IF IT WAS ANYONE BUT JACOB, I THOUGHT TO MYSELF, shaking
my head as I drove down the forest-lined highway to La Push.
I still wasnโt sure if I was doing the right thing, but Iโd made a compromise with myself.
I couldnโt condone what Jacob and his friends, his pack, were doing. I understood now what heโd said last nightโthat I might not want to see him againโand I could have called him as heโd suggested, but that felt cowardly. I owed him a face-to-face conversation, at least. I would tell him to his face that I couldnโt just overlook what was going on. I couldnโt be friends with a killer and say nothing, let the killing continue… That would make me a monster, too.
But I couldnโtย notย warn him, either. I had to do what I could to protect him.
I pulled up to the Blacksโ house with my lips pressed together into a hard line. It was bad enough that my best friend was a werewolf. Did he have to be a monster, too?
The house was dark, no lights in the windows, but I didnโt care if I woke them. My fist thudded against the front door with angry energy; the sound reverberated through the walls.
โCome in,โ I heard Billy call after a minute, and a light flicked on.
I twisted the knob; it was unlocked. Billy was leaning around an open doorway just off the little kitchen, a bathrobe around his shoulders, not in his chair yet. When he saw who it was, his eyes widened briefly, and then his face turned stoic.
โWell, good morning, Bella. What are you doing up so early?โ โHey, Billy. I need to talk to Jakeโwhere is he?โ
โUm…I donโt really know,โ he lied, straight-faced.
โDo you know what Charlie is doing this morning?โ I demanded, sick of the stalling.
โShould I?โ
โHe and half the other men in town are all out in the woods with guns, hunting giant wolves.โ
Billyโs expression flickered, and then went blank.
โSo Iโd like to talk to Jake about that, if you donโt mind,โ I continued. Billy pursed his thick lips for a long moment. โIโd bet heโs still asleep,โ
he finally said, nodding toward the tiny hallway off the front room. โHeโs out late a lot these days. Kid needs his restโprobably you shouldnโt wake him.โ
โItโs my turn,โ I muttered under my breath as I stalked to the hallway.
Billy sighed.
Jacobโs tiny closet of a room was the only door in the yard-long hallway. I didnโt bother to knock. I threw the door open; it slammed against the wall with a bang.
Jacobโstill wearing just the same black cut-off sweats heโd worn last nightโwas stretched diagonally across the double bed that took up all of his room but a few inches around the edges. Even on a slant, it wasnโt long enough; his feet hung off the one end and his head off the other. He was fast asleep, snoring lightly with his mouth hanging open. The sound of the door hadnโt even made him twitch.
His face was peaceful with deep sleep, all the angry lines smoothed out.
There were circles under his eyes that I hadnโt noticed before. Despite his ridiculous size, he looked very young now, and very weary. Pity shook me.
I stepped back out, and shut the door quietly behind me.
Billy stared with curious, guarded eyes as I walked slowly back into the front room.
โI think Iโll let him get some rest.โ
Billy nodded, and then we gazed at each other for a minute. I was dying to ask him about his part in this. What did he think of what his son had become? But I knew how heโd supported Sam from the very beginning, and so I supposed the murders must not bother him. How he justified that to himself I couldnโt imagine.
I could see many questions for me in his dark eyes, but he didnโt voice them either.
โLook,โ I said, breaking the loud silence. โIโll be down at the beach for a while. When he wakes up, tell him Iโm waiting for him, okay?โ
โSure, sure,โ Billy agreed.
I wondered if he really would. Well, if he didnโt, Iโd tried, right?
I drove down to First Beach and parked in the empty dirt lot. It was still darkโthe gloomy predawn of a cloudy dayโand when I cut the headlights it was hard to see. I had to let my eyes adjust before I could find the path that led through the tall hedge of weeds. It was colder here, with the wind whipping off the black water, and I shoved my hands deep into the pockets of my winter jacket. At least the rain had stopped.
I paced down the beach toward the north seawall. I couldnโt see St.
