Art3misย and Iโalongย withย Aechย and Shoto, both looking shaken but eager to rejoin the questโmaterialized on Halcydonia. Specifically, within my personal Be-Free Treehouse, located deep within the Friendship Forest of Faraway, which was where any Halcydonian was automatically transported when they returned to the planet. Any kid in the OASIS under the age of thirteen could earn a Be-Free Treehouse by completing the free educational quests spread across the planet. Once you earned your treehouse, it belonged to you for the rest of your life, and no one could come inside it without your permission. It was just a tiny virtual space, but growing up in the stacks, it was also the first space that I was able to call my ownโand the only one, until I discovered my hideout.โ
When Kira and Og founded Halcydonia Interactive and created this planet, theyโd cooked up the Be-Free Treehouses as a way to give kids around the world a free, happy, virtual home inside the OASIS that they could always escape to, and find themselves surrounded by an endless assortment of furry friends and anthropomorphic animal teachers who were always overjoyed to see them, and who just wanted to teach them how to read, write, spell, and do arithmetic, all while staying physically fit and being kind to others.
Being able to put on my OASIS visor and be transported to the magical kingdom of Halcydonia was one of the things that kept me sane, and it made my life in the Portland Avenue Stacks bearable. And it did the same thing for millions of other kids around the world.
If you were under age thirteen, you could teleport to Halcydonia for free from Incipio, or from any public transport terminal anywhere else in the OASIS. And once you got there, all the quests and learning games were free too. I never wanted to leave. And for a few years, I almost never did. Those were the last few years of my motherโs life, when she was slipping deeper into depression and the addiction that would end up killing her.
During those last years, as our tiny, grim trailer in the stacks became an increasingly unpleasant place to be, I spent more and more time hanging out inside my treehouse on Halcydonia, and sometimes after she got off work, my mom would log back in to the OASIS and join me there, so I could tell her about my day, or show her the artwork Iโd made, or introduce her to one of my new virtual animal friends.
The inside of my Be-Free Treehouse was one large circular room, with a continuous band of windows all the way around the outside wall, giving us a panoramic view of the surrounding forest, which was filled with millions and millions of identical trees, each with an identical treehouse built into it. This dense forest of treehouses appeared to stretch on forever, in every direction.
Like all of the treehouses, mine had a large hollow tree trunk at the center, containing a spiral staircase leading to the ground. Iโd decorated the interior so that it resembled the treehouse where Chewbaccaโs family lived on Kashyyyk in theย Star Wars Holiday Special.ย Aech noticed this a few seconds after we arrived and chuckled, then she let out a long Wookiee growl of recognition. I didnโt laugh. I was too busy teetering on the verge of an emotional breakdown, as I took a long look around the room.
There was a giant console television on one side of the room, positioned directly in front of an even more enormous blue couch. The TV was still running through a playlist of some of eleven-year-old Wadeโs favorite shows. There was currently a green Muppet newscaster on the screen, and after a few seconds I placed him as Gary Gnu, the host ofย The Gary Gnu Show. He had orange hair and an orange goatee, and he was in the midst of uttering a phrase that I mustโve heard hundreds of times when I was growing up here: โNo gโnews is good gโnews with Gary Gnu!โ
By turning the treehouse TVโs giant channel knobs, you could watch shows from a huge free library of old childrenโs educational programming
from the late twentieth century. Shows likeย 3-2-1 Contact, The Big Comfy Couch, Captain Kangaroo, The Electric Company, The Great Space Coaster, Mister Rogersโ Neighborhood, Pee-weeโs Playhouse, Romper Room, Reading Rainbow, Sesame Street, Zoobilee Zoo,ย and many, many more. Kira and Og had used their vast fortunes to purchase the rights to these long-forgotten shows, then uploaded all of them to the free video archive here on Halcydonia, where future generations of kids could keep enjoying and learning from them forever.
