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Chapter no 9 – JULIETTE

Restore Me (Shatter Me Book 4)

Kenji and I are in Warnerโ€™s roomโ€”whatโ€™s become my roomโ€”and weโ€™re standing in the middle of the closet while I fling clothes at him, trying to figure out what to wear.

โ€œWhat about this?โ€ I say to him, throwing something glittery in his direction. โ€œOr this?โ€ I toss another ball of fabric at him.

โ€œYou donโ€™t know shit about clothes, do you?โ€

I turn around, tilt my head. โ€œIโ€™m sorry, when was I supposed to learn about fashion, Kenji? When I was growing up alone and tortured by my horrible parents? Or maybe when I was festering in an insane asylum?โ€

That shuts him up.

โ€œSo?โ€ I say, nodding with my chin. โ€œWhich one?โ€

He picks up the two pieces I threw at him and frowns. โ€œYouโ€™re making me choose between a short, shiny dress and a pair of pajama bottoms? I meanโ€”I guess I choose the dress? But I donโ€™t think itโ€™ll go well with those ratty tennis shoes youโ€™re always wearing.โ€

โ€œOh.โ€ I glance down at my shoes. โ€œWell, I donโ€™t know. Warner picked this stuff out for me a long time agoโ€”before he even met me. Itโ€™s all I have,โ€ I say, looking up. โ€œThese clothes are left over from when I first got to Sector 45.โ€

โ€œWhy donโ€™t you just wear your suit?โ€ Kenji says, leaning against the wall. โ€œThe new one Alia and Winston made for you?โ€

I shake my head. โ€œThey havenโ€™t finished fixing it yet. And itโ€™s still got bloodstains from when I shot Warnerโ€™s dad. Besides,โ€ I say, taking a deep breath, โ€œthat was a different me. I wore those head-to-toe suits when I thought I had to protect people from my skin. But Iโ€™m different now. I can turn my power off. I can be . . . normal.โ€ I try to smile. โ€œSo I want to dress like a normal person.โ€

โ€œBut youโ€™re not a normal person.โ€

โ€œI know that.โ€ A frustrating flush of heat warms my cheeks. โ€œI just . . . I think Iโ€™d like to dress like one. Maybe for a little while? Iโ€™ve never been able to act my age and I just want to feel a little bitโ€”โ€

โ€œI get it,โ€ Kenji says, cutting me off with one hand. He looks me up and down. Says, โ€œWell, I mean, if thatโ€™s the look youโ€™re going for, I think you look like a normal person right now. Thisโ€™ll work.โ€ He waves in the general direction of my body.

Iโ€™m wearing jeans and a pink sweater. My hair is pulled up into a high ponytail. I feel comfortable and normalโ€”but I also feel like an unaccomplished seventeen-year-old playing pretend.

โ€œBut Iโ€™m supposed to be the supreme commander of North America,โ€ I say. โ€œDo you think itโ€™s okay if Iโ€™m dressed like this? Warner is always wearing fancy suits, you know? Or just, like, really nice clothes. He always looks so poisedโ€”so intimidatingโ€”โ€

โ€œWhere is he, by the way?โ€ Kenji cuts me off. โ€œI mean, I know you donโ€™t want to hear this, but I agree with Castle. Warner should be here for this meeting.โ€

I take a deep breath. Try to be calm. โ€œI know that Warner knows everything, okay? I know heโ€™s the best at basically everything, that he was born for this life. His father was grooming him to lead the world. In another life, another reality? This was supposed to be his role. I know that. I do.โ€

โ€œBut?โ€

โ€œBut itโ€™sย notย Warnerโ€™s job, is it?โ€ I say angrily. โ€œItโ€™s mine. And Iโ€™m trying not to rely on him all the time. I want to try to do some things on my own now. To take charge.โ€

Kenji doesnโ€™t seem convinced. โ€œI donโ€™t know, J. I think maybe this is one of those times when you should still be relying on him. He knows this world way better than we doโ€”and, bonus, heโ€™d be able to tell you what you should be wearing.โ€ Kenji shrugs. โ€œFashion really isnโ€™t my area of expertise.โ€

I pick up the short, shiny dress and examine it.

Just over two weeks ago I single-handedly fought off hundreds of soldiers.

I crushed a manโ€™s throat in my fist. I put two bullets through Andersonโ€™s forehead with no hesitation or regret. But here, staring at an armoire full of clothes, Iโ€™m intimidated.

โ€œMaybe Iย shouldย call Warner,โ€ I say, peeking over my shoulder at Kenji. โ€œYep.โ€ He points at me. โ€œGood idea.โ€

But then,

โ€œNoโ€”never mind,โ€ I say. โ€œItโ€™s okay. Iโ€™ll be okay, right? I mean whatโ€™s the big deal? Heโ€™s just a kid, right? Just theย sonย of a supreme commander. Not an actual supreme commander. Right?โ€

โ€œUhhhโ€”all of it is a big deal, J. The kids of the commanders are all, like, other Warners. Theyโ€™re basically mercenaries. And theyโ€™ve all been prepped to take their parentsโ€™ placesโ€”โ€

โ€œYeah, no, I should definitely do this on my own.โ€ Iโ€™m looking in a mirror now, pulling my ponytail tight. โ€œRight?โ€

Kenji is shaking his head. โ€œYes. Exactly.โ€ I nod.

โ€œUh-uh. No. I think this is a bad idea.โ€

โ€œIโ€™m capable of doingย someย things on my own, Kenji,โ€ I snap. โ€œIโ€™m not totally clueless.โ€

Kenji sighs. โ€œWhatever you say, princess.โ€

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