Today is the day.
The panicked thought pulls me from my sleep.
I open my eyes only to squeeze them shut against the blinding sunlight.
I run a hand through my messy hair, roll my sore neck from a night of sleeping atop thick flower stems. Blinking up at the clear sky, the sun tells me we’ve slept plenty long enough.
My eyes wander to the shadow spilling from its castle sitting far too close. The end of this mission is so near, and yet, I’m not sure if I have the strength to finish it. But I’m chained to duty, created to command. I was made for the king, not for her. I could never be worthy of her.
My gaze sweeps back down to the crushed flowers.
As to be expected, Paedyn is still fast asleep against my chest, hands tucked beneath her face and hair strewn impressively in every direction.
Paedyn.
I earned her name back. It’s a relief to let it roll off my tongue after days of it trying to escape my lips.
She’s nothing but a tangle of limbs beside me. I hesitate to wake her, if only so I can stare at her longer. But I’d rather her company than anything else.
I shake her shoulder.
Nothing. Not surprising.
I try again. This time, it earns me a grumble against her hand.
The next attempt to wake her is met with a middle finger raised over her back. I chuckle, continuing to shake her. “It’s both impressive and alarming how you always manage to sleep so deeply.”
“If you can sleep in the slums,” she mumbles, “you can sleep anywhere.”
She rolls over to face me, blinking groggily. I can’t help but smile at the sight of her, so obliviously stunning. After several large yawns, she props herself on an arm to pick the flowers that droop over us.
Looking down at me, she begins threading the flowers into my hair. A smile parts her lips, the type that is concerningly contagious. “Making me pretty, Pae?”
She rolls her eyes. “As if you need help with that.”
As soon as the words leave her mouth, she’s pressing her lips together, regret coating her face. I smile at her in the way I know she likes, making her huff in annoyance. “I always knew you thought I was pretty.”
“Plagues,” she mutters.
“Tell me,” I say smoothly, running a lazy hand up and down her side, “how is it that you’ve been able to resist me for this long?”
Her laugh alone could cure the most corrupted parts of me, and that is exactly what it’s done since the day I met her. “Well, it hasn’t been very difficult, Prince.”
“I find that hard to believe.”
There’s that laugh again. “Maybe cocky bastards just aren’t my type.”
“Then tell me who you want me to be for you.”
Her hand stills in my hair, petals falling from her fingers. I watch her gaze soften with each silent second that passes. “I don’t want you to be anything that you’re not.”
“But what I am is not good enough for you,” I murmur, looking up at the clouds shifting above us.
“And what about what I am not?”
Her question has my eyes flicking back to her face. “What are you talking about?”
She slides her hand from where it was tangled in my hair. “Have you forgotten what I am? What you are meant to do with me?”
I sit up, forcing her to do the same. “And what is it you think I’m meant to do with you?”
“Hate me!” she shouts harshly, seeming to surprise herself with the outburst.
“Is that what you want?” I ask, my voice low. “You want me to hate you?”
She swallows her answer, saying nothing.
“Look me in the eyes and tell me to hate you, Paedyn.”
Silence.
I stand to my feet, laughing bitterly. “Because I will. I will hate you if it means you spend the rest of your life thanking me for it.”
She stands slowly, avoiding both my gaze and the question she won’t answer.
I take a step toward her. “Five words. That is all I’m asking for. Five words for you to tell me how you feel.”
I watch her eyes trail their way to mine. Then I listen to the five words that fall from her lips. “Please just hate me.” A pause. “Asshole.”
Under different circumstances, I would have laughed. But instead, I breathe, “Why?”
She shuts her eyes. “Because it is easier that way. Easier to stay enemies than become anything more.”
I take a deep breath. “It’s a little late for that, don’t you think?”
When she says nothing, I grab the bedroll and stuff it into her pack. A numb sort of mask slips over my features, keeping my face blank and voice even. “Fine. We should be on our way, then.”
She shakes her head, having found her voice. “Don’t do that to me. Don’t go hiding under one of your masks so you can pretend not to see this.”
I run my hands through disheveled hair, shaking my head. “You want me without a mask?”
Her voice is strained. “That is the only way I want you, Kai Azer.”
I take a step toward her, feeling stripped bare under the weight of her stare. It feels unnatural to let emotions paint my face, frustration crowd my features. But I let the mask shatter for her, leaving only the monster beneath it. “Fine. Here is me without a mask, Paedyn,” I say, breathing heavily. “I don’t know what you want me to do. I don’t have a choice—”
“You always have a choice,” she says harshly.
“Not in the life I was born into. The missions I’m sent on.” I’m practically panting as the words tumble from my mouth. “You.”
She hesitates. “Me?”
“Yes, you. Something else I’ve always had a thing for.” I let out a bitter laugh. “I had no choice in the matter. Do you think I could have stopped it if I tried?”
She shakes her head at me. “Stop what?”