But the Morrows didnโt stop there. They also re-created the sets from all of these old educational shows as virtual OASIS environments, and all of their characters as lifelike NPCs. Then they scattered these characters and environments all over the surface of Halcydonia, mixed in with the Morrowsโ own educational quests and minigames. That was one of the many reasons Halcydonia had felt like such a magical place to spend my time as a lonely kid in the stacks. As I wandered across its magical landscape (which was completely devoid of advertising and microtransactions), I might see Elmo fromย Sesame Streetย talking to Chairy fromย Pee-weeโs Playhouse. Then they would both run over and invite me to play a game of Sorry! or Trouble on a nearby picnic table. That sort of thing happened everywhere on Halcydonia. For a kid like me, it hadnโt just been an escape. It had been a life preserver, a lone place of joy and belonging for a little boy desperate for both.
Iโd always thought of the Morrows as two of my very first teachers. But now, I realized they had also served as my surrogate parents. That was why it had been so thrilling to meet Og in person and become his friendโand why it had been so devastating when heโd turned his back on me. Now I knew Iโd given him no other choice.
The walls of my treehouse were covered with old drawings and artwork that my mother and I had created together. Lots of knights and wizards. And Ninja Turtles. And Transformers. There were also a bunch of framed selfies of our avatars posing together, taken in this very room. And just a few feet away, sitting atop a bookshelf, was a real photograph of me and my mother, taken in our trailer, just a few months before she died. In it, we were both making silly faces as we posed for a selfie.
Iโd forgotten that photo was here, and seeing it again for the first time in a decade felt like having an old wound ripped open, right there in front of my friends.
Art3mis saw the photo, too, along with my reaction to it, and she immediately went over and placed it facedown on the bookshelf. Then she walked back over to me and gave my shoulder a comforting squeeze.
โYou need a minute?โ she asked. โWe could wait outside.โ
โYou guys should know something,โ I said. โI had a nervous breakdown the last time I visited this planet. Thatโs why I havenโt been back in so long.โ
They all studied my face to see if I was kidding, and saw that I wasnโt.
โI was eleven years old at the time,โ I said. โAnd my mother had just died of a drug overdose a few days earlier. I went back to Halcydonia because my mom and I had spent so much time here together. I thought it might bring me some comfort, but it didnโt. It just pushed me over the edge.โ
โIโm so sorry, Z,โ Art3mis said. โBut this time you arenโt alone. Your friends are with you. And we are going to stay with you, the whole time. OK?โ
I nodded. Then I bit my lower lip to keep it from trembling.
Shoto rested a hand on my shoulder. Then Aech did the same thing and said, โWe got your back, Z.โ
โThanks, guys,โ I said, once I found my voice again. Then I took out the Third Shard and pointed at the coat of arms etched into its surface. โThis is the coat of arms of Queen Itsalot, the sovereign ruler of the kingdom of Itsalot, which is a small continent to the south, where most of the math-related quests are located.โ
I opened a map of the planet and made it visible to everyone. It looked just like the Map fromย Dora the Explorer,ย but I quickly muted it before it could start singing its own name.
โWeโre here,โ I said, pointing to the Friendship Forest. โThe queen lives in Castle Calculus, which lies to the south, beyond the MoreStuff Mountain Range and across the SeeSaw Sea. No teleportation is permitted on this
planet, and it would take us several hours to get there on foot. But I know a shortcut. Thatโs the exit, over there.โ
I motioned to the spiral staircase inside the hollow tree trunk at the center of the room. Shoto ran over and began to descend it first, with Aech close behind. But she had to stop and shrink her avatar to half-size to make it onto the tiny staircase. As she was doing that, I went over to grab my tiny Halcydonia Adventurersโ Club backpack off its hook on the wall. These backpacks couldnโt be added to your avatarโs inventory, and the items inside were only useful on this planet, so everyone left them in storage lockers, or in their Be-Free Treehouse, like me.
My motherโs identical backpack was hanging right beside it. I tried to avoid looking at it, but then I went right ahead and looked at it anyway. Including the word stitched onto the back flap in cursive with pink yarn:ย Mama.
I hit the emotion-suppressing software on my HUD, so Art3mis wouldnโt see me start to sob. I managed to keep moving. I put my own backpack on my avatarโs back. As I did, it automatically enlarged itself to fit my twenty-one-year-old frame. I turned to follow the others down the staircase. But Art3mis was standing there, blocking my way. The emotion-suppressing software was workingโthere was no way she should have known I was crying, but somehow she did. I tried to go around her. But just like the first time we met, she refused to let me pass.
Instead, she opened her arms and wrapped them around meโsomething I had long ago accepted that she would never do again. She held me tight, until I finally got my sobbing under control.
