“Stop myself from falling in love with you!”
I choke on my next breath, air clogging in my throat.
His chest is rising and falling in time with my own. My heart sputters back to life, beating hard against my rib cage. I shake my head at him, taking a step back. “No. No, don’t say that. I asked you not to make this harder than it has to be.”
“And I told you that it already is,” he says, voice harsh. “Dammit, the minute you threw a dagger at my head, I knew I was done for. There was no longer a before you, only what I wanted with you.”
“And what could that possibly be?” I laugh bitterly. “I’m an Ordinary. You’re Elite—”
“Not out here I’m not.”
I stare at him, startled by words I never thought I’d hear fall from his lips.
“Out here I am Kai and nothing more.” His throat bobs. “Out here I am powerless. A monster without an ability to hide behind. An Enforcer free from his masks. A man shouting his love for a woman.”
“Kai…”
“Pae.”
My name from his lips is a weakness I shouldn’t let him hold over me.
“I think I would fall on my sword if it meant you mourned me,” he breathes. “And it’s terrifying to think you hold that much power over me.”
He closes the distance between us, tilting my chin up so I meet his gaze. “You asked me what my favorite color was once. I’d never even pondered the answer to that question before you. And yet, I realized in that moment that it was blue.” He bends to brush a kiss to my temple, a murmur against my skin. “It is your eyes.”
I take a shaky breath, feeling his on my face.
“Tell me you hate me, and I’ll still count every heartbeat, every freckle, every shiver of your body, if only you say it with a smile.” He backs away, freeing my face from his hands. “I may be a monster, but if you cut me, I’ll bleed. And if you break my heart, Pae, you’ll break me. So, if even a sliver of your soul longs for mine, I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to deserve it.”
My eyes are glassy, rimmed with tears I’m too stubborn to let fall. The plea in his gaze is poetic. He flexes his hands at his side, as though it’s an effort to keep them off me. I take in his hair of petals and eyes of ice that only seem to melt when they fall on me.
“Maybe you really are a poet,” I whisper.
He smiles softly. “Or just a fool for you.”
“Pretend?”
My voice is small, soft like the breeze blowing through my short hair.
“Never.”
“None of it?” I ask quietly.
“Darling”—he smiles—“I have never had to pretend to want you.”
His words have my heart stuttering before realization hits me. “What about our fathers?” I blurt. “What we did to one another?”
“I won’t spend the rest of my life hating you for saving yourself.” He sighs deeply. “I know why you did what you did. And I hope you understand why I did the same.”
“I…” Words I thought I would never say are suddenly caught in my throat. “I forgive you, Kai. I think I might have a while ago. Because I can forgive you for what you didn’t even know you were doing.”
His eyes flutter closed in relief.
“I wanted to kill you,” I whisper, forcing his eyes open. “I wanted to be your undoing. But even then, I knew I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I had.”
He inches toward me, head shaking and eyes roaming as though overwhelmed by what he is seeing. “Oh, but you are my undoing. My deliverance. My downfall disguised as a deity.” Another slow step. “You are my ruin.”
I’m dazed, unable to do anything but let a smile tug at my lips.
“Call us even. Call me crazy. I don’t care. Just…” His eyes are pleading, brimming with emotion. “Just call me yours.”
We stare at each other for several thundering heartbeats.
“Flicking my nose,” I breathe.
His brows crinkle. “What?”
“Flicking my nose,” I repeat simply. “Something I’ve always had a thing for. Among others, of course.”
Understanding lights his eyes as a slow smile spreads across his lips, accompanied by dimples on either side. “Go on, darling.”
“That reminds me.” I nod. “Calling me ‘darling.’ Cocky bastards. Long, dark eyelashes…”
I could melt from the heat in his gaze.
“Knowing what I need exactly when I need it. Ripping my dresses. Dimples that make me—”
In a single step, he’s closed the distance between us and pulled my mouth to his.
He kisses me deeply, breathing me in. I melt against him, memorizing the feel of his hands running over my body. I press a hand to his cheek while one of his finds my hair, threading it between his fingers.
I pull away just far enough to pant, “Have you really counted my freckles?”
“All twenty-eight of them,” he breathes before kissing me hard. “Though, you might have more now from the sun.” Another quick kiss. “I’ll have to do a recount.”
My laugh has him pulling me closer, nipping at the tip of my nose with his teeth.
I wrap my arms around his neck. He is my anchor, and I am willing to sink, so long as it is with him.
With each kiss, he captures the three words I’m too scared to say. I hope he can taste them on the tip of my tongue, read them on the curve of my lips. Because uttering the words feels like a death sentence. Every person I’ve ever loved has left me.
I’m cursed to lose in love. But that is what I feel for him, what I’ve felt even when I hated him. Because hating him was easier than hating myself for wanting him.
So I bite my tongue. I fight the urge to shout those three seemingly harmless words at him. Because wherever I love, people die. And I’d rather love him silently than mourn him loudly.
He pulls away, breathing heavy. “You need to get out of here.”
Slipping my dagger from his boot, he crouches before the chain tethering us together. “What about you?” I stammer. “What about your mission. And Kitt—”
“Don’t worry about me.” He wedges the blade between the seam of the cuff around my ankle, trying to pry it apart. “I can handle Kitt. He already thought I wouldn’t be able to bring you back anyway.”
“He did?”
He huffs humorlessly. “Yeah. He figured I would do exactly what it is I’m doing now—letting you go.” He strains against the handle of my dagger. “It seems he was right to doubt me.”
I drop down beside him, crushing poppies beneath me. “What does this mean?”
He doesn’t answer, eyes trained on the stubborn chain.
“Kai. What does this mean?”
He stops long enough to look up at me. “It means you are going to get as far away from here as possible. I’ll stall the search for you as long as I can, but you need to find a way to get to Izram by then.”
I shake my head. “No.”
“Yes, Pae.”
“No.” My voice is stern. “No, I’m sick of running. And I won’t spend the rest of my life doing it unless it’s you I’m running back to.”
“Then I’ll spend the rest of my life tracking you down,” he says quietly. “Glimpsing you in the shadows. Fighting you in the streets. Dancing with you in my dreams. Because living without you is only bearable when I know you are out there still living too.”
“Please,” I whisper.
“Kitt won’t let me stop hunting you.” He puts a hand to my cheek. “You have to—”
He stops abruptly, his head tilting slightly to the side.
“What?” I ask hesitantly. “What is it?”
He says nothing, a muscle ticking in his cheek the only movement.
“Kai?”
His eyes meet mine suddenly. “They’re coming.”
“Who is?”
“Kitt must have my men searching the edge of the city for me,” he mutters under his breath. “They spotted us. Two Flashes, coming fast.”
My throat goes dry.
Kai slings the pack over his shoulders before pulling the bow across his chest. He reaches up to touch my face but thinks better of it when he glances over his shoulder.
I see them now, two blurry figures speeding toward us. It feels odd to see abilities at work after spending so many days without them. So many glorious days where everyone was equally as Ordinary as I was.
“Hey, look at me,” he murmurs. I turn to meet his hard gaze. “I need you to play along. Can you do that?”
“Playing a part is something I’m rather familiar with,” I say evenly.
He nods. “Be smart. I’m going to fix all of this. I promise.”
Now it’s my turn to nod. His eyes flick between mine, and it’s a struggle to not throw myself into his arms. “You are my proof of a paradise,” he murmurs with a quick flick of my nose.
Then he turns toward the figures closing in on us, mouthing a single word I barely catch.
Pretend.
