Kabul, Afghanistan August 2021

I leaned back against my closed door, my heart pounding for all the wrong reasons as I watched Jeremy survey the suite, taking in the seating arrangement and little kitchenette. Guess the conversation I’d avoided for the last six weeks was going to happen whether I was ready or not.

Anger rose swiftly, heating my skin. How dare he show up like this?

You could always tell Nate to throw his ass on the curb.

Except I doubted Nate was going to be speaking to me after that exchange in the hallway. No doubt he was already calling his replacement.

“You’re marrying Dickface.” God, the look on his face had been worse than betrayal. Nate had been . . . disappointed. Seeing that he knew my history with Jeremy, I couldn’t blame him.

I was disappointed in myself for how long I’d let this go on. The weight of the ring on my finger felt like an anchor, tying me to the one person I was starting to realize had never deserved me.

“Your room is nicer than the one they gave me,” Jeremy said, taking off his navy-blue suit jacket to reveal an immaculately pressed shirt. He was dressed to enter the Senate chamber, not Afghanistan. After draping the jacket across the back of the desk chair, he turned toward me, his brown eyes sweeping over me with the same assessment he gave the suite. The little crease in his forehead told me he found me as lacking as he did his own accommodations.

For the first time since we’d started dating back at Syracuse, I didn’t give a shit what he thought about me, my travel-worn slacks, or my dusty

blouse. I didn’t need to impress him anymore. The thought made me stand a little taller.

“What are you doing here?” I pulled my scarf off, dropped it into my bag, and crossed my arms over my chest. After failing to get Serena on the helicopter, this was the last thing I wanted to deal with.

There were no words for whatever the hell was going on, or how I felt about it. Every failure in my life was rearing its head today. I was a tangle of crossed electrical wires in danger of going up with the slightest provocation.

“Never one to beat around the bush, are you, Isa?” He walked forward, offering me one of his five practiced smiles. This one was number four, his contrite-but-boys-will-be-boys version.

Isa. Because my father had been the one to introduce us.

I held up my hand, and he stopped midway across the room, arching a groomed eyebrow. “Let me guess, you borrowed Daddy’s private jet?” I cocked my head to the side. “Or is this a campaign stop?”

“As you can imagine, this little trip actually meant canceling three of my appearances.” His smile faltered, and he scratched the point of his chin. “Appearances you were supposed to attend at my side.”

“That wasn’t going to happen, whether or not I was in the States.” I shook my head and made my way to the little table behind the couch, leaving my bag on the surface and rolling my stiff shoulders. “And you shouldn’t be here, Jeremy. I asked you for space, and you chasing me halfway across the world is hardly giving it to me.”

“Come on, Isa.” He offered me smile number three, the boyish one he used whenever he was trying to get his way, the one that had fooled me into thinking we had a shot at a real second chance. “I thought you loved all those romantic, bold moves in the books you read. I flew into a war zone for you. Doesn’t that tell you how much I love you? How badly I want to make this work?”

I kept the couch between us when he came my way. “It tells me you probably already had a photo opportunity downstairs, where you were no doubt helping process visas, or talking to would-be constituents about how best to evacuate them.”

Surprise flared in his eyes, and then he looked downward as he trailed his fingers across the arm of the upholstered couch. “Naturally I did what was needed to convince my father that this was a campaign expense.”

“Aren’t you sick of that yet? Constantly appeasing your father? God knows I am.” I didn’t even realize it until the words were out of my mouth. I was stuck in a perpetual cycle of trying to please the men in my life, only to have them abandon me at their convenience. Seeing Nate only made it that much clearer because unfortunately, instead of breaking the pattern, he’d become part of it.

“Come on, Isa. You know I can’t get elected without my dad’s support

. . . we play the game. That’s what we do.”

“Right. Well, feel free to get right back on that plane.” If I could have rolled my eyes any harder, they would have come out of my head. Politics always came first with him. It was one of the many reasons my parents loved him more than I did.

“Come with me.” The pleading look he shot me was unpracticed, and it nearly disarmed me.

“If I have to listen to one more person lecture me about how unsafe it is—” I started.

“Oh no,” he said, shaking his head. “I have nothing but the utmost respect for the work you’re doing here. It’s going to be a great bullet point on your résumé and talking point for future interviews, but . . .”

My eyes flared. Of course it was all about points with him. “But what?”

He cringed and offered me smile number three again. “But we had an agreement. You would support me on the campaign trail, and I wouldn’t push you to leave your career once I was elected.”

My mouth opened, then shut, then repeated the process as I struggled to find the words. “Are you so delusional that you think I would show up on your arm after I walked into your office to find Clarisse Betario splayed out on your desk like lunch?” The memory made my stomach churn, but my heart didn’t ache like it was supposed to.

