New York
October 2018
“You what?” Serena shouted, wrapping the towel tightly around her body and staring at me like I’d lost my mind.
I’d all but hauled her out of the shower in my hysteria, ignoring Mom and Dad as they stood in the living room, waiting for answers I didn’t have. “You heard me!”
“And you just let him go?” Serena’s eyes flew wide.
“It wasn’t like I had the power to stop him!” God, he’d been so . . . lost. My heart ached, demanding I chase him down and give him whatever he needed. “What was I supposed to do? Hold him down?”
“I was thinking you’d say yes, seeing that you’re obviously miserable without him, and it seems he had a pretty good reason for not showing up on your vacation.”
“Say yes? That wasn’t him. He wasn’t really asking me to marry him, Serena! He was reacting out of trauma after burying Julian today.”
“Wait. He buried his friend today? You left that out.” Her brow knit. “Which one is Julian?”
The tall blond guy with the smirk came to mind. “I think his last name was Rowell. He was one of the guys he went into Special Forces with. One of his best friends.” I rubbed my hands over my face. “He was so hurt. I hurt him. But how could I accept his proposal when he clearly wasn’t in a clear state of mind? I kept trying to poke holes in his argument to get him to see that he was acting irrationally. The Nate I know would never have proposed like that, and when I said that . . .” My throat started to close,
thinking of his face. “He needs a good night’s sleep, or help—not an engagement.”
If he’d asked me, really honestly asked me, I would have thrown myself into his arms and never let go.
“And you think he’s going to race from here to a therapist’s couch?” She gripped my shoulders. “Do you love him?”
“More than my own life.” It didn’t matter what I did; I couldn’t turn the emotion off.
“Then go find him and haul him back here so he can get whatever help he needs. Go, Izzy.”
I nodded and took off, skidding into the hallway in my slippered feet and then through the living room.
“I know you are not running after that man!” Mom shouted.
“I know you’re not acting like you actually know anything about him!” I snapped back. They’d be pissed. Oh well. Life wasn’t worth it without Nate, and if they couldn’t accept that, then they’d never really loved me anyway.
I didn’t bother closing my door as I ran out of my apartment and raced down the steps of my building. “Nate!” I shouted as I threw open the heavy glass door and ran out onto the sidewalk.
There were dozens of people out here. None of them were Nate.
I shoved my hand into the center pocket of my hoodie and grabbed my phone, then hit Nate’s info on the contact page. “Pick up, pick up, pick up,” I said as it rang.
He sent me to voice mail. Or his phone was off. But my bets were on the first option.
I climbed the stairs to the entrance of my building for a better vantage point and searched the streets as I tried his phone again. He didn’t pick up.
My chest crumpled like a discarded ball of paper. I’d sent him away when he’d needed me to pull him closer. I’d failed him at the first real test.
Serena joined me, holding an umbrella over my head as we stood there for a half hour, looking at every single person who walked by, my heart refusing to accept what my mind already had.
He was gone.