James or the other islands, just the vague shape of the waterโs edge. I picked my way carefully across the rocks, watching out for driftwood that might trip me.
I found what I was looking for before I realized I was looking for it. It materialized out of the gloom when it was just a few feet away: a long bone-white driftwood tree stranded deep on the rocks. The roots twisted up at the seaward end, like a hundred brittle tentacles. I couldnโt be sure that it was the same tree where Jacob and I had had our first conversationโa
conversation that had begun so many different, tangled threads of my lifeโ but it seemed to be in about the same place. I sat down where Iโd sat before, and stared out across the invisible sea.
Seeing Jacob like thatโinnocent and vulnerable in sleepโhad stolen all my revulsion, dissolved all my anger. I still couldnโt turn a blind eye to what was happening, like Billy seemed to, but I couldnโt condemn Jacob for it either. Love didnโt work that way, I decided. Once you cared about a person, it was impossible to be logical about them anymore. Jacob was my friend whether he killed people or not. And I didnโt know what I was going to do about that.
When I pictured him sleeping so peacefully, I felt an overpowering urge toย protectย him. Completely illogical.
Illogical or not, I brooded over the memory his peaceful face, trying to come up with some answer, some way to shelter him, while the sky slowly turned gray.
โHi, Bella.โ
Jacobโs voice came from the darkness and made me jump. It was soft, almost shy, but Iโd been expecting some forewarning from the noisy rocks, and so it still startled me. I could see his silhouette against the coming sunriseโit looked enormous.
โJake?โ
He stood several paces away, shifting his weight from foot to foot anxiously.
โBilly told me you came byโdidnโt take you very long, did it? I knew you could figure it out.โ
โYeah, I remember the right story now,โ I whispered.
It was quiet for a long moment and, though it was still too dark to see well, my skin prickled as if his eyes were searching my face. There must have been enough light for him to read my expression, because when he spoke again, his voice was suddenly acidic.
โYou could have just called,โ he said harshly. I nodded. โI know.โ
Jacob started pacing along the rocks. If I listened very hard, I could just hear the gentle brush of his feet on the rocks behind the sound of the waves. The rocks had clattered like castanets for me.
โWhy did you come?โ he demanded, not halting his angry stride. โI thought it would be better face-to-face.โ
He snorted. โOh, much better.โ โJacob, I have to warn youโโ
โAbout the rangers and the hunters? Donโt worry about it. We already know.โ
โDonโt worry about it?โ I demanded in disbelief. โJake, theyโve got guns! Theyโre setting traps and offering rewards andโโ
โWe can take care of ourselves,โ he growled, still pacing. โTheyโre not going to catch anything. Theyโre only making it more difficultโtheyโll start disappearing soon enough, too.โ
โJake!โ I hissed. โWhat? Itโs just a fact.โ
My voice was pale with revulsion. โHow can you…feel that way? You know these people. Charlieโs out there!โ The thought made my stomach twist.
He came to an abrupt stop. โWhat more can we do?โ he retorted.
The sun turned the clouds a slivery pink above us. I could see his expression now; it was angry, frustrated, betrayed.
โCould you…well, try toย notย be a…werewolf?โ I suggested in a whisper.
He threw his hands up in the air. โLike I have a choice about it!โ he shouted. โAnd how would that help anything, if youโre worried about people disappearing?โ
โI donโt understand you.โ
He glared at me, his eyes narrowing and his mouth twisting into a snarl. โYou know what makes me so mad I could just spit?โ
I flinched away from his hostile expression. He seemed to be waiting for an answer, so I shook my head.
โYouโre such a hypocrite, Bellaโthere you sit,ย terrifiedย of me! How is that fair?โ His hands shook with anger.
