JOEY
FOR MOST OF MY LIFE, I felt like I was running out of time.
Now, as I sat on the metal railing of the footbridge that separated Molloy’s estate from mine, with the end in sight, it suddenly felt like I had all the time in the world.
The night air whipped and lashed at my face, but I felt nothing. Eyes locked on the raging current of water flowing through the river, crashing against the foot of the bridge, I felt a level of calmness that was staggering.
Several weeks of rainfall meant that the town’s river was close to bursting its banks.
Good.
The current would take me quickly. All I had to do was let go.
Just close my eyes and let myself fall.
Eerily at peace with my decision, I tossed my bag into the water and watched as the river swallowed it under and washed it away.
That could be me.
I could just disappear.
I will disappear.
It’s the best thing for everyone. Especially her.
Because she’ll never stop fighting for me while my heart’s still beating. And I’ll never stop dragging her down.
“Don’t do it.” A voice called out, and I stiffened, before reluctantly twisting around to find a familiar blonde watching me from the Rosewood side of the bridge.
“Don’t, Joey.” Clad in an oversized hoodie, I watched as Lizzie Young slowly walked towards me. “Don’t.”
“Just turn around and walk away,” I replied, bone weary, as I turned my attention back to the river. “Just…leave me alone.”
“Please,” she whispered, as she slowly closed the space between us. “Please.” Trembling, she reached out and gently covered my hand with hers. “Don’t go over the edge.” The wind blew her hair around her face, but she never faltered when she stepped closer, and circled my wrist tightly with her hand. “It’s not the way out.”
I sighed wearily; eyes locked on the hand she wrapped around mind. “Lizzie, please just—”
“No!” Momentarily releasing my wrist, my sister’s friend wrapped both of her arms around my body and pressed her cheek against my back. “I won’t let you do it to Shannon.”
“Do what?”
“Turn her into me.”
“I don’t need this shit,” I choked out, voice breaking mid-sentence, making me sound like my fucking sister. “Do ya hear me? I don’t need anyone to save me!”
“I don’t care what you want,” she screamed back at me. “I care about what you need!”
“Let go.”
“No!”
“Lizzie.”
“It won’t fix anything,” she strangled out, burying her face in the back of my hoodie. “You think it’s the answer to all your problems, and maybe it is, to yours.” She sucked in a sharp breath. “But what about the people you leave behind? You think they’ll be able to accept it?” I could feel her shaking her head. “They’ll never accept it, Joey. It will haunt them forever. It haunts me forever.”
“I’m not your sister.”
“You know this is the same bridge, right?” she sobbed, holding onto my body for dear life. “The same fucking spot, Joey!”
No.
I didn’t know that.
“Nobody was there to stop her,” she continued, crying hard and ugly. “Nobody was there to stop my sister, but I’m here now. I’m here to stop my best friend’s brother from following my sister!”
“I’m not your sister,” I repeated on a croak, tears flowing freely down my face. “I’m not worth saving.”
“Do you have any idea how fucking selfish that sounds?” she demanded. “When you mean so much to so many people!”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Your sister and brothers love you,” she screamed at the top of her lungs. “They love you so fucking much it’s palpable. And your girlfriend? Aoife? Holy shit, lad, I have never seen someone look so in love with another human being in my life.”
“You don’t get it.” I shook my head, trembling. “I’m not good for her.“ “Then get good for her, dammit,” she snapped, as the sound of fire engine
sirens filled the air. “Don’t throw in the towel and ruin her life before it’s
even started. Because that’s what you’ll do. You jump and you’re killing more than just yourself. You’re killing everyone that loves you. You’re sentencing them to a life in prison. Trust me. I should know.”
“I’m trying to do the right thing.” I pleaded , “Please just let me do the right fucking thing for once in my goddamn life!”
“You’ve always done the right thing!” she shouted back at me, as the wind howled, and the sirens grew louder. “That’s never been your problem, Joey Lynch.”
“You don’t know me.”
“You’re a piece of shit for thinking about doing this,” she argued. “But as a whole, you’re a good fucking human, dammit, and I’m not going to stand back and watch another person I know erase themselves from this world because of another asshole’s actions. Because that’s what this is about, right?” she demanded. “Your father?”
“You don’t know a fucking think about my father!“
“Fine,” she agreed, still shouting. “I don’t know you. So, change that.
Climb down from the railing and tell me about him!”
With my heart hammering in my chest, I stared down at her hands that were knotted together and resting on my stomach. “If you don’t let go, we’re both going under.”
“Yeah?” She tightened her hold on me. “Then I guess we’re both going under. And keep in mind, based on rumors and the look in your eyes, you’re clearly high as hell right now. Any decisions you make might be heavily influenced by whatever’s in your veins, not how you’d feel in your right mind.”
“Jesus,” I muttered, frustrated. “You’re so damn stubborn.”
“Says the pot to the kettle,” Lizzie shot back. “So, what’s it going to be, Joey Lynch? Are we dying tonight, or are we living?”
“You’re living,” I begrudgingly conceded, letting her pull me back over the railing to solid ground. “I’m being emotionally blackmailed.”
“Hey, whatever keeps your heart ticking,” she replied. “Sorry, not sorry.”
A loud fire engine siren filled the air, and we both turned toward Elk’s side of the bridge, seeing flashing lights in the distance.
“Looks like you’re not the only one causing trouble tonight,” she teased, folding her arms and watching me warily. “Sounds like it’s coming from your neck of the woods.”
“Yeah,” I muttered, feeling a wave of unease as I watched the stream of fire engines, ambulances, and squad cars speeding toward Elk’s terrace. “I think you might be right.”
