1948 to 1959
Dedรฉ
1994
and 1948
Over the interview womanโs head, Dedรฉ notices the new girl throwing plantain peelings outside the kitchen shed. She has asked her not to do this. โThat is why we have trash baskets,โ she has explained. The young maid always looks at the barrel Dedรฉ points to as if it were an obscure object whose use is beyond her.
โYou understand?โ Dedรฉ asks her.ย โSรญ, seรฑora.โย The young girl smiles brightly as if she has done something right. At Dedรฉโs age, it is hard to start in with new servants. But Tono is needed over at the museum to take the busloads through the house and answer the phone. Tono has been with them forever. Of course, so had Fela until she started going wacky after the girls died.
Possessed by the spirits of the girls, can you imagine! People were coming from as far away as Barahona to talk โthroughโ this ebony black sibyl with the Mirabal sisters. Cures had begun to be attributed to Patria; Maria Teresa was great on love woes; and as for Minerva, she was competing with the Virgencita as Patroness of Impossible Causes. What an embarrassment in her own backyard, as if she, Dedรฉ, had sanctioned all this. And she knew nothing. The bishop had called on her finally. Thatโs how Dedรฉ had found out.
It was a Friday, Felaโs day off. As soon as the bishop had left, Dedรฉ headed for the shed behind her house. She had jiggled the door just so to unlock itโa little trick she knewโandย iDios mรญo!ย The sight took her breath away. Fela had set up an altar with pictures of the girls cut out from the popular posters that appeared each November. Before them, a table was laid out, candles and the mandatory cigar and bottle of rum. But most frightening was the picture of Trujillo that had once hung on Dede and Jaimitoโs wall. Dedรฉ was sure she had thrown it in the trash. What the devil was he doing here if, as Fela argued later, she was working only with good spirits?
Dedรฉ had pulled the door to, letting the old lock catch again. Her head was spinning. When Fela returned, Dedรฉ offered her two alternatives. Either stop all this nonsense and clean out that shed, or…. She could not bring herself to state the alternative to the stooped, white-haired woman who had weathered so much with the family. She hadnโt had to. The next morning, the shed was indeed empty. Fela had moved her operation down the road to what was probably a better spotโan abandoned storefront on the bus route to Salcedo.
Minou was furious when she heard what Dedรฉ had done to Fela. Yes, thatโs the way she had phrased it, โWhat have you done to her, Mama Dedรฉ?โ
โIt was disrespectful to your motherโs memory. She was a Catholic, Minou, a Catholic!โ
Minou would have none of it. Dede had already told her too much about her motherโs falling out with the church. Sometimes Dedรฉ worries that she has not kept enough from the children. But she wants them to know the living breathing women their mothers were. They get enough of the heroines from everyone else.
Now, Minou stops by at Felaโs whenever she comes to visit her aunt. It gives Dedรฉ goose bumps when Minou says, โI talked to Mama at Felaโs today, and she said …โ
Dedรฉ shakes her head, but she always listens to what the old woman has to say.
The strangest time was when Minou came from Fela asking after Virgilio Morales. โMamรก says heโs still alive. Do you know where he is, Mama Dedรฉ?โ
โDidnโt your mother tell you?โ Dedรฉ asked sarcastically. โDonโt spirits know the whereabouts of all of us?โ
โYou sound upset, Mama Dedรฉ,โ Minou observed.
โYou know I donโt believe in all this spirit business. And I think itโs a disgrace that you, the daughter ofโโ
Minouโs eyes flashed with anger, and Minerva herself stood before Dedรฉ again. โIโm my own person. Iโm tired of being the daughter of a legend.โ
Quickly, the face of her sister fell away like water down a slanted roof. Dedรฉ held out her arms for her dear niece-daughter. Dark mascara tears were coursing down Minouโs cheeks. Didnโt she, Dedรฉ, understand that feeling of being caught in a legacy. โForgive me,โ she whispered. โOf course, you have a right to be yourself.โ
Afterwards, Dedรฉ confessed that she did know where Lรญo Morales now lived. Someone had pointed out the house to her the last time she was in the capital. The comfortable bungalow was just blocks from the dictatorโs huge wedding cake palace that the mobs had long ago burned down.
โSo whatโs the message youโre to deliver?โ Dedรฉ asked as casually as she could.
โMessage?โ Minou looked up, surprised. โI was just to say hello and how much Mamรก thought of him.โ
โMe, too,โ Dedรฉ said, and then to clarify, โTell him I said hello, too.โ
โSo when did all the problems start?โ The interview womanโs voice calls Dedรฉ back to the present moment. Again, Dedรฉ feels as if the woman has been eerily reading her thoughts.
โWhat problems?โ she asks, an edge to her voice. Whatever feelings she once had for Lรญo never became a problem for anyone, even for herself. She had taken care of that.
โI mean the problems with the regime. When did these problems start?โ The woman speaks in a soft voice as if she suspects she is intruding.
