I think we should break up.
I see Nathan’s text as soon as I wake up. It was sent at two in the morning Texas time. Midnight in California. I wonder whether he was drunk.
Why???? I laugh as I push send.
I wonder what finally pushed him over the edge. Maybe he made it to the episode about my cheating with Kyle. He could excuse murder, but he drew the line at my cheating on my husband.
It’s only six in the morning in Los Angeles, so I don’t expect a response right away. Or ever, maybe.
Mom’s gym agreed to let me use her pass while I’m in town, and I get on the treadmill, until run run run is the only thought going round and round in my brain.
Nathan hasn’t texted back by the time I get home and shower, but Matt has.
Every part of my body tenses when I see his name on my screen.
Hey. Meet me for lunch. Please?
I want to ignore it, like I ignored every single other text he sent me over the years.
But I think of Ben’s request. Of Grandma’s request. Of Savvy.
I was never good at convincing Matt to do anything, but maybe things are different now. Maybe I’m different now.
Maybe I’m just an even bigger idiot. Sure, I reply.
 |
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Matt’s waiting in the booth of the Mexican restaurant when I arrive, scrolling through his phone. He looks up and smiles when he spots me walking toward him.
A waitress passes me, holding a tray of sizzling fajitas. Oh damn. Those hot plates could do so much damage if pounded into a human skull. I’d have to be careful not to burn myself in the process, though.
“Let’s kill—”
Nope. No. I do not have the energy for the voice right now. Let’s focus, brain.
Matt stands as I approach, and he’s hugging me before I can react. He smells familiar—a hint of cedar in his aftershave, mint from his Tic Tac habit.
I avoid looking at him as we pull away, because I’m repeatedly bashing a fajita plate into his face.
I slide onto the red plastic, noting that Matt has a margarita in front of him and has ordered one for me as well. I’m not a huge fan of day drinking, or of salt on the rim of my glass, and he knew both of these things at one point. I’m not sure he cared back then either.
My phone buzzes, and I nudge it out of my purse to see that Nathan has replied to my last text.
We’re just going in different directions.
I guess that’s fair. I’m possibly headed to prison, and he is headed back to the dating apps to find a new girlfriend.
Another text pops up.
I’m sorry. I’ll pack up your stuff. Tell me when you want to come get it.
I drop my phone back in my purse and look up at Matt. Ex-husband in front of me, ex-boyfriend texting me to pick up my shit. I am positively on fire.
“Thanks for coming.” Matt intertwines his fingers, sliding them across to the middle of the table. He clearly remembers that I like his hands.
“Sure.” I take a tiny sip of my margarita because I actually would like to take the edge off this day, and because he’ll comment on it if I don’t drink it. I’m good at avoiding pissing off Matt.
Mostly.
I carefully put my drink back down. It’s a colorful Mexican tile table, the type that might topple your drink if you put it down on the edge of one of the tiles. Matt hates it when I spill things.
“How are you doing?” His brow is furrowed in concern. “It must be hard, being back.”
“It’s all right.”
“Are you listening to the podcast?” he asks. “Yeah. I’m in touch with him, actually. Ben.”
He stops with his margarita almost to his lips. “What?” “I ran into him at the diner. He asked for my help.”
“Your … help?” He says help like it’s the weirdest thing he’s ever heard in his life.
“Yeah, he wants an interview. I figured what the hell?”
“Are you serious?” He puts the margarita down. It wobbles on the uneven tiles.
“Yes.”
“Lucy, that is not a good idea.” “Why not?”
His eyes widen slightly, like I should already know the answer to that question.
Because you murdered her, Lucy.
“He’s not on your side,” Matt finally says. “No. He’s not.”
“Then…?” He’s exasperated. I’m very familiar with this emotion from Matt.
“No one’s on my side. But he doesn’t seem to be on anyone’s side, so that’s really the most I can ask for.”
He lets out a long sigh and takes another drink of his margarita. I’m still getting used to his shorter hair. It’s cropped so short I can see his scalp. Something about it makes him seem hostile. His scalp is angry.
“He said that you didn’t do an interview.” “Of course not.”
“I don’t care if you do one. Just, if you said no because of me.”
“Jesus, Lucy, of course I said no because of you.” His exasperation is growing. “You could show a little gratitude, dammit!” he had screamed at me as I stuffed my clothes into garbage bags. I still don’t know what I was supposed to be grateful for. I guess that he wanted to stay married, even though he thought I murdered my closest friend?
I can’t muster up any gratitude for that, even now. “I have an idea!” the voice yells.
“I think you should do it.” I dip a chip into the salsa and pop it in my mouth.
“I literally can’t think of a worse idea.”
“I’m doing an interview. Kyle’s already told the whole world that you were cheating on me. You don’t want to share your side?”
“I wasn’t cheating on you.”
“I HAVE AN IDEA!”
I manage not to snort-laugh, which is a real accomplishment. “Then you
really should do the interview and tell Ben that.”
He leans back in the booth, working his jaw in a way that used to make me nervous. I pull the napkin off my silverware and imagine stabbing the knife in his eye.
“You know what? Fine.” He’s got me now. That’s his “I’ll show her” tone. “Tell Ben to call me again. I’ll do it.”
