GARRETT
“Should I call her? I should call her, right? Yeah, I’ll
call.”
I pick up my phone, thumb hovering over that sunshine. “No,” I groan, chucking my phone on my bed. “I
shouldn’t call.”
“I’m scared,” Jaxon whispers from the doorway.
“Me too,” Adam whispers back. “I’ve never seen him talk to himself before.”
“I’m not talking to myself, you fucking turkeys.” I stuff my sweatpants and hoodie inside my carry-on bag. “I’m talking to you two donkeys.”
“It’s one or the other, Andersen,” Jaxon says, an irritating smirk on his face as he watches me pack for our flight later tonight. “Turkeys or donkeys. We can’t be both.”
“You’ll be whatever the fuck I tell you to be.”
Adam’s eyes sparkle with amusement. “Gare-Bear’s a prickly bear this morning.”
“Thanks,” I grumble, snatching the granola bar he hands me as I strut by.
“For fuck’s sake, Garrett, just call her.”
“I can’t. She needed space to do this on her own.” Yanking open the fridge, I pull out the orange juice, guzzling straight from the jug. “I don’t wanna bug her.”
“I don’t think checking in and saying hi would be bugging her. You’d be letting her know you’re thinking of
her.”
I can’t stop thinking of her. My mind hasn’t shut off since Jennie walked out of here twenty-four hours ago. The problem is not one single thought is coherent. Everything is a jumbled mess of what if’s, one fear that leads to another, until I’m wandering down a dark road wondering what life looks like with her in Toronto. I can’t see much, other than it being a cold, bleak future I don’t want.
“What if she leaves?” I blurt. “What if she takes the job and moves to Toronto?”
Adam and Jaxon watch me carefully.
“What if she does?” Adam finally tosses back. “You can’t follow her. Not right now, at least. And your family is moving here.”
My throat squeezes. “I don’t want to say good-bye to her.”
“Long distance is hard,” Jaxon says. “It’s hard on any normal relationship, and yours isn’t normal. You play professional hockey. When you’re not traveling, you’re bound to Vancouver. You’d see her in the off-season. Is that what you want?”
What I want is Jennie, any way I can have her. If I have to jizz on my hotel room carpet to her on FaceTime for eight-to-ten months of the year, I’ll do it.
“Maybe you could ask her to stay,” Jaxon suggests. “I can’t.”
I want to. I want to be selfish. But I can’t. Jennie deserves this opportunity. More than wanting her to stay, I want her to follow her dreams.
And I’d never ask her to pick me over her dreams.
“Are you worried it’s not enough of a reason for her to stay?”
I’m not worried about not being enough for Jennie. Never has that woman asked me to be anything other than myself. Everything I’ve had to give has always been just right, exactly what she’s needed. The same can be said for
what she gives to me. I don’t know how many ways exist to explain how two people fit together so perfectly, but I’m willing to spend the rest of my life stringing together sentences if that’s what it takes to get her to believe that this right here is enough. That she’s so goddamn enough.
“I think love is a good enough reason to do most things, but I don’t need her to stay in Vancouver for me to love her. I’m going to love her wherever she is, and I’m going to make sure she feels it.”
Because that, I think, is Jennie’s greatest struggle: not understanding that she doesn’t have to sacrifice a single piece of herself to have all the love she deserves.
Real love isn’t conditional. It’s seeing somebody for everything they are and accepting all of them. It’s knowing you’re friends first and lovers second, understanding that arguments are opportunities to know each other deeper. It’s dinner waiting in the microwave, lights left on to welcome you home safely. It’s showering together so you can kiss a little longer. It’s two a.m. secrets spilled while you’re wrapped up in each other, dancing in the kitchen, Disney movies on the couch while crying your heart out. It’s supporting dreams, growing together, and growing separately. Because when you can stand strong on your own, you can stand strong together.
If I have to love Jennie from across the country, that’s
exactly what I’m going to do. And if distance isn’t going to stop me, Carter Beckett sure as hell isn’t.
He’s not going to stop me, but he’s sure as shit trying to, and he’s pissing me the fuck off while he does it.
“Andersen, you’re looking pretty good on the second line.” He circles me on his skates, stick across his hips.
