You have to drag your leg,” Emma said. “Why?”
“Because you’re dead? And you have to amble.”
I grinned. “I’m not sure I know what ambling is. Can you show me?
Give me your best amble?”
Emma crossed her arms, trying not to smile. “You know how zombies walk, Justin. Walk like that.”
“Should I moan? With my arms out? Sort of drool a little bit?”
“Feel free to use any artistic interpretation of a zombie that you want. All I care about is that you walk zombie speed. This has to be an accurate experiment.”
Emma bet me that she could survive a zombie apocalypse. She said zombies were slow and easy to outrun. I said they’re slow but steady and that’s how they get you. She said we should try it, so here we were at almost midnight in front of Neil’s mansion getting ready to prove my point.
The night wasn’t what I’d planned, but it ended up great anyway.
I don’t know what the heck Emma had said to Sarah, but my sister was in a good mood for the first time in—I couldn’t even remember how long. She emerged from the bathroom with Emma with blue-and-purple hair and a new attitude. Not the outcome I’d expected after the way the night had started but I’d take it.
After we finished with the lice, I set up the blanket in the backyard. With the landscaping Mom did, it was pretty nice back there with its hanging lights, citronella candles, and magnolia trees. I ordered a pizza, connected my phone to a Bluetooth speaker, and poured the wine I brought, and
Emma and I hung out and talked. Mom had a giant Jenga and we set that up and played a few rounds.
One of the onlookers from the fake bridge proposal had offered to send me the picture he got. It was a shot of me on one knee and Emma looking surprised, the Toilet King on her shirt in clear view. It was hilarious. We cracked up about it all night and made it our screensavers.
“Okay. So where do we start?” I asked.
Emma looked around. “How about you start from across the street. I’ll be getting out of the car. You have until the dock to catch me.”
“All right. I’d just like to point out though that if I do catch you, there’s no way you’d outrun a real one in the great uprising.”
“Noted. But you won’t catch me.” She smirked and got into the passenger seat and shut the door.
I smiled and jogged across the street and waited. When she jumped out of my Acura, I started after her.
She left the door to the car open. Smart. Saved time not closing it and I had to go around it, which bought her a few seconds. She was making good progress and I was beginning to think she might actually get away, until she hit the grass. Her sandal flew off. She looked over her shoulder at me. “Shit! Shit shit shit shit shit!”
I ambled closer and made a moaning sound, trying not to laugh, and she got frantic. She left it—and then her heel slipped out of the other one. She kicked that off too and started to run again and bolted around the side of the garage.
I thought for sure I’d lost her this time, but when I rounded the corner, I practically crashed right into her. She’d dropped her phone and went back for it. Rookie move.
When she saw me, she abandoned her cell in the grass and spun to get away from me, but I grabbed her by the waist. She shrieked and tried to wiggle out of my arms, but I pulled her closer. Both of us were laughing our asses off. I had her from behind and I put my mouth down on her neck and bit her gently. “You’re dead,” I whispered.
She giggled and turned in my arms to face me, her hands on my chest, the Toilet King pressed between us. We were both cracking up.
“Look at you,” I said. “Thirty seconds into the zompoc and you’ve already lost your shoes, your phone, and you’ve been bitten.”
She beamed up at me. “So what now?” “I guess we just wait for you to turn.”
She laughed and I felt it rumble against me.
Then her eyes dropped to my lips. My eyes dropped to hers.
“You could always kiss me while we wait,” I said, my voice low. “But it won’t count if I kiss you.”
“Well, if you only want to kiss me to check a box,” I said, talking to her mouth, “it’s better that we don’t.”
Her eyes came back up to mine. “But we’re supposed to check a box.” “Call me old-fashioned, but I want to kiss someone who wants to be
kissed.”
“I want to be kissed,” she said. “By anyone? Or me specifically.”
“You.” She smiled coyly. “Specifically.”
I narrowed my eyes. “No. I don’t believe you.” She gasped. “What?”
“If you really wanted to kiss me, you wouldn’t care who kisses who.
You would just do it.”
“Well, do you want to kiss me?”
“Yes,” I said without even thinking about it. “I do. And not to check a box either.”
She bit her lip. “Well then?”
“Well nothing. I’m officially deciding not to kiss you. You have to kiss me first. To rule out any ulterior motives.”
“Isn’t not kissing me the ulterior motive? I thought we had an arrangement. You’re not going to hold up your end of the bargain?”
She pressed her hips into mine, and I had to suck in a breath. Something mischievous flickered across her face.
She was teasing me. And it was working.
Her perfume drifted up between us. Her scent hypnotized me. Absolutely entranced me. Whatever pheromone was made for me, she had it. I felt drunk by the proximity to her.
It was dim on the side of the garage. A motion sensor light had gone on but it was toward the back of the house. It was quiet and private here. Nobody could see us.
She peered up at me, still smiling, and I wanted to kiss her so bad it
made me ache.
Her eyes went to my mouth again. “I don’t kiss men first,” she said. “They kiss me.”
“That is a very stupid rule,” I said, a little breathless. “Especially from someone who only has so much time before they’re a zombie.”
