K eep breathing.
I fell into a river of dreams.
My consciousness swung in and out of my grasp like the pendulum of a clock. I opened my eyes to the cradle of night or the warmth of sunrise, only for seconds at a time.
Pain.
I was not in my chambers. I was in a circular stone room. The bed was hard. Everything hurt, outside my skin and within it. Orange markings glowed upon the walls, the floor. They cast a harsh glow over the hard lines of Caduan’s face. I reached out to touch him.
I needed a heartbeat.
He took my hand, gently pressed it to the sheets.
Not yet.
Keep breathing.
Blink, and death caressed me. Its touch was just as I imagined it would be, warm and inviting and familiar. Already a part of me.
Come home, my love, it whispered in my ear. I reached for it. Our fingers barely brushed.
Blink, and it was sunrise.
Caduan looked exhausted. The markings glowed brighter. I tried to speak and could not. I looked down at my own body as if I was a separate entity.
He turned to me and stroked my hair.
Keep breathing.
Blink, and an age had passed.
A thousand moments crashed together as nightmares and reality fused. I would lash out at the women coming to move me from the table—at the humans preparing to bind me to it—at Nura, who would torment me—at Caduan, who would heal me.
I would lean into Tisaanah’s whispers in our shared mind: *You are safe.*
Into Caduan’s murmurs as he spoke into my hair: *You are safe.*
I would lose myself in the steady rhythm of a heartbeat—mine, Maxantarius’s, Tisaanah’s—Caduan’s.
Caduan’s was real.
A hand pressed against warm skin, holding me as if anchoring me to this world.
Keep breathing.
Keep breathing, Aefe.
But the pain grew worse before it eased. One day, I dreamed of a door. Death stood before me. *Come home, come home.* I pressed my hand to Death’s chest. There was no heartbeat there.
Then, another voice behind me. Come home.
I turned to see Caduan’s hand outstretched. I touched it and felt the thrum of his pulse beneath his skin.
A warm glow, and the choice was taken from me. Caduan’s reaching hand found me, pulling me into orange light. Living was more difficult than death. The pain ate me from the inside out.
But I leaned into that heartbeat. Leaned into it and let myself fall. I waved to death, but it refused to say goodbye.
I will see you again, it whispered. The door grew farther away.
Keep breathing, Caduan whispered.
Keep breathing.
