Chapter no 28

Quantum Radio

WRAL News Video Transcript

Video Title: You May Be a Billionaire. No, Seriously!


[Video opens with the WRAL News Studio with two anchors sitting at a wide desk]

Anchor Taryn Scott: “If you’re feeling like you need some good news for a change, well, you might just be in for some.”

Anchor Byron Nelson: “That’s right, Taryn. While we all feel like the past few years have been filled with catastrophes no one expected—or wanted to see happen—there may be a ray of sunlight on the horizon. Our very own Paige Randall is in the field and has more.”

[Video switches to a female reporter in her late twenties with black hair. She’s standing in the consulting area of a pharmacy where a man in a white coat is swabbing the inside of a female customer’s mouth.]

Reporter Paige Randall: “Good evening, Byron. I’m here at the Walgreens on Creedmoor Road where local residents are getting swabbed for a DNA test— and getting paid for it. You heard that correctly: every person that visits a Walgreens or CVS here in the Triangle area will be paid one hundred dollars for simply providing a saliva sample. But that’s not even the best part. For one lucky person—and possibly more—getting this simple DNA test could mean a windfall of billions. You see, this testing is actually part of a worldwide search for the heirs of a recently deceased billionaire. Although details aren’t known about the estate conducting the search, we do know that the person was of advanced age and was very well traveled, hence the broad reach of this campaign.”

Anchor Taryn Scott: “So, Paige, I just have to ask what I think a lot of viewers are probably thinking: ‘What’s the catch?’”

Reporter Paige Randall: “Fair question, Taryn, and that’s part of what makes this program so interesting: there is no catch. The one hundred dollars is paid by Walgreens or CVS at the time the sample is collected—either with a store gift card or a prepaid VISA charge card. There’s absolutely no commitment, and according to a professor at Harvard Law School who has read the contract, the data can’t be used against you in a court of law or even turned over to the government. Your only commitment is to provide a contact method so that you can be notified if you’re an heir to the billions.”

The reporter smiles. “There is one thing to know: as soon as even one heir is identified, the program will end—the one hundred dollars for submitting a sample will be gone for good.”

Anchor Byron Nelson: “Well, Paige, if I had to guess, I’d say this is going to be a pretty popular program. It amounts to free money and the chance for more.”

Reporter Paige Randall: “You’re right about that, Byron. The parking lot at this Walgreens here on Creedmoor Road began filling around four o’clock, shortly after the program was announced on social media, and as you can see now—”

[Camera pans to a line inside the store stretching past shelves full of supplements.]

“—there is a line, but it’s moving pretty quickly. We were just told a few minutes ago that anyone arriving near closing time will be given a sample kit that they can complete at home and drop off in the morning.”

Video Comments

NCSU82: “No way. This has got to be a joke.”

MorpheusBluePill: “I had the exact same thought. Had to check the date to make sure it wasn’t April first. It’s not.”

JayZDax: “Stay home guys. This visa gift card sure feels real, and I got three kits for my roommates, so I hope they don’t find the family members for a long, long time. I’m going to a different drug store in the morning—these fools probably won’t know we’re double dipping.”

WildBillCassidy: “You people are idiots. This is probably an FBI operation to catch a serial killer. Half of you are going to end up in prison for crimes you didn’t commit.”

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