Dedรฉ apologizes. โMy mind wanders.โ She feels bad when she canโt carry off what she considers her responsibility. To be the grande dame of the beautiful, terrible past. But it is an impossible task, impossible! After all, she is the only one left to manage the terrible, beautiful present.
โIf it is too much, I can stop now,โ the woman offers.
Dedรฉ waves the offer away โI was just thinking about those days. You know, everyone says our problems started after Minerva had her run-in with Trujillo at the Discovery Day dance. But the truth is Minerva was already courting trouble two or three years before that. We had this friend who was quite a radical young man. You might have heard of Virgilio Morales?โ
The woman narrows her eyes as if trying to make out a figure in the distance. โI donโt think I ever read about him, no.โ
โHe was thrown out of the country so many times, the history books couldnโt keep up with him! He came back from exile in โ47 for a couple of years. Trujillo had announced we were going to have a free countryโjust like the Yanquis he was trying to butter up. We all knew this was just a show, but Lioโthatโs what we called himโmay have gotten swept up in the idea for a while. Anyhow, he had family in this area, so we saw a lot of him for those two years before he had to leave again.โ
โSo he was Minervaโs special friend?โ
Dede feels her heart beating fast. โHe was a special friend of mine and my other sisters too!โ There she has said it, so why doesnโt it feel good? Fighting with her dead sister over a beau, my goodness.
โWhy was the friendship the beginning of problems?โ The womanโs head tilts with curiosity.
โBecause Lio presented a very real opportunity to fight against the regime. I think that, after him, Minerva was never the same.โ And neither was I, she adds to herself. Yes, years after she had last seen Lio, he was still a presence in her heart and mind. Every time she went along with some insane practice of the regime, she felt his sad, sober eyes accusing her of giving in.
โHow do you spell his name?โ The woman has taken out a little pad and is making invisible zeroes trying to get her reluctant pen to write. โIโll look him up.โ
โIโll tell you what I remember of him,โ Dedรฉ offers, stroking the lap of her skirt dreamily. She takes a deep breath, just the way Minou describes Fela doing right before the sisters take over her body and use her old womanโs voice to assign their errands.
She remembers a hot and humid afternoon early in the year she got married. She and Minerva are at the store plowing through an inventory. Minerva is up on a stool, counting cans, correcting herself, adding โmore or less,โ when Dedรฉ repeats the figure before she writes it down. Usually, Dedรฉ cannot bear such sloppiness. But today she is impatient to be done so they can close up and drive over to Tรญo Pepeโs where the young people have been gathering evenings to play volleyball.
Her cousin Jaimito will be there. They have known each other all their lives, been paired and teased by their mothers ever since the two babies were placed in the same playpen during family gatherings. But in the last few weeks, something has been happening. All that had once annoyed Dedรฉ about her spoiled, big-mouthed cousin now seems to quicken something in her heart. And whereas before, her motherโs and Jaimitoโs motherโs hints were the intrusion of elders into what was none of their business, now it seems the old people were perceiving destiny. If she marries Jaimito, sheโll continue in the life she has always been very happy living.
Minerva must have given up calling down numbers and getting no response. She stands directly in Dedรฉโs line of vision, waving. โHello, hello!โ
Dedรฉ laughs at getting caught daydreaming. It is not like her at all. Usually it is Minerva whose head is somewhere else. โI was just thinking
…โ She tries to make up something. But she is not good at quick lies either. Minerva is the one with stories on the tip of her tongue.
โI know, I know,โ Minerva says. โYou were thinking about Einsteinโs theory of relativity.โ Sometimes she can be funny. โYou want to call it quits for today?โ The hopeful expression on her face betrays her own wishes.
Dedรฉ reminds them both, โWe should have gotten this done a week ago!โ โThis is so sillyโ Minerva mimics their counting. โFour crumbs ofย dulce
de leche; one, two, letโs see, seven ants marching towards themโโ Suddenly, her voice changes, โTwo visitors!โ They are standing at the door, Mario, one of their distributors, and a tall, pale man behind him, his glasses thick and wire-rimmed. A doctor maybe, a scholar for sure.
โWeโre closed,โ Dedรฉ announces in case Mario is here on business. โPapรกโs at the house.โ But Minerva invites them in. โCome and rescue us, please!โ
โWhatโs wrong?โ Mario says, laughing and coming into the store. โToo much work?โ
โOf the uninspiring kind,โ Minerva says archly.
โBut it needs to be doneโour end-of-the-year inventory is now our new yearโs unfinished business.โ Saying it, Dedรฉ feels annoyed at herself all over again for not having finished the job earlier.
โMaybe we can help?โ The young scholar has stepped up to the counter and is gazing at the shelves behind Dedรฉ.
โThis is my cousin,โ Mario explains, โjust come from the capital to rescue ladies in distress.โ
โYouโre at the university?โ Minerva pipes up. And when the young man nods, Mario goes on to brag for his cousin. Virgilio Morales has recently
returned from Venezuela where he earned his medical degree. He is now teaching in the faculty of medicine. Every weekend he comes up to the family place in Licey.
