It was different in the morning.
All the things that had seemed possible last night in the dark sounded like bad jokes when the sun was up, even inside my own head.
Did that really happen? Did I remember the words right? Had she really said those things to me? Had I really been brave enough to say the things I thought I’d said?
Her scarf—her brother’s stolen scarf—was folded on top of my backpack, and I had to keep walking over to touch it. That part was real, at least.
It was foggy and dark outside my window, absolutely perfect. She had no reason to miss school today. I dressed in layers, remembering I didn’t have my jacket and hoping I wouldn’t get soaked all the way through before I could find it again.
When I got downstairs, Charlie was gone—I was running later than I’d realized. I swallowed a granola bar in three bites, chased it down with milk straight from the carton, and then hurried out the door. Hopefully the rain would hold off until I saw Jeremy. Hopefully my jacket was still in his car.
It was really foggy; the air looked like it was filled with smoke. The mist was ice cold where it touched my face, and I couldn’t wait to get the heat going in my truck. It was such a thick fog that I was a few feet down the driveway before I realized there was another car in it: a familiar silver car. My heart did the weird double-thump thing, and I hoped I wasn’t developing some kind of aortic issue.
The passenger window was down, and she was leaning toward me, trying not to laugh at my I might be having a heart attack face.
“Would you like a ride to school?” she asked.
Though she was smiling, there was uncertainty in her voice. She didn’t mean this to be a no-brainer for me, she wanted me to really think about what I was doing. Maybe she even wanted me to say no. But that wasn’t going to happen.
“Yeah, thanks,” I said, trying to sound casual. As I ducked into the warm car, I noticed a light tan jacket slung over the headrest of the passenger seat.
“What’s this?”
“Royal’s jacket. I didn’t want you to catch a cold or something.”
I set the jacket carefully on the backseat. She didn’t seem to mind borrowing her brothers’ stuff, but who knew how they felt about it? One of the confused images I remembered from the car accident, however many weeks ago it was now, was the faces of her siblings, watching from a distance. The word that had best summed up Royal’s face was fury.
I might have a hard time being afraid of Edythe, but I didn’t think I’d have the same problem with Royal.
I pulled the scarf from my bag and laid it on top of the jacket.
“I’m good,” I told her, and thumped my fist against my chest twice. “Immune system in top form.”
She laughed, but I wasn’t sure if it was because she thought I was funny, or ridiculous. Oh well. Just as long as I got to hear her laugh.
She drove through the foggy streets, always too fast, barely looking at the road. She wasn’t wearing a jacket, either, just a pale lavender sweater with the sleeves pushed up. The sweater hugged her body, and I tried not to stare. Her hair was wound up into a twist on the back of her head—messy, with strands falling out everywhere—and the way it exposed the slender column of her neck was also distracting. I wanted to brush my fingertips down the length of her throat.…
But I had to be more careful, like she’d warned me last night. I wasn’t entirely sure what she meant, but I would do my best, because it was something she obviously needed from me. I wouldn’t do anything that would scare her away.
“What, no Twenty Questions today?” she asked me. “Was that annoying last night?”
“Not annoying, just… confusing.”
I was surprised she felt that way. It seemed like I was the one in the dark. “What does that mean?”
“Your reactions—I don’t understand them.” “My reactions?”
She glanced at me, raising an eyebrow. “Yes, Beau. When someone tells you they drink blood, you’re supposed to get upset. Make a cross with your fingers, throw holy water, run away screaming, that sort of thing.”
“Oh. Um… I’ll do better next time?”
“By all means, please work on your expressions of horror.” “Horror isn’t exactly how I’d describe last night.”
She exhaled through her nose, irritated. I didn’t know what to say.
Nothing could make me see her as something to run away from. “So, um, where’s the rest of your family?”
I didn’t actually want to think about her family. I didn’t want to deal with the idea of more vampires—vampires who weren’t Edythe. Vampires who might inspire real horror.
But the fact was that usually her car was full, and today it wasn’t. Of course, I was grateful. It was hard to imagine something that would keep me out of a car when Edythe invited me in, but a bunch of furious vampires in the backseat might complicate things.
She was just pulling into the school parking lot. Already.
“They took Royal’s car.” She gestured to a glossy red convertible with the top up as she swerved into the spot next to it. “Ostentatious, isn’t it?”