“Then I should move back to first. Since, you know, that’s my spot.”
“But then where would Kyle play?”
“In his spot,” I reply through gritted teeth. “On the second line.”
“I agree,” Coach interjects. “We need Andersen back up on first with you and Emmett. You three are our star lineup for a reason.” He cuts Carter off as soon as he opens his mouth. “Beckett, look me in the eyes and tell me where Andersen belongs on this team.”
Carter’s jaw tightens. “On the first line.” “And why?”
His gaze flicks to me, and beyond all the anger, I see something else. Something vulnerable and soft. For a moment, despite his shit attitude this past week, I feel for him. “Because he’s a valuable player and an irreplaceable leader.”
“Exactly. So sort your shit and let’s play some real hockey tonight. Andersen, you’re back on first.”
“Atta boy!” Emmett claps his gloved hand to my ass. “Welcome back, baby. We missed ya.”
“Speak for yourself,” Carter grumbles, and that empathy I was hanging onto a moment ago vanishes. Jennie’s tear- streaked face floats through my mind, and something inside me snaps.
“Grow the fuck up, Beckett.”
Carter glides closer. “You got a problem, Andersen?” “Yeah, I got a fucking problem.” I skate forward until my
chest touches his. “My problem is you’re twenty-nine years old, but you’re acting like a fucking toddler who got his goddamn birthday candles blown out.”
I don’t know which one of us drops our stick and throws our gloves to the ice first.
Carter grips a fistful of my jersey, missing my face and getting my shoulder when he swings. “You’re fucking my sister!”
“No, I’m not!” I yank him into me, knocking his helmet off. “It’s more—”
“You said you were gonna take her to Pound Town!”
Our legs tangle as he wraps an arm around my head, and my helmet pops off as we go tumbling to the ice.
“She said it first!”
“Yeah, well now I’m gonna take you to Pound Town, and not in the fun way!”
“Too bad you’re already there,” I grunt, rolling on top of him, pinning his flailing body to the ice. My fist barely connects with his mouth as his hand covers my face. “Because I just…fucking…took you!”
“Jesus fuck,” someone mutters.
“Fucking embarrassing,” another voice adds.
“Let them work it out. They’ve gotta play together tonight.”
“I’ve got a hundred on Beckett. He’s in it for blood.
Andersen fucked his sister.”
“I’ll take that bet. You gotta be fucked up to test Beckett like that. I think Andersen’s got it in him.”
Carter’s eyes darken, his battle cry echoing across the ice as he rolls on top of me. “You’re fucking my sister!”
“I fucking love her!”
His mouth pops open as his grip on my jersey loosens. “What?”
I karate chop his wrists, gulping down air. “I said I fucking love her, okay?”
He sits up but doesn’t get off me. “But I thought—”
“Because you don’t fucking listen!” I scoop up a glove and chuck it at his face. “It’s not about you, Carter! This was about me and her finding each other!”
“But she’s my sister. You can’t—”
“Why not? You don’t think I’m good enough for her?” “What? No, I—” His eyes shine with guilt. He shakes his
head. “I didn’t say that.”
“Then what is it? Because all you wanted was for Olivia to give you a chance, and now you’re not giving me one.”
“You might…you might…” His chest rises and falls rapidly, a speckle of blood pooling in the center of his bottom lip. “You might hurt her!”
Another damn glove to the face. “You’re the one hurting her right now, Carter! She can’t handle you cutting her out like this. And why should she have to? You’re her brother. Hasn’t she lost enough in her life?”
Carter’s throat bobs, and that guilt in his eyes starts to drown them.
“She’s spent her life feeling overshadowed by you, thinking all she had to offer anyone was being Carter Beckett’s little sister. She was finally realizing she had people in her life who wanted to be there for her, not for you. She found love, after everything she’s gone through, all the fucking heartache, and what do you do? You leave her. You tell her she can’t have it.”
His head wags. “No, I…I would never say that.”
“But that’s what your silence sounds like. Don’t you get that? You’re allowed to be mad, but you’re acting like a child. Jennie doesn’t need you to protect her. She needs you to stand by and be her friend and her brother and watch her lead her own life because she kicks ass all on her own. You should want her to be happy no matter where she finds that happiness.”
