Monday, september 24, 3:25 p.m.
Bronwyn, Nate, and Cooper are all talking to the teachers, but I canโt. I need Jake. I pull my phone out of my bag to text him but my hands are shaking too bad. So I call instead.
โBaby?โ He picks up on the second ring, sounding surprised. Weโre not big callers. None of our friends are. Sometimes when Iโm with Jake and his phone rings, he holds it up and jokes, โWhat does โincoming callโ mean?โ Itโs usually his mom.
โJakeโ is all I can get out before I start bawling. Cooperโs arm is still around my shoulders, and itโs the only thing keeping me up. Iโm crying too hard to talk, and Cooper takes the phone from me.
โHey, man. โS Cooper,โ he says, his accent thicker than normal. โWhere you at?โ He listens for a few seconds. โCan you meet us outside? Thereโs beenโฆSomethinโ happened. Addyโs real upset. Naw, sheโs fine, butโฆSimon Kelleher got hurt bad in detention. Ambulance took him anโ we dunno if heโs gonโ be okay.โ Cooperโs words melt into one another like ice cream, and I can hardly understand him.
Bronwyn turns to the closest teacher, Ms. Grayson. โShould we stay?
Do you need us?โ
Ms. Graysonโs hands flutter around her throat. โGoodness, I donโt suppose so. You told the paramedics everything? Simonโฆtook a drink of water and collapsed?โ Bronwyn and Cooper both nod. โItโs so strange. He has a peanut allergy, of course, butโฆyouโre sure he didnโt eat anything?โ
Cooper gives me my phone and runs a hand through his neatly cropped sandy hair. โI donโt think so. He just drank a cup of water anโ fell over.โ
โMaybe it was something he had with lunch,โ Ms. Grayson says. โItโs possible he had a delayed reaction.โ She looks around the room, her eyes settling on Simonโs discarded cup on the floor. โI suppose we should put this aside,โ she says, brushing past Bronwyn to pick it up. โSomebody might want to look at it.โ
โI want to go,โ I burst out, swiping at the tears on my cheeks. I canโt stand being in this room another second.
โOkay if I help her?โ Cooper asks, and Ms. Grayson nods. โShould I come back?โ
โNo, thatโs all right, Cooper. Iโm sure theyโll call you if they need you. Go home and try to get back to normal. Simonโs in good hands now.โ She leans in a little closer, her tone softening. โI am so sorry. That must have been awful.โ
Sheโs mostly looking at Cooper, though. Thereโs not a female teacher at Bayview who can resist his all-American charm.
Cooper keeps an arm around me on the way out. Itโs nice. I donโt have brothers, but if I did, I imagine this is how theyโd prop you up when you felt sick. Jake wouldnโt like most of his friends being this close to me, but Cooperโs fine. Heโs a gentleman. I lean into him as we pass posters for last weekโs homecoming dance that havenโt been taken down yet. Cooper pushes the front door open, and there, thank God, is Jake.
I collapse into his arms, and for a second, everythingโs okay. Iโll never forget seeing Jake for the first time, freshman year: he had a mouth full of braces and hadnโt gotten tall or broad-shouldered yet, but I took one look at his dimples and summer skyโblue eyes andย knew.ย He was the one for me. Itโs just a bonus he turned out beautiful.
He strokes my hair while Cooper explains in a low voice what happened. โGod, Ads,โ Jake says. โThatโs awful. Letโs get you home.โ
Cooper leaves on his own, and Iโm suddenly sorry I didnโt do more for him. I can tell by his voice heโs as freaked out as I am, just hiding it better. But Cooperโs so golden, he can handle anything. His girlfriend, Keely, is
one of my best friends, and the kind of girl who does everything right. Sheโll know exactly how to help. Way better than me.
I settle myself into Jakeโs car and watch the town blur past as he drives a little too fast. I live only a mile from school, and the drive is short, but Iโm bracing myself for my motherโs reaction because Iโm positive sheโll have heard. Her communication channels are mysterious but foolproof, and sure enough sheโs standing on our front porch as Jake pulls into the driveway. I can read her mood even though the Botox froze her expressions long ago.
I wait until Jake opens my door to climb out of the car, fitting myself under his arm like always. My older sister, Ashton, likes to joke that Iโm one of those barnacles that would die without its host. Itโs not actually so funny.