“If he’s got that, why does he ride with you?” “Like I said, it’s ostentatious. We try to blend in.”
I laughed as I opened the car door. “No offense, but you’re totally failing there.”
She rolled her eyes.
I wasn’t late anymore. Her lunatic driving had gotten us to school with time to spare. “Why did Royal drive today if it’s more conspicuous?”
“My fault—as usual, Royal would say. Haven’t you noticed, Beau? I’m breaking all the rules now.”
She met me at the front of the car, staying very close to my side as we walked onto campus. I wanted to close that little distance, to reach out and touch her hand again, to put my arm around her shoulders, but I was afraid
that wouldn’t be careful enough for her.
“Why do you even have cars like that?” I wondered aloud. “If you’re looking for privacy, there are plenty of used Hondas available.”
“It’s an indulgence,” she admitted with a little half-smile. “We all like to drive fast.”
“Of course,” I muttered.
Under the shelter of the cafeteria roof’s overhang, Jeremy was waiting with his eyes popping out again. Over his arm was my jacket.
“Hey, Jer,” I called when we were a few feet away. “Thanks for bringing that.”
He handed me the jacket without speaking.
“Good morning, Jeremy,” Edythe said politely. I could tell she wasn’t trying to overwhelm him, but even her smallest smile was hard to take in stride.
“Er… hi.” Jeremy shifted his wide eyes to me, trying to reorder his scrambled brains. “Guess I’ll see you in Trig.”
“Yeah, see you then.”
He walked away, pausing to glance back at us twice. “What are you going to tell him?” she murmured.
“Huh?” I looked at her, then at Jeremy’s back. “Oh. What’s he thinking?”
Her mouth pulled to one side. “I don’t know if it’s entirely ethical for me to tell you that.…”
“What’s not ethical is for you to hoard your unfair advantages for yourself.”
She grinned a mischievous smile. “He wants to know if we’re secretly dating. And exactly which base you’ve gotten to with me.”
The blood rushed to my face so fast I was sure it was beet red before a full second had passed.
She looked away, her face suddenly as uncomfortable as mine felt. She took a small step away from me and gritted her teeth.
It took me a minute to realize that the flush that embarrassed me so much was probably something else entirely to her.
That helped cool me down. “Um, what should I say?”
She started walking, and I followed, not paying attention to where she
was leading.
After a second, she looked up at me, her face relaxed and smiling again. “That’s a good question. I can’t wait to hear what you come up with.”
“Edythe…”
She grinned, and then her little hand shot up and brushed a piece of hair off my forehead. Just as quickly her hand was back at her side. My heart spluttered like it was in actual distress.
“See you at lunch,” she said, brandishing the dimples.
I stood there like I’d been Tasered while she pivoted and walked off in the other direction.
After a second, I recovered enough to see that I was standing right outside the English classroom. Three people had paused by the doorway, staring at me with varying shades of surprise and awe. I ducked my head and brushed past them into the room.
Was Jeremy really going to ask me that? Would Edythe really be eavesdropping on my reaction?
“Morning, Beau.”
McKayla was already in her normal seat. Her greeting wasn’t as enthusiastic as I was used to. She was smiling, but it felt like a polite thing, not like she was really happy to see me.
“Hey, McKayla. Uh, how’re things?” “Good. How was the movie last night?”
“Oh, right, yeah. I didn’t actually see it. I got lost and…” “Yeah, I heard,” she said.
I blinked, startled. “How?”
“I saw Jeremy before school.” “Oh.”
“He said you didn’t miss much. The movie was lame.” “That’s good, I guess.”
She was suddenly really interested in her fingernails. She started chipping the purple paint off one. “Did you have, like, plans before you went? I mean, Jeremy thought you might have, and I wondered—why even go through the charade, you know?”
“No, no, I was totally planning on the movie. I didn’t expect that… I would get lost and… stuff.”
McKayla sniffed once like she didn’t believe me, and then looked up at
the clock. Ms. Mason was working on something at her desk and didn’t seem in a hurry to start class.
“That was really cool that you went out with Jeremy on Monday,” I said, changing the subject. “He said it was great.” Or I was sure he would have, if I’d asked about it.
She looked at her nails again, but her ears started to turn a little pink. “He did?” she asked in a completely different tone.