“I do want her to be happy,” he whispers, finally climbing off me, sprawling out on the ice beside me. “Jennie deserves the world.”
“And I want to give her it.”
His head flops so he can stare at me.“Ollie said I wasn’t being fair. Made me sleep on the couch.”
“You have, like, three spare bedrooms.” “Four. She said I didn’t deserve a bed.”
I sigh, running a hand through my soaked hair. “I haven’t talked to my best friend in almost two fucking
days.”
Carter watches me carefully. “Best friend?” “Jennie’s my best friend, Carter.”
“What if she takes the job in Toronto?”
“Then we’ll figure it out. But to be honest, I don’t even think she wants that job. I think the only reason she’s considering taking it is because she thinks you don’t want her here now, and that without you, she’ll lose everyone else she loves.”
“Shit. I fucked up.”
“That’s putting it lightly, yeah.”
“Beckett,” Coach calls from across the ice. “Get off the ice! You’re done!”
Carter rockets up to sitting. “What? No, we were just—” “Coach, it’s all good. We won’t—”
He stops in front of us, spraying Carter with ice, grinning. “You’re needed at the hospital.”
Carter’s spine straightens. “What?” “You’re about to be a daddy.”
“Holy shit!” Carter rolls over, throwing himself on top of me in some sort of hug before he scrambles to his feet, throws his arms out wide, and screeches, “I’m gonna be a dad!”
Adam hoists me to my feet as Carter flies across the ice. “Olivia! I’m coming, baby!”
“Is this your first?”
The receptionist at the desk watches Carter with a smile. It’s one of those humoring kinds, probably because he’s pacing the hallway, flapping at his face. Cara’s been recording to show Olivia later. Right now isn’t the time to shove it in her face that her husband is falling apart.
“Baby? No.” He lays a hand on his chest. “Dog dad.”
Holly narrows her eyes. “Carter.”
“What?” He looks at her. “Oh, human baby? Yeah, this is our first human baby. And our last.” He laughs anxiously. “Just kidding. We’re gonna have three, probably. Maybe five.” Another shrill laugh. “Five human babies.” He runs a shaky palm over his mouth, his skin exceptionally pale. “Hey, you got any buckets around here?”
The receptionist’s brows pinch. “Buckets?”
Carter points across the room to a trash can, striding toward it. “Oh, that’ll do.” He grips the rim and promptly empties the entire contents of his stomach into the bin.
Alannah, Carter and Olivia’s niece, nudges me. “About time, huh? I thought Uncle Carter was gonna puke an hour ago. He’s so dramatic, and he’s got a weak tummy when he’s scared.”
“I’m not scared!” Carter yells, then heaves into the bin once more. “It’s the oatmeal I had for breakfast!” Another lurch of his stomach. “It must’ve been bad!”
Alannah lifts her brows in a told ya so kind of way.
“Scaredy cat.”
Carter’s been here four hours, the rest of us two. He’s been in and out of that room thirteen times, and each time his pitch has gone up an entire octave. His face is red, forehead drenched with sweat, and his hair is pointing in a thousand different directions. The man isn’t scared; he’s fucking terrified.
“I knew this was going to happen,” Holly mutters, digging through her purse. She produces a packaged toothbrush and a tiny tube of toothpaste, shoving them into Carter’s chest. “Here. Go brush your teeth and don’t leave your wife’s side again.”
“Maybe I should go in there,” Cara suggests, rising. “Do we really trust Carter? Plus, when they’re both upset, they feed off each other’s energy. Have you seen those two fight? It is not pretty.”
Emmett tugs her down. “Carter’s gonna put on his big boy undies and be strong for his wife.”
Carter agrees, I think, with a lot of silent head bobbing before finally wandering down the hallway, toothbrush and paste squeezed in his fists.
I slump in my seat, drumming my fingers on my thighs. “Has anyone, uh…called Jennie? You know…to let her know.”
Holly smiles at me. “Her flight left earlier this morning.
She should be here soon.”
I sit up. “Her flight? But I thought she was staying another day? She was supposed to come home tomorrow.”
Holly just winks. I don’t get it. If her flight left this morning, she didn’t know Olivia was in labor. So why is she coming home early?