Samantha knew all about my mother, and how I found her dead of a drug overdose on our couch when I was eleven. It was heroin mixed with some other stuff, I think. That was the reason Iโd avoided all ONI recordings made by heroin users for the entire first year the ONI-net was online. Then curiosity finally got the best of me, and I went all the way down the ONI-net heroin-addict-high rabbit hole. I wanted to experience what my mother had experienced firsthand. To find out exactly the sort of high my mother had been chasing when sheโd unwittingly overdosed. Iโd always assumed that it must be a pretty great feeling, if my mother thought it was worth losing her life for it. Doing a drug via ONI playback wasnโt the
same as shooting it into your own bloodstream. It felt the same, but it didnโt cause the same long-term damage or physical addiction symptoms. And it removed the risk of accidental death. So ONI recordings allowed me to experience the same high my mother had, without destroying my brain and my body in the process. I didnโt find it all that enlightening.
I wiped my eyes and took several deep breaths until I got myself back under control. Then I gave Art3mis a forced smile and a thumbs up. She nodded and took me by the hand, then she led me down the spiral staircase. Once we reached the bottom, I pushed open the heavy wooden door, and together, we stepped outside, into the Friendship Forest, where Aech and Shoto were waiting for us. The two of them were standing side by side in a beam of sunlight breaking through the treetops, illuminating tiny insects and motes of dust floating in the air around them.
I thought Art3mis would let go of my hand before Aech and Shoto saw her holding it, but she didnโt. She let them see. And Aech and Shoto pretended not to notice.
I pointed to a path leading south, through the dense forest of treehouses all around us.
โThe MoreStuff Mountains are that way,โ I said. โJust follow me closely, single-file, and only step where I step. Donโt stop to talk to anyone
โavatars or NPCs. Also, donโt touch anything, and if you can help it, try not to look at anything eitherโnot for longer than a second or two. Otherwise you might trigger some educational minigame or side quest that youโll be forced to complete, and weโll have to go on without you. We donโt have time to stop and play Blueโs Clues. Understood?โ
They all nodded, and the four of us took off, running north along the path at top speed.
Once we reached the edge of the Be-Free Forest, we entered Holdenโs Field
โa large, flat, open field of rye, perched precariously on the edge of the Cliffs of Salinger, a place where I had completed several different book-
report quests at several different grade levels. I had also played countless games of tag in this field, with other kids from around the world. Kids I had never met and would never meet in the real world, with usernames that they had probably changed long ago.
Art3mis rested a hand on my shoulder, bringing me back to the present. โWe need to keep moving,โ she said.
I led them along the edge of the rye field, onto a narrow paved road that snaked to the north, through a rolling countryside and toward the MoreStuff Mountains in the distance. My surroundings seemed even more vibrant and realistic than I rememberedโthen I realized it was because this was the first time I had experienced this place with an ONI headset.
I heard a gleeful shriek and glanced overhead. There were a few kids flying around in their spellicopters. I had one in my inventory, but they only had room for one person, and that person had to keep spelling new words to stay airborne. We had to find other transportation.
We followed the road until it led us to a small farmhouse with a red barn behind it. There was a wooden wheelbarrow out by the road, with a rake leaning against it. I led Aech, Shoto, and Art3mis to the wheelbarrow and stood on a specific spot on the road beside it, then began to sing at the sky, as loudly as I could.
โItโs the Great Space Coaster!โย I yelled. โGet on board! On the Great Space Coaster! Weโll explore!โ
As I continued to sing, accompanying music began to play out of nowhere. Art3mis laughed and nodded with recognition, then she began to sing along with me. I displayed the lyrics in a browser window, so that Aech and Shoto could join in too.
As we sang, a flying yellow aircar swooped down out of the sky and flew under us, scooping our avatars up and into its fine Corinthian-leather seats.
โWelcome aboard the Great Space Coaster,โ I said, placing my hands on the coasterโs flight stick. โFree transportation to Castle Calculus! Everyone buckle up, otherwise youโll fall out.โ
I aimed the Great Space Coaster at the MoreStuff Mountains on the horizon and floored the accelerator. Then I kept the hammer down until we
were soaring over them. We passed over the starting point for the legendary Oregon Trail quest. A moment later, we flew over Mister Rogersโ neighborhood. Then we continued south, down along the coast of the SeeSaw Sea, and a few minutes later we passed over Gullah Gullah Island.
