walking you home.”
“Don’t do me any favors,” was her smart-ass response, while she fell into step beside me.
“I’m not,” I shot back. “I’m doing your father a favor.”
I heard her grumble the word dickhead under her breath and I had to bite back a smile.
“Move your ass, Molloy. I have places to be when I get done babysitting your ass.”
“Oh, you mean the same ass you enjoyed feeling up outside your house that day?”
“That was a slip.”
“Yeah,” she agreed, “A slip of your tongue in my mouth.”
“I meant figuratively,” I told her, pulling my hood up to hide my amusement.
“Which you displayed literally,” she huffed, before adding, “So, when are you coming back to school?”
“After the midterm next month,” I replied, shoving my hands into the front pocket of my hoodie. “How’s it going over there?”
“Oh, you know,” she replied breezily, waving a hand around in front of her. “Pariah number one, meet pariah number two.”
“That bad, huh?”
“Ah, it’ll blow over once the dust settles,” she said with a resigned sigh. “It’s only a bit of hazing.”
I frowned. “From Paul?”
“And the delightful Danielle, who’s still holding onto her grudge with a death grip.” Smirking, she cast me a sideways glance. “You sure caused some damage to her pride with your dick, Joe.”
“Yeah, well…” I shrugged, not having a fucking clue of how to answer that. “What can I say?”
“You could explain what you were thinking,” she challenged, and I didn’t miss the bite in her tone. “Of all the girls in school that you could’ve
messed around with that night, you had to pick the grade-a clinger.”
“Yeah, well, she wasn’t my first choice that night,” I heard myself admit. “If I recall correctly, my first choice was taken.”
Stopping in her tracks, she turned and looked up at me. “She’s not taken anymore.”
“Are you serious?” My eyes widened. “Rebecca’s single now?” Molloy’s eyes narrowed. “You dick.”
“Relax,” I laughed, narrowly avoiding a side swipe. “I’m only messing with you.”
“Not funny.”
“So, you’re finally finished with Paul the prick?” “Yep.”
“For good?”
“Unless hell freezes over.” “Good, he was a prick.”
“So you’ve said a time or twenty.” Falling into step alongside me once again, she nudged me with her elbow and asked, “So, what’s happening here, Joey?”
Nudging her back gently, I said, “You tell me, Molloy.”
She exhaled a ragged breath, causing the cold night air to expel from her lips like a puff of smoke. “You’re not going to make this easy for us, are you?”
“No.” I shook my head. “No, I’m not.”
“Fine. How’s this for easy? I like you,” she came right out and declared, and fuck if my heart didn’t pound in my chest in response. “And before you start with all of your bullshit denials, I know you like me back,” she was quick to add. “It stands to reason that if we both like each other – which we both do…” She paused to narrow her eyes and point a warning finger in my face. “Then shouldn’t we, you know, continue liking each other on an exclusive basis?”
Slowing my feet to a stop, I tilted my head to one side, and watched her. “Are you propositioning me, Molloy?”
Blowing out another shaky breath, she closed the space between us. “That depends.”
“On what?” My tone was low and gruff, and when I felt her hand entwine with mine, I couldn’t stop the shiver that racked through me.
“On what you do next,” she whispered, leaning up on her tiptoes to press a soft kiss to the curve of my jaw.
Fuck.
This girl.
Pulling back slightly, she locked her green eyes on mine. “You’re not running.” Leaning in, she pressed another soft kiss to my cheek, lingering a little longer this time. “That’s always a good sign.”
Jesus.
“Molloy,” I half-growled, half-groaned, as she continued to blow my world apart with soft, featherlight kisses to my cheek, getting closer and closer with each one. “It’s a bad idea.”
“Don’t worry,” she said in a soft tone, as she reached up and stroked her thumb over my cheekbone. “It’ll be safe with me, Joe.”
“What will?” “Your trust.”
My survival instinct kicked into gear, demanding I ward this girl off because she was getting way too close to my weak spot. “You think I trust you?”
“Maybe not yet.” She cupped my face in between her hands, pressing me to look at her, and Jesus, she took the air clean out of my lungs with that move. “But you will.”
Forcing myself to hold my breath and not pant breathlessly like a fucking tool, I absorbed every sensation that trickled through my body, knowing full well that no one had ever affected me like this girl.
