I push through the crowds of Boylston Street until I get to the cross street. I pull the stroller to a crawl and then stop at the edge of the curb. I pull the top of it back and look down at Emmy. Sheโs kicking her feet and smiling like usual. Sheโs a very happy baby. She has a calm energy about her and itโs addictive.
โHow old is she?โ a woman asks. Sheโs standing at the crosswalk with us, staring down at Emerson appreciatively.
โEleven months.โ
โSheโs gorgeous,โ she says. โLooks just like you. Identical mouths.โ
I smile. โThank you. But you should see her father. She de๏ฌnitely has his eyes.โ
The sign ๏ฌashes to walk, and I try to beat the crowd as we rush across the street. Iโm already half an hour late and Ryle has texted me twice. He hasnโt experienced the joy of carrots yet, though. Heโll ๏ฌnd out today just how messy they are, because I packed plenty in her bag.
I moved out of the apartment Ryle bought when Emerson was three months old. I got my own place closer to my work so Iโm within walking distance, which is great. Ryle moved back into the apartment he bought, but between visiting Allysaโs place and Ryleโs days with Emerson, I feel like Iโm still at their apartment building almost as much as Iโm at mine.
โAlmost there, Emmy.โ We make a right around the corner and Iโm in such a rush, a man has to step out of our way and into the wall just to avoid being plowed over. โSorry,โ I mutter, ducking my head and making my way around him.
โLily?โ I stop.
I turn slowly, because I felt that voice all the way to my toes. There are only two voices that have ever done that to me, and
Ryleโs doesnโt reach that far anymore.
When I look back at him, his blue eyes are squinting against the sun. He lifts a hand to shield it and he grins. โHey.โ
โHi,โ I say, my frenzied brain trying to slow down and allow me to play catch-up.
He glances at the stroller and points at it. โIs that . . . is this your baby?โ
I nod and he walks around to the front of the stroller. He kneels down and smiles widely at her. โWow. Sheโs gorgeous, Lily,โ he says. โWhatโs her name?โ
โEmerson. We call her Emmy sometimes.โ
He puts his ๏ฌnger in her hand and she starts kicking, shaking his ๏ฌnger back and forth. He stares at her appreciatively for a moment and then stands back up again.
โYou look great,โ he says.
I try not to give him an obvious once-over, but itโs hard. He looks as good as ever, but this is the ๏ฌrst time seeing him that Iโm not trying to deny how gorgeous he turned out to be. A far cry from that homeless boy in my bedroom. Yet . . . somehow still exactly the same.
I can feel the buzz of my text message going off in my pocket again.ย Ryle.
I point down the street. โWeโre really late,โ I say. โRyle has been
waiting for half an hour.โ
When I say Ryleโs name, thereโs a sadness that reaches Atlasโs eyes, but he tries to disguise it. He nods and slowly steps aside for us to pass.
โItโs his day to have her,โ I clarify, saying more in those six words than I could in most full conversations.
I see the relief ๏ฌash in his eyes. He nods and points behind him. โYeah, Iโm running late, too. Opened a new restaurant on Boylston last month.โ
โWow. Congratulations. Iโll have to take Mom there to check it out soon.โ
He smiles. โYou should. Let me know and Iโll make sure and cook for you myself.โ
Thereโs an awkward pause, and then I point down the street. โWe have to . . .โ
โGo,โ he says with a smile.
I nod again and then duck my head and continue walking. I have no idea why Iโm reacting this way. Like I donโt know how to hold a normal conversation. When Iโm several yards away, I glance back over my shoulder. He hasnโt moved. Heโs still watching me as I walk away.
We round the corner and I see Ryle waiting beside his car outside the ๏ฌoral shop. His face lights up when he sees us approaching. โDid you get my email?โ He kneels down and begins to unstrap Emerson.