โHypocrite? How does being afraid of a monster make me a hypocrite?โ โUgh!โ he groaned, pressing his trembling fists to his temples and
squeezing his eyes shut. โWould you listen to yourself?โ โWhat?โ
He took two steps toward me, leaning over me and glaring with fury. โWell, Iโm so sorry that I canโt be theย rightย kind of monster for you, Bella. I guess Iโm just not as great as a bloodsucker, am I?โ
I jumped to my feet and glared back. โNo, youโre not!โ I shouted. โItโs not what youย are, stupid, itโs what youย do!โ
โWhatโs that supposed to mean?โ He roared, his entire frame quivering with rage.
I was taken entirely by surprise when Edwardโs voice cautioned me. โBe very careful, Bella,โ his velvet voice warned. โDonโt push him too far. You need to calm him down.โ
Even the voice in my head was making no sense today.
I listened to him, though. I would do anything for that voice. โJacob,โ I pleaded, making my tone soft and even. โIs it really
necessary toย killย people, Jacob? Isnโt there some other way? I mean, if vampires can find a way to survive without murdering people, couldnโt you give it a try, too?โ
He straightened up with a jerk, like my words had sent an electric shock through him. His eyebrows shot up and his eyes stared wide.
โKilling people?โ he demanded.
โWhat did you think we were talking about?โ
He wasnโt trembling anymore. He looked at me with half-hopeful disbelief. โIย thought we were talking about your disgust for werewolves.โ
โNo, Jake, no. Itโs not that youโre a…wolf. Thatโs fine,โ I promised him, and I knew as I said the words that I meant them. I really didnโt care if he turned into a big wolfโhe was still Jacob. โIf you could just find a way not to hurt people…thatโs all that upsets me. These are innocent people, Jake, people like Charlie, and I canโt just look the other way while youโโ
โIs that all? Really?โ he interrupted me, a smile breaking across his face. โYouโre just scared because Iโm a murderer? Thatโs the only reason?โ
โIsnโt that reason enough?โ He started to laugh.
โJacob Black, this isย soย not funny!โ โSure, sure,โ he agreed, still chortling.
He took one long stride and caught me in another vice-tight bear hug. โYou really, honestly donโt mind that I morph into a giant dog?โ he
asked, his voice joyful in my ear.
โNo,โ I gasped. โCanโtโbreatheโJake!โ
He let me go, but took both my hands. โIโm not a killer, Bella.โ
I studied his face, and it was clear that this was the truth. Relief pulsed through me.
โReally?โ I asked.
โReally,โ he promised solemnly.
I threw my arms around him. It reminded me of that first day with the motorcyclesโhe was bigger, though, and I felt even more like a child now.
Like that other time, he stroked my hair.
โSorry I called you a hypocrite,โ he apologized. โSorry I called you a murderer.โ
He laughed.
I thought of something then, and pulled away from him so that I could see his face. My eyebrows furrowed in anxiety. โWhat about Sam? And the others?โ
He shook his head, smiling like a huge burden had been removed from his shoulders. โOf course not. Donโt you remember what we call ourselves?โ
The memory was clearโIโd just been thinking of that very day. โProtectors?โ
โExactly.โ
โBut I donโt understand. Whatโs happening in the woods? The missing hikers, the blood?โ
His face was serious, worried at once. โWeโre trying to do our job, Bella. Weโre trying to protect them, but weโre always just a little too late.โ
โProtect them from what? Is there really a bear out there, too?โ
โBella, honey, we only protect people from one thingโour one enemy.
Itโs the reason we existโbecause they do.โ
I stared at him blankly for one second before I understood. Then the blood drained from my face and a thin, wordless cry of horror broke through my lips.
