Kenji and I are in Warnerโs roomโwhatโs become my roomโand weโre standing in the middle of the closet while I fling clothes at him, trying to figure out what to wear.
โWhat about this?โ I say to him, throwing something glittery in his direction. โOr this?โ I toss another ball of fabric at him.
โYou donโt know shit about clothes, do you?โ
I turn around, tilt my head. โIโm sorry, when was I supposed to learn about fashion, Kenji? When I was growing up alone and tortured by my horrible parents? Or maybe when I was festering in an insane asylum?โ
That shuts him up.
โSo?โ I say, nodding with my chin. โWhich one?โ
He picks up the two pieces I threw at him and frowns. โYouโre making me choose between a short, shiny dress and a pair of pajama bottoms? I meanโI guess I choose the dress? But I donโt think itโll go well with those ratty tennis shoes youโre always wearing.โ
โOh.โ I glance down at my shoes. โWell, I donโt know. Warner picked this stuff out for me a long time agoโbefore he even met me. Itโs all I have,โ I say, looking up. โThese clothes are left over from when I first got to Sector 45.โ
โWhy donโt you just wear your suit?โ Kenji says, leaning against the wall. โThe new one Alia and Winston made for you?โ
I shake my head. โThey havenโt finished fixing it yet. And itโs still got bloodstains from when I shot Warnerโs dad. Besides,โ I say, taking a deep breath, โthat was a different me. I wore those head-to-toe suits when I thought I had to protect people from my skin. But Iโm different now. I can turn my power off. I can be . . . normal.โ I try to smile. โSo I want to dress like a normal person.โ
โBut youโre not a normal person.โ
โI know that.โ A frustrating flush of heat warms my cheeks. โI just . . . I think Iโd like to dress like one. Maybe for a little while? Iโve never been able to act my age and I just want to feel a little bitโโ
โI get it,โ Kenji says, cutting me off with one hand. He looks me up and down. Says, โWell, I mean, if thatโs the look youโre going for, I think you look like a normal person right now. Thisโll work.โ He waves in the general direction of my body.
Iโm wearing jeans and a pink sweater. My hair is pulled up into a high ponytail. I feel comfortable and normalโbut I also feel like an unaccomplished seventeen-year-old playing pretend.
โBut Iโm supposed to be the supreme commander of North America,โ I say. โDo you think itโs okay if Iโm dressed like this? Warner is always wearing fancy suits, you know? Or just, like, really nice clothes. He always looks so poisedโso intimidatingโโ
โWhere is he, by the way?โ Kenji cuts me off. โI mean, I know you donโt want to hear this, but I agree with Castle. Warner should be here for this meeting.โ
I take a deep breath. Try to be calm. โI know that Warner knows everything, okay? I know heโs the best at basically everything, that he was born for this life. His father was grooming him to lead the world. In another life, another reality? This was supposed to be his role. I know that. I do.โ
โBut?โ
โBut itโsย notย Warnerโs job, is it?โ I say angrily. โItโs mine. And Iโm trying not to rely on him all the time. I want to try to do some things on my own now. To take charge.โ
Kenji doesnโt seem convinced. โI donโt know, J. I think maybe this is one of those times when you should still be relying on him. He knows this world way better than we doโand, bonus, heโd be able to tell you what you should be wearing.โ Kenji shrugs. โFashion really isnโt my area of expertise.โ
I pick up the short, shiny dress and examine it.
Just over two weeks ago I single-handedly fought off hundreds of soldiers.
I crushed a manโs throat in my fist. I put two bullets through Andersonโs forehead with no hesitation or regret. But here, staring at an armoire full of clothes, Iโm intimidated.
โMaybe Iย shouldย call Warner,โ I say, peeking over my shoulder at Kenji. โYep.โ He points at me. โGood idea.โ
But then,
โNoโnever mind,โ I say. โItโs okay. Iโll be okay, right? I mean whatโs the big deal? Heโs just a kid, right? Just theย sonย of a supreme commander. Not an actual supreme commander. Right?โ
โUhhhโall of it is a big deal, J. The kids of the commanders are all, like, other Warners. Theyโre basically mercenaries. And theyโve all been prepped to take their parentsโ placesโโ
โYeah, no, I should definitely do this on my own.โ Iโm looking in a mirror now, pulling my ponytail tight. โRight?โ
Kenji is shaking his head. โYes. Exactly.โ I nod.
โUh-uh. No. I think this is a bad idea.โ
โIโm capable of doingย someย things on my own, Kenji,โ I snap. โIโm not totally clueless.โ
Kenji sighs. โWhatever you say, princess.โ