“Yeah.” I dropped my voice to a whisper. “Remember, I didn’t tell you anything. Like, I totally didn’t tell you that he thinks you’re the coolest girl he’s ever known.”
Her ears were even pinker now. “Man code. Right.” “I said nothing.”
She finally smiled a real smile.
Ms. Mason got up then and asked us to open our books.
I thought maybe I was off the hook with McKayla, but when class was over, I saw her and Erica exchange a look, and then McKayla was picking at her nails again while we walked outside.
“So,” she said.
“Yeah?”
“I was just curious if, you know, we were going to see you at the dance after all? Like, you could totally hang with our group, if you wanted to.”
“The dance?” I looked at her blankly. “No. No, I’m still going to Seattle.”
She seemed surprised, but then she relaxed. “Okay. Oh well. Maybe we can get a group thing together for prom. Share a limo.”
I stopped walking.
“Uh, I wasn’t really planning on prom.…”
“Really? Shocking!” McKayla laughed. “You might want to mention it to Taylor, though. She says you’re taking her.”
I felt my jaw fall open. McKayla cracked up. “That’s what I thought,” she said.
“Are you serious?” I demanded when I had control of my face again. “I mean, she was probably joking.”
“Logan and Jeremy were talking about getting started early and putting together a big thing for prom, and then Taylor said she was out because she already had plans—with you. That’s why Logan’s being so… you know…
about you. He has a thing for Taylor. I figure you deserved a heads-up. After all, you broke the man code for me.”
“What am I supposed to do?” “Tell her you’re not taking her.”
“I can’t just… What would I even say?”
She smiled like she was enjoying this. “Man up, Beau. Or rent a tux.
Your choice.”
So I didn’t get much out of Government after that. Was it really my responsibility to uninvite Taylor to the prom? I tried to remember what I’d said to her in the parking lot when she’d asked me to the girls’ choice. I was almost positive I had not agreed to anything.
The sky was like lead as I walked to Trig, dark gray and kind of heavy- looking. Last week, I would have found it depressing. Today I smiled. There was something better than sunshine.
When I saw Jeremy sitting by an empty desk in the back row, watching the door, waiting for me, I remembered that Taylor wasn’t the only problem I had right now. My neck started feeling warm, and I wished I’d kept the scarf.
There was another open chair two rows forward… but it was probably better to get this over with and be done with it.
Ms. Varner wasn’t in the room yet. What was with all the tardy teachers today? It was like nobody even cared if we were educated.
I sat next to Jeremy. He didn’t keep me waiting.
“Dang, son,” he said. “Who knew you had that kind of game?” I rolled my eyes. “I have no game.”
“Please.” He punched my arm. “Edythe Cullen. C’mon. How did you swing that?”
“I didn’t do anything.”
“How long has this been happening? Is it some kind of secret? Like, she doesn’t want her family to know? Is that why you pretended you were going to the movie with us?”
“I wasn’t pretending anything. I had no idea she was in Port Angeles last night. She was the last person I expected to see.”
He seemed deflated by my obvious honesty.
“Have you ever been out with her before last night?” “Never.”
“Huh. Just a total coincidence?” “I guess.”
It was obvious when I was telling the truth—and obvious when I was evading it. The suspicious, knowing look came back to his face.
“Because, you know, it’s not a secret that you’ve been, like, obsessed with her since you got here.”
I winced. “It’s not?”
“So, I have to wonder how you turned that around. Do you have a genie in a lamp? Did you find some blackmail on her? Or did you trade your soul to the devil or something?”
“Whatever, man.”
“Exactly how much did you get in the bargain? Bet it was a pretty wild night, eh?”
I was starting to get pissed, but I knew he would twist whatever reaction I showed to make it seem like something else.
I answered calmly, “It was an early night. Home by eight.” “Are you serious?”
“It was just dinner and a ride home, Jeremy.”
“What about this morning, though? You were still with her.” “Still? No! What—you thought she was with me all night?” “She wasn’t?”
“No.”
“But you were in her car—”
“She picked me up for school this morning.” “Why?”
“I have no idea. She offered me a ride. I wasn’t going to say no.” “And that’s it?”
I shrugged.
“Really? Please tell me you at least made out with her—anything.” I scowled at him. “It’s not like that.”
