โI mean . . . Iโm not trying to be sel๏ฌsh, but you didnโt taste the dessert, Lily.โ Allysa groans. โOh, it was sooo good.โ
โWeโre never going back there,โ I say to her.
She stomps her foot like a little kid. โBut . . .โ โNope. We have to respect your brotherโs feelings.โ
She folds her arms over her chest. โI know, I know. Why did you have to be a hormonal teenager and fall in love with the best chef in Boston?โ
โHe wasnโt a chef when I knew him.โ
โWhatever,โ she says. She walks out of my of๏ฌce and closes the door.
My phone buzzes with an incoming text.
Ryle: 5 hours down. About 5 more to go. So far so good. Hand is great.
I sigh, relieved. I wasnโt sure if heโd be able to do the surgery today, but knowing how much he was looking forward to it makes me happy for him.
Me: Steadiest hands in all of Boston.
I open my laptop and check my email. The ๏ฌrst thing I see is an inquiry from the Boston Globe. I open it and itโs from a journalist interested in running an article about the store. I grin like an idiot and start emailing her back when Allysa knocks on the door. She opens it and sticks her head in.
โHey,โ she says. โHey,โ I say back.
She taps her ๏ฌngers on the doorframe. โRemember a few minutes ago when you told me I could never go back to Bibโs because itโs unfair to Ryle that the boy you loved when you were a teenager is the owner?โ
I fall back against my chair. โWhat do you want, Allysa?โ
She scrunches up her nose and says, โIf it isnโt fair that we canโt go back there because of the owner, how is it fair that the owner
gets to come here?โ What?
I close my laptop and stand up. โWhy would you say that? Is he
here?โ
She nods and slips inside my of๏ฌce, closing the door behind her. โHe is. He asked for you. And I know youโre with my brother and Iโm with child, but can we please just take a moment to silently admire the perfection that is that man?โ
She smiles dreamily and I roll my eyes. โAllysa.โ
โThose eyes, though.โ She opens the door and walks out. I follow behind her and catch sight of Atlas. โSheโs right here,โ Allysa says. โWould you like me to take your coat?โ
We donโt take coats.
Atlas glances up when I walk out of my of๏ฌce. His eyes cut to Allysa and he shakes his head. โNo, thank you. I wonโt be long.โ
Allysa leans forward over the counter, dropping her chin on her hands. โStay as long as you like. In fact, are you looking for an extra job? Lily needs to hire more people and weโre looking for someone who can lift really heavy things. Requires a lot of ๏ฌexibility. Bending over.โ
I narrow my eyes at Allysa and mouth, โEnough.โ
She shrugs innocently. I hold my door open for Atlas, but avoid looking directly at him as he passes me. I feel a world of guilt for what happened last night, but also a world of anger for what happened last night.
I walk around my desk and drop into my seat, prepared for an argument. But when I look up at him, I clamp my mouth shut.
Heโs smiling. He waves his hand around in a circle as he takes a seat across from me. โThis is incredible, Lily.โ
I pause. โThank you.โ
He continues smiling at me, like heโs proud of me. Then he places a bag between us on the desk and pushes it toward me. โA gift,โ he says. โYou can open it later.โ
Why is he buying me gifts? He has a girlfriend. I have a boyfriend. Our past has already caused enough problems in my present. I certainly donโt need gifts to exacerbate that.
โWhy are you buying me gifts, Atlas?โ
He leans back in his seat and crosses his arms over his chest. โI bought it three years ago. Iโve been holding on to it in case I ever ran into you.โ
Considerate Atlas. He hasnโt changed. Dammit.
I pick up the gift and set it on the ๏ฌoor behind my desk. I try to release some of the tension Iโm feeling, but itโs really hard when everything about him makes me so tense.
โI came here to apologize to you,โ he says.
I wave off his apology, letting him know it isnโt necessary. โItโs ๏ฌne. It was a misunderstanding. Ryle is ๏ฌne.โ
He laughs under his breath. โThatโs not what Iโm apologizing for,โ he says. โIโd never apologize for defending you.โ
โYou werenโt defending me,โ I say. โThere was nothing to defend.โ
He tilts his head, giving me the same look that he gave me last night. The one that lets me know how disappointed in me he is. It stings deep in my gut.
I clear my throat. โWhy are you apologizing, then?โ
Heโs quiet for a moment. Contemplative. โI wanted to apologize for saying that you sounded like your mother. That was hurtful. And Iโm sorry.โ
I donโt know why I always feel like crying when Iโm around him. When I think about him. When I read about him. Itโs like my emotions are still tethered to him somehow and I canโt ๏ฌgure out how to cut the strings.
His eyes drop to my desk. He reaches forward and grabs three things. A pen. A sticky note. My phone.
He writes something down on the sticky note and then proceeds to pull my phone apart. He slips the case off and puts the sticky note between the case and the phone, then slides the cover back over it. He pushes my phone back across the desk. I look down at it and then up at him. He stands up and tosses the pen on my desk.
โItโs my cell phone number. Keep it hidden there in case you ever need it.โ
I wince at the gesture. The unnecessary gesture. โI wonโt need it.โ โI hope not.โ He walks to the door and reaches for the
doorknob. And I know this is my only chance to get out what I have to say before heโs out of my life forever.
โAtlas, wait.โ
I stand up so fast, my chair scoots across the room and bumps against the wall. He half turns and faces me.
โWhat Ryle said to you last night? I never . . .โ I bring a nervous hand up to my neck. I can feel my heart beating in my throat. โI never said that to him. He was hurt and upset and he misconstrued my words from a long time ago.โ
The corner of Atlasโs mouth twitches, and Iโm not sure if heโs trying not to smile or trying not to frown. He faces me straight on. โBelieve me, Lily. I know that wasnโt a pity fuck. I was there.โ
He walks out the door, and his words knock me straight back
into my seat.
Only . . . my seat is no longer there. Itโs still on the other side of my of๏ฌce and Iโm now on the ๏ฌoor.
Allysa rushes in and Iโm lying on my back behind my desk. โLily?โ She runs around the desk and stands over me. โAre you okay?โ
I hold up a thumb. โFine. Just missed my chair.โ
She reaches out her hand and helps me to my feet. โWhat was that all about?โ
I glance at the door as I retrieve my chair. I take a seat and look down at my phone. โNothing. He was just apologizing.โ
Allysa sighs longingly and looks back at the door. โSo does that mean he doesnโt want the job?โ
Iโve got to hand it to her. Even in the midst of emotional turmoil, she can make me laugh. โGet back to work before I dock your pay.โ
She laughs and makes to leave. I tap my pen against my desk and then say, โAllysa. Wait.โ
โI know,โ she says, cutting me off. โRyle doesnโt need to know about that visit. You donโt have to tell me.โ
I smile. โThank you.โ She closes the door.
I reach down and pick up the bag with my three-year-old gift inside of it. I pull it out and can easily tell itโs a book, wrapped in tissue paper. I tear the tissue paper away and fall against the back of my chair.
Thereโs a picture of Ellen DeGeneres on the front. The title is Seriously . . . Iโm Kidding. I laugh and then open the book, gasping quietly when I see itโs autographed. I run my ๏ฌngers over the words of the inscription.
Lily,
Atlas says just keep swimming.
โEllen DeGeneres
I run my ๏ฌnger over her signature. Then I drop the book on my desk, press my forehead against it, and fake cry against the cover.
