‘I want a word with you, Jonathon Kavanagh,’ Mam announced, stalking into my bedroom with a basket of folded laundry in her arms. ‘Right now.’
‘Jesus Christ, Ma!’ Scrambling for the towel I had discarded when I stepped out of my ensuite, I wrapped it around my waist and gaped at her. ‘Did you ever hear of knocking?’
‘I’m your mother, Johnny. I housed you in my body for nine months, so no, I don’t believe in knocking,’ she shot back, unfazed. ‘And stop fidgeting around, will you? There’s nothing you have underneath that towel that I haven’t washed, wiped, and talcum powered.’
Jesus Christ…
‘Now.’ Setting the basket down on my bed, she turned to stare at me, hands on her hips. ‘Is there something you want to tell me?’
‘Like what?’
‘It’ll be better for you in the long run if you just confess now,’ she told me, eyes narrowed.
My mouth fell open.
Was she serious?
What the fuck did I do?
‘Is this about training?’ I asked, confused. ‘Because you heard Dr. Quirke. I’m allowed to attend light sessions starting this week.’ I had been given the all clear by not one but three different doctors last week. I had been put through fitness evaluations, strength training, pelvic examinations, and a whole heap of other bullshit before they finally deemed me fit enough to return to the pitch.
‘No,’ Mam replied evenly. ‘Try again.’
I frowned. ‘It’s not about training?’
‘Nope.’
My brows shot up. ‘Are you sure?’
‘Positive.’
I scratched the back of my head. ‘Is it about rugby?’
‘Last chance,’ Mam said, tapping her foot on the floor. ‘Make me proud.’
‘I would if I knew what I’m supposed to say,’ I choked out, feeling nervous.
‘Well then,’ Mam said in that tone of voice that sent shivers down my spine. ‘Let me give you a little hint.’ Shoving her hand into the laundry basket, she yanked out a white, cotton bra. ‘Imagine my surprise when I was hoovering your room yesterday and found this under your bed.’
Aw shite…
Dangling Shannon’s bra from her fingers, Mam arched a brow. ‘Care to explain?’
‘Would you believe me if I told you that was mine?’ I offered weakly.
‘It’s not your size,’ Mam growled before taking aim at me with the bra. ‘In my house!’ she wailed, slapping me over the head with Shannon’s bra. ‘And then I went to tidy your bedside locker, and guess what I found in your drawer?’ She took another swipe at me with the bra. ‘A box of condoms!’
‘Unopened because I didn’t do anything –’ Diving into damage control mode, I tightened my hold on my towel and ducked around her. ‘Ma, we didn’t have sex, I swear to god!’
‘I’m taking the lock off your door,’ she warned. ‘I mean it, Johnny. You can’t be trusted.’
‘Fine,’ I strangled out, backing up as she prowled towards me. ‘I don’t need it, because I’m not doing anything.’
‘Then why was your girlfriend’s bra under your bed?’ Mam demanded. ‘Huh?’
‘She got changed in here after school a few weeks back,’ I lied through my teeth. ‘She must have forgot to pack it in her bag.’
‘Is that so?’
‘Yes! That is so.’ Feigning hurt and outrage, I glared at my mother. ‘Jesus, Ma, I can’t believe you’d think so little of me.’ Huffing out a breath, I added, ‘I know I’m not perfect, but knowing my own mother thinks that about me really hurts.’
Mam narrowed her eyes. ‘Don’t you play mind games with me, Brains. I taught you everything you know, you little pup!’
Fuck.
‘Look, we haven’t had sex,’ I said evenly, keeping my eyes on Mam, hoping like hell she’d believe me and release her death grip on Shannon’s bra. ‘I promise, Ma. We haven’t.’ I held my breath and waited for her to make her next move.
‘I just want you to be safe,’ Mam finally said with a heavy sigh as she sank down on the edge of my bed. ‘No, scratch that. I want to go back in time so that you’re ten year’s old again.’
‘I’m not ten,’ I replied, edging closer with caution. ‘I’m eighteen next month.’
‘Ugh, don’t remind me,’ she wailed, shoulders slumping. ‘The years are going by too fast.’
‘It’ll be alright, Ma,’ I assured her, not knowing what else to say. ‘Don’t be getting upset.’
‘It’s all happening now,’ she continued to weep. ‘You’re back to training this week, and you have a girlfriend. One of these days, I’m going to blink and you’ll be gone on me. Off to France with the rugby. And then what?’
‘Come on, Ma,’ I coaxed, sitting down beside her. ‘I don’t even know if I’m going to make the squad this year.’
‘I know you will,’ she replied, resting her cheek on my arm. ‘And I’ll be so proud of you.’
‘Then why are you sad?’
‘Because you’re my baby.’ She sighed heavily. ‘And it’s hard to watch you fly from the nest.’
‘I’m not jumping any nest,’ I shot back. ‘I’d die on my own.’
‘Johnny,’ Mam admonished in a sad tone. ‘I’m being serious.’
‘So am I.’ Wrapping my arm around her, I gave her shoulder a squeeze. ‘I’m being deadly serious. I wouldn’t make it a week without you.’
She smiled. ‘You think?’
I nodded. ‘I know.’
Mam was quiet for a long moment then, before asking, ‘Are you excited for today?’ Wiping her eyes, she turned to smile up at me. ‘Your first day back on the pitch?’
‘Terrified,’ I admitted.
Concern flashed in her eyes. ‘You don’t have to go back,’ she hurried to say. ‘If you’re not ready, I can call your coaches–’
‘I am ready,’ I cut her off by saying. ‘I’m just worried.’
‘About what, love?’
‘Not being the same,’ I muttered. Not being good enough.
‘You know how I feel about the rugby,’ Mam said. ‘I’ve never made any secret of it, but you should know that I support you one hundred and fifty percent. I know you’re brilliant, love, and I know you’re going places. You’re a phenomenal player, and you need to remember that. It’s okay to be nervous. You’ve had a hard few months with your surgery and recovery, but know that there are other boys out there who would kill to play like you do on your worst days.’
‘You really think that?’
‘I’ve been on the sidelines watching you play since you were in the minis in Blackrock,’ Mam replied. ‘And I can’t count the number of coaches and other parents who have come up to me, telling me that my boy was destined for the green jersey.’ Smiling, she added, ‘I’ve always been proud of you, love, and I’ve always known you were brilliant.’
‘You’ve never said any of that before,’ I mused, scratching my jaw.
Mam smirked. ‘Because I’m still holding out hope that you’ll take up golf instead.’
‘I doubt it, Ma.’ I shrugged sheepishly. ‘Sorry.’
‘Well, just keep your brain safe out there,’ she muttered, standing up. ‘Don’t be letting any of those thugs hit you on the head.’
‘I’ll do my best,’ I laughed.
‘And no more naked Shannon in your room,’ she added, giving me a scathing look as she tossed the bra on my lap. ‘For clothes changing or anything else.’