“That was . . . unfortunate,” he admitted. “But don’t act like you were heartbroken. We know each other too well to lie. You were pissed. Probably embarrassed—”

“Humiliated is more like it!” My hands curled into fists, my fingernails biting into my palms. “Everyone in that office knew what was going on, and believe me, they were more than happy to tell me it wasn’t a onetime lapse in judgment. You’ve been having an affair for six months! The ink wasn’t even dry on our engagement announcement.”

He took a slow, deep breath, and his eyes shifted, a habit he had yet to control that meant he was scurrying for an answer. “I regret that you were embarrassed, Isa. Truly, I am.”

I blinked. “But you don’t regret cheating on me?” Of all the tactics I thought he’d use, this hadn’t been one.

“We agreed never to lie to each other.” He straightened his shoulders. “Right, because that was the only way forward after what happened

after Syracuse!” I’d been so incredibly stupid to trust him again.

“Are you never going to let that rest?” He raked his hands through his hair, mussing the perfect brown strands. “I thought we were past that!”

“Yeah, we moved on to you screwing your staff. Big improvement.” I gave him a thumbs-up and kicked off my shoes. Thankfully I’d chosen flats for the meeting in Mazar-i-Sharif, but my feet still weren’t ready to forgive me.

“Look, I thought we’d discussed having an open relationship—”

“You discussed!” I slammed my hand down on the table, the sound of the impact of my ring against the wood punctuating my disgust. “I never agreed. You knew that was never going to fly with me. I would never agree to that!”

“Your father wants—”

“My father doesn’t make my decisions for me.” I recognized just how true the words were, but only because it was dawning on me just how false they had been in the past. Even Jeremy was Dad’s choice, not mine, and I’d been so hungry for his approval that I’d gone against my gut and given a second chance to a relationship that had never deserved a first. “And as much as he’s desperate for political ties, he’d never expect me to accept less than I deserve, and I’m finally seeing that you, Jeremy, are way less.”

He swallowed and glanced down at my hand. “If you’re still wearing the ring, then there’s still hope.”

“I haven’t taken it off because your actions have rendered me speechless,” I replied, walking past him toward the kitchenette. “I don’t know how to tell people why I’m not wearing it.”

“So just keep wearing it,” he suggested, following me.

I pulled a bottle of water from the fridge and didn’t offer him one. He’d taken enough from me already. Then I twisted the top off and drank almost half of it in greedy gulps before setting the bottle on the counter. “If we’re going for complete honesty, let’s just lay it out,” I said, bracing my

palms on the counter and hopping up to sit on it. “Neither of us really honestly wants this. It’s been engineered by everyone around us for optics.” “Not just for the good of my career, but for yours too.” He tugged his

tie loose.

“I never wanted to go into politics.” I shook my head.

He laughed, and it wasn’t the happy, melodious sound he’d perfected over the years. It was raw and a little ugly, but at least it was real. “Let’s not pretend we both don’t know exactly why you went into politics.” He shoved his hands into his pockets. “Exactly why you’re still here.”

I gripped the edge of the counter, preparing myself for the scathing verbal assault that had made him such a star in the DA’s office. After all, public service looked much better on his résumé than private practice.

“Don’t act like there haven’t been three of us in this relationship from the second I saw you again in DC two years ago.” His eyes narrowed. “Or did you think I didn’t recognize your bodyguard out there? Like you didn’t have his picture stuck to your fridge for the first year of our relationship. You’ve never gotten over him. I may have slept with other women, but I sure as hell didn’t love any of them.”

Other women? How naive had I been?

“How were we supposed to have a devoted, committed relationship when there was never any room for me in your heart?” Jeremy continued. “You might not like it, but we both know he’s been standing between us for the last two years. Of course I went looking for someone who actually wanted me, because you never really did. It didn’t matter that he left you in New York. You’ve still been pining for him.”

I sucked in a breath but didn’t deny it. “Mind your words, Jeremy.”

He put up his hands and backed up two steps, leaving the kitchenette. “Oh, heaven forbid I speak against the saint that is Nathaniel Phelan. Tell me, is he the reason you’ve been declining my calls? The reason you were so quick to take Newcastle’s place on that plane? Did you know he was here? Have you been having the same kind of fun you’re guilt-tripping me for?”

“I don’t owe you an answer,” I said, lifting my chin. “But just so you don’t think I’m anything like you, no. I didn’t seek Nate out. He just happened to be ordered here and assigned to me.”

“Of course he was.” Jeremy glared at the wall as though he could see Nate standing on the other side of it. “That’s the thing with you two, right?

You seem to magically appear in the other’s lives.”

“Your point is?” Nate and I had a connection I despised but also marveled at, and it wasn’t up for discussion, not with Jeremy.

He moved quickly, reaching for my arm, and I slid out of his grasp. “Touch me again, and I’ll scream. You’ll be dead in seconds. Nate doesn’t care who your daddy is.” The threat left my mouth before I could think twice about risking Nate’s career over a situation I should’ve been able to handle myself.

Then again, the threat worked, because Jeremy took a step back.

