Kabul, Afghanistan August 2021
“That makes three hundred,” Elston said, closing the roof-access door behind us as the Chinook took off with another fifty evacuees from the embassy.
The city was in chaos beyond the defenses of the Green Zone, and we weren’t faring too much better in here either. Panicked people were dangerous people, and though the evacuation was going pretty steadily, who knew how anyone within would react to the sight of one of those white- flagged pickup trucks.
“Only a few thousand to go,” I said as we descended the stairs in full combat gear. “How long do you think we have?”
“Before the president negotiates a surrender, the Taliban decides to kick up their heels in the Green Zone, or you actually convince Ms. Astor to get the fuck out?” he asked, our boots the only other sound in the stairwell.
“I bet they’re in the Green Zone before dinner,” Torres said, catching up to us.
“They’ve been in negotiations for a couple hours now, so I’m sure that part is going to happen quickly. We’re just lucky their forces are still outside the gates, and as for Ms. Astor . . .” I sighed as we passed the third floor and headed toward the second. “I’ve already told her that we’re out of here at five, whether or not she’s willing to go.”
She’d been holed up with embassy staff all morning, processing any last-minute visas possible and gathering blank passports to burn. Graham
was under strict orders not to leave her side, though if he pulled the twelve- inches rule, I was going to kick his ass.
The noise grew the lower we went in the embassy, and I had no doubt that mayhem ruled the lobby. This moment had come quicker than any intelligence had speculated, though the inevitability of it stung like a bitch.
“You sure you don’t want her on an earlier helicopter?” Elston asked as we entered the second floor. Izzy’s door was wide open, with Parker standing guard and a line of civilians forming down the other side of the hallway.
“It’s a good question,” Torres added.
“You see the gridlock on those streets?” I asked.
“Pretty sure you can see the gridlock from the International Space Station,” he replied, his gaze sweeping the hallway. “Nothing’s moving out there.”
“All those people fleeing their cars are headed to the airport. Apex already has two teams there and said it’s a fucking nightmare. The place is pure havoc. Her flight is at ten, and I don’t want her in that circus any longer than she has to be. At least we’re in a controlled environment here.”
“For the moment,” Elston said as we walked into Izzy’s suite, passing Parker at the door.
“For the moment,” I conceded. The second that changed, she was on the next helicopter, and I didn’t give a shit who I had to throw off to make room for her.
The part of me I’d never wanted Izzy to see was in full force, and she might not like my methods, but she’d be alive, and that was enough for me.
I found her immediately, sitting on one side of her small dining table, nodding at whatever the civilian across from her was saying. Go figure the woman had had herself declared a consular officer so she could help process as many interviews as possible.
“She’s been interviewing people nonstop for the past two hours,” Graham said quietly, coming to stand with us.
“Did she eat lunch?” I asked, not taking my eyes off her. The red my beard had left on the skin of her neck had faded to a light rose in the hours it had been since I’d seen her. Though she was all business in a cream- colored blouse and dark pants, her hair wound in an efficient low bun, I couldn’t shake the vision of her beneath me, her hair falling around her naked body as she told me she loved me.
She. Loved. Me. “She did.”
I nodded. Good. Who the hell knew what the food situation would be like at the airport.
“She flying out military or civilian?” Graham asked, concern furrowing his brow.
“Civilian.” My jaw flexed. “Up until a few hours ago, they were taking off the most frequently.”
“Hmm.” Graham watched as the civilian woman across from Izzy rose and shook her hand.
“You getting attached to Ms. Astor there, Sergeant Gray?” Elston asked, his beard twitching as he smirked.
“I’m more attached to Green over here keeping his shit together.” He cocked his head to the side as the civilian passed by, carrying her file. “Plus, I like her. She’s nice.”
I moved forward as Izzy stood, rolling her shoulders.
“You doing okay?” I asked, forcing myself to keep my hands at my sides. I couldn’t kiss her. Not here. Not unless we were alone.