โYeah, about the playpen recall?โ
He nods as he pulls her out of the stroller. โDidnโt we buy one of those for her?โ
I press the buttons to fold the stroller and then walk it to the back of his car. โYeah, but it broke like a month ago. I threw it in the Dumpster.โ
He pops the trunk, and then touches Emersonโs chin with his ๏ฌngers. โDid you hear that, Emmy? Your mommy saved your life.โ She smiles up at him and slaps playfully at his hand. He kisses her on the forehead and then picks up her stroller and tosses it in the trunk. I slam the trunk shut and lean over to give her a quick kiss.
โLove you, Emmy. See you tonight.โ
Ryle opens the back door to put her in the car seat. I tell him goodbye and then I start to head back down the street in a rush.
โLily!โ he yells. โWhere are you going?โ
Iโm sure he expected me to walk to the front door of my store, since Iโm already late opening it. I probably should, but the nagging in my gut wonโt go away. I need to do something about it. I spin around and walk backward. โThereโs something I forgot to do! Iโll see you when I pick her up tonight!โ
Ryle lifts Emersonโs hand and they wave goodbye to me. As soon as I round the corner, I break out into a sprint. I dodge people, bump into a few and cause one lady to curse at me, but itโs all worth it the moment I see the back of his head.
โAtlas!โ I yell. Heโs heading in the other direction, so I keep pushing through the crowd. โAtlas!โ
He stops walking but he doesnโt turn around. He cocks his head like he doesnโt want to fully trust his ears.
โAtlas!โ I yell again.
This time when he turns, he turns with purpose. His eyes meet mine and thereโs a three-second pause while we both stare at each other. But then we both start walking toward each other, determination in every step. Twenty steps separate us.
Ten. Five. One.
Neither of us takes that ๏ฌnal step.
Iโm out of breath, panting and nervous. โI forgot to tell you Emersonโs middle name.โ I put my hands on my hips and exhale. โItโs Dory.โ
He doesnโt immediately react, but then his eyes crinkle a little in the corners. His mouth twitches like heโs forcing back a smile. โWhat a perfect name for her.โ
I nod, and smile, and then stop.
Iโm not sure what to do now. I just needed him to know that, but now that Iโve told him, I didnโt really think of what Iโd do or say next.
I nod again, and then glance around me, throwing a thumb over my shoulder. โWell . . . I guess Iโll . . .โ
Atlas steps forward, grabs me, and pulls me hard against his chest. I immediately close my eyes when he wraps his arms around me. His hand goes up to the back of my head and he holds me still against him as we stand, surrounded by busy streets, blasts of horns, people brushing us as they pass in a hurry. He presses a gentle kiss into my hair, and all of that fades away.
โLily,โ he says quietly. โI feel like my life is good enough for you now. So whenever youโre ready . . .โ
I clench his jacket in my hands and keep my face pressed tight against his chest. I suddenly feel like Iโm ๏ฌfteen again. My neck and cheeks ๏ฌush from his words.
But Iโmย notย ๏ฌfteen.
Iโm an adult with responsibilities and a child. I canโt just allow my teenage feelings to take over. Not without a little reassurance, at least.
I pull back and look up at him. โDo you donate to charity?โ Atlas laughs with confusion. โSeveral. Why?โ
โDo you want kids someday?โ He nods. โOf course I do.โ
โDo you think youโll ever want to leave Boston?โ
He shakes his head. โNo. Never. Everything is better here, remember?โ
His answers give me the reassurance I need. I smile up at him. โOkay. Iโm ready.โ
He pulls me tight against him and I laugh. With everything that has happened since the day he came into my life, I never expected this outcome. Iโve hoped for it a lot, but until now I wasnโt sure if it would ever happen.
I close my eyes when I feel his lips meet the spot on my collarbone. He presses a gentle kiss there and it feels just like the ๏ฌrst time he kissed me there all those years ago. He brings his mouth to my ear, and in a whisper, he says, โYou can stop swimming now, Lily. We ๏ฌnally reached the shore.โ