โWhat a serious name Virgilio.โ Dedรฉ blushes. She is not used to putting herself forward in this way.
The young manโs serious look fades. โThatโs why everyone calls me Lรญo.โ
โThey call you Lio because youโre always in one fix or another,โ Mario reminds his cousin, who laughs good-naturedly.
โVirgilio Morales …โ Minerva muses aloud. โYour name sounds familiar.
Do you know Elsa Sรกnchez and Sinita Perozo? Theyโre at the university.โ
โOf course!โ Now he is smiling, taking a special interest in Minerva. Soon the two of them are deep in conversation. How did that happen? Dedรฉ wonders. The young man, after all, had headed straight for her, offering his help.
โHow are you, Dedรฉ?โ Mario leans confidentially on the counter. He tried courting her a few months back before Dedรฉ set him straight. Mario is just not, not, well, heโs not Jaimito. But then neither is this young doctor.
โI wish we could get this done.โ Dedรฉ sighs, capping her pen and closing the book. Mario apologizes. They have interrupted the girls in their work. Dedรฉ reassures him that it was slow going before the visitors arrived.
โMaybe itโs the heat,โ Mario says, fanning himself with his Panama hat. โWhat do you say we all go for a swim in the lagoon?โ Minerva offers.
The young men look ready to go, but Dedรฉ reminds Minerva, โWhat about
volleyball?โ Jaimito will be looking for her. And if sheโs going to end up with Mario, which is no doubt the way things will settle, sheโd rather be with the man she intends to marry. So there.
โVolleyball? Did someone say volleyball?โ the young scholar asks. It is nice to see a smile on his pale, serious face. It turns out he has played on several university teams.
Minerva gets another great idea. Why not play volleyball, and then, when they are hot and sweaty, go jump in the lagoon.
Dedรฉ marvels at Minervaโs facility in arranging everyoneโs lives. And how easily she assumes they can get permission from Papรก. Already the volleyball evenings are becoming a problem. Papรก does not feel that two sisters make the best chaperones for each other, especially if they are both eager to go to the same place.
Back at the house, while the young men visit with Mama in the galerรญa, Minerva argues with their father. โBut Papรก, Marioโs a man you do business with, a man you trust. Weโre going to Tรญo Pepeโs, our uncle, to play volleyball with our cousins. How much more chaperoned can we be?โ
Papรก is dressing before his mirror. He has been looking younger, more handsome, something. He cranes his neck, looking over Minervaโs shoulder. โWho is that young man with Mario?โ
โJust some cousin of Marioโs here for the weekend,โ Minerva says too offhandedly. Dedรฉ notes how Minerva is avoiding mentioning Lรญoโs association with the university.
And then the coup de grace. โWhy donโt you come with us, Papรก?โ
Of course, Papa wonโt come along. Every evening he tours his property hearing reports from theย campesinosย about whatโs been done that day. He never takes his girls along. โMenโs business,โ he always says. Thatโs what heโs getting ready to do right now.
โYou be back before itโs dark.โ He scowls. This is the way Dedรฉ knows heโs granted them permissionโwhen he begins talking of their return.
Dedรฉ changes quickly, but not fast enough for Minerva. โCome on,โ she keeps hurrying Dede. โBefore Papa changes his mind!โ Dede is not sure her buttons are all buttoned as they head down the driveway to where the young men now wait beside their car.
Dedรฉ feels the strangerโs eyes on her. She knows she looks especially good in her flowered shinwaist and white sandal heels.
Lio smiles, amused. โYouโre going to play volleyball dressed like that?โ Suddenly, Dedรฉ feels foolish, caught in her frivolity as if she were a kitten knotted in yam. Of course, she never plays. Except for Minerva in her trousers and tennis shoes, the girls all sit in theย galeriaย cheering the boys on.
โI donโt playโ she says rather more meekly than she intends. โI just watch.โ
The truth of her words strikes Dedรฉ as she remembers how she stood back and watched the young man open the back door for whoever wanted to sit by him. And Minerva slipped in!
She remembers a Saturday evening a few weeks later.
Jaimito and his San Francisco Tigers are playing poorly against the Ojo de Agua Wolves. During a break, he comes up to theย galerรญaย for a cold beer.ย โHola, prima,โย he says to Dedรฉ as if they are just cousins. She is still pretending not to give him the time of day, but she checks herself in every reflecting surface. Now her hands clench with tension in the pockets of her fresh dress.
โCome on and play, cousin.โ He tugs at her arm. After all, Minerva has long been working up a sweat on the Ojo de Agua side of the net. โOur team could use some help!โ
โI wouldnโt be much help,โ Dedรฉ giggles. Truly, she has always considered sportsโlike politicsโsomething for men. Her one weakness is her horse Brรญo, whom she adores riding. Minerva has been teasing her how this Austrian psychiatrist has proved that girls who like riding like sex. โIโm all flan fingers when it comes to volleyball.โ
โYou wouldnโt have to play,โ he flirts. โJust stand on our side and distract those wolves with your pretty face!โ
Dedรฉ gives him the sunny smile she is famous for.