He made a disgusted face. “That is, hands down, the most disappointing story I’ve ever heard in my entire life. I take back everything I said about your game. Obviously, it’s just some pity thing.”
“Yeah, probably.”
“Maybe I should try to look more pathetic. If that’s what Edythe is into.” “Go for it.”
“It won’t take her long to get bored with you, I bet.”
My façade slipped for a second. He caught the change and grinned, a little smug.
“Yeah,” I said. “I’m sure you’re right.”
Ms. Varner showed up then, and the general chatter started to die down while she began writing equations across the board.
“You know what, though?” Jeremy said under his breath. “I think I’d rather be with a normal girl.”
I was already irritated. I didn’t like the way he talked about Edythe in general, and the way he said normal really bugged me. No, Edythe wasn’t normal, but that wasn’t because, like his tone seemed to imply, she was something… off or wrong. She was beyond normal, above it. Surpassing it by so much that normal and Edythe weren’t even on the same plane of existence.
“That’s probably for the best,” I muttered in a hard voice. “Keep your expectations low.”
He shot me a startled look, but I turned to face the teacher. I could feel him staring at me suspiciously again, until Ms. Varner noticed and called on him for an answer. He started flipping spastically through his book, trying to figure out what she’d asked him.
Jeremy walked ahead of me on the way to Spanish, but I didn’t care. I was still annoyed. He didn’t talk to me again until the end of class when I started shoving my books—a little too enthusiastically—into my backpack.
“You’re not sitting with us at lunch today, are you?”
His face was suspicious again, and more guarded now. Obviously, he’d thought I’d be eager to show off, to sell Edythe out to make myself look cooler. After all, Jeremy and I had been friends for a little while. Guys told each other this kind of stuff. It was probably part of the man code thing I’d invented. He’d assumed my loyalty would be with him… but now he knew he was wrong.
“Um, not sure,” I said. No point in being overconfident. I remembered too clearly what it felt like whenever she disappeared. I didn’t want to jinx myself.
He walked off without waiting for me, but then he did a little stutter step and paused on the threshold of the classroom.
“Seriously, what the hell,” Jeremy said loud enough that I could hear
him—as did everyone else within a ten-foot radius.
He glanced back at me, shook his head, then stalked away.
I was in a hurry to get out the door—to see what that was about—but so was everyone else. One by one, they all stopped to look back at me before exiting. By the time I got out, I didn’t know what to expect. Irrationally, I was half-expecting to see Taylor in a sparkly prom dress and tiara.
But outside the door to my Spanish class, leaning against the wall— looking a thousand times more beautiful than anyone had a right to— Edythe was waiting for me. Her wide gold eyes looked amused, and the corners of her lips were right on the point of smiling. Her hair was still coiled up in that messy twist, and I had the oddest urge to reach down and pull the pins out of it.
“Hello, Beau.”
“Hi.”
Part of me was aware we had an audience, but I was past caring. “Hungry?” she asked.
“Sure.” Actually, I had no idea if I was. My whole body felt like it was being electrocuted in a strange and very pleasant way. My nerves couldn’t process more than that.
She turned toward the cafeteria, swinging her bag into place. “Hey, let me get that for you,” I offered.
She looked up at me with doe eyes. “Does it look too heavy for me?” “Well, I mean…”
“Sure,” she said. She slid the bag down her arm and then held it out to me, very deliberately using just the tip of her pinkie finger.
“Er, thanks,” I said, and she let the strap fall into my hand.
I guess I should have known it would be twice as heavy as my own. I caught it before it could hit the sidewalk, then hefted it over my free shoulder.
“Do you always bring your own cinder blocks to school?”
She laughed. “Archie asked me to grab a few things for him this morning.”
“Is Archie your favorite brother?”
She looked at me. “It’s not nice to have favorites.” “Only child,” I said. “I’m everyone’s favorite.”
“It shows. Anyway, why do you think that?”
“Seems like you talk about him most easily.”
She thought about that for a moment but didn’t comment.
Once we were in the cafeteria, I followed her to the food line. I couldn’t help staring at the back corner of the cafeteria the way I did every day. Her family was all present and accounted for, paying attention only to each other. They either didn’t notice Edythe with me, or they didn’t care. I thought about the idea Jeremy had come up with—that Edythe and I were seeing each other in secret to keep it from her family’s notice. It didn’t look like she was hiding anything from them, but I couldn’t help but wonder what they thought about me.
