I drive home slowly. It’s dark, and the streets of Plumpton are empty. I almost roll down the windows like I would on a quiet night in L.A., but the humidity is as thick as ever.
When I stop at a light downtown, I look out to see Emmett decorating the window of the art shop.
A guilty voice in the back of my head reminds me that I never answered his last two texts. I also haven’t told him I’m going back to California.
The light turns green. He’s noticed me staring at him. He lifts his hand in a hesitant wave.
Shit. I press lightly on the gas and park the car on the side of the road. I step out.
“Hey.” I point to the big yellow sunflower he’s painting on the window. “That’s pretty.”
“Oh. Thanks. Some kids wrote ‘vagina’ over the last one, so the owner asked me to do one that’s less erotic.”
I bark out a laugh. “Was your last flower erotic?”
A grin spreads across his face. “Well, I didn’t think so, but apparently some kids saw something I didn’t.”
I lean against the brick wall next to the art shop. “They could have at least been more creative. Vagina isn’t very clever graffiti.”
“I agree. Put some effort in, kids.” He turns back to the window, brush poised.
“I’m sorry I didn’t answer your texts. It’s been…”
“Busy?” he guesses without looking at me. He sweeps yellow across the window, forming a petal.
“No. I’m never busy.”
He shoots me an amused look.
“Horrible,” I finish, trying for honesty. “It’s been horrible being back, reliving everything with Savvy and my marriage…” I take a deep breath, and I’m mortified to realize I’m about to start crying again. I thought I had gotten it all out at Grandma’s. I try to blink quickly enough to hide it, but tears slide down my cheeks.
Emmett lowers his brush. Men usually look terrified when women start crying, but he looks more intrigued than anything.
“Sorry.” I wipe my cheeks.
He steps forward and kisses me, which is the last thing I expect. Maybe he’s trying for comfort. I don’t love it.
I’m still against the wall, and he presses his body against mine. His lips are too rough, his tongue too eager. His saliva is all around my mouth far too quickly. No one asked for this.
I consider pushing him away, but it seems easier to just ride this out, smile politely, and then bolt while discreetly wiping my face off.
I don’t remember him being a bad kisser the time we made out in my house. My memory of that night is fuzzy; I must have been drunker than I realized.
He puts a hand on my breast over my shirt. Seriously, no one asked for this.
I put a hand on his chest, ready to push him away. His other hand is on my cheek. I smell paint on his fingers.
“Lucy.”
His hand is the one on my breast five years ago, I realize. The sounds of laughter and music drifting over from the wedding. He’d slipped one of my straps down, and his thumb was tracing circles over my nipple. He had green paint underneath his fingernails.
“I’ve wanted to do this for so long,” he’d said to me, his lips against my neck. He reached for his zipper, and I realized he intended to fuck me right there, with the smells of rotting food drifting over from the nearby dumpster.
What the hell, I’d thought. I’d been drunk. Not too drunk, but enough to think that fucking Emmett was a great way to get back at Matt, who
probably had a woman bent over the bathroom counter right at that moment.
“Lucy.” Savvy’s voice was sharp, almost angry. I’d turned to see her standing a few feet away, hands on her hips. “Let’s go.”
Her voice, her look of disapproval, had snapped me back to reality. I’d quickly put my boob back in my dress and hurried after her.
“No, Lucy, wait.” Emmett had caught my hand, not gently. I’d yelped as he pulled me back to him.
“I’m sorry.” I’d apologized to the man who had just hurt me, in a baffling choice. “I shouldn’t have done that.”
I’d run after Savvy then, and that’s where the memory fades. In the present, I’m still kissing Emmett.
Actually, it would be more accurate to say that he’s kissing me. I’m mostly a statue at this point.
Someone loudly clears their throat, and we both turn. Nina.
She’s standing near the curb, wearing light blue scrubs. She shoots me an icy glare as Emmett steps away from me.
“Can I talk to you?” she asks Emmett.
He sighs heavily but nods, and then shoots me an apologetic look. Nina walks inside the art store, and he follows. The bell chimes as the door closes behind them.
I walk quickly to my car, and then sit in the driver’s seat, breathing heavily.
Why did Savvy look mad about my making out with Emmett at the wedding? Did she have feelings for—
I freeze as the memory comes into focus.
LUCY
FIVE YEARS AGO
Savvy stomped to her car and threw open the door.
“Wait, are you mad?” I asked as I scurried behind her.
“Just get in,” she snapped. She climbed into the car and slammed the door.
I slid into the passenger’s seat, kicking an old fast-food bag aside. “Are you seriously angry that I was kissing Emmett? What’s this expression?”
“I’m not mad.” She closed her eyes for a moment, like she was gathering the strength to deal with me. “I’m just concerned.”
“Give me a break,” I said with a laugh.
Her expression was still serious. “First I find you kissing your asshole husband, when you should be plotting his fucking demise.”
I swallowed hard.
“And then I find you with your boobs out, getting ready to—” “One boob! One boob was out!”
“Getting ready to have sex against a wall next to a dumpster. You are acting like me, and that is extremely concerning.”
“I am not. You would have had both boobs out.”
“Harsh, but true.” Her expression softened as she turned on the car. “Okay, but what the hell are you doing letting Matt grope you like that? He hurts you, Lucy.”