“Just trying to get as many people through as I can,” she said, smiling softly at me.
Fuck, I’d missed that particular smile. It was the one she gave me when she wasn’t just happy or laughing, but content. “You’re remarkably calm for someone at the epicenter of a war zone.”
“Sergeant Gray got ahold of Serena for me.” She grinned. “She’s halfway here.”
“Checkpoints?” I asked.
“They’ve made it through every one so far, and I may have . . .” She scrunched her nose.
“May have what?” My stomach tightened.
“May have convinced the ambassador to accept Taj’s interview over the phone in return for my services.” She winced. “I mean, my interview services, not . . . other services.”
“I would hope not.” The corner of my mouth tilted upward. “So Taj’s visa is good to go?”
She pivoted and leaned over the table. I didn’t look at her ass.
But if I had, that would have been okay, since she loved me, right?
“Right here.” She waved the paperwork. “I need to put it in my bag.”
I took it from her and stored it in one of my pockets. “I’ll carry it. If shit goes south fast, there’s no telling if you’ll get to take your bag, but you can bet your life that you’ll be taking me.”
Her gaze dropped to my lips. “I like the idea of you coming with me.”
My stomach twisted. “As far as the airport.” It had to be said. I’d have new orders the second I delivered her to safety.
“I know.” Her smile turned sad, and I debated kicking myself for having to say it. She glanced past me. “Next one is here.”
“I’ll leave you to it.” My hand curled, but I didn’t lift it to brush against her cheek the way I wanted to. “Stay close to Sergeant Gray. I have to get the next group to the roof.” She nodded, and I turned away from her. “Don’t let her out of your sight,” I ordered Graham.
“She’s not leaving the room until it’s time to fly,” he agreed.
Making my way into the hallway, I found Torres nodding toward my room.
I glanced back at Elston. “Five minutes.”
He agreed, and I walked into my room, Torres on my heels, before I closed the door. “The city is going to shit,” I said to him, throwing the rest of my stuff in my pack so I was ready to go.
“Seems like it.” He grimaced, sitting on the edge of the small desk. “What’s up?” I adjusted the chain around my neck so it sat more
comfortably under my Kevlar. “Checking on you.”
My eyes narrowed in his direction as the faint scent of smoke reached my nose. They’d started burning sensitive documents.
“Hey.” He put his hands up like he was under arrest. “If your focus isn’t just on Izzy, but wrapped up in Izzy, then you’re not doing anybody any good out there.”
“I’m not distracted if that’s what you’re implying.” I headed to the bathroom and took care of that while I had the chance.
“I think it’s a safe assumption,” he said over the sound of the flushing toilet.
I washed my hands and shook my head. “I’m fine.”
“You’re leaving her in a matter of hours, and speaking from experience, you’re always a little fucked up after you say goodbye to her.”
Yanking open the door, I full-on glared at my best friend. “I’m not always—”
He arched a dark brow.
I relented. “Fine. It’s . . .” I searched for the right word that wouldn’t get me thrown at a shrink and off the mission. “It’s concerning to find Izzy again, come within inches of actually having her in my life, and then send her back, not just to the States, but into the same cycle we’ve been stuck in for ten years.”
“Right.” He nodded, and I started to pace.
“I mean, is this really the best we can do?” I let the frustration out of the box I’d tucked it into, and it consumed me. “Ten years, and I’m going to what? Say it was amazing to see you again, and I’ll see if I have a weekend in six months?”
“It’s always worked for you before.”
“It’s never worked for us before. That’s the damned problem. She wants more, and I can’t give it to her. She wants the life, the house, the dream—”
“So do you.” He shrugged.
I halted in my steps. “I don’t have time for this.”
“Oh, fuck off. Those are the same things you’ve always wanted. The military was just supposed to be what got you there, remember? Because I do. You got your degree in English specifically so you could go teach once you were done with the army.” He folded his arms across his chest. “Did it ever occur to you that you’re unhappy because you’re living a life you never wanted?”