I wondered what I thought about them.
Just then Archie looked up and smiled across the room at me. Automatically, I smiled back, then glanced down to see if he’d actually meant the smile for Edythe. She was aware of him, but she wasn’t responding in kind. She looked sort of angry. My eyes cut back and forth between the two of them as they had some kind of silent conversation. First, Archie smiled wider, showing off teeth so white they were bright even across the length of the room. Edythe raised her eyebrows in a sort of challenge, her upper lip curling back just a tiny bit. He rolled his eyes to the ceiling and held his hands up like he was saying I surrender. Edythe turned her back to him and moved forward in the line. She grabbed a tray and started loading it up.
“I’m pretty close with all my family, but Archie and I do have the most in common,” she said, finally answering my question in a low voice. I had to duck my head down to hear her. “Some days he’s really annoying, though.”
I glanced back at him; he was laughing now. Though he wasn’t looking at us, I thought he might be laughing at her.
I was paying so much attention to this little exchange that I didn’t notice what she had on the tray till the lunch lady was ringing us up.
“That’ll be twenty-four thirty-three,” she said.
“What?” I looked down at the tray and then did a double take.
Edythe was already paying, and then gliding off toward the table where we’d sat together last week.
“Hey,” I hissed, jogging a few steps to catch up with her. “I can’t eat all that.”
“Half is for me, of course.”
She sat down and pushed the overflowing tray to the center of the table. I raised my eyebrows. “Really.”
“Take whatever you want.”
I sank into the seat across from her, letting the dead weight of her bag slide to the floor with mine. At the other end of the long table, a group of seniors watched her with wide eyes.
“I’m curious. What would you do if someone dared you to eat food?” “You’re always curious.” She made a face, then daintily tore the tip off a
piece of pizza, popped it in her mouth, and started chewing with a martyred expression. After a second, she swallowed, then gave me a superior look.
“If someone dared you to eat dirt, you could, couldn’t you?” she asked. I grinned at her. “I did once… on a dare. It wasn’t so bad.”
“Somehow, I’m not surprised. Here.” She shoved the rest of the pizza to me.
I took a bite. I wondered if it really tasted like dirt to her. It wasn’t the best pizza I’d ever had, but it was decent. While I was chewing, she glanced over my shoulder and laughed.
I swallowed quickly. “What?” “You’ve got Jeremy so confused.” “Tough.”
“He really let his mind run wild when he saw you get out of my car.” I shrugged and took another bite.
She tilted her head to the side. “Do you truly agree with him?”
I had to swallow fast again, and I almost choked. She half-rose, but I held my hand up and recovered. “I’m fine. Agree with him about what?”
“Why I’m here with you.”
It took me a minute to think through the conversation. I remembered things I hoped she hadn’t been paying attention to—like the fact that apparently everyone knew I’d been obsessed with her from day one.
“I’m not sure what you mean.”
She frowned. “Obviously, it’s just some pity thing?” she quoted.
I was surprised that she looked irritated. “It’s as good an explanation as any.”
“And I’ll be getting bored soon, will I?”
That one stung a little—this was my biggest fear, and it seemed all too
likely—but I tried to hide it with another shrug. “Beau, you’re being ridiculous again.”
“Am I?”
She smiled a funny half-smile, half-frown. “There are several things I am currently worried about. Boredom is not one of them.” She cocked her head to the side, her eyes drilling into mine. “Don’t you believe me?”
“Um, sure, I guess. If you say so.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Well, that was an overwhelming affirmative.”
I took another bite of pizza, chewing slowly and deliberately this time. She waited, watching me with the intense little scowl that I knew meant she was trying to get inside my head. When I took a second bite without speaking, she blew an angry breath out her nose.
“I truly loathe it when you do that.”
I took a second to swallow. “What? Not tell you every single stupid thought that passes through my head?”
I could tell she wanted to smile, but she didn’t give in. “Precisely.”
“I don’t know what to say. Do I think you’ll get bored with me? Yeah, I do. I honestly don’t know why you’re still here. But I was trying not to say that out loud, because I didn’t want to point something out that you might not have thought of yet.”