She snorted. Then she bit her lip. “Kiss me, Justin.”
“I told you,” I said, staring at her mouth. “I don’t want to check a box.”
She leaned into the erection I had growing between us and I wanted to die.
“Justin…” she said quietly. She was so close she whispered my name across my lips.
She slid a hand up my chest, around the back of my neck, and I felt her fingers curl into my hair.
Fuck… “Justinnnn…”
I put my forehead to hers and closed my eyes.
I could do this. I could stand my ground. I wouldn’t kiss her, not until I knew it was more than just a game for her.
But God, I wanted to. Everything in me screamed to do it. Everything in me screamed to do everything.
I tipped her chin up and began trailing my mouth down her neck. She sucked in air at the contact and tilted her head. I slid my hands up the back of her shorts and she arched into my body.
“Oh hell,” she breathed. Then her face came up and she finally gave me what I asked for.
The second her mouth made contact, I parted her lips, and her tongue plunged against mine and every single thing that mattered in my entire life was somehow happening on the lawn next to Neil’s garage.
I liked the way she kissed. I liked the way I kissed when I was kissing her. It was that unreal physical chemistry that you never get right on the first try, only it was right. We should have been doing this weeks ago. Day one. No way was it this good and we’d only now tried it. What a waste…
“Is it just me, or are we really good at this?” she breathed. I answered by kissing her again.
She smiled against my mouth and tugged at my belt, pulling me with her until she hit the wall of the garage and I pressed into her.
I was so hard there was no way she didn’t feel it.
Her palm slid under my shirt around my lower back and I ran a slow hand up her rib cage under her top. “Is this okay?” I whispered.
She nodded.
“Is this okay?” she asked, fingertips slipping over the front of my pants. I made a noise in the back of my throat.
My whole body was electric. I could barely breathe.
“Do you want to go back to your place?” she said breathlessly. “Try out the air mattress?”
“Yes,” I said. “Fuck yes.”
“You’re okay with casual sex, right?” she said. “I just want to be sure.” The words powered me down instantly. Everything that was on, shut off.
I pulled my face away from hers.
She blinked up at me out of breath. “What?”
I couldn’t even speak. I felt like I’d been doused in cold water. “Justin, what?”
I just stared at her.
“You really don’t…” I didn’t know how to complete the sentence.
You really don’t what? Want it to mean anything? Like me enough to want me for more than just sex? You could really do that with me and then just… go?
I let go of her and took a step back in the grass. I had to turn away. I couldn’t even look at her.
So that’s really what this was.
But how upset could I be? She’d never said she would stay. In fact, she’d said she wouldn’t. It was all me, hoping, thinking that maybe this could be something different than it actually is.
I could feel her study me. “What’s wrong? Tell me what you’re thinking.”
I paused. “I’m thinking I like you a lot more than you like me.” I looked over at her, and her expression was an apology.
“Justin…”
“You don’t have to explain it. Don’t.”
She licked her lips. “I’m leaving in a few weeks. I thought we were just having fun—”
“We are. It’s fine.”
Her eyes roamed my face. “I like you, Justin.” I glanced at her.
“I like you a lot,” she said. “But?”
“You’re just in a different place than I am—” “Then meet me where I am.”
She held my gaze and I could see by the look in her eye that she wouldn’t.
I fixed my stare on the shoe in the grass. “Is it because of the kids?” I was almost afraid to ask it, but I wanted to be clear.
Her silence was the answer.
“Can I ask you a question?” I looked up at her. “If they weren’t a factor, what would be different?”
She shook her head. “I don’t know. Maybe if you’d be willing to come with me—”
“So you do feel this between us? I’m not just imagining it.”
She was quiet for a long moment. “Yes,” she whispered. “I feel it.” She peered at me. “I’m sorry,” she said. “It’s just—”
“Seriously. I don’t need to know any more.”
And I didn’t. She didn’t owe me an explanation, and I didn’t want one.
Because what would it change?
You can’t negotiate feelings. You can’t convince someone they feel something they don’t. She either felt for me strongly enough to stay and accept my situation with my family, or she didn’t.
And she didn’t.
I didn’t think there could be anything worse than her not wanting me like I wanted her. But there was. It was her wanting me and losing her to a circumstance that wasn’t my fault and I couldn’t change.
I was crushed. Completely crushed.
She stood there in the grass, still barefoot, giving me an expression that looked a lot like pity.
“It’s okay,” I said. “Thank you for being honest with me.”
We heard the garage door opening around the corner, but we didn’t move from our sad little standoff. A car rumbled to life, and Neil started to back his Mercedes down the driveway, rolling into our line of sight.
Amber’s voice cut through the night. “Fuck you, Neil!”
My head jerked to look at Emma, and her eyes went wide.
A large projectile flew from the direction of the carport and crashed into the grille of the sedan. Neil slammed on the brakes just as Amber darted into view to pick up the thing she threw and vanished back into the garage.
Emma and I bolted around to the grass next to the driveway. Amber stood just inside the carport, barefoot, mascara streaming down her face. “Fuck you, you piece of shit!”