โBe nice to us Tigers, Dedรฉ. After all, we did bend the rules for you Wolves.โ He indicates over his shoulder where Minerva and Lio are immersed in an intent conversation in a comer of theย galerรญa.
It is true. Although Lรญo is not from Ojo de Agua, the Tigers have agreed to let him play for the weakling team. Dedรฉ supposes that the Tigers took one look at the bespectacled, pale young man and decided he wouldnโt be much competition. But Lรญo Morales has turned out to be surprisingly agile. The Ojo de Agua Wolves are now gaining on the San Francisco Tigers.
โHeโs had to be quick,โ Jaimito has quipped. โEscaping the police and all.โ Jaimito and his buddies knew exactly who Virgilio Morales was the first night he came to play volleyball. They were split between admiration and wariness of his dangerous presence among them.
Jaimito hits on a way of getting Dede to play. โGirls against guys, what do you say?โ he calls out, picking up a fresh bottle of beer. Used to keeping tabs at the family store, Dedรฉ has made note of three large ones for Jaimito already.
The girls titter, tempted. But what about mussing their dresses, what about spraining their ankles on high heels?
โTake off your heels, then,โ Jaimito says, eyeballing Dedรฉโs shapely legs, โand whatever else is in your way!โ
โYou!โ Her face bums with pleasure. She has to admit that she is proud of her nice legs.
Soon, shawls are flung on chairs, a half dozen pairs of heels are kicked off in a pile at the bottom of the steps. Dress sleeves are rolled up, ponytails tightened, and with squeals of delight, the Amazonsโas theyโve christened themselvesโstep out on the slippery evening grass. The young men whistle and hoot, roused by the sight of frisky young women, girding themselves, ready to play ball. The cicadas have started their trilling, and the bats swoop down and up as if graphing the bristling excitement. Soon it will be too dark to see the ball clearly.
As they are assigning positions, Dedรฉ notices that her sister Minerva is not among them. Now, when they need her help, the pioneer woman player
deserts them! She looks towards the galeria, where the two empty chairs facing each other recollect the vanished speakers. She is wondering whether or not to go in search of Minerva when she senses Jaimitoโs attention directed her way. Far back, almost in darkness, he is poised to strike. She hears a whack, then startled by the cries of her girlfriends, she looks up and sees a glowing moon coming down into her upraised hands.
Wasnโt it really an accident? Dedรฉ ponders, rewinding back to the exact moment when she belted that ball. It had sailed over everyoneโs heads into the dark hedges where it landed with the thrashing sound of breaking branches, and then, the surprising cry of a startled couple.
Had she suspected that Minerva and Lio were in the hedges, and her shot was an easy way to flush them out? But why, she asks herself, why would she have wanted to stop them? Thinking back, she feels her heart starting to beat fast.
Nonsense, so much nonsense the memory cooks up, mixing up facts, putting in a little of this and a little of that. She might as well hang out her shingle like Fela and pretend the girls are taking possession of her. Better them than the ghost of her own young self making up stories about the past!
There was a fight, that she remembers. Lio came out of the hedges, the ball in his hand. Jaimito made a crude remark, carried away by his three- plus beers and growing uneasiness with Lioโs presence. Then the picture tilts and blurs the memory of Lio throwing the ball at Jaimitoโs chest and of it knocking the breath out of him. Of Jaimito having to be held by his buddies. Of the girls hurrying back to their high heels. Of Tio Pepe coming down the steps from inside, shouting, โNo more volleyball!โ
But before they could be ushered away, the two men were at the quick of their differences. Jaimito called Lio a troublemaker, accusing him of cooking up plots and then running off to some embassy for asylum, leaving his comrades behind to rot in jail. โYouโre exposing us all,โ Jaimito accused.
โIf I leave my country, itโs only to continue the struggle. We canโt let Chapita kill usย all.โ
Then there had been the silence that always followed any compromising mention of the regime in public. One could never be sure who in a group might report what to the police. Every large household was said to have a servant on double payroll.
โI said no more volleyball tonight.โ Tio Pepe was looking from one to the other young man. โYou two shake and be gentlemen. Come on,โ he encouraged. Jaimito stuck out his hand.
Oddly enough, it was Lio, the peace lover, who would not shake at first. Dedรฉ can still picture the long, lanky body holding in tension, not saying a word, and then, finally, Lio reaching out his hand and saying, โWe could use men like you, Jaimito.โ It was a compliment that allowed the two men to coexist and even to collaborate on romantic matters in the months ahead.
Such a small incident really. A silly explosion over a foul volleyball. But something keeps Dedรฉ coming back to the night of that fight. And to the days and nights that followed. Something keeps her turning and turning these moments in her mind, something. She is no longer sure she wants to find out what.