Shame burned in my throat, and she took her hand off the gear shifter and turned to me when she caught the look on my face.
“I’m sorry,” she said quietly. “I didn’t mean to be all judgmental.”
“No, you’re right. I don’t know why I…” I trailed off, because that was a lie. I did sort of know why I stayed with Matt, why I kept falling into the
same patterns over and over. “Sometimes it feels like we deserve each other, you know?”
“No,” she said firmly.
“You don’t understand. The things I say to him, the way I’ve screamed at him…” I shook my head. “A better woman wouldn’t talk like that. She wouldn’t hit back. I think we were drawn to each other because we’re both garbage.”
“Lucy, no.” She grabbed my hand. “Absolutely not. He did this to you. He drove you to the brink of your sanity and then blamed you for doing what you had to do to survive. All of this is his fault.”
I looked down at our hands and nodded, even though I wasn’t sure I believed her. “And now I’m being a total asshole by hooking up with Emmett.”
“How does that make you an asshole?”
“He doesn’t deserve to be used like that. He’s a sweetheart.”
She gave me a truly baffled look. “He is absolutely not a sweetheart. He’s only nice to you because he’s been in love with you since you guys were kids.”
“He’s not in love with me. He had a crush, maybe, but—”
“You’re right. He’s not in love with you. He’s got you up on a pedestal.
He thinks you’re the perfect girl.”
I didn’t argue with that, because I knew she was right. It was one of the things I’d always secretly liked about Emmett. He had stars in his eyes every time he looked at me.
“Listen, I wasn’t going to tell you this, but…” Savvy trailed off, making a face. “I slept with him a few months ago.”
“Oh.” My voice was too high, betraying my jealousy. I’d thought she knew I had a soft spot for Emmett. He was off-limits.
But that was dumb. I tried to reason with myself. I was married to someone else, and I’d never mentioned having feelings for him.
“I’m sorry, I know he’s your friend,” she continued, biting her lip. “And I knew that he had a thing for you, but he stayed late at the bar one night, and I got drunk, and we just … Well, he’s pretty aggressive. Sometimes when a guy takes charge like that you just go along with it, you know?”
I thought of him unzipping his pants after exposing my boob to the world. “Yeah.”
“That’s not to say I didn’t want to,” she said in a rush. “I did. I was game. But it was just … not good.”
I wince. “No?”
“No. I mean, the kissing was…” “Sloppy,” I finish for her.
“God, yes. And then the actual sex was pretty rough, which I don’t always mind, but it was also just … bad. Zero concern for me. Just jackhammer and run, you know?”
I made a face.
“And he was rude, after. He asked me not to tell you—” “He did?”
“Yeah. I felt sort of bad about it anyway, so I figured I could just not mention it.” Her expression was sheepish. “But then he was also pretty mean to me? Like, he came by the next week and got really handsy and rough and when I told him I didn’t want to, he got all mad and said, ‘I thought you were always down to fuck.’”
I reeled back. “Wow. Rude.”
“So, he’s an asshole, and I really suggest you find someone else because you can do so much better. How about that new bartender? You should probably have some good sex before we murder Matt. It’ll look tacky if you’re flashing your boobs all over town too soon after.”
Headlights flashed across my face, and I looked over to see Emmett turning his truck onto the road. Our eyes met. I quickly looked away.
“I have really bad taste in men, don’t I?” I said.
“I wasn’t going to say anything, because I really have no room to judge.”
I laughed, and then sat back with a long sigh. “I have to leave him.
Matt.”
“Yes.”
“And Plumpton. I can’t stay here after.”
She put the car in drive. “You don’t want to kill him on the way out?”
“I’m not sure I ever really wanted to do that, Savvy.” My desire for revenge was fading, and slowly being replaced by a desire for a new life. My life so far had been a series of supposedly “good” choices—I met a guy in college, married him, moved back to my hometown and into a dream house. And it all turned to shit.
I didn’t want revenge so much as I wanted to find out what would happen if I made different choices. I needed to start over. I didn’t want to be the girl trapped in a marriage because I was too scared to leave, too scared of what other people would think of me if I didn’t have a shiny, enviable life.
And I didn’t want my fresh start to involve a possible prison sentence. “Did you actually want to kill Matt?” I asked Savvy.
“Absolutely.” She flashed me a grin that made it impossible to tell whether she was serious.
“No,” I said softly, looking out the dark window. “I can’t.”
She turned onto the dirt road. “Where would we go? If we left town?”
“I don’t know. Anywhere. I’ve been thinking I should pack my bags one night while Matt is sleeping and disappear. But I don’t think I’m brave enough to go by myself.”
She smiled at me. “You know where I’ve always wanted to go?” “Where?”
“California. Los Angeles.”
“It’s so expensive,” I said wistfully.
“It’s expensive because it’s great.” She pounded the steering wheel with one hand. “Let’s do it.”
“Seriously?”
“Yep. Like, as soon as possible. Fuck the Texas summers; I don’t want to do one more. Let’s go tomorrow night.”
My heart thumped. I’d just been dreaming, but she was going to take me up on it.
“Yes,” I said before I could change my mind.
She let out a little squeal of delight. “Okay, but if Matt comes to find you, we’re fucking murdering him.”
“Deal.”
Her smile faded as she squinted at something in the darkness. “What the hell?”