“No.” I shook my head and glanced at the clock. The helo would be back in twenty minutes, and we had to get the next group of evacuees to the roof.
“You’ve been lying to yourself for so long that it’s become the truth.” Torres sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. “You carry that ring around because it gives you hope that one day you’ll put it on her finger. One day you’ll be done with this life. You live for the day you can take your shot.”
“Maybe there’s no shot to take.” I kept my voice as even as possible, even though my chest was threatening to cave in on my heart. “Maybe she deserves better.”
“Fine. You show me one guy on this planet who can love her more than you do, and we can have that conversation.” His shoulders drooped. “It’s time to make her the promise.”
“What promise is that?” I scratched my beard. A couple more days and it would get past the itchy stage.
“The promise that you’re getting out this time.” He said it like it was that simple.
“You think I should leave the unit.” The thought of it was . . . shit, I couldn’t even examine my feelings there, or I might not like what I found.
“I think doing this”—he gestured around us—“was never really your dream. It was always mine, and I’m not denying that you carried me this far, but man, you are going to lose that woman once and for all if you don’t let it go.”
And this conversation was done. I turned and walked through the door into the hallway, Torres following after with a lighter step.
Elston’s brows rose. “Everything okay?” “No,” Torres muttered.
“Absolutely. Let’s get the next group.”
Three hours later, the atmosphere had more than shifted; it had thickened with the scent of panic and the sound of gunfire. The news that the Afghan government had surrendered the city ripped through the embassy like wildfire.
Literally.
The burn buckets had been filled and torched, sending plumes of black smoke into the air, and the helo was due any moment.
It was time to go.
“I can still get a few of their interviews done,” Izzy argued in her suite as I slipped the Kevlar vest onto her and fastened the sides. Her suite was empty.
“You can’t. Everyone who can turn those interviews into visas has left.” Helo after helo had arrived, evacuating the essential personnel, and we were going to be on the next one. I didn’t give a shit who got left behind for the next flight as long as it wasn’t her.
“There are still thousands of people here!”
“And there’s every chance they’ll die here. You’re not going to be one of them.” I cupped her face and kissed her hard and quick, then set her helmet on her head.
“I can do that myself.”
“But maybe I like to.” I ran the backs of my fingers down her cheek. “Grab your backpack.”
“Your backpack,” she muttered, slinging the pack over her shoulders. “I gave it to you way too long ago to ever be considered mine again.
You have your passport?” I needed her on that plane and out of here.
She shot me a look. “I have traveled without you, Nate.”
“Fair point.” I led her to the door, aware of the noise coming from the hallway. “Twelve inches, Izzy.”
“I know.” Her breathing picked up, and fear dilated her pupils.
“Let’s get out of here.” I held out my left hand and she took it, lacing our fingers. There was zero chance I was going to get separated from her in the mayhem beyond these doors. I opened the door to find most of my team waiting, blocking Izzy’s door.
Elston was already on the roof, backing up the team of snipers. “Go,” I said.
They surrounded us and we moved, cutting through the crowd that ran past intermittently.
“We’re leaving so many people behind,” Izzy said, her head turning to watch a man sprint in the opposite direction.
“This isn’t the last helicopter,” I told her.
“It’s packed,” Graham said over his shoulder as he opened the door to the stairwell.
“They’ll move,” I answered, leaving no room for interpretation in my tone. I kept my dominant hand on my rifle as it hung from my shoulder. No need to scare the shit out of people unless the situation warranted it.
He nodded, and we pushed forward.
Graham cut our way through the crowd as we climbed the steps, the scent of smoke thicker the higher we climbed. There were burns going in almost every building of the embassy’s compound. One blank passport in the wrong hands could lead to an enemy on US soil, and that was an unacceptable risk.