No matter what Mama said later, she was at first very taken with Virgilio Morales. She would sit in theย galerรญa,ย conversing with the young doctorโ about the visit of Trygve Lie from the United Nations, the demonstrations in the capital, whether or not there was government in Paradise, and if so what kind it would be. On and on, Mama listened, spoke her mind, Mamรก who had always said that all this talking of Minervaโs was unhealthy. After Lรญo had left, Mamรก would say, โWhat a refined young man.โ
Sometimes Dedรฉ felt a little peevish. After all, her beau had been along, too. But not a word was said about that fine young man Jaimito. How handsome he looked in his Mexicanย guayabera.ย What a funny joke he had made about what the coconut said to the drunk man. Mamรก had known him
since he was a kindred swelling of her first cousinโs belly. What was there to say about him but, โThat Jaimito!โ
Dedรฉ and Jaimito would wander off, unnoticed, stealing kisses in the garden. Theyโd play How Much Meat, Butcher?, Jaimito pretending to saw off Dedรฉโs shoulder, and instead getting to touch her sweet neck and bare arms. Soon theyโd hear Mama calling them from the galeria, a scold in her voice. Once when they did not appear immediately (the butcher had been wanting the whole animal), Mama put a limit to how much Jaimito could come callingโWednesdays, Saturdays, and Sundays only
But who could control Jaimito, only son of his doting mother, unquestioned boss of his five sisters! He appeared on Mondays to visit Don Enrique, on Tuesdays and Thursdays to help with any loading or unloading at the store, on Fridays to bring what his mother had sent. Mamรก sighed, accepting the coconut flan or bag of cherries from their backyard tree. โThat Jaimito!โ
Then one Sunday afternoon Mate was reading Mamรก the newspaper out loud. It was no secret to Dedรฉ that Mama couldnโt read, though Mama still persisted in her story that her eyesight was bad. When Dedรฉ read Mama the news, she was careful to leave out anything that would worry her. But that day, Mate read right out how there had been a demonstration at the university, led by a bunch of young professors, all members of the Communist party. Among the names listed was that of Virgilio Morales! Mamรก looked ashen. โRead that over again, slowly,โ she commanded.
Mate reread the paragraph, this time realizing what she was reading. โBut that isnโt our Lรญo, is it?โ
โMinerva!โ Mama called out. From her bedroom, the book she was reading still in hand, appeared the death of them all. โSit down, young lady, you have some explaining to do.โ
Minerva argued eloquently that Mama herself had heard Lรญoโs ideas, and she had even agreed with them.
โBut I didnโt know they were communist ideas!โ Mama protested.
That night when Papa came home from doing his manโs business about the farm, Mamรก took him to her room and closed the door. From theย galerรญaย where Dedรฉ visited with Jaimito, they could hear Mamรกโs angry voice. Dedรฉ could only make out snatches of what Mamรก was sayingโโ Too busy chasing … to care … your own daughter.โ Dedรฉ looked at Jaimito, a question in her face. But he looked away. โYour mother shouldnโt blame your father. She might as well blame me for not saying anything.โ
โYou knew?โ Dedรฉ asked.
โWhat do you mean, Dedรฉ?โ He seemed surprised at her plea of innocence. โYou knew, too. Didnโt you?โ
Dedรฉ could only shake her head. She didnโt really know Lรญo was a communist, a subversive, all the other awful things the editorial had called him. She had never known an enemy of state before. She had assumed such people would be self-serving and wicked, low-class criminals. But Lรญo was a fine young man with lofty ideals and a compassionate heart. Enemy of state? Why then, Minerva was an enemy of state. And if she, Dedรฉ, thought long and hard about what was right and wrong, she would no doubt be an enemy of state as well.
โI didnโt know,โ she said again. What she meant was she didnโt understand until that moment that they were really livingโas Minerva liked to sayโin a police state.
A new challenge sounded in Dedรฉโs life. She began to read the paper with pointed interest. She looked out for key names Lรญo had mentioned. She evaluated and reflected over what she read. How could she have missed so much before? she asked herself. But then a harder question followed: What was she going to do about it now that she did know?
Small things, she decided. Right now, for instance, she was providing Minerva with an alibi. For after finding out who Lรญo was exactly, Mamรก had forbidden Minerva to bring him into the house. Their courtship or friendship or whatever it was went underground. Every time Jaimito took
Dedรฉ out, Minerva, of course, came along as their chaperone, and they picked up Lio along the way.
And after every outing, Dedรฉ would slip into the bedroom Minerva shared with Mate when their little sister was home from school. Sheโd lie on Mateโs bed and talk and talk, trying to bring herself down from the excitement of the evening. โDid you eat parrot today?โ Minerva would say in a sleepy voice from her bed. That one had nerves of steel. Dedรฉ would recount her plans for the futureโhow she would marry Jaimito; what kind of ceremony they would have; what type house they would buy; how many children they would haveโuntil Minerva would burst out laughing. โYouโre not stocking the shelves in the store! Donโt plan it all. Let life surprise you a little.โ
โTell me about you and Lรญo, then.โ
โAy,ย Dedรฉ, Iโm so sleepy. And thereโs nothing to tell.โ
That perplexed Dedรฉ. Minerva claimed she was not in love with Lรญo. They were comrades in a struggle, a new way for men and women to be together that did not necessarily have to do with romance. Hmm. Dedรฉ shook her head. No matter how interesting-minded she wanted to be, as far as she was concerned, a man was a man and a woman was a woman and there was a special charge there you couldnโt call revolution. She put off her sisterโs reticence to that independent streak of hers.