Listen for the Lie Podcast with Ben Owens
EPISODE FOUR—“THE AMNESIA DEFENSE”
When the news about Savannah’s death first broke, it was widely believed that there was a third person who killed Savannah and injured Lucy. But when police were unable to find evidence of anyone else on the scene, and when Lucy continued to insist that she remembered nothing about that night, the narrative began to change.
Remember Joanna Clarkson? One of Matt and Lucy’s neighbors from the Block? She spoke to me again about how suspicion started to shift to Lucy.
Joanna: Well, the scratches and bruising on Savvy’s arms were concerning, for sure. But I was still skeptical until I heard about them fighting at the wedding. And then right after that, Matt threw Lucy out of the house, and it just doesn’t get any more suspicious than that.
Ben: He threw her out? Do you know that for sure?
Joanna: I know for sure that he asked her to leave.
Ben: And this was immediately after she was released from the hospital, right?
Joanna: Right. And that is just weird timing. You do not kick your injured spouse out of the house after suffering through a trauma like that unless you think she did it. I’m sorry, I know Matt, and that is the only reason he could have done that. The only reason.
Ben: At this point, did most people you knew think that Lucy was the one who murdered Savannah?
Joanna: Everyone I knew thought that.
Ben: But the police never arrested her for the murder, correct?
Joanna: They never did. Something about not having a murder weapon, or a solid case. I don’t know. I think they were in over their heads. No offense to the Plumpton PD, but they’re used to corralling drunk tourists, not investigating murders.
Ben: But didn’t it give people pause, that there wasn’t enough evidence to arrest Lucy?
Joanna: Sure, I thought about that some. But our justice system needs evidence, witnesses. Just because someone doesn’t go to jail for something doesn’t mean they didn’t do it.
Ben: What about self-defense? Lucy was badly injured. Were there conversations about how
Lucy might have had to defend herself?
Joanna: From Savannah? That’s just nonsense. That girl was a little sweet thing. But here’s all I need to know about the situation—one of those girls is dead, and the other one immediately traipsed off to California and claimed to have acquired a convenient case of amnesia. I’m on the side of the one who ended up dead, all right? I’m on her side.
But what about a motive? Why would Lucy suddenly kill her best friend? Why were Lucy and Savannah fighting at the wedding?
Nina seemed to imply that there might have been something happening between Savannah and
Matt. Was it jealousy that could have driven Lucy to murder?
I spoke to Kyle Porter about this theory.
Kyle: Lucy told me she was pretty sure Matt was cheating on her too. I’ve hesitated to say that before, because I thought that maybe she was just justifying our affair to herself. But she told me once that she thought Matt had probably been making his way through the neighborhood.
Ben: Like, sleeping with women in their neighborhood?
Kyle: Yeah. I really don’t know if she was just trying to make herself feel better … maybe that was it. But I heard some stuff about Matt’s second marriage ending pretty quickly too, and I started to feel bad about not believing Lucy.
Lucy actually said some stuff about Matt that I’ve been reevaluating lately. Like, one time Matt texted her while we were together and she got this weird look on her face. I asked what was up and she said, “Just my husband telling me what an idiot I am.” And another time she said something like, “Matt prefers I don’t talk when we hang out with friends.” I sort of just brushed those off, thinking she was exaggerating, but I think the guy was kind of a jerk. Savvy actually said something to me once.
Ben: About Matt?
Kyle: Yeah. She knew about me and Lucy, and she said, “You can probably get her to leave Matt, if you want. That would be best for her.”
Ben: Did you? Try to get her to leave Matt?
Kyle: No. I really wasn’t looking for a relationship, especially not with a twenty-two-year- old or however old she was then. I actually ended things not long after that. Seemed like shit was getting complicated.
Ben: How did Lucy take it?
Kyle: She didn’t seem upset at all. I was almost … [laughs] I was almost insulted that she didn’t seem to care. She just shrugged and said, “If that’s what you want.” Lucy never showed much emotion, though. I think that’s why I brushed aside the stuff about Matt. Because she never seemed that upset about it.
Ben: Did you ever see her or Savannah again?
Kyle: Never Lucy, but I saw Savvy once, about a month later. She was on the street, talking to Matt.
Ben: Do you know what they were talking about?
Kyle: No, but I remember thinking it looked intimate. He had a hand on her arm, and she was standing close to him. And I was like, “Oh, that makes sense. Savvy told me to convince Lucy to leave Matt because she’s sleeping with him.” But that was just speculation.
I swear to god though, man, it looked like something. And Lucy said that Matt was sleeping his way through the neighborhood … She might have known something was up with Matt and Savvy.
Most of the people I talked to were skeptical of the jealousy theory, but none more than Emmett Chapman.
Emmett: Jealous? Of what?
Ben: Some people have speculated that Savannah and Matt were having an affair.
Emmett: Dude, that’s ridiculous.
Ben: Why?
Emmett: I never saw any evidence of that. But even if they were, why would Lucy murder
Savvy for that? I don’t think Lucy even liked Matt that much.
Ben: You don’t think Lucy liked her own husband that much?
Emmett: Uhh … shit, maybe I shouldn’t have said it like that. I just mean that their relationship was getting a little rocky.
Ben: You don’t think that Lucy might have been angry about a close friend sleeping with
Matt?
Emmett: I don’t know. Maybe? She would have been mad at Matt too though, right? And he’s still alive.