He nodded. โI thought you, of all people, would realize what was really going on.โ
โLaurent,โ I whispered. โHeโs still here.โ
Jacob blinked twice, and cocked his head to one side. โWhoโs Laurent?โ
I tried to sort out the chaos in my head so that I could answer. โYou knowโyou saw him in the meadow. You were there. โ The words came
out in a wondering tone as it all sunk in. โYou were there, and you kept him from killing me. โ
โOh, the black-haired leech?โ He grinned, a tight, fierce grin. โWas that his name?โ
I shuddered. โWhat were you thinking?โ I whispered. โHe could have killed you! Jake, you donโt realize how dangerousโโ
Another laugh interrupted me. โBella, one lone vampire isnโt much of a problem for a pack as big as ours. It was so easy, it was hardly even fun!โ
โWhat was so easy?โ
โKilling the bloodsucker who was going to kill you. Now, I donโt count that towards the whole murder thing,โ he added quickly. โVampires donโt count as people.โ
I could only mouth the words. โYou…killed. Laurent?โ
He nodded. โWell, it was a group effort,โ he qualified. โLaurent is dead?โ I whispered.
His expression changed. โYouโre not upset about that, are you? He was going to kill youโhe was going for the kill, Bella, we were sure of that
before we attacked. You know that, right?โ
โI know that. No, Iโm not upsetโIโm . . .โ I had to sit down. I stumbled back a step until I felt the driftwood against my calves, and then sank down onto it. โLaurent is dead. Heโs not coming back for me.โ
โYouโre not mad? He wasnโt one of your friends or anything, was he?โ โMy friend?โ I stared up at him, confused and dizzy with relief. I started
babbling, my eyes getting moist. โNo, Jake. Iโm so…soย relieved. I thought he was going to find meโIโve been waiting for him every night, just hoping that heโd stop with me and leave Charlie alone. Iโve been so frightened, Jacob. But how? He was a vampire! How did you kill him? He
was so strong, so hard, like marble. โ
He sat down next to me and put one big arm around me comfortingly. โItโs what weโre made for, Bells. Weโre strong, too. I wish you would have told me that you were so afraid. You didnโt need to be.โ
โYou werenโt around,โ I mumbled, lost in thought. โOh, right.โ
โWait, JakeโI thought you knew, though. Last night, you said it wasnโt safe for you to be in my room. I thought you knew that a vampire might be coming. Isnโt that what you were talking about?โ
He looked confused for a minute, and then he ducked his head. โNo, thatโs not what I meant.โ
โThen why didnโt you think it was safe for you there?โ
He looked at me with guilt-ridden eyes. โI didnโt say it wasnโt safe for
me. I was thinking of you.โ โWhat do you mean?โ
He looked down and kicked a rock. โThereโs more than one reason Iโm not supposed to be around you, Bella. I wasnโt supposed to tell you our secret, for one thing, but the other part is that itโs not safe forย you. If I get too mad…too upset. you might get hurt.โ
I thought about that carefully. โWhen you were mad before. when I was
yelling at you…and you were shaking. ?โ
โYeah.โ His face dropped even lower. โThat was pretty stupid of me. I have to keep a better hold on myself. I swore I wasnโt going to get mad, no matter what you said to me. But. I just got so upset that I was going to lose
you…that you couldnโt deal with what I am. โ
โWhat would happen. if you got too mad?โ I whispered.
โIโd turn into a wolf,โ he whispered back. โYou donโt need a full moon?โ
He rolled his eyes. โHollywoodโs version doesnโt get much right.โ Then he sighed, and was serious again. โYou donโt need to be so stressed out, Bells. Weโre going to take care of this. And weโre keeping a special eye on Charlie and the othersโwe wonโt let anything happen to him. Trust me on that.โ
Something very, very obvious, something I should have grasped at once
โbut Iโd been so distracted by the idea of Jacob and his friends fighting with Laurent, that Iโd completely missed it at the timeโoccurred to me only then, when Jacob used the present tense again.
Weโre going to take care of this.
It wasnโt over.
โLaurent is dead,โ I gasped, and my entire body went ice cold. โBella?โ Jacob asked anxiously, touching my ashen cheek.