Dedรฉโs own romance with Jaimito acquired a glamorous, exciting edge with Lรญo and Minerva always by their side. Most nights when there was no place โsafeโ to goโa new thrilling vocabulary of danger had entered Dedรฉโs speechโtheyโd drive around in Jaimitoโs fatherโs Chevy or Papaโs Ford, Jaimito and Dedรฉ and Minerva visible, Lรญo hidden in the back of the car. Theyโd go out to the lagoon, past a military post, and Dedรฉโs heart would beat fast. They would all talk a while, then Minerva and Lรญo would grow very quiet, and the only sounds from the back seat were those coming from the front as well. Intent whispers and little giggles.
Maybe thatโs why Jaimito went along with these dangerous sallies. Like most people, he avoided anything that might cause trouble. But he must have sensed that engaging in one illegality sort of loosened other holds on
Dedรฉ. The presence of Lรญo gave her the courage to go further with Jaimito than ever before.
But without a plan Dedรฉโs courage unraveled like a row of stitches not finished with a good, sturdy knot. She couldnโt bear reading in the papers how the police were rounding up people left and right. She couldnโt bear hearing high-flown talk she didnโt understand. Most of all she couldnโt bear having her head so preoccupied and nothing useful to do with her hands.
One night, she asked Lรญo right out: โHow is it you mean to accomplish your goals?โ
Thinking back, Dedรฉ remembers a long lecture about the rights of the campesinos, the nationalization of sugar, and the driving away of the Yanqui imperialists. She had wanted something practical, something she could use to stave off her growing fears.ย First, we mean to depose the dictator in this and this way. Second, we have arranged for a provisional government. Third, we mean to set up a committee of private citizens to oversee free elections.ย She would have understood talk like that.
โAy,ย Lรญo, โshe said at last, weary with so much hope, so little planning. โWhere is it you get your courage?โ
โWhy, Dedรฉ,โ he said, โitโs not courage. Itโs common sense.โ
Common sense? Sitting around dreaming while the secret police hunted you down! To keep from scolding him, Dedรฉ noted that she liked his shirt. He ran his hand down one side, his eyes far away, โIt was Freddyโs,โ he said in a thick voice. Freddy, his comrade, had just been found hanging in his prison cell, a supposed suicide. It seemed weird to Dedรฉ that Lรญo would wear the dead manโs shirt, and even weirder that he would admit it. In so many ways, Lรญo was beyond her.
Lioโs name started to appear regularly in the papers. His opposition party had been outlawed. โA party for homosexuals and criminals,โ the papers accused. One afternoon, the police came to the Mirabal residence, asking after Virgilio Morales. โWe just want him to clear up a little matter,โ the police explained. Mama, of course, swore she hadnโt seen Virgilio Morales in months, and furthermore, that he wasnโt allowed in her house.
Dedรฉ was scared, and angry at herself for being so. She was growing more and more confused about what she wanted. And uncertainty was not something Dedรฉ could live with easily. She started to doubt everythingโ that she should marry Jaimito and live in Ojo de Agua, that she should part her hair on the left side, that she should have water bread and chocolate for breakfast today like every day.1
โAre you in your time of the month,ย mโija?โย Mama asked her more than once when Dedรฉ set to quarreling about something.
โOf course not, Mamรก,โ Dedรฉ said with annoyance in her voice.
She decided not to read the papers anymore. They were turning her upside down inside. The regime was going insane, issuing the most ludicrous regulations. A heavy fine was now imposed on anyone who wore khaki trousers and shirts of the same color. It was against the law now to carry your suit jacket over your arm. Lio was right, this was an absurd and crazy regime. It had to be brought down.
But when she read the list to Jaimito, she did not get the reaction she expected. โWell?โ he said when she was through and looked up at him.
โIsnโt it ridiculous? I mean, itโs absurd, insanely ridiculous.โ Unlike her golden-tongued sister, Dedรฉ was not eloquent with reasons. And my God, what reasons did she need to explain these ridiculous insanities!
โWhy are you so worked up, my love?โ Dedรฉ burst into tears. โDonโt you see?โ
He held her as she cried. And then in his bossy, comforting voice, he explained things. Same-color khaki outfits were what the military wore, and so a dress distinction had to be made. A jacket over the arm could be hiding
a gun, and there had recently been many rumors about plots against El Jefe. โSee, my darling?โ
But Dedรฉ didnโt see. She shut her eyes tight and wished blindly that everything would turn out all right.