“Have you fucked him?” Jeremy’s face turned a mottled shade of red. “I mean, this time around?”

“You’re seriously going to ask me that? Like I’m the one who’s been cheating in this relationship?” I slid off the counter but left my arms loose at my side, ready to reach for the panic button in my pocket if Jeremy decided that grabbing onto me wasn’t enough this time.

“He put me into the wall, Isa.” A corner of Jeremy’s mouth quirked upward but didn’t quite reach smile number two, the smirk. “Pretty passionate response, if you ask me. Pretty dangerous one, too, if you ask me.”

“He’s. My. Security. Detail.” I bit out every word.

“Security would have held my wrist. Your man went for my throat.” He blinked, and then his expression shifted, like he was calculating something. “Hold on. This can work.”

“I’m sorry?” Every minute I spent in his company was convincing me of the opposite.

“As much as it chafes my pride, you’ll see that I can compromise. I came here to get you back, and that’s exactly what I’m going to do. You want to get back at me? Fine. Do it. You can have him, and I can continue with more . . . discretion.” There it was, smile number one, the politician.

My jaw dropped.

“Don’t you see?” He shrugged, the gesture disturbingly happy. “It’s perfect. Our families will get what they want, our careers will flourish, and we’ll both find satisfaction elsewhere. It wouldn’t be the first arrangement of its kind. Half the relationships in DC are staged. Think of it as less of a marriage and more of a partnership. An alliance.”

I stared in open shock as any feelings I carried for him shriveled and died. Maybe I’d always known that our relationship was remarkably

convenient, but I’d still thought it was based on mutual affection and love.

But that dull ache in my heart at the memory of Jeremy’s infidelity was nothing compared to the way it hurt to even breathe knowing that Nate was on the other side of the wall. Damn it. I’d been fooling myself for the last two years.

“This is great,” Jeremy continued, nodding enthusiastically. “Everyone gets what they want.”

“Except that I don’t want you.” I yanked the ring from my finger.

“No one has caught wind of what happened. We still have time to salvage this. We’ll say that I flew here out of gallant concern for your safety, and the media will eat it up.” He ignored me, staring off into the center of the room as he spat out how to spin it, how to control whatever fallout there might be.

“Jeremy,” I said with enough force that he turned back toward me. “What?” His brow knit almost comically.

“I made a mistake, and I’m sorry.” I reached for his hand.

His face softened as our fingers brushed. “It’s okay. It’s all fixable. I still want to marry you.”

I pushed the ring into his palm, and then curled his fingers, closing his fist around the heirloom diamond. “But I don’t want to marry you. I made a mistake thinking that what I felt for you could grow if I gave it enough time. I made a mistake giving in to what my parents wanted just because it was comfortable, because I thought I’d finally earn their approval. I made a mistake in settling for someone who obviously doesn’t know the meaning of love, or devotion, or exclusivity. I will never be what you want, and you will never give me what I deserve. I made a mistake when I said yes, and now I’m remedying it.”

He stared down at his closed fist. “You don’t mean that.”

“I do.” I nodded, using the opportunity his shock provided to pass by him and walk toward the desk where he’d left his jacket. I took the expensive fabric in my hand and then moved to the door, grasping the handle.

“You don’t,” he argued, pivoting to face me, shaking his head emphatically. “You aren’t telling me no. That’s not possible.”

I sighed and opened the door as a wave of pity washed out whatever was left of my anger at him. “Oh, Jeremy. Someone should have told you no a long time ago.”

His eyes flew wide.

“Hey,” I said into the hallway, then startled. It wasn’t Nate standing guard at my door. It was Sergeant Gray.

My stomach sank.

“Ms. Astor?” Sergeant Gray asked, lifting his thick brows.

“Right.” I forced a smile. “Sorry. Mr. Covington was just leaving.

Could you please make sure he gets back to his room?” I asked. “Isa!” Jeremy argued.

Sergeant Gray quickly squelched a smile. “Absolutely. Mr. Covington, I believe your suite is next door.”

“Fuck this.” Jeremy stomped past me, snatching his jacket out of my hands. “You’ll regret this, Isa, and when you do, I might not be willing to take you back.”

Sergeant Gray stoically ignored the exchange.

I let Jeremy have the last word, knowing the conversation couldn’t possibly end any other way. He’d just keep talking.

“Thank you,” I said to Sergeant Gray. When he nodded, I shut my door, locked it, and then leaned back against the wood, sliding down slowly until my ass hit the floor.

I should’ve been angry about a lot of things. My father’s constant political chess moves, the flippant way Jeremy treated his cheating, or my own participation in something that obviously never had a chance.

But the ire that consumed my thoughts prickled my skin because Jeremy was right about one thing.

It didn’t matter who I met, who I dated, or who I tried to love.

Nate would always be in the way, even if he was never physically there.

It was impossible to give away a heart I’d never gotten back in the first place.