The smile escaped. “So very true. I never would have realized it myself, but now that you mention it, I really ought to be moving along. That Jeremy suddenly seems alluringly pathetic—” And then she cut off and the smile vanished. “Beau? You know that I’m joking.”
I wondered what my face was doing. I nodded.
Her forehead creased. After a second, she hesitantly stretched her arm across the table toward me, leaving her hand in easy reach.
I covered it with mine.
She smiled, but then she winced. “Sorry,” I said, pulling away.
“No,” she objected. “It’s not you. Here.”
As carefully as if my hand were blown from the thinnest glass, she rested her fingers on my palm. Copying her caution, I folded my hand gently around them.
“What was wrong just now?” I half-whispered.
“Many different reactions.” Her forehead wrinkled again. “Royal has a
particularly strident mental voice.”
I couldn’t help it; I automatically glanced across the room, and then was very sorry I had.
Royal was glaring daggers at Edythe’s unprotected back, and Eleanor, across from him, was turned around to glower at Edythe, too. When I looked, Royal shifted his furious eyes to me.
My eyes darted to Edythe, the hair standing up on the back of my arms, but she was glaring back at Royal now, her upper lip pulled back off her teeth in a menacing scowl. To my surprise, Eleanor turned around at once and Royal dropped his threatening stare. He looked down at the table with a suddenly sulky expression.
Archie looked like he was enjoying it all hugely. Jessamine never turned.
“Did I just piss off—” I swallowed before I could finish. A bunch of vampires?
“No,” she said fiercely, then sighed. “But I did.”
I glanced at Royal again for a fraction of a second. He hadn’t moved. “Look, are you in trouble because of me? What can I do?” The memory of his livid eyes trained on her small body had a wave of panic rolling through me.
She shook her head and smiled. “You don’t need to worry about me,” she reassured me, a little smug. “I’m not saying that Royal couldn’t take me in a fair fight, but I am saying that I never have fought fair and I don’t intend to start now. He knows better than to try anything with me.”
“Edythe…”
She laughed. “A joke. It’s really nothing, Beau. Normal sibling issues.
An only child couldn’t understand.” “If you say so.”
“I do.”
I looked at our hands, still folded so very carefully together. It was the first time I’d really held her hand, but wrapped up in the wonder of that was the memory of why she’d offered it to me in the first place.
“Back to what you were thinking,” she said, as if she could read my thoughts.
I sighed.
“Would it help if you knew you weren’t the only one who had been
accused of obsession?”
I groaned. “You heard that, too. Great.”
She laughed. “I was entranced from start to finish.” “Sorry,” I said.
“Why are you apologizing? It makes me feel better to know I’m not the only one.”
I stared at her, skeptical.
“Let me put it this way.” She pursed her lips thoughtfully. “Though you are the one person I can’t be sure about, I’d still be willing to place a very large wager that I spend more time thinking about you than you do about me.”
“Ha,” I laughed, startled. “You would totally lose that bet.”
She raised an eyebrow and then spoke so low that I had to lean in to hear. “Ah, but you’re only conscious for roughly sixteen hours in any given twenty-four-hour period. That gives me quite a lead, don’t you think?”
“You’re not factoring in dreams, though.”
She sighed. “Do nightmares count as dreams?”
Red started creeping up my neck. “When I dream about you… it’s definitely not a nightmare.”
Her mouth opened just a tiny bit in surprise, and her face was suddenly vulnerable. “Really?” she asked.
It was obvious that she was pleased, so I said, “Every single night.”
She closed her eyes for just a minute, but when she opened them, her smile was teasing again.
“REM cycles are the shortest of all the sleep stages. I’m still hours ahead.”
I frowned. It was difficult to process. “You really think about me?” “Why is that hard for you to believe?”
“Well, look at me,” I said, unnecessarily, as she already was. “I’m absolutely ordinary—well, except for bad things like all the near-death experiences and being so uncoordinated that I can barely walk. And look at you.” I waved my free hand toward her and all her unsettling perfection.
She smiled a slow smile. It started small but ended with the full array of dimples—like the grand finale at the end of a fireworks show on the Fourth of July.
“I can’t argue with you about the bad things.”
“Well, there you go.”
“But you’re the least ordinary person I’ve ever met.”
Our eyes held for a long moment. Mine searched hers, as I tried to believe she could see something important enough to keep her here. It always felt like she was just about to slip away, to disappear like she was only a myth after all.