One night not long after that, Lio told them that as soon as his contact in the capital could arrange for asylum, he and several others would be going into exile. Minerva was deathly quiet. Even Jaimito, who wouldnโt give a rotten plantain for risky politics, felt Lรญoโs plight. โIf heโd just relax, and stop all this agitating,โ he argued later with Dede, โthen he could stay and slowly work his changes in the country. This way, what good is he to everyone far away?โ
โHe doesnโt believe in compromise,โ Dedรฉ defended Lรญo. The anger in her voice surprised her: She felt somehow diminished by Lioโs sacrifice.ย Ay,ย how she wished she could be that grand and brave. But she could not be. She had always been one to number the stars.
Jaimito tried convincing Dedรฉ to his way of thinking. โDonโt you see, my heart, all life involves compromise. You have to compromise with your sister, your mother has to compromise with your father, the sea and land have to compromise about a shoreline, and it varies from time to time. Donโt you see, my life?โ
โI see,โ Dedรฉ said at last, already beginning to compromise with the man she was set to marry.
She remembers the night Lio went into hiding.
It was also the night she finally agreed to marry Jaimito.
They had been to a gathering of the Dominican party in San Franciscoโ Jaimitoโs idea. Belonging to the party was an obligation unless, of course, like Lio you wanted trouble for yourself and your family. Needless to say, Lรญo had not come along. Minerva had reluctantly chaperoned Dedรฉ and Jaimito and brought herย cedulaย to be stamped.
The evening was deadly. There were readings by high-ranking women in the party fromย Moral Meditations,ย an awful book just published by Doรฑa Maria. Everyone knew the dictatorโs wife hadnโt written a word of it, but the audience clapped politely. Except Minerva. Dedรฉ prodded her with an elbow and whispered, โThink of it as life insurance.โ The irony of itโshe had been practicing for her future profession!
They came directly home, sobered by the travesty in which they had participated. The three of them sat on theย galerรญaย with the gas lamp off to keep the bugs down. Jaimito began what Minerva called her โinterrogation.โ
โHas your friend invited you to go with him?โ Jaimito had sense enough not to mention Lรญoโs name out loud in Mamaโs house.
There was a pause before Minerva spoke up. โLรญoโโand she mentioned the name distinctly without a cowardly lowering of her voiceโโis just a friend. And no, he hasnโt invited me to leave with him, nor would I go.โ
Again Dedรฉ wondered over her sisterโs reserve about Lรญo. Here was Minerva risking her life for this young man, why not just admit she was in love with him?
โThey were looking for him today at my house,โ Jaimito whispered. Dedรฉ could feel her own shoulders tightening. โI didnโt want to worry you, but they took me down to the station and asked me a bunch of questions. Thatโs why I wanted us to all go tonight. Weโve got to start behaving ourselves.โ
โWhat did they want him for?โ This time Minerva did lower her voice. โThey didnโt say. But they did want to know if he had ever offered me
any kind of illicit materials. Thatโs what they called it.โ
Jaimito paused a long moment so that the two women were beside themselves. โWhat did you say?โ Dedรฉโs voice broke from a whisper.
โI told him he had.โ
โYou what?โ Minerva cried out.
โI confess.โ Jaimitoโs voice was playful. โI told them heโd given me some girlie magazines. Those guards, you know how they are. They all think heโs a queer from what the papers have been saying. If nothing else, he climbed a little in their regard today.โ
โYou are too much!โ Minerva sighed, getting up. There was tiredness but also gratitude in her voice. After all, Jaimito had stuck his neck out for a man whose politics he considered foolhardy. โTomorrow, weโll probably read in the papers how Virgilio Morales is a sex maniac.โ
Dedรฉ remembers a sudden stillness after Minerva left, different from their usual silences. Then Jaimito returned to the topic of Minerva and Lio. It was almost as if they had become for Jaimito, too, a shadow couple by which he could talk of his own deepest, most hidden wishes.
โDo you think sheโs hiding something?โ Jaimito asked Dede. โDo you think they have crossed the Rio Yaque?โ
Ai, Jaimito!โ Dedรฉ chastised him for suggesting such a thing about her sister.
โThey havenโt exactly been discussing Napoleonโs white horse in the back seat!โ Jaimito was now lifting up her hair for access to the pale, hidden parts of her neck.
โNeither have we been discussing Napoleonโs white horse in the front seat,โ Dedรฉ reminded him, pushing him gently away. The kissing was bringing on waves of pleasure she feared would capsize her self-control. โAnd we havenโt crossed the Rio Yaque, and we arenโt going to!โ
โEver, my sky, ever?โ he asked, putting on a hurt voice. He was patting his pockets for something. Dedรฉ waited, knowing what was coming. โI canโt see in this dark,โ he complained. โLight the lamp, will you, my own?โ
โAnd wake up everyone, no!โ Dedรฉ felt her heart fluttering. She wanted to delay his asking. She had to think. She had to make sure that she was choosing right.