When I pointed the island out to Aech, it put a huge smile on her face, and as she began to talk about how much she loved that show as a kid, I caught myself smiling too. I didnโt realize how much Iโd missed this place. Why had I spent so much time running away? It felt genuinely good to be back here, despite the circumstances.
Once we cleared the mountain range, I set the coaster down just outside the golden front gate of Halcydonia City. It was the only entrance, and it was guarded by the Subtraction Sentinel, a stoic stone giant who would only open the gates for you after you solved a series of simple subtraction problems for him. Once I did this, the Subtraction Sentinel gave me a solemn nod, then he let me enter the city. Then Aech, Shoto, and Art3mis all had to do the same thing. Once we were all inside the gate, I took off at a run, leading my friends through the cityโs tangled maze of streets.
As we were making our way down a cobblestone side street, I spotted something strange and completely out of place: a gorgeous cream-colored 1949 Buick Roadmaster convertible that I instantly recognized fromย Rain Man.ย Inside it was a young Tom Cruiseโor rather, his character from the movie, Charlie Babbitt. He was just sitting there behind the steering wheel, tapping it with his right hand, almost like he was drumming along to music. But there was no music, and his drumming had an odd rhythm to it. Steady, like a metronome, except that every few taps, it seemed like he was pressing on the wheel for an extra moment. The pattern reminded me of a scene inย Star Trek V: The Final Frontier,ย for some reason it took me a moment to place, but then it clickedโwas he tapping out a message in Morse code?
I opened my Mandarax translation software and used it to translate the Morse code into letters, only to discover that he was spelling out M-O-R-S-E.
Iโd never seen a Tom Cruise NPC of any kind on Halcydonia. Content from R-rated movies was expressly forbidden here. So what was going on?
Less than a minute later, I spotted another out-of-place NPCโRaymond โRain Manโ Babbitt, Dustin Hoffmanโs character from the same film. He was staring off into space, while rocking slowly back and forth, shifting his weight from his left foot to his right foot. But I could see right away that he was making these movements in a patternโa mix of short hops and long hops, like Morse code. According to my Mandarax translator software, his feet were tapping out the same word his brother had been tapping out on his steering wheel: M-O-R-S-E.
I didnโt have time to ponder it now, because weโd arrived at Castle Calculus, which was located at the city center. We mounted the ornate marble steps out front, which had a bunch of different math proofs and equations carved into them, and passed through the castleโs grand entranceway, then continued on into Queen Itsalotโs throne room.
Normally, she wouldnโt have granted us an audience so quickly. But Iโd already met the queen once before, back when she awarded me the Silver Abacus of Itsalot for completing every math quest on the planet before my twelfth birthday. When I presented the abacus to the Itsalot master-at-arms, he bowed and stepped out of my way, allowing my friends and me to pass.
We walked up the long velvet carpet leading to the queen, who waved to me from her throne. She wore a gold crown with a large jewel-encrusted plus sign as its headpiece, and mathematical proofs and equations adorned her robes, stitched into their gold fabric with bright red thread. Her familyโs coat of armsโthe same coat of arms etched into the Third Shardโhung on the wall behind her.
She was currently reading a large storybook to a group of baby animals gathered around her feet. But when she saw me approaching, she closed the book and sent them away.
When I reached her throne, I knelt before her and bowed my head, and motioned for Aech, Shoto, and Art3mis to do the same.
โRise, Sir Parzival!โ cried Queen Itsalot. โMy noble subject and dear friend! How good to see you again, after so many years. What brings you back to my kingdom?โ
I rose to my feet, then took out the Third Shard and showed her the coat of arms engraved upon it.
โIโm on a quest to find the Seven Shards of the Sirenโs Soul,โ I said. โAnd I think one of them might be hidden here in your kingdom. Can you help me find it, Your Majesty?โ
Her eyes widened in surprise. She looked utterly delighted.
โIndeed I can, dear boy!โ she replied. โThe shard was given to me for safekeeping, a long time ago. I wondered if anyone would ever show up here looking for it, and now here you are, at long last. But before I can give it to you, youโll need to earn all fifty Halcydonia Wearit-Merit Badges.โ
Behind me, I heard all three of my friends inhale sharply. I glanced back at them.
