Matt:ย Iโm outside. Can you come down?
The text pops up on my phone after ten oโclock. The house is quiet, Mom and Dad already asleep.
I climb out of bed and creep across the room to the window to see Mattโs car parked in front of the house. A dark figure leans against it.
I should probably ignore the text, pretend to be asleep. But I still desperately want to confront him, and I didnโt get a chance to in the middle of the replacement-wife drama.
I text back, Iโll be down in a minute, pull on a pair of shorts, tie my hair up, and head downstairs. I slip on a pair of flip-flops and walk out into the humid air.
He straightens when he sees me coming, sliding his hands out of his pockets. Behind him, the streetlight shines on the pavement, providing enough light to see him clearly. The knuckles on his right hand are bruised, and I wonder whether itโs from a face or a wall.
โI met your wife,โ I say. โI know, she told me.โ
โSeems nice.โ I lift an eyebrow. โNicer than me.โ
His jaw works, and he looks past me at nothing. I hope she told him over the phone, and not in person, because I can feel the fury coming off him in waves.
โYou ignored my texts,โ I say.
He pinches the bridge of his nose with two fingers. โThings are so fucked up.โ
โYou just noticed?โ
He laughs, shortly at first, and then again, a bigger laugh that makes a smile linger on his face. โGod, I miss you.โ
โPoison would be less messy, but also less satisfying, in my opinion,โ Savvy whispers.
โYes, your wife did make it sound that way on the podcast.โ I lean against the car next to him.
โShe was always too nice for me.โ What a load of shit.
โI should have known I would mess her up. I just thought that a nice girl like thatโฆโ
โCould save you?โ โYes.โ
โYou donโt deserve to be saved, Matt.โ
He frowns, but doesnโt argue. โI heard that you didnโt say the same. About me. Aboutโฆโ He clears his throat. โYou said things were different for you.โ
โYouย heard?โ โYeah.โ
I wonder whether he heard directly from Mom, or if sheโs just told so many people that it got back to him.
โI said my experience was different than Juliaโs, which is true. Iโm not really eager to rehash the past.โ
He turns to me, genuine gratitude on his face. โThank you.โ โTrust me when I say that it wasnโt even a little bit for you.โ
โYou canโt tell people about us, Lucy.โ Mattโs face from five years ago appears in front of me. The day he kicked me out of the house and told me to go to my parentsโ.
โSavvy isย dead,ย Matt,โ Iโd choked out. โOur shit doesnโt matter right now.โ
โIt will matter to the police. Donโt make me tell them about what we did to each other, okay? Donโt make me tell them.โ
Iโd realized what he was sayingโthat if the police were looking for evidence that Iโd been violent before, Matt could certainly give that to
them. I could try to refute it, try to explain thatย heย was the abusive one, but it was muddled now.
People donโt believe women who fight back. When a man lashes out, people say heโs lost control of his temper or made a terrible mistake. When a woman does it, sheโs a psychopath.
Matt steps forward suddenly, drawing me back to the present. He pushes me up against the car. The length of his body presses against mine, and then his mouth is on mine too.
He tastes like mint, not alcohol, and it reminds me of our early years. Toward the end, he always tasted like booze. Or smelled like it. It was seeping from his pores, eventually.
But this Matt is the one I liked, at first.
โI think Iโm going to miss him,โ Iโd said to Savvy. โThatโs fucked up, right? That Iโm going to miss him?โ
I tense and want to recoil, but Iโm kissing him back instead. Itโs partly habit. Partly instinct. Always just easier to go along with it and not piss him off.
โHe doesnโt deserve you.โ
I bite his lip, hard.
He pulls away, amusement in his eyes, like he thinks that was meant to be sexy instead of a failed attempt to draw blood. โSorry. Itโs hard not to kiss you sometimes, you know?โ
โTry.โ
โCome home with me.โ โNo.โ
I have one tiny shred of common sense, and Iโm proud of it. He sighs, but doesnโt argue.
โIs Julia right?โ I ask. โWere you there when Savvy died?โ He shakes his head. โNo.โ
โAfter?โ
โNo.โ He turns to me. โIโm sorry I abandoned you after. Thatโs what I meant when I said that to Julia. I should have stuck by you. Not sent you to your fucking parents, who just let Ivy interrogate you.โ
I donโt know whether heโs lying. Mattโs a great liar.
โWho was the woman you were arguing with in our driveway that night?โ
โI really donโt think itโs fair to drag her into this.โ โWhy not?โ
โListen.โ He puts both hands out, like he needs me to calm down. I consider jumping in my car and mowing him down. Then backing up over the body just to make sure heโs dead. โSheโs not involved in Savvyโs death, okay? I promise that she never hurt Savvy.โ
โHow nice that you have so much faith in her,โ I say dryly. โI deserved that.โ
Sweat is starting to trickle down my back. I let the silence stretch out for a long time before speaking again. โYou know everyone is starting to think itโs you.โ
He nods, eyes downcast.
โMaybe they have a point.โ
His head snaps up, genuine bafflement on his face. โYou thinkย Iย killed Savvy?โ
โHowโs it feel, asshole?โ
โThatโsโฆโ He closes his eyes for a moment. โThatโs fair. But Iโฆโ He closes his eyes briefly. โLucy, please just drop it.โ
โJustย drop it? You lied andโโ
โPlease.โ He grabs my hands. I try to pull them free, but he holds firm, his eyes pleading. โGo back to L.A., Lucy. Stop helping that podcaster. Trust me, okay?โ
โTrust you?โ I repeat incredulously.
โI know that it doesnโt seem like it, but Iโve always just wanted to protect you. Iโm still protecting you.โ He squeezes my hands. His eyes have gone shiny.
My heart dives to my feet. I yank my hands away and stumble as I step back. The world is swaying.
โMatt, did we see each other after Savvy dropped you off that night?โ
โNo.โ He says it again, immediately, like an automatic response he practiced. I donโt believe him.
I push down the panic rising in my chest. โJust tell me who it was, okay? Who came over to see you that night? At one in the morning?โ
โLucy, just โฆ donโt, okay?โ
โJust tell me, Matt. You owe it to me.โ
He sighs, running a hand down his face. โIt was Nina. Nina Garcia.โ