โBut I have something I want you to see, my love.โ Jaimitoโs voice was full of excitement.
โLetโs go out back. We can get in Papaโs car and turn on the inside light.โ Dedรฉ could never bear to disappoint him.
They stumbled down the driveway to where the Ford was parked, a big black hulking shape in the dark. Mama would not be able to see them from her front bedroom window. Dedรฉ eased open the passenger door and turned on the ceiling light. Across from her, Jaimito was grinning as he slid into the driverโs seat. It was a grin that carried Dedรฉ all the way back to the day her naughty cousin had put a lizard down her blouse. He had been grinning like that when he approached her, his hands behind his back.
โMy lamb,โ he began, reaching for her hand.
Her heart was beating loud. Her spoiled, funny, fun-loving man. Oh, what a peck of trouble she was in for. โWhat have you got there, Jaimito Fernรกndez?โ she said, as he slipped the ring on her hand. It was his motherโs engagement ring that had been shown to Dedรฉ on numerous visits. A small diamond set at the center of a gold filigree flower.ย โAy,ย Jaimito,โ she said, tilting it to catch the light. โItโs lovely.โ
โMy heart,โ he said. โI know I have to ask your father for your hand. But no matter what Minerva says, Iโm modem. I believe the woman should be asked first.โ
Thatโs when they heard the alerting little cough from the back of the car. She and Jaimito looked at each other in shock. โWhoโs there?โ Jaimito cried out. โWho?โ He had turned himself around so he was kneeling on the front seat.
โRelax, itโs just me.โ Lio whispered from the back of the car. โTurn off the light, will you?โ
โJesus Christ!โ Jaimito was furious, but he did turn off the light. He sat down again, facing the front as if he and his girl were alone, talking intimacies.
โLook, Iโm sorry,โ Lio explained. โThe heatโs on. Marioโs house is surrounded. My ride to the capital is stopping at the anacahuita tree at dawn. I have to hide out till then.โ
โSo you come here and endanger this whole family!โ Jaimito twisted around in his seat, ready to throttle this reckless man.
โI was hoping to get this to Minerva.โ
A hand slipped an envelope between Jaimito and Dedรฉ. Before Jaimito could grab it, Dedรฉ had it. She put it away in her pocket. โIโll take care of it,โ she promised.
โNow youโve done what you came to do, youโre not staying here. Iโll give you a goddamn ride.โ Jaimitoโs fatherโs Chevy was parked in front of the house by the gate.
โJaimito, be smart, listen.โ Lรญoโs whispers were eerie, a disembodied voice from the dark interior of the car. โIf youโre on the road in the middle of the night, of course youโll be stopped, and your car searched.โ
Dedรฉ agreed. When Jaimito was finally convinced, she walked him down the drive to his car. โSo what do you think, my love?โ he asked as she was kissing him goodbye.
โI think you should go home, and let him catch the ride heโs already arranged.โ
โIโm talking about my proposal, Dedรฉ.โ Jaimitoโs voice was that of a hurt little boy.
It wasnโt so much that she had forgotten as it was the inevitability of that proposal. They had been headed for it since they had patted mud balls together as toddlers in the backyard. Everyone said so. There was no questionโwas there?โbut that they would spend the rest of their lives together.
He kissed her hard, his body insisting that her body answer, but Dedรฉโs head was spinning away with questions. โYes, my love, of course, but you must go. I donโt want you to be stopped on the road.โ
โDonโt worry about me, my darling,โ Jaimito said bravely, emboldened by her concern. But he left soon after a last lingering kiss.
Alone, Dedรฉ breathed in the cool air and looked up at the stars. She would not count them tonight, no. She twisted the ring around and around
her finger, glancing towards the car at the bottom of the drive. Lio was there, safe! And only she knew it, only she, Dedรฉ. No, she would not tell Minerva. She wanted to hold the secret to herself just this one night.
In the bedroom she had once shared with Patria, the lamp was bum ing low. Dedรฉ took out the letter from her pocket and stared at the poorly sealed envelope. She toyed with the flap and it came easily undone. Slipping the letter out, she read haltingly, telling herself after each paragraph she would stop.
Lรญo was inviting Minerva to take asylum with him! She should drive down to the capital on the pretense of seeing the exhibit at the Colombian embassy and refuse to leave. What a risk to ask her sister to take! Why, the embassies were surrounded these days, and all the recent refugees had been intercepted and put in prison where most of them had disappeared forever. Dedรฉ could not expose her sister to this danger. Especially if, as Minerva claimed, she did not even love this man.
Dedรฉ took the chimney off the lamp, and with a trembling hand, fed the letter to the flame. The paper lit up. Ashes fluttered like moths, and Dedรฉ ground them to dust on the floor. She had taken care of the problem, and that was that. Looking up at the mirror, she was surprised by the wild look on her face. The ring on her finger flashed a feverish reminder. She brushed her hair up into a tight ponytail and put on her nightgown. Having blown out the light, she slept fitfully, holding her pillow like a man in her arms.