โAdelaide!โ My motherโs concern is theatrical. She stretches out a hand as we make our way up the steps and strokes my free arm. โTell me what happened.โ
I donโt want to. Especially not with Momโs boyfriend lurking in the doorway behind her, pretending his curiosity is actual concern. Justin is twelve years younger than my mother, which makes him five years younger than her second husband, and fifteen years younger than my dad. At the rate sheโs going, sheโll date Jake next.
โItโs fine,โ I mutter, ducking past them. โIโm fine.โ
โHey, Mrs. Calloway,โ Jake says. Mom uses her second husbandโs last name, not my dadโs. โIโm going to take Addy to her room. The whole thing was awful. I can tell you about it after I get her settled.โ It always amazes me how Jake talks to my mother, like theyโre peers.
And she lets him get away with it.ย Likesย it. โOf course,โ she simpers.
My mother thinks Jakeโs too good for me. Sheโs been telling me that since sophomore year when he got super hot and I stayed the same. Mom used to enter Ashton and me into beauty pageants when we were little, always with the same results for both of us: second runner-up. Homecoming princess, not queen. Not bad, but not good enough to attract and keep the kind of man who can take care of you for life.
Iโm not sure if thatโs ever been stated as aย goalย or anything, but itโs what weโre supposed to do. My mother failed. Ashtonโs failing in her two-
year marriage with a husband whoโs dropped out of law school and barely spends any time with her. Something about the Prentiss girls doesnโt stick.
โSorry,โ I murmur to Jake as we head upstairs. โI didnโt handle this well. You shouldโve seen Bronwyn and Cooper. They were great. And Nate
โmy God. I never thought Iโd see Nate Macauley take charge that way. I was the only one who was useless.โ
โShhh, donโt talk like that,โ Jake says into my hair. โItโs not true.โ
He says it with a note of finality, because he refuses to see anything but the best in me. If that ever changed, I honestly donโt know what Iโd do.
Nate
Monday, september 24, 4:00 p.m.
When Bronwyn and I get to the parking lot itโs nearly empty, and we hesitate once weโre outside the door. Iโve known Bronwyn since kindergarten, give or take a few middle-school years, but we donโt exactly hang out. Still, itโs not weird having her next to me. Almost comfortable after that disaster upstairs.
She looks around like she just woke up. โI didnโt drive,โ she mutters. โI was supposed to get a ride. Toย Epoch Coffee.โ Something about the way she says it sounds significant, as if thereโs more to the story sheโs not sharing.
I have business to transact, but now probably isnโt the time. โYou want a ride?โ
Bronwyn follows my gaze to my motorcycle. โSeriously? I wouldnโt get on that deathtrap if you paid me. Do you know the fatality rates? Theyโre no joke.โ She looks ready to pull out a spread sheet and show me.
โSuit yourself.โ I should leave her and go home, but Iโm not ready to faceย thatย yet. I lean against the building and pull a flask of Jim Beam out of my jacket pocket, unscrewing the top and holding it toward Bronwyn. โDrink?โ
She folds her arms tightly across her chest. โAre you kidding? Thatโs your brilliant idea before climbing onto your machine of destruction? And
on school property?โ
โYouโre a lot of fun, you know that?โ I donโt actually drink much; Iโd grabbed the flask from my father this morning and forgotten about it. But thereโs something satisfying about annoying Bronwyn.
Iโm about to put it back in my pocket when Bronwyn furrows her brow and holds out her hand. โWhat the hell.โ She slumps against the redbrick wall beside me, inching down until sheโs sitting on the ground. For some reason I flash back to elementary school, when Bronwyn and I went to the same Catholic school. Before life went completely to hell. All the girls wore plaid uniform skirts, and sheโs got a similar skirt on now that hikes up her thighs as she crosses her ankles. The viewโs not bad.
She drinks for a surprisingly long time. โWhat. Just. Happened?โ
I sit next to her and take the flask, putting it on the ground between us. โI have no idea.โ
โHe looked like he was going to die.โ Bronwynโs hand shakes so hard when she picks up the flask again that it clatters against the ground. โDonโt you think?โ
โYeah,โ I say as Bronwyn takes another swig and makes a face.
โPoor Cooper,โ she says. โHe sounded like he left Ole Miss yesterday.