“But why…” I didn’t know how to phrase it. She tilted her head, waiting.
“Last night…” I stopped and shook my head.
She frowned. “Do you do that on purpose? The unfinished thought as a way to drive me mad?”
“I don’t know if I can explain it right.” “Please try.”
I took a deep breath. “Okay. You’re claiming I don’t bore you and you aren’t thinking of moving on to Jeremy anytime soon.”
She nodded, fighting a grin.
“But last night… it was like…” She was anxious now. The rest came out in a rush. “Like you were already looking for a way to say goodbye.”
“Perceptive,” she whispered. And there was the anguish again, surfacing as she confirmed my worst fear.
Her fingers ever so gently squeezed mine. “Those two things are unrelated, however.” “Which two things?”
“The depth of my feelings for you, and the necessity of leaving. Well, they are related, but inversely.”
The necessity of leaving. My stomach plunged. “I don’t understand.”
She stared into my eyes again, and hers burned, mesmerizing. Her voice was barely audible. “The more I care about you, the more crucial it is that I find a way to… keep you safe. From me. Leaving would be the right thing to do.”
I shook my head. “No.”
She took a deep breath, and her eyes seemed to darken in an odd way. “Well, I wasn’t very good at leaving you alone when I tried. I don’t know how to do it.”
“Will you do me a favor? Stop trying to figure that one out.”
She half-smiled. “I suppose, given the frequency of your near-death
experiences, it’s actually safer for me to stay close.”
“True story. You never know when another rogue van might attack.” She frowned.
“You’re still going to Seattle with me, right? Lots of vans in Seattle.
Waiting in ambush around literally every corner.”
“Actually, I have a question for you on that subject. Did you really need to go to Seattle this Saturday, or was that just an excuse to get out of saying a definitive no to your bevy of admirers?”
“Um.”
“That’s what I thought.”
“You know, you actually put me in kind of a difficult position with the whole thing in the parking lot with Taylor.”
“You mean because you’re taking her to prom now?”
My mouth fell open, and then I ground my teeth together. She was trying not to laugh now. “Oh, Beau.”
I could tell there was more. “What?” “She already has her dress.”
I had no words for that.
She must have read the panic in my eyes. “It could be worse—she actually bought it before she claimed you for the date. It was secondhand, also, not a large investment. She couldn’t pass up the deal.”
I still couldn’t talk. She squeezed my hand again. “You’ll figure it out.” “I don’t do dances,” I said sadly.
“If I’d asked you to the spring dance, would you have told me no?”
I looked at her long gold eyes and tried to imagine refusing her anything she wanted. “Probably not, but I would have found a reason to cancel later. I would have broken my leg if I had to.”
She looked mystified. “Why would you do that?”
I shook my head sadly. “You’ve never seen me in Gym, I guess, but I would have thought you would understand.”
“Are you referring to the fact that you can’t walk across a flat, stable surface without finding something to trip over?”
“Got it in one.”
“I’m a very good teacher, Beau.”
“I don’t think coordination is a learnable skill.”
She shook her head. “Back to the question. Must you go to Seattle, or
would you mind if we did something different?”
As long as the we part was in, I didn’t care about anything else.
“I’m open to alternatives,” I allowed. “But I do have another favor to ask.”
She looked wary, like she always did when I asked an open-ended question. “What?”
“Can I drive?”
She frowned. “Why?”
“Well, mostly because you’re a terrifying driver. But also because I told Charlie I was going alone, and I don’t want him to get curious.”
She rolled her eyes. “Of all the things about me that could frighten you, you worry about my driving.” She shook her head in disgust, but then her eyes were serious again. “Won’t you want to tell your father that you’re spending the day with me?” There was an undercurrent to her question that I didn’t understand.
“With Charlie, less is always more.” I was definite about that. “Where are we going, anyway?”
“Archie says the weather will be nice, so I’ll be staying out of the public eye… and you can stay with me, if you’d like to.” Again, she was leaving the choice up to me.
“And you’ll show me what you meant, about the sun?” I asked, excited by the idea of solving another of the unknowns.
“Yes.” She smiled, then hesitated. “But if you don’t want to be… alone with me, I’d still rather you didn’t go to Seattle by yourself. I shudder to think of all the vans.”