โIf Laurent died…a week ago…then someone else is killing people
now.โ
Jacob nodded; his teeth clenched together, and he spoke through them. โThere were two of them. We thought his mate would want to fight usโin our stories, they usually get pretty pissed off if you kill their mateโbut she just keeps running away, and then coming back again. If we could figure out what she was after, it would be easier to take her down. But she makes no sense. She keeps dancing around the edges, like sheโs testing our defenses, looking for a way inโbutย inย where? Where does she want to go? Sam thinks sheโs trying to separate us, so sheโll have a better chance. โ
His voice faded until it sounded like it was coming through a long tunnel; I couldnโt make out the individual words anymore. My forehead dewed with sweat and my stomach rolled like I had the stomach flu again. Exactly like I had the flu.
I turned away from him quickly, and leaned over the tree trunk. My body convulsed with useless heaves, my empty stomach contracting with horrified nausea, though there was nothing in it to expel.
Victoria was here. Looking for me. Killing strangers in the woods. The woods where Charlie was searching….
My head spun sickeningly.
Jacobโs hands caught my shouldersโkept me from sliding forward onto the rocks. I could feel his hot breath on my cheek. โBella! Whatโs wrong?โ
โVictoria,โ I gasped as soon as I could catch my breath around the nauseous spasms.
In my head, Edward snarled in fury at the name.
I felt Jacob pull me up from my slump. He draped me awkwardly across his lap, laying my limp head against his shoulder. He struggled to balance me, to keep me from sagging over, one way or the other. He brushed the sweaty hair back from my face.
โWho?โ Jacob asked. โCan you hear me, Bella? Bella?โ
โShe wasnโt Laurentโs mate,โ I moaned into his shoulder. โThey were just old friends. โ
โDo you need some water? A doctor? Tell me what to do,โ he demanded, frantic.
โIโm not sickโIโm scared,โ I explained in a whisper. The wordย scared
didnโt really seem to cover it.
Jacob patted my back. โScared of this Victoria?โ I nodded, shuddering.
โVictoria is the red-haired female?โ
I trembled again, and whimpered, โYes.โ โHow do you know she wasnโt his mate?โ
โLaurent told me James was her mate,โ I explained, automatically flexing the hand with the scar.
He pulled my face around, holding it steady in his big hand. He stared intently into my eyes. โDid he tell you anything else, Bella? This is important. Do you know what she wants?โ
โOf course,โ I whispered. โShe wantsย me.โ
His eyes flipped wide, then narrowed into slits. โWhy?โ he demanded. โEdward killed James,โ I whispered. Jacob held me so tightly that there
was no need for me to clutch at the holeโhe kept me in one piece. โShe did get. pissed off. But Laurent said she thought it was fairer to kill me than
Edward. Mate for mate. She didnโt knowโstill doesnโt know, I guessโ that…that โ I swallowed hard. โThat things arenโt like that with us
anymore. Not for Edward, anyway.โ
Jacob was distracted by that, his face torn between several different expressions. โIs that what happened? Why the Cullens left?โ
โIโm nothing but a human, after all. Nothing special,โ I explained, shrugging weakly.
Something like a growlโnot a real growl, just a human approximation
โrumbled in Jacobโs chest under my ear. โIf that idiot bloodsucker is honestly stupid enoughโโ
โPlease,โ I moaned. โPlease. Donโt.โ Jacob hesitated, then nodded once.
โThis is important,โ he said again, his face all business now. โThis is exactly what we needed to know. Weโve got to tell the others right away.โ
He stood, pulling me to my feet. He kept two hands on my waist until he was sure I wasnโt going to fall.
โIโm okay,โ I lied.
He traded his hold on my waist for one of my hands. โLetโs go.โ He pulled me back toward the truck.
โWhere are we going?โ I asked.
โIโm not sure yet,โ he admitted. โIโll call a meeting. Hey, wait here for just a minute, okay?โ He leaned me against the side of the truck and released my hand.
โWhere are you going?โ
โIโll be right back,โ he promised. Then he turned and sprinted through the parking lot, across the road, and into the bordering forest. He flitted into the trees, swift and sleek as a deer.
โJacob!โ I yelled after him hoarsely, but he was already gone.