I tugged Izzy close, my heartbeat rising in an unusual way as I studied the crowd around us, looking for anyone who didn’t belong, even though I damn well knew everyone here had been allowed entrance to the embassy at some point. The guards still stood outside.
We climbed story after story until we reached the roof access, bypassing every single person waiting on the inbound Chinook. Maybe it made me a callous asshole, but I had exactly one priority, and the hundreds of people left waiting in the stairwell weren’t it.
Not now.
Izzy startled at the sound of gunfire as we stood in the doorway. “It’s probably just celebratory,” I told her.
“Which is why you have your hand on your rifle,” she muttered, glancing at the team around us. “Why you all have your weapons out.”
“Well, that’s just in case it’s not celebratory,” Torres said, bringing up the rear next to Parker.
“It’s just a precaution,” Parker said. “Nothing to worry about.”
“Right. Just your run-of-the-mill evacuation.” Izzy squeezed my hand, and I stroked my thumb over the racing pulse in her wrist.
The sound of rotors filled the air as the Chinook approached. “Looks like our ride,” I told her.
The bird landed on the roof, wind blasting us as the back door lowered.
“I think I liked it better when we took off from the soccer field,” Izzy
said.
“Me too.” I squeezed her hand once and let it go. “Stay right behind
me. Twelve inches.”
She nodded, and I lifted my rifle with both hands.
We walked onto the exposed rooftop, and I swept the buildings around me. Getting to the bird meant walking closer to the edge of the building, and I knew if I could see the parade of Taliban vehicles with their white flags and mounted fifty-cals in the truck beds, that meant Izzy could too.
The Green Zone had been breached, and they were headed in the direction of the Arg, the presidential palace. The embassy might be US property, but we were firmly within enemy territory now.
I put my body between hers and the edge, and kept my rifle trained on the ground below, scanning for legitimate threats. Elston joined us as we boarded, climbing up the door and into the Chinook.
Keeping us near the edge of the exit while the others loaded, I sat us down once we hit max capacity, pulling Izzy close against the hard metal of the aircraft as the back door rose. I’d been in plenty of helicopters with
plenty of bullets flying around, but I’d never had the kind of anxiety that crept up my throat at this moment.
Torres gave me a knowing look through the dim lighting as we launched, and I refrained from flipping him the bird.
We both knew exactly what my problem was. I had Izzy to worry about.
 |
The airport was a hellscape. Crying children, stunned men, and worried women filled the terminal, and they were the lucky ones.
The ones outside the fence, screaming to be let in? Not so lucky. When we got to Izzy’s gate, my stomach twisted.
Her flight had been canceled.
There weren’t enough swear words in the world to narrate my thoughts, but Izzy simply took a deep breath and lifted her chin. “Then I guess we should find the temporary embassy here.”
“Solid plan,” Elston agreed.
I nodded, and we set off through the ever-growing panic of a crowd policed by US and NATO soldiers. Gate after gate said the same thing, with precious few getting their flights out.
“Oh my God,” Izzy said, stopping dead in the middle of the walkway and turning toward the television.
The presidential palace was no longer in the Afghan government’s hands.
“Shit’s deteriorating fast,” Graham said.
“Fuck deteriorating, shit’s gone,” Parker corrected. “According to that news site, the airport and the embassy are the only places we hold.”
And who knew how long we’d have either.
“Let’s go.” I took Izzy’s hand, giving exactly zero cares about whoever saw, and led us through the airport, using Webb’s directions to get us to the temporary embassy site.
We went from a crowd that bordered on hysteria to administrative hell. Cutting through the lines of desperate civilians, we passed through the small barricade and were met with the embassy staff who’d already been evacuated.
“Guess I’ll see who I can help,” Izzy said, flashing me an uncertain smile and caressing the palm of my hand with her thumb before letting me go.
“Don’t leave this area,” I told her. “I’ll see what I can find out about flights.”
She nodded, making sure her clipped badge was visible before she headed off toward the first clerk.
