“HERE GOES NOTHING.” I raise my fist to the decorative carved-wood door of Lily’s townhome.
The past few weeks have gone by in a blur, and under my brother’s advice, I threw myself into work. As fucking out-of-character as that sounds, the extra responsibility actually gave me solace.
For the sake of giving Lily space, I devoted all my time to my current project, an app the directors at Viggle are calling revolutionary: a central database to connect all the printing houses together—no copyright issues ever again.
Not only will it help other authors, but it can help Lily if writing is something she decides to pursue again.
I tried to remind myself for the past six weeks that everything happens for a reason. It’s been torture waking up without her, not feeling the soft touch of her skin. Hopefully, the time apart gave Lily the space she needed to be ready to give a relationship between us a real shot.
Nerves rush up my spine, and I brush away the tendrils of doubt starting to worm their way into my chest.
I knock.
Within moments, the large door swings open.
“Hi.” Lily’s smile is crooked on her face. Her hair is different, styled in loose waves and in a shade of brown similar to what it was before we dyed it in London. The green of her eyes is just as vivid, though.
It’s impossible to ignore the way my heart sings at the sight of her. “Hi.” I manage.
She shifts in the doorway, unusually bashful as she clasps her hands together and looks up at me. “You look good.”
I return her lopsided grin. “And you haven’t lost any of those freckles I like.”
Her eyes lock on mine, and it feels like I’m standing on the ledge of a plane waiting to jump. The familiar hum of adrenaline from simply being next to her returns to my veins.
We stare at each other, the sound of cars passing behind me filling the space between us.
She finally breaks the silence. “Ugh, I really want to kiss you right now. I know there’s so much to say first, but seeing you is practically making my heart explode.”
“Good explosions or bad ones?” “Good. Only so, so good.”
I hesitate before reaching my fingers toward the inner part of her arm, tracing the lily tattoo on her skin.
The same one I have.
The same one I’ve looked at during our time apart, never regretting the decision to have her permanently on my skin. “I want to kiss you too.”
“I haven’t been with anyone and—” “Oh, shut up and kiss me, Lily Rodin.”
Her eyes light up, and in that moment, it’s like we’re back to speaking our own private language like no time has passed.
I reach my hand for the slope of her neck, and Lily rushes me, her lips connecting with mine.
The taste of her is as sweet as I remember, lighting every cell in my body with euphoria. The smell of her hair is still as potent as her namesake. A scent I want to drown in for the rest of my life.
The previous spell of nerves washes away beneath her touch. Each of her breaths against my lips is electric. Each brief touch of her fingers sends shivers down my spine.
The overwhelming desire to meld into one consumes me.
My mind takes me to the secret place we built this summer. The one filled with her laughter, her smile, her jokes, her filthy mouth, and blunt edges. The same place I fell in love with her, recklessly and passionately.
When the tangle of lips and tongues subsides, my favorite smile is etched into every crease of her beautiful lips.
“I missed you so fucking much,” I whisper into her ear.
Lily covers my jaw, cheeks, and nose with kisses. “I missed you.” She takes a step back, making the short space between us feel like miles. “How’s California, your parents, what happened at Viggle?” she asks, trying to piece together the past few weeks.
“Slow down, pretty girl. We have time.” At least I hope we do. “I’m leading a team for the publishing app you inspired.”
“The one that could prevent something like the plagiarism from happening again?” The excitement in her voice makes my heart expand in my chest.
Maybe she hasn’t fully given up on writing?
“It’s still in the testing stages, but I hope so. I even called it Lilium.” “You named it after me?”
“It’s only fair, princesa. You were my muse.” A red blush coats the pale skin of her cheeks, and I’m glad to be the reason life dances on her face.
“Come in, we have so much to talk about.” She welcomes me into her townhome, a breathtaking display of archways and stone, chandeliers and extravagant furniture. “Will your team be based in California?”
She walks ahead of me, and although I can’t see her face, the brief tremor in her voice is impossible to miss.
I’ve been contemplating moving back to New York. Not just for Lily, but to be here for my brother and help out with his new family, the same way he has been there for me my entire life.
I want to continue being the reliable man I’ve grown to be this summer and be there for the people I love.
“It’s up to me,” I say. “I can choose to make a home base anywhere I want. Actually, before I got here, I was touring a condo nearby.”
We make our way into the kitchen, and I settle on a stool at the expansive island. Lily slides into the seat next to mine, her fingers playing with the bracelet I gave her for her birthday, right beside the almost-torn strings from the one in Rio.
She’s still wearing them.
“Luca mentioned that you were thinking about moving back to New York, but I wasn’t sure if that was true,” she says.
“The four-bedroom I saw at 23 East 72nd Street was quite nice. It may be hard to convince me to go back to California after seeing such a fancy-
schmancy place.” I try to sound as casual as possible, not wanting to get my hopes up; the news may excite her, but maybe it’ll frighten her.
