I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to make the rest of the memory come into focus.
But it’s fading. Savvy’s laugh, her smile, start to drift away, and all I have left is an ache in my chest.
We were going to leave Plumpton, together. I can see Savvy in L.A. She would have loved the beach and hated the traffic. We probably would have shared an apartment.
I can’t breathe, thinking about what could have been.
What the hell? What the hell? What the hell? Savvy’s words go round and round in my head. She’s in front of me, smiling as blood drips down her face. I’m trying too hard.
Through the storefront window, I can see Nina standing in front of Emmett, arms crossed over her chest. His face is red, angry. He’s yelling at her.
He left the wedding. I blink as I remember—I clearly saw his face as he turned his truck onto the road to leave.
I grab my phone from my purse. Ben picks up on the first ring. “Hey, Lucy.”
“Didn’t Emmett say he stayed at the wedding until it ended?” “What? Uh … yeah. Wait, wait, can I record this?”
“Fine, whatever. Just—”
“Hold on. Okay. Ask that again.”
“Emmett said he stayed until the wedding ended?”
“Yeah. Wedding went until three a.m. People saw him there. He helped organize rides for people to get home.”
“No one remembers him leaving and coming back?”
“No. He said he was there the whole time.”
“I remember him leaving. Right before Savvy and I left.” There’s a long pause. “Are you sure?”
“Yes. I got in the car with Savvy, and I clearly saw him driving past us, down that dirt road that leads to the highway. He saw me too. Our eyes met.”
“Lucy, do you remember what happened?”
“It … it’s coming back in bits and pieces. I remember parts of the wedding, and I remember getting in the car with her. We were talking about leaving. Going to Los Angeles together.”
“Were you fighting or…?”
“No. We weren’t. We were happy.” My breath catches in my throat. “Let’s go back there. Now. It’s dark out; maybe that will help. Where
are you?”
“I’m outside the art shop.” My words come out breathless. Through the store window, Emmett gestures angrily.
I see Nina flinch. She draws her arms into her body, turns her face away, and squeezes her eyes shut.
I’ve done that.
I know that pose.
It’s what you do when you’re bracing to be hit. “Lucy?” Ben says.
Emmett doesn’t hit her. He grabs both her wrists. “Why are you at the art shop?”
“Because Emmett…” I trail off. I can tell that Emmett is holding Nina’s wrists too tightly. Tears are streaming down her face, and she’s trying to pull free of his grasp.
“He’s hurting her,” I say quietly. I should move. I should help. “Emmett? Who’s he hurting?”
Nina breaks free. She bolts from the shop and practically dives into her car. I watch in the rearview mirror as it disappears around the corner.
A knock on the window makes me jump. It’s Emmett.
And now I remember.
LUCY
FIVE YEARS AGO
“What the hell?” Savvy asked, squinting in the darkness.
I leaned forward. A truck was parked in the middle of the road. A tall figure stood in front of it. Savvy’s headlights caught his face.
Emmett.
She slowed to a stop, rolling down her window. She put a hand out like,
What the hell?
Emmett walked over to my side of the car. I rolled down my window. “Can I talk to you?” The words were breathless, a plea. I was having a
hard time reconciling the Emmett I’d known since I was a kid with the version Savvy told me about. This Emmett had his fists clenched at his sides, his eyes wild and desperate as he looked down at me.
“Dude, now?” Savvy said, exasperated. “Can’t it wait until tomorrow?” Emmett ignored her. “Please?”
I sighed, reaching for the door handle. “Sure. Savvy, it’s fine, Emmett can drive me home.” I looked at him for confirmation, and his face brightened. He nodded.
“No, it’s cool,” she said. “I can wait.”
She said it like there wasn’t room for argument, and I caught Emmett’s annoyed eye roll. I climbed out of the car and shut the door behind me. It smelled like rain, and it was actually a little cool for May.
Emmett walked away from the car, a few steps into the thick trees around the road. I glanced back. I could still see Savvy sitting in the driver’s seat, peering at us.
“I’m sorry, I know this is weird, but I had to talk to you.” He squinted, putting a hand up over his eyes. “She’s really not going to turn those off?”
He stepped further into the trees, away from Savvy’s headlights.
“I probably shouldn’t have run away like that,” I said, following him into the trees. The moon was full, and Savvy’s headlights were still providing some light. I could see his face clearly. His eyes were wide, a little desperate.