“I see you, Joey Lynch,” she continued to say, stroking her nose against mine.
“Yeah,” I replied in a gruff tone. “I see you too, Molloy.”
“No.” Shaking her head, she shifted closer, pressing her body flush against mine. “I mean that I see you.”
My heart thundered wildly in my chest, though on the outside I didn’t move a muscle. “If you really saw me, the real me, you’d be running by now.”
A sad smile pulled at her lips. “You really believe that don’t you?” I didn’t answer.
Didn’t need to.
She already knew that she hit the nail on the head with that statement.
“You’re tired of being alone,” she whispered against my lips. “You’re tired of being let down.” She kissed me again. “Of being hurt.”
“Stop,” I warned, tensing. “Don’t try to psychoanalyze me. Don’t play those games with me, Molloy. I don’t fucking like them,” I added, feeling my walls go flying back up at a rapid pace. “You don’t know shit about me, so back the hell off.”
“I think I do know you,” she argued right back, unwilling to unlock her hold on me, so that I could get some much-needed breathing space. “I think I’ve finally figured you out.”
“Bullshit.” Running a hand through my hair in frustration, I jerked away from her touch, feeling completely naked around this girl. “So, you met my family once and think you know it all. You saw a few scratches on my back. Big deal. You don’t know shit, Molloy. Not a goddamn thing – stop it!” I warned again, holding a hand up as I backed the fuck away. “Don’t look at me like that!”
“Like what, Joe?”
Her voice was soft, her eyes warm, as she closed the much-needed space I’d put between us.
“Hmm?” Reaching up, she cupped the back of my neck. “Don’t look at you like you matter?”
With a sharp tug, she dragged my face down to hers and pressed another hot kiss to my lips.
“Because you do.”
She kissed me again, harder this time. “You matter to me, Joey Lynch.”
“I shouldn’t,” I strangled out, forcing my body remain rigid and not fold into her like a huge part of me wanted to.
“And yet you still do,” she whispered, knotting her fingers in my hair. “And what’s more is that I matter to you, too.” She smiled. “And it scares the hell out of you.”
“You don’t mean shit to me,” I desperately tried to convince the both of us, as my chest heaved. “I don’t care about you, Molloy. I never have and I never will.”
“You’re a terrible liar,” was all she replied before crushing her lips to mine.
My words were swallowed up when she pressed her lips to mine, and I didn’t even try to resist her this time. I couldn’t if I wanted to.
She ran her hands through my hair, and I was thoroughly fucked.
She gently held on to my hips, drawing me closer, as her tongue slid into my mouth.
She was just so fucking sexy.
My hands shot out of their own accord, cupping her rosy cheeks, as I kissed her back with a tenderness that I didn’t know I possessed.
No one had ever touched me with this level of affection before.
I could feel how much Molloy cared, it was emanating from her lips, and that made me want to do better, be better, straighten my shit out and be the fella she deserved.
“You need to run.”
She shook her head. “I don’t run.”
“Run,” I desperately urged. “Run, Molloy.”
“I’m staying right here,” she whispered. “With you.” “Molloy.”
“I know who you are,” she whispered against my lips, taking the lead when I physically couldn’t in the moment.
I wasn’t seeing straight, couldn’t fucking think straight, as a concoction of God only knew what floated through my veins, and yet there she was, crystal clear in front of me, making the rest of the haze, of the whole fucking world, just fade away.
“The quintessential lost boy.” Her lips grazed mine as she spoke. “Don’t worry, Peter Pan, I’ll be your Wendy.”
I kissed her.
Shouldn’t have done it, knew it was a terrible fucking idea, but still, that didn’t stop me. Knowing how jinxed I was couldn’t change my mind anymore, either.
I was just too fucking weak to resist the girl a second longer.
Shivering against my will, I let her control me, gave her the power to hurt me worse than my family ever could.
When she kissed me like that, I couldn’t take the vulnerable way it exposed me. Like a sheep baring its neck to a wolf, I went willingly, giving it all up to her, knowing that she could hurt me beyond repair.
Oh Jesus.
It was bad.
It was dangerous.
I was the very worst person a girl like her could get tangled up with, and still, she clung to me like I hung the goddamn moon.
I needed to stop it. And I would.
As soon I summoned up enough willpower to stop kissing her.
That might take a while, the beating muscle in my chest warned.