“What? We’re inside of 24 East 72nd Street.” “Yeah, I guess that might make us neighbors.”
Panic floods me immediately. Maybe I overstepped. “Nico, I—I’m so sorry,” she whispers. “I love you, and—” The words I’ve waited six long weeks to hear.
“Huh?” My heart trembles.
“I—fuck. That’s not at all how I planned to say that. I have a whole thing written out—”
“I love you too.”
I reach over to her chair, clasping her hand in mine. I cover each of her fingers with kisses, her wrist, our matching tattoo, and up the length of her arm until her lips and mine are one again.
This kiss feels like a final homecoming, familiar and sweet.
She unhooks herself from me and smiles. I try to not fall apart, but I do, like I always will.
“Nico, I want to tell you how sorry I am for the way I treated you this summer. You grew so much these past few months while I remained the same.”
“Hey, you—”
Her hands squeeze mine. “Please, let me finish. I’ve been doing a lot of healing over the past six weeks and I want to thank you for giving me the space to do that. I hadn’t quite realized how much I was running away from this summer—fuck, the majority of my adult life. I completely lost sight of how to cope with things.”
A weight drops onto my shoulders, cementing me into the room. “I get that, Lil. Honestly, after having some time to reflect, I realized I was so wrapped up in you being my first love that I wasn’t truly hearing what you were asking of me. I wanted us to work despite everything you were feeling, but it was unrealistic.”
Her bottom lip works between the clasp of her teeth, and she peers up at me beneath her lashes. “I appreciate you saying that, but it also wasn’t right to deny my feelings for you. I was afraid, but putting up walls hurt you, and I’m sorry.”
Warmth works its way into my veins, melting away the tension in my limbs. The time apart has obviously been extremely helpful for her if she’s
been able to piece together so many stray parts of herself. “I can’t quite explain how much it means to hear you say that.”
“I mean every word. You urged me to take a risk this summer, and it was the best thing to ever happen to me. I don’t want to live my life being afraid of love or of loving you, even when things aren’t going according to one of my carefully-crafted plans.”
“Thank you, Lily, honestly.”
She brings my palm to her jaw and seals her lips there for a few moments.
“There’s one more thing,” she says.
“Hmm?” I slip off my seat and stand beside her.
Lily parts her knees, letting me press closer into her as my arms wrap around her neck.
“I found your notes in my journal.” She pauses, a smile spreading across her face. “I’ve read your words every day. Not taking a risk on us and spending a life without you doesn’t feel safer, it feels incomplete. Falling in love with you was the simple part, and I’m sorry it took so long for me to admit it.”
“Don’t apologize for taking your time. You’re right, a life without each other would feel incomplete. Which is why I want to spend our days having breakfast for dinner. I want to sleep in the same bed, under the same sheets. I want to watch rom-coms with you and hold your hand when you force yourself to sit through scary movies with me.” Our grip on each other grows firmer, and I can feel her pulse beat in tandem with mine beneath her palm. “I want you, Lily. I want to call you, kiss you, feel you. I want your faults and truths and each one of your laughs. I want you and all your firsts, but there’s a small part of me that’s afraid.”
“About what?” Her brows furrow at my words.
“I’m afraid that if something gets hard again, you’ll pull away instead of reaching for me. I know I won’t be able to solve all your problems, but I need to know you won’t run when things get tough.”
“I’m done running, Nico,” she says. Our eyes remain locked; the weight of her words sinking in. “I can’t fix the way I’ve coped with things in my past, but moving forward, I know I don’t want to isolate myself. I want to try with you.”
“I want to try with you.”
Lily laughs, tugging me close.
I reluctantly shift out of her embrace. “Before I forget, I got you something,” I say, slinging my backpack off my shoulder and unzipping it.
“You really didn’t have to.” “Don’t be ridiculous.”
I hand over the care package I’ve been putting together after Luca let me know she graduated.
I watch her pull the items out, eyes glinting between me and her graduation gifts: a bottle of Veuve Clicquot, an extensive assortment of teas she enjoyed in London, and a new laptop to replace the old one she dragged around the world all summer
“What is all of this?”
“A graduation gift. Avery mentioned that you’re officially the proud owner of a Bachelor of Arts in English Literature.”
“I am. Can you believe it?”
“Lily Rodin, letting herself be happy? I may need some convincing.” I tap my finger on her nose and she beams.
“This is really thoughtful, Nico.”
“Look at the stickers I added to your new laptop.”
She pulls the new computer out of its bag. It took ages to find stickers to match all her old designs, but I couldn’t help adding one of my own.
Princesa.
She runs her fingers over the purple sticker. “It’s the same color as our bracelets.”
“That it is. Do you like it?” “I love it. I love you.”
“You know I’d do anything for you.”
Lily beams, and it’s like a ray of sunshine fell through the skylight and landed right in front of me.
She wraps her hand around the nape of my neck. “I actually did a little something for you. Come with me.”