It was not a good time to be left alone. Seconds after Jacob was out of sight, I was hyperventilating. I dragged myself into the cab of the truck, and mashed the locks down at once. It didnโt make me feel any better.
Victoria was already hunting me. It was just luck that she hadnโt found me yetโjust luck and five teenage werewolves. I exhaled sharply. No matter what Jacob said, the thought of him coming anywhere close to Victoria was horrifying. I didnโt care what he could turn into when he got mad. I could see her in my head, her face wild, her hair like flames, deadly, indestructible….
But, according to Jacob, Laurent was gone. Was that really possible?
EdwardโI clutched automatically at my chestโhad told me how difficult it was to kill a vampire. Only another vampire could do the job. Yet Jake said this was what werewolves were made for…
He said they were keeping a special eye on Charlieโthat I should trust the werewolves to keep my father safe. How could I trust that? None of us were safe! Jacob the very least of all, if he was trying to put himself between Victoria and Charlie…between Victoria and me.
I felt like I might be about to throw up again.
A sharp rap on the truckโs window made me yelp in terrorโbut it was just Jacob, back already. I unlocked the door with trembling, grateful fingers.
โYouโre really scared, arenโt you?โ he asked as he climbed in. I nodded.
โDonโt be. Weโll take care of youโand Charlie, too. I promise.โ
โThe idea of you finding Victoria is scarier than the idea of her finding me,โ I whispered.
He laughed. โYouโve got to have a little more confidence in us than that.
Itโs insulting.โ
I just shook my head. Iโd seen too many vampires in action. โWhere did you go just now?โ I asked.
He pursed his lips, and said nothing. โWhat? Is it a secret?โ
He frowned. โNot really. Itโs kind of weird, though. I donโt want to freak you out.โ
โIโm sort of used to weird by this point, you know.โ I tried to smile without much success.
Jacob grinned back easily. โGuess youโd have to be. Okay. See, when weโre wolves, we can…hear each other.โ
My eyebrows pulled down in confusion.
โNot hear sounds,โ he went on, โbut we can hear…thoughtsโeach otherโs anywayโno matter how far away from each other we are. It really helps when we hunt, but itโs a big pain otherwise. Itโs embarrassingโ having no secrets like that. Freaky, eh?โ
โIs that what you meant last night, when you said you would tell them youโd seen me, even though you didnโt want to?โ
โYouโre quick.โ โThanks.โ
โYouโre also very good with weird. I thought that would bother you.โ
โItโs not…well, youโre not the first person Iโve known who could do that. So it doesnโt seem so weird to me.โ
โReally?…Waitโare you talking about your bloodsuckers?โ โI wish you wouldnโt call them that.โ
He laughed. โWhatever. The Cullens, then?โ
โJust…just Edward.โ I pulled one arm surreptitiously around my torso.
Jacob looked surprisedโunpleasantly so. โI thought those were just stories. Iโve heard legends about vampires who could do…extra stuff, but I thought that was just a myth.โ
โIs anything just a myth anymore?โ I asked him wryly.
He scowled. โGuess not. Okay, weโre going to meet Sam and the others at the place we go to ride our bikes.โ
I started the truck and headed back up the road.
โSo did you just turn into a wolf now, to talk to Sam?โ I asked, curious.
Jacob nodded, seeming embarrassed. โI kept it real shortโI tried not to think about you so they wouldnโt know what was going on. I was afraid Sam would tell me I couldnโt bring you.โ
โThat wouldnโt have stopped me.โ I couldnโt get rid of my perception of Sam as the bad guy. My teeth clenched together whenever I heard his name. โWell, it would have stoppedย me,โ Jacob said, morose now. โRemember
how I couldnโt finish my sentences last night? How I couldnโt just tell you the whole story?โ
โYeah. You looked like you were choking on something.โ
He chuckled darkly. โClose enough. Sam told me I couldnโt tell you.
Heโs…the head of the pack, you know. Heโs the Alpha. When he tells us to do something, or not to do somethingโwhen he really means it, well, we canโt just ignore him.โ
โWeird,โ I muttered.