Neil threw the car in park and started to get out. He stood behind his door, using it like a shield. “What the hell are you doing?!”
“Oh, so now I have your attention!” “I told you, I was at work!” “Liar!”
“I’m a surgeon, Amber. I don’t have a nine-to-five, I stay until it’s done, I can’t answer the phone in the middle of an appendectomy—”
Amber drew her arm back and threw the large glass thing again, only this time it bounced off the car’s hood, hit the concrete, and broke in half.
Neil stared at it in shock. His jaw flexed. Then he started stalking toward her.
“Oh my God,” Emma breathed. “He’s gonna hit her. Justin, he’s going to hit her!”
I was already in motion, but I wasn’t fast enough. Neil got to Amber first. He grabbed her by the shoulders, yanked her toward him—and hugged her.
I stopped in my tracks.
I watched as he wrapped her in his arms and shushed her gently. Then he whispered something in her ear and caressed the back of her hair, and Amber collapsed into the embrace and started to sob.
Emma and I just stood there, hearts racing.
After a few moments Neil looked over and saw us. He whispered something to the woman in his arms, and she nodded into his chest.
“Emma?” Neil called. “I’m going to get your mom some dinner. Can you get her into the bathtub while I order some food?”
Emma’s eyes were still wide, but she nodded. Then she padded over in her bare feet, stepping carefully around the glass, took her mother by the shoulders, and led her into the house.
As soon as the door to the garage closed, Neil let out a long breath and
closed his eyes. Then he turned to survey the damage. His hood and grille were dented, but he stared the longest at the shattered hunk of glass in the driveway.
“That was my Charles Montgomery Award for Medical Excellence,” he said, tiredly.
I didn’t answer.
He stood there in silence for a long beat. Then he talked to me but looked at the award. “You know, there was a time when I would have gotten in my car, driven to the nearest five-star hotel, and picked up the first woman who would have me just to teach Amber a lesson. But I’m trying. I’m really trying to be the best version of myself.”
He stayed for another moment. Then he turned and walked slowly back into the house.
I was alone, standing in the driveway, whiplashed by the last five minutes. The part with Neil and Amber and the part with Emma too.
I began cleaning up the mess. The driveway was full of glass, and Emma’s sandals were scattered on the lawn. Her phone was still in the grass. It started to light up right as I reached for it. It was Maddy.
“Hey,” I said, answering. Then I told her everything that had just happened with Neil and Amber. A minute later the lights of the pontoon turned on in the distance across the lake.
I closed the door to Neil’s car, picked up what was left of the award and set it inside the garage on the deep freezer. Then I swept up the shattered glass and collected Emma’s shoes and set them by the garage door to the house. I was done in time to help Maddy dock the boat.
She arrived cursing.
“I fucking knew it,” she said, sliding up the dock. “Not even a month and that woman’s already losing her shit.”
I grabbed the front of the boat and pulled it in. She tossed me a rope and I tied her up and she jumped off, swearing like a sailor while she secured the back. When she was done, she turned to me. “How bad is Emma?” she asked, fixing her windblown hair. “Is she a mess?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “She went in with Amber before we could talk.”
Maddy scowled up at the house. “I hate that fucking train wreck. She does this every time.”
I slipped my hands into my pockets and stared out past her into the pitch
black of the lake.
“What?” Maddy asked, noticing I’d gone quiet. “Nothing.”
She eyed me from the side. I glanced over at her and something moved across her face, like she could read my mind.
Maybe she could. Maddy knew Emma inside and out. She probably knew exactly how Emma felt about me—or didn’t feel. And she seemed to know that I knew it now too.
“Did something happen?” she asked.
I peered at her quietly. “Just tell me if there’s any chance,” I said. I didn’t have to explain it.
She looked away from me, like she was trying to figure out how to say what she wanted to say. “I shouldn’t be telling you this.”
“Tell me anyway.”
Her gaze came back to mine. “Justin, you will never get her to love you.
You can’t. My parents tried with her. For years. They still try.” “She loves you.”
“That’s because I got in before the doors closed.”
I dragged a hand down my mouth. “She said it’s because of the kids.
That I’m in a different place than she is—”
She shook her head. “It’s not because of the kids. I mean it is, but it isn’t. If it wasn’t that, she would have found something else to be the reason.” She held my eyes. “She’s not capable of falling in love. Things happened to her and she’s…” She blew a breath through her nose. “You seem like a really nice guy, and I genuinely like you. I do. But you should prepare yourself for what’s going to happen when it’s time for her to go. Because she will go.”
I had to look away. “I don’t think I can give up.”
When she didn’t reply, I glanced back to her. I couldn’t help but notice that she looked sorry for me.
“I thought you might say that.” She breathed in deep and looked out over the lake. “Justin, for what it’s worth, I really hope this curse thing is real.” She peered back at me. “Because I think you deserve your happy ever after when it’s over.”
The soulmate I’d get once Emma and I broke up. So that was Maddy’s prediction: There was no hope.
But my foolish heart would hope anyway. It didn’t know how not to.
