AOIFE

“HOW ARE YOU FEELING, LOVE?” Mam asked when I stepped into the kitchen later that evening, fresh from a shower and feeling like something Spud shat out.

“Don’t ask,” I muttered, moving for the washing machine to deposit my towel. “I don’t think you’re going to be able to get the stains out of these,” I added, holding up my blood-stained jeans and hoodie. “Should I just chuck them?”

“Oh Jesus.” Setting the iron down, Mam covered her mouth with her hand, eyes filling with tears. “Yes, chuck them, love. I’ll take you shopping for some new ones next week.”

“I don’t want to go shopping, Mam,” I replied with a weary sigh as I dropped onto a chair at the kitchen table. “I just want the Gards to find that bastard, lock him up, and throw away the goddamn key.”

“How is young Joey?”

“Destroyed.” I couldn’t hide the pain in my voice. “He’s broken physically and mentally.”

“Oh, Aoife, love.”

“I will never get the image of them on that kitchen floor out of my head.”

“I can imagine.”

“No, Mam,” I said, shaking my head. “You can’t and be glad of it.” “How are you feeling, Aoife?”

“Like my heart was beaten to a pulp and is lying on a trolley in A&E.” “Oh, love.”

“I hate his parents, Mam.” Feeling my eyes burn with tears, I dropped my head in my hands and bit back a roar. “I hate those fucking monsters.”

“Oh, love, I know you’re upset.” She closed the space between us and placed a hand on my shoulder. “But you need to stay calm and look after yourself. You’ve a little baby growing in your belly. You can’t be getting worked up.”

“Worked up?” I choked out, voice cracking. “Mam, I’m fucking

devastated.”

“I know.” She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me to her chest. “I know, Aoife, love.”

“He’s my best friend,” I cried, twisting sideways in my seat to clutch her. “Forget the romantic side of things and all of the bullshit. He’s my closest friend on the entire planet and this is killing me.” Sniffling, I gripped her jumper and sagged against her. “You don’t understand how much it hurts. Watching him go through everything he goes through and feeling utterly useless.”

“You’re not useless, love,” Mam soothed, wrapping me up in her arms. “You’re a lifeline to that boy. A life-jacket, if you will.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you are,” she coaxed. “You’ve been keeping him afloat for years now.”

“But it’s not enough, Mam,” I cried hoarsely. “I can’t keep watching him suffer. I’m so afraid for him. You don’t understand. It’s paralyzing. I am so fucking scared for him that I can barely breathe. One of these days, he’s going to go under, and I won’t be able to pull him back.”

My phone rang loudly in my pocket. With a gasp I sprang away from my mother, snatched it out and quickly clicked accept as I put it to my ear. “Hello?”

“Hello, am I speaking to Aoife?” “Yeah, that’s me.”

“Hi, Aoife, my name is Stephie Hubbard. I’m the nurse looking after Joey this evening.”

“Is he okay?” I demanded, feeling faint. “Did something happen?”

“He’s fine,” she was quick to assure me. “He was a little disorientated after his mother and brother visited, so I told him that I would call you. We have a bed for him on the main ward, but he’s insisting on discharging himself.”

“Are they still there? His mam and brother?”

“No, he was growing increasingly distressed, so I asked them to leave.”

“Good.” My heart thudded painfully in my chest. “Tell him that I’m on my way, okay? I’m leaving right now. I’ll be there in half an hour.”

“Oh, Aoife,” Mam sobbed when I ended the call. “I know you’re worried about Joey, we all are, but I’m worried about you, too. Can you go for a lie

down before you go back to the hospital? For the baby’s sake. I can pop up to the hospital to see him instead.”

“No.” Shaking my head, I stood up and schooled my features. “I’m going back to him.”

“Then I’ll have your father drive you,” Mam replied, sounding deflated. “You’re in no fit state to be driving into the city.”

 

 

“DO you have credit in your phone to call me for a spin home later?” Dad asked, a little while later, when he pulled into a parking space in the carpark of the hospital. “Do you have a few bob in your purse in case you get hungry or want a cup of tea?”

“I have credit, Dad.” I unfastened my seatbelt and reached for the door. “And I don’t need money. I’m not hungry.”

“Aoife, wait.” Leaning across the seats, my father closed my car door. “Just sit and talk to me for a minute.”

“What’s to say, Dad?” I replied, numb. “Are you alright?”

“No. I’m not alright,” I choked out. “How could I be alright when he’s…” A sob tore from my chest. “He could have died, Dad.”

“Jesus.”

“His face,” I squeezed out, feeling the familiar sting of hot tears. “He’s barely recognizable.”

“Poor young fella.”

“You don’t know the half of it.”

“He’s a troubled lad.” “He’s a good man.”

“I never said he wasn’t.”

“No more, Dad.” Sniffling, I looked to my father. “I know you’re upset about the baby, but you can’t be hard on him. It’s too much. He has too much shit in his life. Just… just be kind to him.”

“Aoife.” My father’s eyes were filled with emotion when he whispered, “I’m afraid for you.”

“And I’m afraid for him,” I replied, pushing the car door open and climbing out. “Thanks for the spin, Dad.”

“Aoife, wait!” I didn’t wait. I couldn’t.

Instead, I closed the passenger door of my father’s van and strode off in the direction of the entrance to the A&E department.

Blinking away any residue tears, I slapped on my brightest smile when I walked through the triage area and headed down the jam-packed corridor in the direction of the admissions cubicles, not stopping until I had reached Joey’s.

“I hear you’ve been causing trouble,” I teased, pulling back the curtain. “Plotting a jailbreak, stud?”

My smile remained in place, but my heart plummeted into my ass when my gaze landed on the empty trolley.

His blanket was strewn over the bed, while his clothes and shoes had disappeared from the chair at his bedside.

His IV pole held a full bag of clear fluid, while the line that was supposed to be attached to my boyfriend’s arm was on the floor, dripping clear fluid into a little puddle.

Panicked, I looked around wildly, frantically searching for his face in the crowded corridor, even though I knew in my heart it would be a fruitless search.

Because my boyfriend was gone.

The ledge I had been desperately trying to pull him back from?

There was no doubt in my mind that he had gone trip-tumbling over it.