“Find out about her sister,” I ordered Graham.
He nodded, and I got to work finding Izzy a ride out of this place.
|
Usually I loved sunrises and the possibilities they brought, but today’s seemed more like a new variant of lighting on the same damned day.
We’d been here thirty-six hours, while the city had fallen into bedlam around us. The reports coming in were harrowing. There were over a hundred thousand people in need of evacuation, and not a single airplane could get them out. While a couple of flights had managed to depart the night we’d arrived at the airport, every flight had been halted yesterday.
Izzy had worked herself to the bone and was currently racked out on the floor, using her backpack for a pillow in what I felt was the safest corner of the temporary embassy.
“Did you find our girl a flight?” Graham asked from my right, keeping his voice down as I watched her sleep from a dozen feet away.
“Kind of.” I wanted to replace that backpack with my chest, to hold her for the last few minutes I had. Our briefing with Webb an hour ago had gone exactly as I’d predicted . . . and dreaded.
“That’s a bullshit answer,” Graham fired back, his brow knitting.
“It’s a bullshit situation.” That was putting it lightly. “They’re hoping to get clearance today, but until they open the runways and clear them of people, there’s almost no chance of anyone getting out.”
“Almost?” He glanced sideways at me.
“We’re not exactly the only US company here.” I folded my arms across my chest and memorized her face all over again, taking note of the purple shadows beneath her eyes.
“Ahh.” Graham nodded, catching my meaning. “Gotcha. Does she know about her sister?”
I shook my head, my stomach sinking. “No. And she’s not going to.”
“You’re not going to tell her about the checkpoints? About the bullet holes in reporters?” Graham lifted his brows, his dark eyes flaring.
“No.” I swallowed the lump in my throat that seemed to have taken up residence there since Izzy arrived in country. “She’ll never get on the plane if she knows that there’s a high chance Serena won’t.”
And as of an hour ago, I couldn’t even strap Izzy into her seat. I just had to pray and trust that she’d walk onto the plane.
We’d been reassigned.
Izzy shifted, her eyes fluttering open and finding mine within seconds. She’d always had an uncanny sense of where I was. My ribs felt so tight I half expected them to break from the ache in my chest.
She sat up slowly, her loose braid sliding over her shoulder, but she didn’t smile. Whatever was on my face had given me away, and she knew something was up.
How the fuck was I supposed to do this? “Five minutes?” Graham asked.
“Ten,” Torres said from behind us.
“Ten,” I agreed. Ten would never be enough, but it was all we had.
Graham slapped me on the back and walked away, headed toward our assembly area.
I stood there, my eyes locked with hers, struggling to find the words. Wrong. Leaving her felt wrong in every cell of my body, and yet there was exactly jack and shit I could do about it. Orders were orders.
I was getting sick of being put into a position where she could never be mine, when she already was in every way that mattered.
I walked toward Izzy as she stood, her face solemn. “What’s wrong?” she asked.
Putting my hand on her lower back, I guided her to the corner, where I could block her body from the view of embassy workers in hopes of just a few minutes of privacy.
“I have to go.” Every word shredded part of my soul. Her lips parted. “Okay. When will you be back?”
“I won’t.”
Her deep-brown eyes flew wide.
“We’ve been reassigned. There are—” I swallowed. “There are places we need to be and things we need to be doing.” Even if I could tell her what
I was about to head into, I wouldn’t. The worry would kill her.
Everything about the next few hours could alter the rest of Izzy’s life. “Oh.” Her shoulders fell. “That’s understandable. I’m as safe as I can
be, and your skills are definitely wasted by hanging out in the airport.” She looked up at me, forcing a smile I’d seen far too many times over the last decade. She gave it to me every time I had to leave.
“Listen to me carefully.” I took her shoulders in my hands. “At three o’clock, someone is going to come get you. He’s got a medium build, gray beard, and he’ll know how we met. He’s not going to have my charming wit, but he is going to put you on a plane out of here.”