“As it happens, I don’t mind being alone with you.”
“I know,” she sighed. “You should tell Charlie, though.”
I shook my head at the thought of explaining my personal life to Charlie. “Why on earth would I do that?”
Her eyes were suddenly fierce. “To give me some small incentive to bring you back.”
I waited for her to relax. When she didn’t, I said, “I’ll take my chances.” She exhaled angrily, and looked away.
“So that’s settled. New topic?”
My attempt to change the subject didn’t help much.
“What do you want to talk about?” she asked through her teeth, still
annoyed.
I glanced around us, making sure we were well out of anyone’s hearing. In the back corner, Archie was leaning forward, talking to Jessamine. Eleanor sat beside her, but Royal was gone.
“Why did you go to that Goat Rocks place last weekend… to hunt?
Charlie said it wasn’t a good place to hike, because of bears.” She stared at me as if I was missing something very obvious. “Bears?” I gasped.
She smirked.
“You know, bears are not in season,” I added sternly, to cover my shock. “If you read carefully, the laws only cover hunting with weapons,” she
informed me.
She watched my face with enjoyment as that slowly sank in. “Bears?” I repeated with difficulty.
“Grizzly is Eleanor’s favorite.” Her voice was still offhand, but her eyes were scrutinizing my reaction. I tried to pull myself together.
“Hmmm,” I said, taking another bite of pizza as an excuse to look down.
I chewed slowly, then swallowed.
“So,” I said after a moment. “What’s your favorite?”
She raised an eyebrow and the corners of her mouth turned down like she didn’t approve of my question. “Mountain lion.”
“Sure, that makes sense.” I nodded, like she’d just said something totally normal.
“Of course”—her tone mirrored mine, nothing out of the ordinary—“we have to be careful not to impact the environment with injudicious hunting. We try to focus on areas with an overpopulation of predators—ranging as far away as we need. There are always plenty of deer and elk here, and they’ll do, but where’s the fun in that?”
She smiled.
“So not fun,” I murmured around another bite of pizza.
“Early spring is El’s favorite bear season—they’re just coming out of hibernation, so they’re more irritable.” She smiled at some remembered joke.
“Nothing better than an irritated grizzly bear,” I agreed, nodding.
She laughed, then shook her head. “Tell me what you’re really thinking, please.”
“I’m trying to picture it—but I can’t,” I admitted. “How do you hunt a bear without weapons?”
“Oh, we have weapons.” She flashed her bright teeth with a wide grin that wasn’t really a smile. “Just not the kind they consider when writing hunting laws. If you’ve ever seen a bear attack on television, you should be able to visualize Eleanor hunting.”
I glanced across the cafeteria toward Eleanor, grateful that she wasn’t looking my way. The long, smooth lines of muscle that ran down her arms and legs were suddenly much more than intimidating. I pictured her gripping under the edge of a mountain, then lifting…
Edythe followed my gaze and chuckled. I stared back at her, unnerved. “Is it dangerous?” I asked in a low voice. “Do you ever get hurt?”
Her laughter pealed like a bell. “Oh, Beau. About as dangerous as your slice.”
I looked at the pizza crust and said, “Yikes. So… are you… like a bear attack?”
“More like the lion, or so they tell me,” she said lightly. “Perhaps our preferences are indicative.”
“Perhaps,” I repeated. I tried to smile, but my mind was struggling to fit the paradoxical images together, and failing. “Is that something I might get to see?”
“Never!” she whispered. Her face turned even whiter than usual, and her eyes were suddenly horrified. She pulled her hand gently from mine and wrapped her arms tightly around her body.
My hand lay there empty on the table, numb from the cold. “What did I say?” I asked.
She closed her eyes for a moment, regaining control. When she met my stare at last, she looked angry. “I almost wish it were possible. You don’t seem to understand the realities present. It might be beneficial for you to see exactly how dangerous I actually am.”
“Okay, then, why not?” I pressed, trying to ignore her hard expression. She glared at me for a long minute.
“Later,” she finally said. She was on her feet in one lithe movement. “We’re going to be late.”
I glanced around, startled to see that she was right and the cafeteria was nearly vacant. When I was with her, the time and the place were such minor
details that I completely lost track of both. I jumped up, grabbing our bags from the floor.
“Later, then,” I agreed. I wouldn’t forget.