โOh my God,โ Aech said. โFifty?ย How long is that going to take?โ
โRelax,โ I said. โI spent years here, earning all those badges. With a lot of help from my momโฆโ
I opened my avatarโs inventory and dug around until I found my old Halcydonia Wearit-Merit Badge sash. Then I presented it to the queen with both hands.
She took the sash from me and looked it over, running her wrinkled fingers down the rows of embroidered patches, each one bearing a different symbol or icon. She counted them one by one, and when she reached fifty, she smiled and nodded to herself. Then she snapped her fingers and there was a blinding flash of light.
When my eyes recovered, I saw that my sash had vanished from the queenโs hand. Now she was holding the Fourth Shard. It sparkled in the bright sunlight pouring into the throne room, through the thousands of stained-glass windows that made up its domed ceiling. (Each one of these windows paid tribute to a different public school teacher, and had been placed here by one of their students.)
Queen Itsalot tilted the shard so that it reflected the different-colored shafts of light, turning the throne room into a giant kaleidoscope for a few seconds. Then she lowered it and held it out, offering it to me.
I knelt before her, then I reached up and took the shard from the queenโs hands, being careful not to meet her gaze. (If I did, there was a good chance she would send me off on a mandatory math quest to rescue one of her royal relativesโusually her husband, the clueless King Itsalot, who was
constantly being taken prisoner by the evil wizard Multiplikatar, who tossed him into the Long Division Dungeons beneath Protractor Peak, located high in the MoreStuff Mountains.) As I wrapped my fingers around the shard, once again I tried to prepare myself for the jolt of what I knew was coming, from the toll I had to payโฆ.
Iโor rather Kiraโrushed into a cluttered office to find Og sitting at his desk, hard at work on his computer. He turned and Kira held out her sketchpad, and I saw that sheโd drawn the Halcydonia Interactive company logo on it.
This was another moment Iโd heard Ogden Morrow talk about in interviews and in his biography. Kira had just designed the logo in a fit of inspiration in her own office, down in the GSS Art Department, and then sheโd run here to Ogโs office to show it to him.
Og looked at the sketch, cried out, โItโs perfect!,โ and rose to throw his arms around Kira.
Then I found myself back in Queen Itsalotโs throne room on Halcydonia, clutching the Fourth Shard. I didnโt even have to turn it over to see the clue engraved into it this time, because it already happened to be facing me when I held the shard up to look at it.
It was another symbol, created from a combination of symbols. It looked like the Mars and Venus gender symbols aligned and placed on top of each other, as if they were having intercourse, with a backward number 7, the top of which curled into a spiral, laid on top of that. Together, these shapes formed a symbol that was still instantly recognizable to any student of late-twentieth-century popular culture, and to any true fan of rock or funk music:
When I saw it, I began to chuckle in disbelief. Then I closed my eyes and shook my head, bracing myself for the unprecedented amount of grief that I knew Aech would be giving me in just a few seconds.
I bowed and thanked the queen, then backed away from her until I was able to step off the dais. When I turned around on the top step, I saw Art3mis, Aech, and Shoto studying my face anxiously, trying to read my expression. Art3mis had all of her fingers crossed and was holding them up to show me.
โWell?โ Aech said.
I lowered my head in defeat and held out the shard so they could all see the symbol engraved on it. Then I closed my eyes and silently began to count to three. I only made it to oneโฆ.
โOh-my-fucking-God!โ Aech cried. โNo way! It canโt be!โ She started to do a funky dance toward me, then she started to dance around me. โThatโs Love Symbol #2, Z! Itโsย Prince!โ
โPrince who?โ Shoto asked.
โTheย Prince,โ Aech said. โAs in โthe Artist Formerly Known asโ? The Prince of Funk! The High Priest of Pop! His Royal Badness. The Purple One!โ
โOh yeah,โ Shoto said. โHeโs the dude who changed his name to a Glyph of Warding back in the โ90s, right?โ
Aech pointed a finger of warning at him, then smiled wide.