Her brow knit. “Nate, no planes are getting out of here.”
“Even if that’s true, this one will. Company planes tend to go wherever they want whenever they want. He’ll get you stateside.” My hand slid to cup the side of her neck. Her skin was so soft.
She blinked. “And they have room for me?”
“You’re a congressional aide. Trust me, they have a vested interest in you getting home as quietly as possible.” Izzy was a PR nightmare just waiting to happen.
“And Serena?” The hope in her eyes gutted me.
“He has a seat for Serena. Taj too.” It had taken calling in every favor I’d ever earned, but her safety was all that mattered. “If your sister isn’t back by three o’clock, you have to get on the plane anyway.” I looked deep into her eyes, willing her to agree, to be pliable for once in her damned life.
Her chin drew back as she opened her mouth, and I slid my hand across her chin, running my thumb across her soft lips.
“Please, Izzy. You have to go. It’s going to be the hardest thing you’ll ever do. But you have to get on the plane.” I leaned down so our faces were only inches apart and cradled the back of her head. “Eventually the airport will be surrendered, and I won’t be here for you. You have to get out of here. I need you to get out of here.”
“I can’t leave her,” she whispered, her voice breaking.
“You can. You will. It’s what she would want.” If she was still alive to want.
“I can’t leave you.” She shook her head.
“You don’t have to when I’m the one always going.”
“I can wait another day,” she protested, hands gripping my arms.
“You can’t.” I touched my forehead to hers and breathed deeply. “Do you remember when I asked, if you knew the world had twenty-four hours before some calamity struck, where would you go? And you said that you’d go wherever you could be the most help?”
“This is not the time for the trivia game, Nate.” She pulled me closer, tears filling her eyes.
“Do you remember?”
“Yes.” She nodded. “It was when we were leaving Kandahar.” “Ask me.”
Her lower lip trembled. “If you knew the world had twenty-four hours before some calamity struck, where would you go?”
“I would go wherever you are. I knew it that night in Tybee. Hell, I probably knew it the second you reached for my hand in that plane. There is no force on earth that would keep me from you.” I kissed her softly. “That’s why you have to get on the plane, Izzy. I won’t be able to think, to focus, to walk so much as twelve feet away from you if I don’t know you’re headed to safety.”
“We’re magnets, right?” She wound her arms around my neck. “Always finding each other.”
“And we will find each other again, I promise.” One of my hands fell to the gentle slope of her waist as I fought the emotions threatening to pull me under. “We haven’t had our shot yet.”
Surging up on her toes, she kissed me.
I slanted my mouth over hers and took it like it could be the last time, leaving us both breathing hard when I finally found the fortitude to lift my head. “I love you, Isabeau Astor. Promise me you’ll get on the plane. I know you want to stay for Serena, but I need you to leave for me.”
“Promise me you’ll come home.”
“I promise I will come home. I will find you. We will have our shot.” My chest burned with how much I loved her, how hard it was to walk away from her in any situation, let alone in this place.
“I love you.” She held me even tighter, and I pressed a hard kiss to her forehead, trying like hell to breathe deeply enough to minimize the burn in my eyes.
“I love you,” I whispered.
Then I let her go, and her arms fell away as I stepped back, taking one last look at her before turning around and forcing my feet to move, my legs
to carry me away from her.
“I’m sorry,” Torres said, pushing off the wall as I walked past him. “I know what she is to you.”
Everything. She was everything. “If I asked you to go with her, would you?”
“If I could, then you know I would.” He shot me a look so full of remorse that I had to look away. “But I can’t, Nate, and you know why.”
“Yeah.” I grabbed the pack I’d left near the entrance to the temporary embassy and slung it over my shoulders, boxing up every emotion I possibly could. Now wasn’t the time to lose it over Izzy. Now was the time to act for Izzy. “Unfortunately, I do.”