โVery,โ he agreed. โItโs kind of a wolf thing.โ โHuhโ was the best response I could think of.
โYeah, thereโs a load of stuff like thatโwolf things. Iโm still learning. I canโt imagine what it was like for Sam, trying to deal with this alone. It sucks bad enough to go through it with a whole pack for support.โ
โSam was alone?โ
โYeah.โ Jacobโs voice lowered. โWhen I…changed, it was the most…horrible, the mostย terrifyingย thing Iโve ever been throughโworse
than anything I could have imagined. But I wasnโt aloneโthere were the voices there, in my head, telling me what had happened and what I had to do. That kept me from losing my mind, I think. But Sam . . .โ He shook his head. โSam had no help.โ
This was going to take some adjusting. When Jacob explained it like that, it was hard not to feel compassion for Sam. I had to keep reminding myself that there was no reason to hate him anymore.
โWill they be angry that Iโm with you?โ I asked. He made a face. โProbably.โ
โMaybe I shouldnโtโโ
โNo, itโs okay,โ he assured me. โYou know a ton of things that can help us. Itโs not like youโre just some ignorant human. Youโre like a…I donโt know, spy or something. Youโve been behind enemy lines.โ
I frowned to myself. Was that what Jacob would want from me? Insider information to help them destroy their enemies? I wasnโt a spy, though. I hadnโt been collecting that kind of information. Already, his words made me feel like a traitor.
But I wanted him to stop Victoria, didnโt I? No.
Iย didย want Victoria to be stopped, preferably before she tortured me to death or ran into Charlie or killed another stranger. I just didnโt want Jacob to be the one to stop her, or rather to try. I didnโt want Jacob within a hundred miles of her.
โLike the stuff about the mind-reading bloodsucker,โ he continued, oblivious to my reverie. โThatโs the kind of thing we need to know about. That really sucks thatย thoseย stories are true. It makes everything more complicated. Hey, do you think this Victoria can do anything special?โ
โI donโt think so,โ I hesitated, and then sighed. โHe would have mentioned it.โ
โHe? Oh, you mean Edwardโoops, sorry. I forgot. You donโt like to say his name. Or hear it.โ
I squeezed my midsection, trying to ignore the throbbing around the edges of my chest. โNot really, no.โ
โSorry.โ
โHow do you know me so well, Jacob? Sometimes itโs like you can read
myย mind.โ
โNaw. I just pay attention.โ
We were on the little dirt road where Jacob had first taught me to ride the motorcycle.
โThis good?โ I asked. โSure, sure.โ
I pulled over and cut the engine.
โYouโre still pretty unhappy, arenโt you?โ he murmured. I nodded, staring unseeingly into the gloomy forest. โDid you ever think…that maybe…youโre better off?โ
I inhaled slowly, and then let my breath out. โNo.โ โโCause he wasnโt the bestโโ
โPlease, Jacob,โ I interrupted, begging in a whisper. โCould we please not talk about this? I canโt stand it.โ
โOkay.โ He took a deep breath. โIโm sorry I said anything.โ
โDonโt feel bad. If things were different, it would be nice to finally be able to talk to someone about it.โ
He nodded. โYeah, I had a hard time keeping a secret from you for two weeks. It must be hell to not be able to talk toย anyone.โ
โHell,โ I agreed.
Jacob sucked in a sharp breath. โTheyโre here. Letโs go.โ
โAre you sure?โ I asked while he popped his door open. โMaybe I shouldnโt be here.โ
โTheyโll deal with it,โ he said, and then he grinned. โWhoโs afraid of the big, bad wolf?โ
โHa ha,โ I said. But I got out of the truck, hurrying around the front end to stand close beside Jacob. I remembered only too clearly the giant monsters in the meadow. My hands were trembling like Jacobโs had been before, but with fear rather than rage.
Jake took my hand and squeezed it. โHere we go.โ