“What did she…does she…is she…ahhh.” I bury my face in my hands and drop my elbows to my knees. “Just forget it.”
The next hour and a half is spent wandering back and forth from the vending machine and the Tim Hortons downstairs in the cafeteria. I’ve eaten an entire twenty- pack of Timbits, and when Adam reaches into the empty box, he scowls.
“Sowwy,” I mumble, swallowing the birthday cake– flavored Timbit. “I eat when I’m nervous.”
A door bangs somewhere, followed by the fast, hard slap of footsteps. Carter skids into the room, clothed in blue hospital scrubs, one of those little caps on his head.
“It’s a girl,” he sobs, choking on the tears streaming
down his face. “I’m fucking terrified!”
He disappears as quickly as he arrived, and we explode with cheers, embracing, and I wish Jennie was here.
“I fuckin’ told you,” I say, holding my palm out. With a collective groan, Emmett, Adam, Jaxon, and Olivia’s brother, Jeremy, stuff a bill into my waiting hand. I tuck my
winnings into my pocket. “Hank, you knew better, eh buddy?”
“Knew it would be a girl the moment Carter said it’d be a boy. My sweet Ireland always wanted a little girl, and do I ever wish I could’ve given her one. I dreamt of her too. A miniature version of the kindest woman I’d ever known, with the same big heart.” He smiles up at the ceiling, eyes glassy. “Bet she’s here now, making sure that little lady arrived safe and sound to her family.”
Holly pats his hand. “I think you’re right, Hank. Your Ireland has always been with us.”
An hour later, Olivia’s midwife greets us with a smile. “Mom and Dad would love for you to come meet their little girl.”
I hang back as everyone climbs to their feet.
“Gare?” Adam glances back at me. “You coming?”
“Oh.” I wave a hand around. “No. Probably not me.” “Carter specifically said everyone,” the midwife clarifies “Oh. Okay.” I scrub my clammy palms down my thighs
and stand. “Cool.”
The room is massive, even with all of us in here, lining up to greet the brave mom.
I wrap one arm around Olivia and kiss her cheek. Exhausted as she looks, she’s still beautiful. “Hi, little mama. You kicked ass, and you’re brave as hell for letting us all in here at once.”
She laughs, hugging me tighter. “We had to have our family here.” Her eyes coast over the room, and she frowns when she sees the person who’s missing.
“How are you feeling?”
“Would you believe me if I said the pain was forgotten as soon as I heard her cry?”
“My mom said the same when Alexa was born.” I give her hand a squeeze. “You did it, Ol.”
“She’s going to be the luckiest little girl with an uncle like you. I’ll even forgive you for giving Carter a split lip
today of all days, only because he deserved it.”
I chuckle, but it dies quickly at the voice screaming from the hallway.
“I’m here! I’m here. Fuck, I’m here.”
Jennie slides into the room, breathless, hair in a knot on top of her head, drowning in my hoodie. Her gaze meets mine from across the room, and when she smiles, I think I’ve died and gone to heaven.
“Auntie J, that’s one dollar for the swear j—”
Jeremy clamps his hand over Alannah’s mouth. “Not today, dude.”
Carter slowly rounds Olivia’s bed with their daughter in his arms, swaddled in sage green. “Hank, we want you to hold her first.”
Hank’s white brows jump. “Me? Really?” “Really.”
His hands come up on either side of his head, shaking and flustered. “Well, okay then. Somebody find me a chair. It’s been a long time since I’ve held a baby, and this one’s extra precious.”
Adam helps Hank down to a seat, and Carter places his brand-new daughter in his arms, all seven pounds and eleven ounces of perfection.
Nothing but pride and love shine in Carter’s eyes as he brushes her cheek and murmurs, “Meet your pseudo- grandpa, sweet Ireland.”
Hank’s head whips up, Holly chokes on a sob, and Jennie swipes furiously at her cheeks.
Tears brew in Hank’s blue eyes as he whispers, “Ireland?”
“Ollie and I couldn’t imagine a more perfect name for our little miracle.”
Hank’s hand trembles as he skims it up the tiny bundle. The tip of his pointer finger stops at her tiny chin, and he cups her round cheek in his weathered hand. His chin
quivers, and a tear drips from his lashes, landing on her blanket.