He always gets that way when heโs nervous.โ
โI wouldnโt know. But whatโs-her-name was useless.โ
โAddy.โย Bronwynโs shoulder briefly nudges mine. โYou should know her name.โ
โWhy?โ I canโt think of a good reason. That girl and I have barely crossed paths before today and probably wonโt again. Iโm pretty sure thatโs fine with both of us. I know her type. Not a thought in her head except her boyfriend and whatever petty power playโs happening with her friends this week. Hot enough, I guess, but other than that sheโs got nothing to offer.
โBecause weโve all been through a huge trauma together,โ Bronwyn says, like that settles things.
โYou have a lot of rules, donโt you?โ
I forgot howย tiringย Bronwyn is. Even in grade school, the amount of crap she cared about on a daily basis would wear down a normal person.
She was always trying to join things, or start things for other people to join. Then be in charge of all the things she joined or started.
Sheโs not boring, though. Iโll give her that.
We sit in silence, watching the last of the cars leave the parking lot, while Bronwyn sips occasionally from the flask. When I finally take it from her, Iโm surprised at how light it is. I doubt Bronwynโs used to hard liquor. She seems more a wine cooler girl. If that.
I put the flask back in my pocket as she plucks lightly at my sleeve. โYou know, I meant to tell you, back when it happenedโI was really sorry to hear about your mom,โ she says haltingly. โMy uncle died in a car accident too, right around the same time. I wanted to say something to you, butโฆyou and I, you know, we didnโt reallyโฆโ She trails off, her hand still resting on my arm.
โTalk,โ I say. โItโs fine. Sorry about your uncle.โ โYou must miss her a lot.โ
I donโt want to talk about my mother. โAmbulance came pretty fast today, huh?โ
Bronwyn gets a little red and pulls her hand back, but rolls with the quick-change conversation. โHow did you know what to do? For Simon?โ
I shrug. โEverybody knows he has a peanut allergy. Thatโs what you
do.โ
โI didnโt know about the pen.โ She snorts out a laugh. โCooper gave
you an actual pen! Like you were going to write him a note or something. Oh my God.โ She bangs her head so hard against the wall she mightโve cracked something. โI should go home. This is unproductive at best.โ
โOffer of a ride stands.โ
I donโt expect her to take it, but she says โSure, why notโ and holds out her hand. She stumbles a little as I help her up. I didnโt think alcohol could kick in after fifteen minutes, but I mightโve underestimated the Bronwyn Rojas lightweight factor. Probably should have taken the flask away sooner.
โWhere do you live?โ I ask, straddling the seat and fitting the key in the ignition.
โThorndike Street. A couple miles from here. Past the center of town, turn left onto Stone Valley Terrace after Starbucks.โ The rich part of town. Of course.
I donโt usually take anybody on my bike and donโt have a second helmet, so I give her mine. She takes it and I have to will myself to pull my eyes away from the bare skin of her thigh as she hops on behind me, tucking her skirt between her legs. She clamps her arms around my waist too tightly, but I donโt say anything.
โGo slow, okay?โ she asks nervously as I start the engine. Iโd like to irritate her more, but I leave the parking lot at half my normal speed. And though I didnโt think it was possible, she squeezes me even tighter. We ride like that, her helmeted head pressed up against my back, and Iโd bet a thousand dollars, if I had it, that her eyes are shut tight until we reach her driveway.
Her house is about what youโd expectโa huge Victorian with a big lawn and lots of complicated trees and flowers. Thereโs a Volvo SUV in the driveway, and my bikeโwhich you could call a classic if you were feeling generousโlooks as ridiculous next to it as Bronwyn must look behind me. Talk about things that donโt go together.
Bronwyn climbs off and fumbles at the helmet. I unhook it and help her pull it off, loosening a strand of hair that catches on the strap. She takes a deep breath and straightens her skirt.
โThat was terrifying,โ she says, then jumps as a phone rings. โWhereโs my backpack?โ
โYour back.โ
She shrugs it off and yanks her phone from the front pocket. โHello? Yes, I canโฆ.Yes, this is Bronwyn. Did youโ Oh God. Are you sure?โ Her backpack slips out of her hand and falls at her feet. โThank you for calling.โ She lowers the phone and stares at me, her eyes wide and glassy.
โNate, heโs gone,โ she says. โSimonโs dead.โ