“No, I shouldn’t have…” He trailed off, shaking his head. “I shouldn’t have kissed you. I got carried away. You just have to understand, Lucy, I’m crazy about you.”
I swallowed. Even if Savvy hadn’t just told me what she did, I didn’t think I would have reacted to this revelation with excitement. It was too hard to imagine anything after Matt.
I was a mess, and I didn’t need Emmett’s feelings on top of everything. “I’ve been crazy about you, for years,” Emmett continued, oblivious. “I
know that Matt is an asshole to you, and he’s cheating on you. You know that, right? That he’s cheating on you?”
“I know,” I said.
He took a step closer to me. “Leave him. Be with me. I love you. I’ve loved you since we were kids.”
He grabbed me around the waist and kissed me. It was sloppy, like he was trying to devour my face. I pushed him away.
“I can’t, I’m sorry.” I took a step back.
He immediately grabbed me again. “Yes, you can. I know you think that you have the perfect life in that house, but I know how unhappy you are. I know that you don’t actually love him. That you never have. I know you feel like you have to stay and project this image of the perfect wife, but you don’t. Let me help you.”
It was strange how he seemed to have taken a sliver of truth and crafted a whole narrative for me. A narrative where he could rescue me. I certainly was unhappy, but I had loved Matt. It was why I hated him so much. Because I’d been madly in love with him at one point, and he hadn’t beaten it all out of me yet.
And I didn’t think I’d ever been trying to project the image of a perfect wife. I was doing a piss-poor job of it, honestly.
“I can’t,” I said again. “I’m sorry. You’re right that Matt and I aren’t happy, but I can’t jump into something else right now.”
“I’ll wait for you,” he said in a rush. “If you need time. Please, Lucy, just—” He didn’t finish. He cut himself off by kissing me again. I wasn’t sure what he meant by “I’ll wait” if he was going to immediately kiss me again.
“Emmett, stop.” I pushed him away again. “This isn’t going to happen, okay? I’m sorry.”
All the hope drained from his face. “What?”
“I’m not, I don’t … I don’t feel that way about you. We’ve been friends forever, we shouldn’t—”
“You don’t feel that way about me? Why do you keep kissing me then?” “I’m sorry, I—”
“You wouldn’t keep kissing me if you didn’t feel something!” His voice had an angry edge to it now.
“Okay, time to go!” Savvy yelled. I heard her car door slam, and she appeared through the trees a moment later.
I felt a rush of gratitude that she’d ignored me when I said Emmett could drive me home.
“For fuck’s sake, Savvy, would you stop sticking your nose in our business?” Emmett snapped. “We’re having a conversation here.”
“It sounded more like you were yelling at her.” “I wasn’t yelling at her, I’m just trying—”
“It’s fine,” I interrupted. “Can we just continue this tomorrow, Emmett?
It’s late, and I’ve had a lot to drink.”
“You don’t need to continue anything,” Savvy said. “She said no, dude.
Accept it.”
Emmett’s nostrils flared. “No one was talking to you. Just let Lucy and me—”
“Get it through your thick skull, asshole. No. Complete sentence.” She looped her arm through mine, tugging gently.
“No. We’re not done.” Emmett grabbed my other hand, roughly pulling me away from Savvy. He had a vise grip on my arm, and I winced.
“You did not just do that!” Savvy planted her hands on Emmett’s chest and shoved, hard. He stumbled back but didn’t let go of me.
“Don’t touch me,” he growled. “Let her go.”
“No.”
“Emmett, please let me go,” I said, trying desperately to stay calm. My brain was flashing Danger, danger at me.
My fists curled, almost against my will. I was ready to fight. I’d been here so many times with Matt.
“My god, you are such a dick,” Savvy yelled. “Just let her go!” “Just fucking mind your own business for once, you stupid little—”
I punched him. My fist connected with his jaw. I’d had some practice with Matt, but it still wasn’t the best punch. I lost my balance, and it didn’t land as hard as I’d intended.
Still, he stumbled back, sputtering, and released my arm. Wasn’t used to taking a hit like Matt was.
“I said no!” I was screaming. I hadn’t meant to, but it felt like my brain had short-circuited. I wasn’t fully in control. “I don’t want your fucking help! I don’t care about your stupid childhood crush!”
Emmett gaped at me. I was shaking as I turned away. Savvy gave me a thoroughly impressed look.
“Time to go,” she said, and then laughed.
I glanced back at Emmett in time to see him lunge at me.