“You, sweet Ireland, are going to be the strongest, fiercest, most passionate and loved little girl.” He runs his palm down her, and her hand shoots up, the tiniest fingers wrapping around one of his. Another tear falls, then another, and Hank lifts his captured finger, laying her tiny palm on his cheek and closing his eyes.
I’m captivated when Jennie holds her niece, like she’s the most precious thing in the world. I think she just might be, rosy cheeks, a thick head of dark hair and matching lashes, a heart-shaped pout that Carter keeps leaning over and kissing every two minutes on the dot. I can’t look away, and I don’t want to.
“I hate to do this,” Emmett starts, “but we gotta head out. We’ve gotta get to the arena.” He lays his hand on Ireland’s belly. “I’m gonna hold the shit out of you in two days when we get home.”
Adam and Jaxon say their good-byes, but my feet don’t move as I watch Jennie.
“We gotta go, Gare.” “Yeah, but I—” “Garrett.
“Okay, I just wanna—” “Now.”
A sound of frustration gurgles in my throat and I toss my head back, ball my fists, and definitely don’t stomp a foot.
Adam lifts an amused brow. “Did you really just stomp?” “No,” I grumble, and with one last look in Jennie’s
direction, I follow Adam, Emmett, and Jaxon into the hall.
“Stop being grouchy.” Jaxon flicks my temple. “She’s here, a whole day earlier than she was supposed to be, and she was smiling at you.”
“I just wanted to hug her,” I mumble. “What?”
“I said I just wanted to hug her. She was right there and all I wanted to do was—oof!” A body collides with mine from behind, and heat sparks, spreading through me like fire as two arms wrap around my middle, holding me tight.
Jennie moves in front of me, covering my heart with one hand, the other cupping my face. “I wanted to hug you too.” She presses up on her toes and touches her lips to my cheek. “I missed you,” she whispers against my skin, and when she tries to pull back, I clutch her to my chest, burying my face in her hair. She smells the same, like warm vanilla sugar, cinnamon, and coffee, and I’m never letting go.
“Break it up, lovebirds,” Emmett calls. “We’ve gotta be at the arena in fifteen, and we’re twenty minutes away.”
Jennie smiles. “Good luck, big guy.” When she kisses my cheek once more, I know I’ve definitely died and gone to heaven.
We take our home game by two goals, one of them mine, and when we board the plane to San Jose, it’s nearly eleven at night.
An hour in, the plane is quiet and dark, aside from the glow of a few tablets and phones. Most of the team is sleeping, but through all my exhaustion, I’m wide awake.
Jennie’s home early, and I want to be home with her. I want to ask her about her interview. I want to know everything that’s going through her mind. I want to tell her I love her and support her, that I’m going to continue doing so no matter what she chooses.
I have to know. My thumbs have typed out the question over and over, only to delete it. I don’t want to pressure her, and I don’t know how much space she still needs, even
if she hugged me like part of her was missing while she was away. Part of me was, anyway.
A light shines from my lap, drawing my attention away from the window, and my heart thuds at the sunshine on my screen.
Sunshine: Wanna play a game?
Me: What’s the game?
Sunshine: Toronto vs. Vancouver
An attachment follows.
Toronto:
 |
Interesting s*x shop on Cumberland St. Spent $$$
 |
3 Sweet Jesus ice cream locations. Why did we close our only one?
Vancouver:
Garrett makes the best hot chocolate.
Garrett tickles my back in bed & when we watch movies on the couch.
Dance battles with Garrett.
Slow dancing in the kitchen with Garrett. Garrett does crafts with me.
Garrett brings me snacks in bed. Cuddling with Garrett.
Spending an entire shower just kissing Garrett. Garrett gives the best bear hugs.
Garrett took me on my first date here & promised more.
Garrett knows how to fix dented bumpers (very resourceful).
Garrett sees my toys as friends, not competition.
 |
Nobody makes me laugh like Garrett.
|
Garrett is patient & kind & accepts all of me.
 |
Garrett looks at me like I’m the best thing in his world. He’s the best thing in mine.
 |
Garrett.
|
Garrett.
 |
Garrett.
Sunshine: C’mon, Garrett. Play with me.