โWeโre in luck, guys,โ she said, still dancing in place. โMy dad left me his entire collection of Princeโs music and films when he moved out. I grew up listening to them and watching them. I probably know more about Prince and his artistic output than any other human being in history.โ
โI know,โ I said. โDo you have any idea how many times you tried to make me watchย Purple Rainย with you?โ
She stopped dancing and pointed an accusing finger at me. โAnd do you remember how many times you actually sat through the entire film with me? Nada. Never.ย Not once. And we both know why, donโt we? It was
because Prince always made you feel a little s*xually confused and uncomfortable, didnโt he?โ
The old Wade would have denied this. But like I said, the ONI had broadened my horizons. Enough, at least, for me to recognize the truth about my adolescent self.
โOK, maybe thatโs aย littleย true,โ I said, smiling. โWhenever I was watching old episodes ofย Friday Night Videosย and โWhen Doves Cryโ came on, I always averted my eyes when he was getting up out of that bathtub. Every single time.โ I placed my right hand over my heart. โPlease accept my sincere apologies, Aech. Iโm sorry I never let myself appreciate Princeโs genius.โ
Aech closed her eyes and raised one palm to the sky like a gospel singer and shouted, โFinally! The truth!โ
โSo where do we need to go?โ Shoto said. โI take it thereโs a Prince planet somewhere?โ
Aech scowled at him.
โYes, fool,โ Aech said. โThereย isย an entire OASIS planet devoted to Prince, his life, his art, and his music. But we donโt call it โthe Prince planet.โ Its name is an unpronounceable symbol. The symbol on that shard. But you can refer to it by its nickname, โThe Afterworld.โ It began as a shrine created shortly after the Purple Oneโs death, during the first decade the OASIS was online. Kira Morrow was one of the fans who helped build it.โ
Aech threw up a 3-D hologram of the Afterworld. It wasnโt a sphere, like most other OASIS planets. It was shaped exactly like the symbol etched into the Fourth Shardโwhat Aech had referred to as Love Symbol #2.
โItโs in Sector Seven, located right next to Beyoncรฉ, Madonna, and Springsteen, in the superstar cluster,โ Aech said. โThe Afterworldโs surface is covered with a stylized re-creation of downtown Minneapolis in the late 1980s, along with locations from Princeโs other movies and music videos. You can walk into a simulation of every club gig and concert he ever performed during his career. Itโs a big placeโฆ.Itโs easy to get lost and
wander around in circles there. And we donโt even know where to start looking for the shardโฆ.โ
โHopefully the shard will give us another clue once we get there,โ I said. Aech nodded.
โThereโs no time like the present,โ she said. โReady to roll?โ
I nodded and turned around to wave farewell to Queen Itsalot, who was once again reading to her baby-animal subjects. She waved back at me, and it occurred to me that I should ask her if sheโd seen Ogden Morrow here earlier today. But noโOg had only collected the first three shards before heโd called it quits. Which was pretty strange, now that I thought about it. Og was one of Halcydoniaโs creators. This should have been the easiest shard for him to obtain. And this also would have been an extremely easy place for him to hide clues about his location, since he had admin permissions on the whole planet, and total control of its NPCs, so he couldโve changed anything he wantedโฆ.
That was when it hit me. Maybe Ogย hadย left more clues for me here. Iโd already seen themโthe unauthorized, R-rated Tom Cruise and Dustin Hoffman NPCs. But what the hell was he trying to say? Like his high score on Ninja Princess, I just needed to figure out why heโฆ
Just then, a flashing alert icon appeared on all of our HUDs. I reached out and tapped the one flashing on mine.
โWe just got a group text from Faisal,โ I said. โSaying he needs to see us right away. He wants us back at the conference room on Gregarious, so Anorak canโt eavesdrop.โ
โSorry, Aech,โ Art3mis said, resting a hand on her shoulder. โIt looks like we need to make a quick pit stop before we head to the Afterworld.โ
โOK,โ she said. โBut Faisal better make it quick!โ
โYeah,โ Shoto said. โAnd this time he better have some good news for us.โ
Before I could say how unlikely I thought that was, Aech used her admin ring to teleport us directly back to the conference room on Gregarious.
Sure enough, as soon as we took our seats, Faisal told us he had โeven more bad news to share.โ But as he began to relay it, it quickly became
clear that โbadโ wasnโt a strong enough adjective, and that โdownright apocalypticโ would have been far more accurate.